Cats are not like windows

[Shirley]

I've been taught a valuable lesson today......

This morning I thought I would have an extra 15 mins in bed reading
but Smudge had other ideas, she walked over to my book and head butted
it until I put it down to give her a scritch, then she laid down on
it.

This evening as I was watching TV and the programme had just reached a
tense moment Polly walked over and sat on the arm of the sofa right in
my line of vision and head butted me.

I can only come to the conclusion they were trying to demonstrate that
cats are not see through.

;-)
--
Shirley
see my cats at
http://communities.msn.co.uk/Friendsfamilyandfelines2
http://uk.msnusers.com/friendsfamilyandfelines3

[Karen Chuplis]

in article , Shirley at
wrote on 8/28/03 6:27 PM:

> I've been taught a valuable lesson today......
>
> This morning I thought I would have an extra 15 mins in bed reading
> but Smudge had other ideas, she walked over to my book and head butted
> it until I put it down to give her a scritch, then she laid down on
> it.
>
> This evening as I was watching TV and the programme had just reached a
> tense moment Polly walked over and sat on the arm of the sofa right in
> my line of vision and head butted me.
>
> I can only come to the conclusion they were trying to demonstrate that
> cats are not see through.
>
> ;-)
> --
> Shirley
> see my cats at
> http://communities.msn.co.uk/Friendsfamilyandfelines2
> http://uk.msnusers.com/friendsfamilyandfelines3
>
>
My cats like to demonstrate this all the time. I can only believe it is one
of the Prime Directives from the Mother Ship.

Karen

[John Biltz]

On Thu, 28 Aug 2003 16:27:41 -0700, Shirley wrote
(in message >):

> I've been taught a valuable lesson today......
>
> This morning I thought I would have an extra 15 mins in bed reading
> but Smudge had other ideas, she walked over to my book and head butted
> it until I put it down to give her a scritch, then she laid down on
> it.
>
> This evening as I was watching TV and the programme had just reached a
> tense moment Polly walked over and sat on the arm of the sofa right in
> my line of vision and head butted me.
>
> I can only come to the conclusion they were trying to demonstrate that
> cats are not see through.

Bruiser loves to watch me play games on the computer, particularly first
person shooters. As the game goes on he will get closer and closer to
the screen until I can't see around him and something kills me.

[Tanada]

Shirley wrote:
>
> I've been taught a valuable lesson today......
>
> This morning I thought I would have an extra 15 mins in bed reading
> but Smudge had other ideas, she walked over to my book and head butted
> it until I put it down to give her a scritch, then she laid down on
> it.
>
> This evening as I was watching TV and the programme had just reached a
> tense moment Polly walked over and sat on the arm of the sofa right in
> my line of vision and head butted me.
>
> I can only come to the conclusion they were trying to demonstrate that
> cats are not see through.
>
>

Our family has come to the conclusion that cats are part of an
anti-literacy campaign. With nine of them, its a miracle that any of us
get as much time to read as we do. Tonight, Rascal decided that she was
more important than any old Dick Francis mystery, and frantically rubbed
her head on my book, hands, face, nose, and more until I'd spent a half
hour or so re-assuring her that I love her more than all the rest of the
cats put together. Then she went to sleep on Rob's side of the bed so
that she could keep the rest of the cats away from her prize. I was so
tired from loving non-stop on her that I fell asleep. At least that's
my excuse for having my book, tv remote, and my glasses in bed with me
when Rob came in later on.

Pam S. Part of the literacy underground

[Larry Osborne]

"Shirley" > wrote in message
...
> "Tanada" > wrote in message
> ...
> >
> > Our family has come to the conclusion that cats are part of an
> > anti-literacy campaign. With nine of them, its a miracle that any
> of us
> > get as much time to read as we do. Tonight, Rascal decided that she
> was
> > more important than any old Dick Francis mystery, and frantically
> rubbed
> > her head on my book, hands, face, nose, and more until I'd spent a
> half
> > hour or so re-assuring her that I love her more than all the rest of
> the
> > cats put together. Then she went to sleep on Rob's side of the bed
> so
> > that she could keep the rest of the cats away from her prize. I was
> so
> > tired from loving non-stop on her that I fell asleep. At least
> that's
> > my excuse for having my book, tv remote, and my glasses in bed with
> me
> > when Rob came in later on.
> >
> > Pam S. Part of the literacy underground
>
> Polly did a similar thing this evening as I was trying to read the
> local newspaper, she walked onto my chest so her body covered my face
> then she leant on my face.
> --
> Shirley (wondering what was in the newspaper that Polly didn't want me
> to read ! )
> see my cats at
> http://communities.msn.co.uk/Friendsfamilyandfelines2
> http://uk.msnusers.com/friendsfamilyandfelines3
>
>

