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eric
September 6th 16, 04:42 AM
Many a time have I wanted to beat the **** out of that furry little
******* that always seems to **** me off. Either by taking a nice warm
**** on my brand new carpet, or decided to use me as a clawing device.

In this small file, I'd like to suggest ways to hurt or **** of the
little ****head that you can't get rid of, usually cuz you're mom thinks
it's the nicest ****er alive.

1 -- Kick it Around, you know, when the ****er gets in your way,
whether it be when you're taking a **** and it comes in and watches, or
when you're sleeping and it sits on your face. Just put a little force
into it and BLAM! The ****er goes flying. It's especially nice to watch
a cat go flying on a wood floor, with all four spread, doing 360's and
crying like a Mexican without his burrito. Kicking him from under (like
under the stomach) let's loose a flying cat, spinning and twirling in
the air.


2 -- Tail tricks....This is the fun part...Seeing the cat can't really
get to it's tail, you can do **** with it and the cat it defenseless.
Try tying the cat's tail to his front paw, cuz everyone time it walks,
it's tail gets pulled, looks like some diseased person trying to walk.
Or even better, get a nice grab of the tail, and start spinning the cat
around using it, the cat will have to take the pain, cuz by force of
nature, it can't reach it's paws around to scratch you since it's
spinning so fast it's paws are spread-eagle like. If you have glue, and
the cat's tail is long enough, or maybe just a tad shorter, you can glue
it's tail to it's nose, which is cool. The cat moves his head and his
ass comes up with it (how's that for a chain reaction?) Like it'll be
walking around town with it's ass all dangling up, all the other furry
****s will ram it up, which in turn, will make the cat freak when it
tries to sit down (get it?). But that's kinda mean.


3 -- Whiskers (heh, heh, heh)....Ok, you know who you are people, you
kind that clips cat's whiskers and laughs like hell. Cat's use whiskers
to navigate in the dark, like when they're entering a tight spot, their
whiskers will tell them if they're about to run into something (kind of
like those cadillacs with those metal tubes sticking out the side). So
what do you do? You cut the ****ers whiskers, down to you start getting
fur. Then you gotta through the cat in a closet, and open the door, oh,
about 4 inches. The cat will naturally be ****ed and stunned that us
humans would do such a thing (it probably is equivalent of a cat cutting
off your dick) and he'll start bumping around, wondering what the
****....So you just sit there and laugh your ass off. The cat might
eventually make it's way out of the closet, but maybe you could,
hmmm...Find something else to do to it after that? (grin>


4 -- Pillow Case....Well, this is kind of funny...All you do is throw
the little **** in a pillow case, and go into an open room (you don't
want to beat it to death, well, not yet at least). And start swinging
the ****er around in circles, again and again, the cat will probably
crying for it's life (but don't give in to it's whining, cuz when it
gets out, it wants blood) keep swinging it around and around, faster and
faster, stop when you're too dizzy to figure out where the cat is, then
quickly open the pillow case and let the ******* fall out (it WILL fall,
believe me). You got to make sure you can see it (cuz you're gonna me
almost as dizzy). The ****er will be sitting there, moving it's head in
circles, still thinking it spinning. This is the good part, cuz as far
as the cat knows, it's totally high on Catnip or something. You can do
anything, it's up to you.


4 -- Water ...We all know that cats hate water more than dogs, and would
rather travel in a car then deal with it. But cat's are funny as hell in
water. Try filling up a tub, or a sink, or something with water in it
that the cat will fit in. Throw the ****er in for a minute or two
(unless it's definitely going to drown, we'll talk about killing them
later) and watch it squeal..They act like water is acid or something and
yet they still drink water out of the toilet when none is available
(these ****ers gotta get their facts straight). After the cat has had
enough torture, grab it by the ear, or tail, or get a good grab around
it's head and throw it out (throw it outside you fool). When a cat gets
wet (especially a long-haired cat) they look like giant ferrets, really
nasty like (which might persuade you to do something else, like nail it
to a 2 by 4 and shoot it full of b-b's) but don't hurt it too bad..


