Re: Help ! Not a happy household at the moment :(

[Karen Chuplis]

in article , Kuisse0002 at
wrote on 7/16/03 5:51 PM:

> My husband loves cats more than I do and is very frustrated at our at ours at
> the moment. Our cat is very skittish and two incidents that took place
> recently
> made her really upset and most unforgiving with my husband.
>
> The first one took place two months ago.Hubby put on thick gloves to pick her
> up and hold her &held her up very tightly so that she won't bite or stuggle. I
> was supposed to put her collar on but I screamed at him I couldn't and he
> loudly told me to get on with it, etc - all in front of the cat - in the end
> the collar didn't go in and he released/flung the cat out disgusted at me. The
> cats alright but was not too crazy about him after this. But the cat was still
> affectionate to him.
>
> Then a couple of weeks ago, when my husband had to feed the cat, called her in
> and helped open the flap for her. He had an severly cut hand which was injured
> earlier. One hand held the food and the injured hand opened the flap- it was a
> very stormy, rainy & windy day also - the pain of the finger and the wind
> together made the flap slip off his hand and the flap sorta flapped back onto
> cat's face. The cat was NOT happy!. (it was literally a slap on the face for
> the cat!!!)
>
> Ever since then, at the sight of my husband the cat would run off and away as
> fast and far and as possible. My husband is most upset about this - he tried
> to call her, pet her, etc but she would only cower away from him. The only
> time
> husband can have any contact with cat is when I hold her, or I sit wth her, or
> when I'm around next to her preventing her from running off.
>
> Please help. It is not a happy household at the moment. How do i make the cat
> gain back his trust and vice versa. I feel like I should be writing to Dr Phil
> about this !

I think it will take time and a lack of "incidents" probably. He might do a
lot of sitting on the floor in range of her just doing some reading or tv
watching. You might look into some Feliway too just to destress her.Time is
probably the answer though.

Karen

[Karen Chuplis]

in article , Kuisse0002 at
wrote on 7/16/03 5:51 PM:

> My husband loves cats more than I do and is very frustrated at our at ours at
> the moment. Our cat is very skittish and two incidents that took place
> recently
> made her really upset and most unforgiving with my husband.
>
> The first one took place two months ago.Hubby put on thick gloves to pick her
> up and hold her &held her up very tightly so that she won't bite or stuggle. I
> was supposed to put her collar on but I screamed at him I couldn't and he
> loudly told me to get on with it, etc - all in front of the cat - in the end
> the collar didn't go in and he released/flung the cat out disgusted at me. The
> cats alright but was not too crazy about him after this. But the cat was still
> affectionate to him.
>
> Then a couple of weeks ago, when my husband had to feed the cat, called her in
> and helped open the flap for her. He had an severly cut hand which was injured
> earlier. One hand held the food and the injured hand opened the flap- it was a
> very stormy, rainy & windy day also - the pain of the finger and the wind
> together made the flap slip off his hand and the flap sorta flapped back onto
> cat's face. The cat was NOT happy!. (it was literally a slap on the face for
> the cat!!!)
>
> Ever since then, at the sight of my husband the cat would run off and away as
> fast and far and as possible. My husband is most upset about this - he tried
> to call her, pet her, etc but she would only cower away from him. The only
> time
> husband can have any contact with cat is when I hold her, or I sit wth her, or
> when I'm around next to her preventing her from running off.
>
> Please help. It is not a happy household at the moment. How do i make the cat
> gain back his trust and vice versa. I feel like I should be writing to Dr Phil
> about this !

I think it will take time and a lack of "incidents" probably. He might do a
lot of sitting on the floor in range of her just doing some reading or tv
watching. You might look into some Feliway too just to destress her.Time is
probably the answer though.

Karen

[Kuisse0002]

>I think it will take time and a lack of "incidents" probably. He might do a
>lot of sitting on the floor in range of her just doing some reading or tv
>watching. You might look into some Feliway too just to destress her.Time is
>probably the answer though.
>
>Karen
>
>
Yes I thought about the time factor and I'll look into the Feliway. Thanks

[Kuisse0002]

>I think it will take time and a lack of "incidents" probably. He might do a
>lot of sitting on the floor in range of her just doing some reading or tv
>watching. You might look into some Feliway too just to destress her.Time is
>probably the answer though.
>
>Karen
>
>
Yes I thought about the time factor and I'll look into the Feliway. Thanks

[[email protected]]

Bill > wrote:
> I've found a good time to do this sort of thing is when the cat is sound
> asleep. It usually takes them a few seconds to fully wake up and realize

I dunno, it depends on the kitty. My little timid kitty almost always
wakes up instantly if you touch her. She barely ever goes to sleep deep
enough to hear you trying to sneak up on her.