Smudge has worked out a compromise for me to follow. She curls up on the
desk, using the telephone as a pillow with her feet on or near my mouse, and
in return I have to remember to stop every so often to pet her. If she
thinks that the petting is a little infrequent she will get up and sit over,
not quite on, the mouse, and if she gets sufficient petting then will return
to the first position, but, if I don't pet her enough or something urgent
comes up then she sits in front of the monitor and if it is REALLY urgent
she will start attacking the mouse cursor on the screen. It works for her
but it can make working on the computer a little more difficult than it
should be for me.

Larry Osborne
Property of Smudge and Peepers

[Tanada]

Karen Chuplis wrote:
>
>
> Hey! Which mystery? I just finished recently (for the nth time) "Wild
> Horses" "High Stakes" and "Straight". I love DF
>
>

Am currently re-reading "Straight." I was reading "The Edge." Have
been in DF mode this summer and have read "Wild HOrses," "The Hilt,"
"Break In," "The Bolt," "Odds Against," and a couple of others. I'm
really bummed as I can't find my copy of my favorite DF "Decider" or
"Whip Hand." I suspect they're in a box somewhere.

Pam S.

[Karen Chuplis]

in article , Tanada at
wrote on 8/30/03 11:30 AM:

> Karen Chuplis wrote:
>>
>>
>> Hey! Which mystery? I just finished recently (for the nth time) "Wild
>> Horses" "High Stakes" and "Straight". I love DF
>>
>>
>
> Am currently re-reading "Straight." I was reading "The Edge." Have
> been in DF mode this summer and have read "Wild HOrses," "The Hilt,"
> "Break In," "The Bolt," "Odds Against," and a couple of others. I'm
> really bummed as I can't find my copy of my favorite DF "Decider" or
> "Whip Hand." I suspect they're in a box somewhere.
>
> Pam S.

To the Hilt is my favorite. I don't think he has a really rum one in the
bunch.

Karen

[bewtifulfreak]

John Biltz wrote:

> Bruiser loves to watch me play games on the computer, particularly
> first person shooters. As the game goes on he will get closer and
> closer to the screen until I can't see around him and something kills
> me.

My cats have the same habit when I'm playing games on the computer....for
some reason, the more hectic the action on the screen, the more intense the
urge to pace up and down in front of the monitor and stick their butt in my
face!

Ann

--

http://www.angelfire.com/ca/bewtifulfreak

[Alphonze]

"Shirley" > wrote in message >...
> Polly did a similar thing this evening as I was trying to read the
> local newspaper, she walked onto my chest so her body covered my face
> then she leant on my face.

Min never lets me read the newspaper if I spread it out on the floor.
She tries to crawl underneath it, which is very distracting.

Reminds me of my friend's old saying: "A cat will always find the
centre of attention, and then sit on it"

Cheers (from the middle of a spectacular HK typhoon!)
Al.

[bewtifulfreak]

Alphonze wrote:

> Reminds me of my friend's old saying: "A cat will always find the
> centre of attention, and then sit on it"

Love it - so true! :)`

Ann

--

http://www.angelfire.com/ca/bewtifulfreak

[dgabriel]

Shirley ) wrote:
: I've been taught a valuable lesson today......
:
: This morning I thought I would have an extra 15 mins in bed reading
: but Smudge had other ideas, she walked over to my book and head butted
: it until I put it down to give her a scritch, then she laid down on
: it.
:
: This evening as I was watching TV and the programme had just reached a
: tense moment Polly walked over and sat on the arm of the sofa right in
: my line of vision and head butted me.
:
: I can only come to the conclusion they were trying to demonstrate that
: cats are not see through.
:
: ;-)
: --
: Shirley
: see my cats at
: http://communities.msn.co.uk/Friendsfamilyandfelines2
: http://uk.msnusers.com/friendsfamilyandfelines3

Hee hee! Early this morning I was stretched out on the sofa watching TV.
Suddenly, instead of having a TV screen in my field of vison, I found
myself looking at the bright edges of a television screen, surrounding
the silhouette of a kitty's head and ears. The aforementioned kitty,
Harmony, was making nice loud chirpy purrs in my face. (That's what I call
those purrs that aren't only loud, but have a high-pitched crooning note
involved. Kind of like the cats' greeting chirrup worked into a
full-fledged purr.)

