Dave Gerecke
December 18th 05, 08:42 PM
How To Wrap A Cat . . .
1. Clear large space on table for wrapping present.
2. Go to closet and collect bag in which present is contained, and shut
door.
3. Open door and remove cat from closet.
4. Go to cupboard and retrieve rolls of wrapping paper.
5. Go back and remove cat from cupboard.
6. Go to drawer, and collect transparent sticky tape, ribbons, scissors,
labels, etc. . .
7. Lay out presents and wrapping materials on table, to enable wrapping
strategy to be formed.
8. Go back to drawer to get string, remove cat that has been in the
drawer since last visit and collect string.
9. Remove present from bag.
10. Remove cat from bag.
11. Open box to check present, remove cat from box, replace present.
12. Lay out paper to enable cutting to size.
13. Try and smooth out paper, realize cat is underneath and remove cat.
14. Cut the paper to size, keeping the cutting line straight.
15. Throw away first sheet as cat chased the scissors, and tore the
paper.
16. Cut second sheet of paper to size - by putting cat in the bag the
present came in.
17. Place present on paper.
18. Lift up edges of paper to seal in present. Wonder why edges don't
reach. Realize cat is between present and paper. Remove cat.
19. Place object on paper, to hold in place while tearing transparent
sticky tape.
20. Spend 20 minutes carefully trying to remove transparent sticky tape
from cat with pair of nail scissors.
21. Seal paper with sticky tape, making corners as neat as possible.
22. Look for roll of ribbon. Chase cat down hall in order to retrieve
ribbon.
23. Try to wrap present with ribbon in a two-directional turn.
24. Re-roll ribbon and remove paper, which is now torn due to cat's
enthusiastic ribbon chase.
25. Repeat steps 13-20 until you reach last sheet of paper.
26. Decide to skip steps 13-17 in order to save time and reduce risk of
losing last sheet of paper. Retrieve old cardboard box that is the right
size for sheet of paper.
27. Put present in box, and tie down with string.
28. Remove string, open box and remove cat.
29. Put all packing materials in bag with present and head for locked
room.
30. Once inside lockable room, lock door and start to relay out paper
and materials.
31. Remove cat from box, unlock door, put cat outside door, close and
relock.
32. Repeat previous step as often as is necessary (until you can hear
cat from outside door)
33. Lay out last sheet of paper. (This will be difficult in the small
area of the toilet, but do your best)
34. Discover cat has already torn paper. Unlock door go out and hunt
through various cupboards, looking for sheet of last year's paper.
Remember that you haven't got any left because cat helped with this last
year as well.
35. Return to lockable room, lock door, and sit on toilet and try to
make torn sheet of paper look presentable.
36. Seal box, wrap with paper and repair by very carefully sealing with
sticky tape. Tie up with ribbon and decorate with bows to hide worst
areas.
37. Label. Sit back and admire your handiwork, congratulate yourself on
completing a difficult job.
38. Unlock door, and go to kitchen to make drink and feed cat.
39. Spend 15 minutes looking for cat until coming to obvious conclusion.
40. Unwrap present, untie box and remove cat.
41. Go to store and buy a gift bag.
1. Clear large space on table for wrapping present.
2. Go to closet and collect bag in which present is contained, and shut
door.
3. Open door and remove cat from closet.
4. Go to cupboard and retrieve rolls of wrapping paper.
5. Go back and remove cat from cupboard.
6. Go to drawer, and collect transparent sticky tape, ribbons, scissors,
labels, etc. . .
7. Lay out presents and wrapping materials on table, to enable wrapping
strategy to be formed.
8. Go back to drawer to get string, remove cat that has been in the
drawer since last visit and collect string.
9. Remove present from bag.
10. Remove cat from bag.
11. Open box to check present, remove cat from box, replace present.
12. Lay out paper to enable cutting to size.
13. Try and smooth out paper, realize cat is underneath and remove cat.
14. Cut the paper to size, keeping the cutting line straight.
15. Throw away first sheet as cat chased the scissors, and tore the
paper.
16. Cut second sheet of paper to size - by putting cat in the bag the
present came in.
17. Place present on paper.
18. Lift up edges of paper to seal in present. Wonder why edges don't
reach. Realize cat is between present and paper. Remove cat.
19. Place object on paper, to hold in place while tearing transparent
sticky tape.
20. Spend 20 minutes carefully trying to remove transparent sticky tape
from cat with pair of nail scissors.
21. Seal paper with sticky tape, making corners as neat as possible.
22. Look for roll of ribbon. Chase cat down hall in order to retrieve
ribbon.
23. Try to wrap present with ribbon in a two-directional turn.
24. Re-roll ribbon and remove paper, which is now torn due to cat's
enthusiastic ribbon chase.
25. Repeat steps 13-20 until you reach last sheet of paper.
26. Decide to skip steps 13-17 in order to save time and reduce risk of
losing last sheet of paper. Retrieve old cardboard box that is the right
size for sheet of paper.
27. Put present in box, and tie down with string.
28. Remove string, open box and remove cat.
29. Put all packing materials in bag with present and head for locked
room.
30. Once inside lockable room, lock door and start to relay out paper
and materials.
31. Remove cat from box, unlock door, put cat outside door, close and
relock.
32. Repeat previous step as often as is necessary (until you can hear
cat from outside door)
33. Lay out last sheet of paper. (This will be difficult in the small
area of the toilet, but do your best)
34. Discover cat has already torn paper. Unlock door go out and hunt
through various cupboards, looking for sheet of last year's paper.
Remember that you haven't got any left because cat helped with this last
year as well.
35. Return to lockable room, lock door, and sit on toilet and try to
make torn sheet of paper look presentable.
36. Seal box, wrap with paper and repair by very carefully sealing with
sticky tape. Tie up with ribbon and decorate with bows to hide worst
areas.
37. Label. Sit back and admire your handiwork, congratulate yourself on
completing a difficult job.
38. Unlock door, and go to kitchen to make drink and feed cat.
39. Spend 15 minutes looking for cat until coming to obvious conclusion.
40. Unwrap present, untie box and remove cat.
41. Go to store and buy a gift bag.