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eric
March 28th 16, 03:27 AM
Many a time have I wanted to beat the **** out of that furry little
******* that always seems to **** me off. Either by taking a nice warm
**** on my brand new carpet, or decided to use me as a clawing device.

In this small file, I'd like to suggest ways to hurt or **** of the
little ****head that you can't get rid of, usually cuz you're mom thinks
it's the nicest ****er alive.

1 -- Kick it Around, you know, when the ****er get's in your way,
whether it be when you're taking a **** and it comes in and watches, or
when you're sleeping and it sits on your face. Just put a little force
into it and BLAM! The ****er goes flying. It's especially nice to watch
a cat go flying on a wood floor, with all four spread, doing 360's and
crying like a Mexican without his burrito. Kicking him from under (like
under the stomach) let's loose a flying cat, spinning and twirling in
the air.


2 -- Tail tricks....This is the fun part...Seeing the cat can't really
get to it's tail, you can do **** with it and the cat it defenseless.
Try tying the cat's tail to his front paw, cuz everyone time it walks,
it's tail get's pulled, looks like some diseased person trying to walk.
Or even better, get a nice grab of the tail, and start spinning the cat
around using it, the cat will have to take the pain, cuz by force of
nature, it can't reach it's paws around to scratch you since it's
spinning so fast it's paws are spread-eagle like. If you have glue, and
the cat's tail is long enough, or maybe just a tad shorter, you can glue
it's tail to it's nose, which is cool. The cat moves his head and his
ass comes up with it (how'z that for a chain reaction?) Like it'll be
walking around town with it's ass all dangling up, all the other furry
****s will ram it up, which in turn, will make the cat freak when it
tries to sit down (get it?). But that's kinda mean.


3 -- Wiskers (heh, heh, heh)....Ok, you know who you are people, you
kind that clips cat's wiskers and laughs like hell. Cat's use wiskers to
navigate in the dark, like when they're entering a tight spot, their
wiskers will tell them if they're about to run into something (kind of
like those cadillacs with those metal tubes sticking out the side). So
what do you do? You cut the ****ers wiskers, down to you start getting
fur. Then you gotta through the cat in a closet, and open the door, oh,
about 4 inches. The cat will naturally be ****ed and stunned that us
humans would do such a thing (it probably is equlivant of a cat cutting
off your dick) and he'll start bumping around, wondering what the
****....So you just sit there and laugh your ass off. The cat might
eventually make it's way out of the closet, but maybe you could,
hmmm...Find something else to do to it after that? (grin>


4 -- Pillow Case....Well, this is kind of funny...All you do is throw
the little **** in a pillow case, and go into an open room (you don't
want to beat it to death, well, not yet adleast). And start swinging the
****er around in circles, again and again, the cat will probably crying
for it's life (but don't give in to it's whining, cuz when it get's out,
it wants blood) keep swinging it around and around, faster and faster,
stop when you're too dizzy to figure out where the cat is, then quickly
open the pillow case and let the ******* fall out (it WILL fall, believe
me). You got to make sure you can see it (cuz you're gonna me almost as
dizzy). The ****er will be sitting there, moving it's head in circles,
still thinking it spinning. This is the good part, cuz as far as the cat
knows, it's totally high on Catnip or something. You can do anything,
it's up to you.


4 -- Water ...We all know that cats hate water more than dogs, and would
rather travel in a car then deal with it. But cat's are funny as hell in
water. Try filling up a tub, or a sink, or something with water in it
that the cat will fit in. Throw the ****er in for a minute or two
(unless it's definitely going to drown, we'll talk about killing them
later) and watch it squeal..They act like water is acid or something and
yet they still drink water out of the toilet when none is available
(these ****ers gotta get their facts straight). After the cat has had
enough torture, grab it by the ear, or tail, or get a good grab around
it's head and throw it out (throw it outside you fool). When a cat get's
wet (especially a long-haired cat) they look like giant ferrets, really
nasty like (which might persuade you to do something else, like nail it
to a 2 by 4 and shoot it full of b-b's) but don't hurt it too bad..