Anyway, I believe that was Harmony's unsubtle hint that it was time to
stop paying attention to the talkingpicturebox thing and start doting on
The Cat. ;o)

Donna

[Dan and Nancy Mahoney]

> Hee hee! Early this morning I was stretched out on the sofa watching TV.
> Suddenly, instead of having a TV screen in my field of vison, I found
> myself looking at the bright edges of a television screen, surrounding
> the silhouette of a kitty's head and ears. The aforementioned kitty,
> Harmony, was making nice loud chirpy purrs in my face. (That's what I call
> those purrs that aren't only loud, but have a high-pitched crooning note
> involved. Kind of like the cats' greeting chirrup worked into a
> full-fledged purr.)
>
> Anyway, I believe that was Harmony's unsubtle hint that it was time to
> stop paying attention to the talkingpicturebox thing and start doting on
> The Cat. ;o)
>
> Donna

Lately I've taken to laying on the bed to watch TV. Samuel R kitten
climbs up onto my chest and curls up while I pet him. It doesn't
interfere with my TV watching, since I'm propped up enough to see over him.

But, if I don't pay enough attention to petting the kitten, he'll climb
down, walk over to the remote, and step on the power button. Once the TV
goes off, he climbs back up on my chest for more pets.

Dan

[polonca12000]

What a clever kitty!
Best wishes,
--
Polonca & Soncek

"Dan and Nancy Mahoney" > wrote in message
...
<snip>> But, if I don't pay enough attention to petting the kitten, he'll
climb
> down, walk over to the remote, and step on the power button. Once the TV
> goes off, he climbs back up on my chest for more pets.
>
> Dan
>

[Yowie]

"Dan and Nancy Mahoney" > wrote in message
...
> > Hee hee! Early this morning I was stretched out on the sofa watching TV.
> > Suddenly, instead of having a TV screen in my field of vison, I found
> > myself looking at the bright edges of a television screen, surrounding
> > the silhouette of a kitty's head and ears. The aforementioned kitty,
> > Harmony, was making nice loud chirpy purrs in my face. (That's what I
call
> > those purrs that aren't only loud, but have a high-pitched crooning note
> > involved. Kind of like the cats' greeting chirrup worked into a
> > full-fledged purr.)
> >
> > Anyway, I believe that was Harmony's unsubtle hint that it was time to
> > stop paying attention to the talkingpicturebox thing and start doting on
> > The Cat. ;o)
> >
> > Donna
>
> Lately I've taken to laying on the bed to watch TV. Samuel R kitten
> climbs up onto my chest and curls up while I pet him. It doesn't
> interfere with my TV watching, since I'm propped up enough to see over
him.
>
> But, if I don't pay enough attention to petting the kitten, he'll climb
> down, walk over to the remote, and step on the power button. Once the TV
> goes off, he climbs back up on my chest for more pets.

Oh dear, I wasn't going to share this, but here goes anyway.

Joel & Shmoggleberry have never quite worked out exactly who is alpha male
of the house, and I'm not telling. Consequently there has been a cold war
going on in my home for the last 7 years (I can't believe Joel & I have been
together that long!). Shmogg excels in guerrilla tactics, Joel prefers basic
brute force and the super soaker. Shmogg has managed to draw blood from
Joel, and in return, Joel has managed to absolutely drench Shmogg. I know
Joel would never really hurt him, and sometimes Shmogg does such an
outrageous thing to Joel, he does indeed deserve a soaking, after which
things seem to settle down for a few days. But not forever. Oh no, not when
you share you life with one b*st*rd c*t and a cranky bear.