On the other hand, the vet is a very good idea (my cat was so frozen still
in fear she didn't protest the collar at all).

Also, if hte cat has a problem getting picked up or held (like mine). You
might want to work slowly on this (get her trust to pet her first). At
first just put your hands around her chest, as if you were going to pick
her up. Get her used to just that. Then maybe start lifting up a little
(til she looks uncomfortable but not enough to actually make her run).
Then maybe you can start picking her up a foot or two... keep incrementing
like this and maybe one day you'll be able to pick her up. It's taken me
a year or two to get my cat to the point I can walk some feet with her
(and she still gets very squirmy, but not bad enough I have to drop her,
she used to squirm so badly that I'd either have to hurt her to keep her
or just let her go). So don't expect this to be a fast process. But at
least you might get it to a point it's easier to do stuff (I can even clip
some of her claws now because she's not quite as frightened at being held
and prevented from leaving my lap or as frightened as me picking her up
and putting her in my lap).

Alice

--
The root cause of problems is simple overpopulation. People just aren't
worth very much any more, and they know it. Makes 'em testy. ...Bev
|\ _,,,---,,_ Tigress
/,`.-'`' -. ;-;;,_ http://havoc.gtf.gatech.edu/tigress
|,4- ) )-,_..;\ ( `'-'
'---''(_/--' `-'\_) Cat by Felix Lee.

[[email protected]]

Bill > wrote:
> I've found a good time to do this sort of thing is when the cat is sound
> asleep. It usually takes them a few seconds to fully wake up and realize

I dunno, it depends on the kitty. My little timid kitty almost always
wakes up instantly if you touch her. She barely ever goes to sleep deep
enough to hear you trying to sneak up on her.

On the other hand, the vet is a very good idea (my cat was so frozen still
in fear she didn't protest the collar at all).

Also, if hte cat has a problem getting picked up or held (like mine). You
might want to work slowly on this (get her trust to pet her first). At
first just put your hands around her chest, as if you were going to pick
her up. Get her used to just that. Then maybe start lifting up a little
(til she looks uncomfortable but not enough to actually make her run).
Then maybe you can start picking her up a foot or two... keep incrementing
like this and maybe one day you'll be able to pick her up. It's taken me
a year or two to get my cat to the point I can walk some feet with her
(and she still gets very squirmy, but not bad enough I have to drop her,
she used to squirm so badly that I'd either have to hurt her to keep her
or just let her go). So don't expect this to be a fast process. But at
least you might get it to a point it's easier to do stuff (I can even clip
some of her claws now because she's not quite as frightened at being held
and prevented from leaving my lap or as frightened as me picking her up
and putting her in my lap).

Alice

--
The root cause of problems is simple overpopulation. People just aren't
worth very much any more, and they know it. Makes 'em testy. ...Bev
|\ _,,,---,,_ Tigress
/,`.-'`' -. ;-;;,_ http://havoc.gtf.gatech.edu/tigress
|,4- ) )-,_..;\ ( `'-'
'---''(_/--' `-'\_) Cat by Felix Lee.

[Joe Canuck]

Kuisse0002 wrote:
> My husband loves cats more than I do and is very frustrated at our at ours at
> the moment. Our cat is very skittish and two incidents that took place recently
> made her really upset and most unforgiving with my husband.
>
> The first one took place two months ago.Hubby put on thick gloves to pick her
> up and hold her &held her up very tightly so that she won't bite or stuggle. I
> was supposed to put her collar on but I screamed at him I couldn't and he
> loudly told me to get on with it, etc - all in front of the cat - in the end
> the collar didn't go in and he released/flung the cat out disgusted at me. The
> cats alright but was not too crazy about him after this. But the cat was still
> affectionate to him.
>
> Then a couple of weeks ago, when my husband had to feed the cat, called her in
> and helped open the flap for her. He had an severly cut hand which was injured
> earlier. One hand held the food and the injured hand opened the flap- it was a
> very stormy, rainy & windy day also - the pain of the finger and the wind
> together made the flap slip off his hand and the flap sorta flapped back onto
> cat's face. The cat was NOT happy!. (it was literally a slap on the face for
> the cat!!!)
>
> Ever since then, at the sight of my husband the cat would run off and away as
> fast and far and as possible. My husband is most upset about this - he tried
> to call her, pet her, etc but she would only cower away from him. The only time
> husband can have any contact with cat is when I hold her, or I sit wth her, or
> when I'm around next to her preventing her from running off.
>
> Please help. It is not a happy household at the moment. How do i make the cat
> gain back his trust and vice versa. I feel like I should be writing to Dr Phil
> about this !


