Angela Ryan
August 30th 03, 02:40 AM
LOL!!!!
"Napoleon" > wrote in message
om...
> For everyone who has had to try to get this done.
>
> ************************************************** ************
>
> HOW TO GIVE A CAT A PILL
>
> 1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if
> holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of
> cat's mouth And gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in
> right hand. As cat
> Opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
>
> 2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in
> left arm and repeat process.
>
> 3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
>
> 4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear
> paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of
> mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
>
> 5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call
> spouse from garden.
>
> 6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and
> rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head
> firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill
> down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
>
> 7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap.
> Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep
> Shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for
> gluing later.
>
> 8) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just
> visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force
> mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
>
> 9) Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer
> to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove
> blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
>
> 10) Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another
> beer.Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head
> showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat
> with elastic band.
>
> 11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on
> hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply
> cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus
> shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss-back another
> shot. Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
>
> 12) Ring fire brigade to retrieve the f------ cat from tree across the
> road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to
> avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap.
>
> 13) Tie the little *******'s front paws to rear paws with garden twine
> and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning
> gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of
> fillet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints
> of water down throat to wash down pill..
>
> 14) Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the
> emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm
> and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way
> home to order new table..
>
> 15) Arrange for RSPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and ring local
> pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.
"Napoleon" > wrote in message
om...
> For everyone who has had to try to get this done.
>
> ************************************************** ************
>
> HOW TO GIVE A CAT A PILL
>
> 1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if
> holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of
> cat's mouth And gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in
> right hand. As cat
> Opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
>
> 2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in
> left arm and repeat process.
>
> 3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
>
> 4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear
> paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of
> mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
>
> 5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call
> spouse from garden.
>
> 6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and
> rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head
> firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill
> down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
>
> 7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap.
> Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep
> Shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for
> gluing later.
>
> 8) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just
> visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force
> mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
>
> 9) Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer
> to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove
> blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
>
> 10) Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another
> beer.Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head
> showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat
> with elastic band.
>
> 11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on
> hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply
> cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus
> shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss-back another
> shot. Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
>
> 12) Ring fire brigade to retrieve the f------ cat from tree across the
> road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to
> avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap.
>
> 13) Tie the little *******'s front paws to rear paws with garden twine
> and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning
> gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of
> fillet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints
> of water down throat to wash down pill..
>
> 14) Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the
> emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm
> and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way
> home to order new table..
>
> 15) Arrange for RSPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and ring local
> pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.