At this point I'll have to add a little background. As if any of you didn't
know, I'm pregnant. 12 weeks at the moment. And I've found my libido has hit
rock bottom and is now somewhere in negative. I'd get a sound night's sleep
if I was forced to share a bed with a naked Antonio Banderas! (well, except
for the 3 hourly bladder runs, but thats what a good night's sleep is at the
moment). Combine my complete lack of interest in sex and the almost
permanant yeast infection, and Joel has had to find other sources of, err,
relief. There are certain forms of media that seem to facilitate this, err,
relief, and as long as he keeps them out view and doens't expect me to, err,
join in his viewing pleasure, I've turned a blind eye to them. After all,
its better than him annoying me about it when I am so uninterested I'd
prefer a good cup of tea.

The evening was a fairly normal one at Chez Chapman. Both our butts were
parked in front of the TV, Shmogg was snoozing on the back of the lounge and
Fluffy was destroying yet another sock. (Are we the only people who have to
buy socks on a weekly basis, and refer to them as "alternative dog food"?).
At some point Joel got sick of having Shmogg's tail wiggling into his ear
(and yes, I am sure it was intentional) and ousted Mr B*st*rd C*t from his
throne.

Shmogg usually takes a while to come up with his vengeance tactic. This time
it was about an hour. Being a cold night, both of us were snuggling under a
doona, oblivious to the the cunning going's on in Shmogg's devious little
kitty brain. Without either of us knowing it, Shmogg managed to worm his way
under the foot of the doona, waiting for exactly the right time to

CHOMP!

"*&(&*#@&%$"!!!!! screamed Joel, "I'm going to get that little *******!" as
cat went flying down the corridor and Joel was left tending to his bleeding
foot.

"Vicky, get the super soaker"

"You know he'll just get you back"

"I don't care, that cat of yours [why is it always *my* cat when he's
balancing his karma, and "our" cat when he's being all nice and purry?] has
got to learn its place"

"You are asking for it"

"He wouldn't *dare*!" growled Joel, and went to collect the super soaker by
himself.

Whatever was on TV was now ruined. We had the Great White Hunter tromping
through the house, gun cocked, stalking the Vicious Grey TIger Beast who had
ravaged his foot. Shmogg is not a stupid cat, and Joel singing "here kitty
kitty" simply wasn't going to work. Besides which, the mere presence of the
Super Soaker is enough to get Miss Boingy Dog into hyperactive mode. "Daddy,
squirt me! Daddy? Please, go on, squirt me! Squirt me! (bounce bounce) Go On
Dad! Do it! Squirt me!". As if Shmogg was going to come running to the
sounds of a lying Joel, a threatening super soaker, and the sounds of an
over enthusiastic giant puppy.

And thus it was the Great White Hunter, followed by Boingy Shtoopid Mutt,
went hunting for Vicious Grey Tiger Beasts on a cold and wintery night in
the Suburbia of Modern Australia.

Meanwhile, I was shivering under the doona, praying that the madness didn't
excalate any further. I was hoping that Shmogg had hidden himself very well,
and Fluffy would distract Joel from reaping his revenge, because Shmogg's
re-revenge wasn't going to be pretty.

But Shmogg is not a stupid cat, and his cunning far outweighs my mere human
intellect. Instead of concealing himself in a secretive spot and waiting for
Joel's wrath to die, he made a better choice, and settled himself on Joel's
bed. It didn't take long for teh Great White Hunter to find the Vicious Grey
Tiger Beast, and since Joel tends not to think when he's exacting his
revenge, he managed to unload the whole volume of the super soaker at Shmogg
before realising that what, in reality, he was doing, was just making his
bed very very wet and perhaps slightly moistening the outer layer of
Shmogg's fur as he dashed off to a safer place like furry greased
lightening.

I tried hard not to be amused, I did. Joel was *furious* (mostly at himself)
and my ROFLMAO at him didn't help his temper any.

"I *told* you he'd get you back" I eventually stammered - "you don't mess
with Him, and if you do, you have to apologise."