Kick husband out, keep cat. :-) Not a solution I know.

In a nutshell... husband needs to be a little more gentle, tolerant and
careful around the cat.

It will take time to build up any trust again... the cat may not be
willing to take any more chances so it will require some work on your
husbands part.


--
"Its the bugs that keep it running."
-Joe Canuck

[Joe Canuck]

Kuisse0002 wrote:
> My husband loves cats more than I do and is very frustrated at our at ours at
> the moment. Our cat is very skittish and two incidents that took place recently
> made her really upset and most unforgiving with my husband.
>
> The first one took place two months ago.Hubby put on thick gloves to pick her
> up and hold her &held her up very tightly so that she won't bite or stuggle. I
> was supposed to put her collar on but I screamed at him I couldn't and he
> loudly told me to get on with it, etc - all in front of the cat - in the end
> the collar didn't go in and he released/flung the cat out disgusted at me. The
> cats alright but was not too crazy about him after this. But the cat was still
> affectionate to him.
>
> Then a couple of weeks ago, when my husband had to feed the cat, called her in
> and helped open the flap for her. He had an severly cut hand which was injured
> earlier. One hand held the food and the injured hand opened the flap- it was a
> very stormy, rainy & windy day also - the pain of the finger and the wind
> together made the flap slip off his hand and the flap sorta flapped back onto
> cat's face. The cat was NOT happy!. (it was literally a slap on the face for
> the cat!!!)
>
> Ever since then, at the sight of my husband the cat would run off and away as
> fast and far and as possible. My husband is most upset about this - he tried
> to call her, pet her, etc but she would only cower away from him. The only time
> husband can have any contact with cat is when I hold her, or I sit wth her, or
> when I'm around next to her preventing her from running off.
>
> Please help. It is not a happy household at the moment. How do i make the cat
> gain back his trust and vice versa. I feel like I should be writing to Dr Phil
> about this !


Kick husband out, keep cat. :-) Not a solution I know.

In a nutshell... husband needs to be a little more gentle, tolerant and
careful around the cat.

It will take time to build up any trust again... the cat may not be
willing to take any more chances so it will require some work on your
husbands part.


--
"Its the bugs that keep it running."
-Joe Canuck

[k]

Most likely take time, a great deal of time,
and your husband making a point of paying
gentle attention to her daily. He's on the
verge of ruining his relationship with the
cat forever. People have to control their
behavior, at least till they are away from
the innocent animal.

"Feliway" won't make up for human behavior.

(Kuisse0002) wrote in message >...
> >I think it will take time and a lack of "incidents" probably. He might do a
> >lot of sitting on the floor in range of her just doing some reading or tv
> >watching. You might look into some Feliway too just to destress her.Time is
> >probably the answer though.
> >
> >Karen
> >
> >
> Yes I thought about the time factor and I'll look into the Feliway. Thanks

[k]

Most likely take time, a great deal of time,
and your husband making a point of paying
gentle attention to her daily. He's on the
verge of ruining his relationship with the
cat forever. People have to control their
behavior, at least till they are away from
the innocent animal.

"Feliway" won't make up for human behavior.

(Kuisse0002) wrote in message >...
> >I think it will take time and a lack of "incidents" probably. He might do a
> >lot of sitting on the floor in range of her just doing some reading or tv
> >watching. You might look into some Feliway too just to destress her.Time is
> >probably the answer though.
> >
> >Karen
> >
> >
> Yes I thought about the time factor and I'll look into the Feliway. Thanks

[David S.]

"Kuisse0002" > wrote in message
...

> Please help. It is not a happy household at the moment. How do i make the
cat
> gain back his trust and vice versa.

Try this: http://www.moggies.co.uk/html/friends.html

And there is a VERY good discussion of socializing ferals that would help
your husband too. It's here:

http://www.thecatsite.com/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=5726&highlight=shelter

Hope this helps.

David

[David S.]

"Kuisse0002" > wrote in message
...

> Please help. It is not a happy household at the moment. How do i make the
cat
> gain back his trust and vice versa.

Try this: http://www.moggies.co.uk/html/friends.html

And there is a VERY good discussion of socializing ferals that would help
your husband too. It's here:

http://www.thecatsite.com/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=5726&highlight=shelter

Hope this helps.

David