5 -- Misc. ****....Stick the cat in the Microwave (no, really) and don't
turn it on (yet) just let it sit there, and look through the little
see-through window...It should be scared as hell, since it's in a really
tight spot, can't move much at all...If you really want to screw the
****er, nuke it! Just nuke it for 20 seconds at a time...The cat will
start squirming at about 10 seconds (depending on the wattage of the
Microwave)...After about 30 seconds, the cat will definitely have
radiation poisioning, which will probably kill it within a month or
less. If you nuke it for a minute, you'll probably kill it, depending on
the size of the cat, the microwave cooks inside out, so after a minute,
it's intestines and lungs will be a little toasty, maybe killing it, if
not, probably sterilizing it or leaving it a slow and terrible death. Of
course, you can go "All-Out" if you REALLY express rage for it, and can
nuke it for 5 minutes...This is NOT for the Squeamish....I DO know
someone who did this, and saw it....It was pretty ****ing gross, and
being the cat hater I am, I still felt sorry for it. In 30 seconds, it
starts kicking and screaming and freaking out (which brings me to the
point, you gotta make sure the door can't be opened, and you gotta make
sure you don't want the microwave anymore). In 1 minute, it was started
to spaz like nothing you've ever seen before, some blood was coming from
it's mouth due to internal cuts the Nuking did, all types of seisures
and some last moans were following at 2 minutes. At about 2 and a half
minutes, the cat was still alive, it's pupils were dialated and it was
twitching like someone stuck a Electrolysis gun up it's ass...At 3
minutes, it's almost dead...The smell of the cat would make any
mortician throw up, that's why I would suggest alot of open windows and
doors and some type of gas mask on. The last two minutes it the cool
part...Now that the ****er is dead (for good reason too) it's time to
watch the fireworks...I think at around 4 minutes, the cat started
popping, it's eyeballs literally popped out of it's sockets, and the
blood started to ooze, not a pretty sight..At about, 4 mins 15 seconds,
it's fur starts to curl (although it was already crispy) and at about 5
minutes, the whole microwave is one big slaughterhouse. Which brings me
to clean up...DON'T! I said earlier, Nuke the cat in a microwave you no
longer want to use (not to mention the microwave is probably broken
anyway). Just throw the microwave away and chuckle off a couple
laughs...Even take poloraids if you want.