"I'm not apologising to some d*mn cat - its a *cat* not my mother in law"
[I almost asked why he needed to apologise to my mother at this point but
sanity got the better of me]

"I can't see why you two just can't get along"

"He thinks he's better than me, but we're even now"

First, I want to tell Joel that in Shmogg's mind, of *course* he's better
than Joel - he's better than *any* mere hoomin, and second, that Shmogg is
the one who will decide when the Karma is balanced, not Joel. Instead I am
sympathetic and loving and help to heal Joel's bruised and battered ego,
yes, he's just a b*st*rd c*t, no I don't know why he's like that, yes, I
understand that you needed to show him who was boss [s******] and, no, he
shouldn't have bitten your foot in the first place. But in the back of my
head I was wondering whether this battle was indeed actually over, or
whether Shmogg was cooking up some other ingenious plot to balance the Karma
between Joel and himself.

Silly me, if in doubt, bet on Shmogg.

Later that evening, long after I'd gone to bed, I was vaguely awoken to bad
70's style waa-waa guitar. Joel was watching a video with a *very* corny
soundtrack. It didn't take long to figure out what type of movie he was
viewing and that perhaps he didn't want to be disturbed. Part of me misses
the physical side of the relationship, but at the moment, I'd much prefer
Joel to look after himself than to leave that sort of thing to me. At other
times, I'd be miffed at the thought he'd prefer to DIY when I'm here, but
these days, its about the best he's going to get. I went back to sleep
quickly, dreaming of Antonio Banderas in my bed and kicking him out so I
could get some sleep (which is about as erotic as it gets for me these days)

Woke up the next morning, to discover that the video was taping something.
Although uncommon, its not completley unusual for Joel to start recording
something and then go to bed. Went to work, came home, and casually asked
what he'd taped last night.

"I didn't tape anything?" he replied, quizzically.

"Well, when I got up this moring, the video was defiantley taping
*something*"

The look on his face went rapidly from bewilderment to understanding to
alarm.

"Oh ****!"

Joel ran to the video and pressed eject. Indeed, out came the tape "Big
Boobs 4" or some such, which confirmed my suspicions about his activities
the night before.

"Oh ****," he repeated as he rammed it back in and stumbled around to
preview the tapr in fast forward.

And there they were, two impossibly endowed women, jiggling away. These were
obviously Big Boobs, one two three and four.

I gave him "the look". While I am sympathetic to the fact he's not getting
any, I still don't like seeing him see other naked women, particularly ones
who are anotomically impossible and aren't 12 weeks up the duff and feeling
like it too.

He fast frowarded the tape some more and pressed play.

I couldn't stop laughing. I think he nearly cried.

After the first 5 minutes of Silicon 1, 2 , 3 & 4 jiggling and wiggling like
bowls of melting jello, there was nothing on the remaining hour and 55
minutes of the tape except "TV Radio" - taped directly from the cable
channel last night, 115 minutes of nothing but the name of the song and
artist on the screen and the likes of Acker Bilk and Michael Bolton crooning
love songs on the sound track.

Shmogg, who after Super Soaker incident, had not been seen for the rest of
the night, had obviously come out of hiding after Joel had gone to bed, and
reaped his final act of retribution. Nothing so easy for a cat to dance on
the remote control until something happens on the video, and who could say
whether Shmogg knew about Joel's prediliction for Jiggling Silicone.

"But they were *all natural* too" whimpered Joel.

Yes, sure they were dear, sure they were.

Never mess with the B*st*rd C*t, for he shall have his pound of flesh - or,
in this case, several pounds of silicone implants.

Yowie

[OU812?]

Yowie wrote:
<<massive snippage>>
> Never mess with the B*st*rd C*t, for he shall have his pound of flesh
> - or, in this case, several pounds of silicone implants.
>
> Yowie
OMG Yowie.. thanks for the best laugh i've had in a while!!!
--
"As God as my witness, I thought turkeys could fly." - Arthur Carlson

[Yowie]

"Marina" > wrote in message
...
>
> "Yowie" > wrote
> <big snppage of b*st*rd c*ttery>
> > Never mess with the B*st*rd C*t, for he shall have his pound of flesh -
> or,
> > in this case, several pounds of silicone implants.
>
> ROFLMAO! Thank you, thank you, Yowie for that story. Ah, the master
> storyteller is back.

The drought of b*st*rd c*t stories has not been due to the lack of
inspiration - Shmogg has been at his dastardliest (is that a word?) and
Fluffy has been, well, just like Fluff always is. The trouble has been a
complete lack of suitable time for story writing, ie, uninterrupted blocks
of over an hour. The amount of work and the urgency of same has really
picked up here , meaning I can't just write a story here and pretend I"m
doing work (how dare they make me do actual *work* here!), and home life
seems to have gotten terribly chaotic now that we've got a wedding to plan.

There'll be a few months between the wedding and the baby, thank goodness,
but I can't see my story writing time increasing much after April. Actually,
I'm sure all hell will break loose after the baby's birth, and I won't know
whether I'm Arthur or Martha for a few months after that. Just look how
quiet the other posters who have had barekittens have gotten...

Actually, sitting in the ultrasound office today, Joel and I were
"priveledged" to see a full on two year old temper tantrum. I guess my
outlook has changed somewhat, and instead of thinking "oh my goodness, lady,
*control* your child!!!" I smiled in support at the stressed out mother with
no-one there to help her with her 3 kids. But after the poor lass had
finally managed to drag the screaming, hitting, kicking monster out of the
room (plus the other two kids), Joel and I looked at each other and said
"you sure you want to do this?" at each other. I am certainly still feeling
ambivalent about the whole thing.

Yowie

[polonca12000]

Great story! Thanks.
Best wishes,
--
Polonca & Soncek

"Yowie" > wrote in message
...
> Oh dear, I wasn't going to share this, but here goes anyway.
>
> Joel & Shmoggleberry have never quite worked out exactly who is alpha male
> of the house, and I'm not telling. <snip>

[Marina]

"Yowie" > wrote
>
> The drought of b*st*rd c*t stories has not been due to the lack of
> inspiration - Shmogg has been at his dastardliest (is that a word?) and
> Fluffy has been, well, just like Fluff always is. The trouble has been a
> complete lack of suitable time for story writing, ie, uninterrupted blocks
> of over an hour. The amount of work and the urgency of same has really
> picked up here , meaning I can't just write a story here and pretend I"m
> doing work (how dare they make me do actual *work* here!), and home life
> seems to have gotten terribly chaotic now that we've got a wedding to
plan.

<sigh> Yes, I know we can't expect a lot of b*st*rd c*t stories in the next
eighteen years or so ;o), but I'm grateful for every morsel. I'd like to
hear more from the new barekitten Meowmies, too, like how the cats react and
interact with the baby, but I suppose I will just have to be patient. and
keep bombarding the group with my own feeble attempts. <sigh>

--
Marina, Frank and Nikki
marina (dot) kurten (at) pp (dot) inet (dot) fi

[Adrian]

Yowie wrote:
<SNIP>
> Never mess with the B*st*rd C*t, for he shall have his pound of flesh
> - or, in this case, several pounds of silicone implants.
>
> Yowie

Oh thank you Yowie!! I haven't laughed so much in ages.
--
Adrian
A House Is Not A Home, Without A Cat.

[Julie Cook]

Yowie wrote:

>
>
>At this point I'll have to add a little background. As if any of you didn't
>
>First, I want to tell Joel that in Shmogg's mind, of *course* he's better
>than Joel - he's better than *any* mere hoomin, and second, that Shmogg is
>the one who will decide when the Karma is balanced, not Joel. Instead I am
>sympathetic and loving and help to heal Joel's bruised and battered ego,
>yes, he's just a b*st*rd c*t, no I don't know why he's like that, yes, I
>understand that you needed to show him who was boss [s******] and, no, he
>shouldn't have bitten your foot in the first place. But in the back of my
>head I was wondering whether this battle was indeed actually over, or
>whether Shmogg was cooking up some other ingenious plot to balance the Karma
>between Joel and himself.
>
>Silly me, if in doubt, bet on Shmogg.
>
>
>
ROFLOL! Hobbes, Selena and Lacey are searching the house for material to
make pom poms so that they can join the Shmogg cheering squad. They
think he is their hero! I dread the day the Mouser arrives for Shmogg
instructions!! It sounds to me like you are managing to control those
raging hormones quite well. As I entered menopause and my hormones
began bouncing around and for various reasons I lost interest at that
time, DH turned to similar stimuli as Joel has to replace my currently
uninterested self. When I discovered this I literally destroyed every
home recorded tape in our video library. Pulled the tapes out of the
cases and attacked them with scissors. I learned during that time the
reasons that victorian males chose to lock their wives in attics!

Julie

>
>