&
March 29th 16, 09:37 PM
On 03/27/2016 10:27 PM, eric wrote:
> Many a time have I wanted to beat the **** out of that furry little
> ******* that always seems to **** me off. Either by taking a nice
> warm **** on my brand new carpet, or decided to use me as a clawing
> device.
>
> In this small file, I'd like to suggest ways to hurt or **** of the
> little ****head that you can't get rid of, usually cuz you're mom
> thinks it's the nicest ****er alive.
>
> 1 -- Kick it Around, you know, when the ****er get's in your way,
> whether it be when you're taking a **** and it comes in and watches,
> or when you're sleeping and it sits on your face. Just put a little
> force into it and BLAM! The ****er goes flying. It's especially nice
> to watch a cat go flying on a wood floor, with all four spread, doing
> 360's and crying like a Mexican without his burrito. Kicking him from
> under (like under the stomach) let's loose a flying cat, spinning and
> twirling in the air.
>
>
> 2 -- Tail tricks....This is the fun part...Seeing the cat can't
> really get to it's tail, you can do **** with it and the cat it
> defenseless. Try tying the cat's tail to his front paw, cuz everyone
> time it walks, it's tail get's pulled, looks like some diseased
> person trying to walk. Or even better, get a nice grab of the tail,
> and start spinning the cat around using it, the cat will have to take
> the pain, cuz by force of nature, it can't reach it's paws around to
> scratch you since it's spinning so fast it's paws are spread-eagle
> like. If you have glue, and the cat's tail is long enough, or maybe
> just a tad shorter, you can glue it's tail to it's nose, which is
> cool. The cat moves his head and his ass comes up with it (how'z that
> for a chain reaction?) Like it'll be walking around town with it's
> ass all dangling up, all the other furry ****s will ram it up, which
> in turn, will make the cat freak when it tries to sit down (get it?).
> But that's kinda mean.
>
>
> 3 -- Wiskers (heh, heh, heh)....Ok, you know who you are people, you
> kind that clips cat's wiskers and laughs like hell. Cat's use wiskers
> to navigate in the dark, like when they're entering a tight spot,
> their wiskers will tell them if they're about to run into something
> (kind of like those cadillacs with those metal tubes sticking out the
> side). So what do you do? You cut the ****ers wiskers, down to you
> start getting fur. Then you gotta through the cat in a closet, and
> open the door, oh, about 4 inches. The cat will naturally be ****ed
> and stunned that us humans would do such a thing (it probably is
> equlivant of a cat cutting off your dick) and he'll start bumping
> around, wondering what the ****....So you just sit there and laugh
> your ass off. The cat might eventually make it's way out of the
> closet, but maybe you could, hmmm...Find something else to do to it
> after that? (grin>
>
>
> 4 -- Pillow Case....Well, this is kind of funny...All you do is
> throw the little **** in a pillow case, and go into an open room (you
> don't want to beat it to death, well, not yet adleast). And start
> swinging the ****er around in circles, again and again, the cat will
> probably crying for it's life (but don't give in to it's whining, cuz
> when it get's out, it wants blood) keep swinging it around and
> around, faster and faster, stop when you're too dizzy to figure out
> where the cat is, then quickly open the pillow case and let the
> ******* fall out (it WILL fall, believe me). You got to make sure you
> can see it (cuz you're gonna me almost as dizzy). The ****er will be
> sitting there, moving it's head in circles, still thinking it
> spinning. This is the good part, cuz as far as the cat knows, it's
> totally high on Catnip or something. You can do anything, it's up to
> you.
>
>
> 4 -- Water ...We all know that cats hate water more than dogs, and
> would rather travel in a car then deal with it. But cat's are funny
> as hell in water. Try filling up a tub, or a sink, or something with
> water in it that the cat will fit in. Throw the ****er in for a
> minute or two (unless it's definitely going to drown, we'll talk
> about killing them later) and watch it squeal..They act like water is
> acid or something and yet they still drink water out of the toilet
> when none is available (these ****ers gotta get their facts
> straight). After the cat has had enough torture, grab it by the ear,
> or tail, or get a good grab around it's head and throw it out (throw
> it outside you fool). When a cat get's wet (especially a long-haired
> cat) they look like giant ferrets, really nasty like (which might
> persuade you to do something else, like nail it to a 2 by 4 and shoot
> it full of b-b's) but don't hurt it too bad..
>
>
> 5 -- Misc. ****....Stick the cat in the Microwave (no, really) and
> don't turn it on (yet) just let it sit there, and look through the
> little see-through window...It should be scared as hell, since it's
> in a really tight spot, can't move much at all...If you really want
> to screw the ****er, nuke it! Just nuke it for 20 seconds at a
> time...The cat will start squirming at about 10 seconds (depending on
> the wattage of the Microwave)...After about 30 seconds, the cat will
> definitely have radiation poisioning, which will probably kill it
> within a month or less. If you nuke it for a minute, you'll probably
> kill it, depending on the size of the cat, the microwave cooks inside
> out, so after a minute, it's intestines and lungs will be a little
> toasty, maybe killing it, if not, probably sterilizing it or leaving
> it a slow and terrible death. Of course, you can go "All-Out" if you
> REALLY express rage for it, and can nuke it for 5 minutes...This is
> NOT for the Squeamish....I DO know someone who did this, and saw
> it....It was pretty ****ing gross, and being the cat hater I am, I
> still felt sorry for it. In 30 seconds, it starts kicking and
> screaming and freaking out (which brings me to the point, you gotta
> make sure the door can't be opened, and you gotta make sure you don't
> want the microwave anymore). In 1 minute, it was started to spaz like
> nothing you've ever seen before, some blood was coming from it's
> mouth due to internal cuts the Nuking did, all types of seisures and
> some last moans were following at 2 minutes. At about 2 and a half
> minutes, the cat was still alive, it's pupils were dialated and it
> was twitching like someone stuck a Electrolysis gun up it's ass...At
> 3 minutes, it's almost dead...The smell of the cat would make any
> mortician throw up, that's why I would suggest alot of open windows
> and doors and some type of gas mask on. The last two minutes it the
> cool part...Now that the ****er is dead (for good reason too) it's
> time to watch the fireworks...I think at around 4 minutes, the cat
> started popping, it's eyeballs literally popped out of it's sockets,
> and the blood started to ooze, not a pretty sight..At about, 4 mins
> 15 seconds, it's fur starts to curl (although it was already crispy)
> and at about 5 minutes, the whole microwave is one big
> slaughterhouse. Which brings me to clean up...DON'T! I said earlier,
> Nuke the cat in a microwave you no longer want to use (not to mention
> the microwave is probably broken anyway). Just throw the microwave
> away and chuckle off a couple laughs...Even take poloraids if you
> want.

lol