5 -- Misc. ****....Stick the cat in the Microwave (no, really) and don't
turn it on (yet) just let it sit there, and look through the little
see-through window...It should be scared as hell, since it's in a really
tight spot, can't move much at all...If you really want to screw the
****er, nuke it! Just nuke it for 20 seconds at a time...The cat will
start squirming at about 10 seconds (depending on the wattage of the
Microwave)...After about 30 seconds, the cat will definitely have
radiation poisoning, which will probably kill it within a month or
less. If you nuke it for a minute, you'll probably kill it, depending on
the size of the cat, the microwave cooks inside out, so after a minute,
it's intestines and lungs will be a little toasty, maybe killing it, if
not, probably sterilizing it or leaving it a slow and terrible death. Of
course, you can go "All-Out" if you REALLY express rage for it, and can
nuke it for 5 minutes...This is NOT for the Squeamish....I DO know
someone who did this, and saw it....It was pretty ****ing gross, and
being the cat hater I am, I still felt sorry for it. In 30 seconds, it
starts kicking and screaming and freaking out (which brings me to the
point, you gotta make sure the door can't be opened, and you gotta make
sure you don't want the microwave anymore). In 1 minute, it was started
to spaz like nothing you've ever seen before, some blood was coming from
it's mouth due to internal cuts the Nuking did, all types of seizures
and some last moans were following at 2 minutes. At about 2 and a half
minutes, the cat was still alive, it's pupils were dilated and it was
twitching like someone stuck a Electrolysis gun up it's ass...At 3
minutes, it's almost dead...The smell of the cat would make any
mortician throw up, that's why I would suggest a lot of open windows and
doors and some type of gas mask on. The last two minutes it the cool
part...Now that the ****er is dead (for good reason too) it's time to
watch the fireworks...I think at around 4 minutes, the cat started
popping, it's eyeballs literally popped out of it's sockets, and the
blood started to ooze, not a pretty sight..At about, 4 mins 15 seconds,
it's fur starts to curl (although it was already crispy) and at about 5
minutes, the whole microwave is one big slaughterhouse. Which brings me
to clean up...DON'T! I said earlier, Nuke the cat in a microwave you no
longer want to use (not to mention the microwave is probably broken
anyway). Just throw the microwave away and chuckle off a couple
laughs...Even take poloraids if you want.

%
September 6th 16, 04:48 AM
eric wrote:
> Many a time have I wanted to beat the **** out of that
> furry little
> ******* that always seems to **** me off. Either by taking
> a nice warm
> **** on my brand new carpet, or decided to use me as a
> clawing device.
>
> In this small file, I'd like to suggest ways to hurt or
> **** of the
> little ****head that you can't get rid of, usually cuz
> you're mom
> thinks it's the nicest ****er alive.
>
> 1 -- Kick it Around, you know, when the ****er gets in
> your way,
> whether it be when you're taking a **** and it comes in
> and watches,
> or when you're sleeping and it sits on your face. Just put
> a little
> force into it and BLAM! The ****er goes flying. It's
> especially nice
> to watch a cat go flying on a wood floor, with all four
> spread, doing
> 360's and crying like a Mexican without his burrito.
> Kicking him from
> under (like under the stomach) let's loose a flying cat,
> spinning and
> twirling in the air.
>
>
> 2 -- Tail tricks....This is the fun part...Seeing the cat
> can't really
> get to it's tail, you can do **** with it and the cat it
> defenseless.
> Try tying the cat's tail to his front paw, cuz everyone
> time it walks,
> it's tail gets pulled, looks like some diseased person
> trying to walk.
> Or even better, get a nice grab of the tail, and start
> spinning the
> cat around using it, the cat will have to take the pain,
> cuz by force
> of nature, it can't reach it's paws around to scratch you
> since it's
> spinning so fast it's paws are spread-eagle like. If you
> have glue,
> and the cat's tail is long enough, or maybe just a tad
> shorter, you
> can glue it's tail to it's nose, which is cool. The cat
> moves his
> head and his ass comes up with it (how's that for a chain
> reaction?)
> Like it'll be walking around town with it's ass all
> dangling up, all
> the other furry ****s will ram it up, which in turn, will
> make the
> cat freak when it tries to sit down (get it?). But that's
> kinda mean.
>
>
> 3 -- Whiskers (heh, heh, heh)....Ok, you know who you are
> people, you
> kind that clips cat's whiskers and laughs like hell. Cat's
> use
> whiskers to navigate in the dark, like when they're
> entering a tight
> spot, their whiskers will tell them if they're about to
> run into
> something (kind of like those cadillacs with those metal
> tubes
> sticking out the side). So what do you do? You cut the
> ****ers
> whiskers, down to you start getting fur. Then you gotta
> through the
> cat in a closet, and open the door, oh, about 4 inches.
> The cat will
> naturally be ****ed and stunned that us humans would do
> such a thing
> (it probably is equivalent of a cat cutting off your dick)
> and he'll
> start bumping around, wondering what the ****....So you
> just sit
> there and laugh your ass off. The cat might eventually
> make it's way
> out of the closet, but maybe you could, hmmm...Find
> something else to
> do to it after that? (grin>
>
> 4 -- Pillow Case....Well, this is kind of funny...All you
> do is throw
> the little **** in a pillow case, and go into an open room
> (you don't
> want to beat it to death, well, not yet at least). And
> start swinging
> the ****er around in circles, again and again, the cat
> will probably
> crying for it's life (but don't give in to it's whining,
> cuz when it
> gets out, it wants blood) keep swinging it around and
> around, faster
> and faster, stop when you're too dizzy to figure out where
> the cat
> is, then quickly open the pillow case and let the *******
> fall out
> (it WILL fall, believe me). You got to make sure you can
> see it (cuz
> you're gonna me almost as dizzy). The ****er will be
> sitting there,
> moving it's head in circles, still thinking it spinning.
> This is the
> good part, cuz as far as the cat knows, it's totally high
> on Catnip
> or something. You can do anything, it's up to you.
>
>
> 4 -- Water ...We all know that cats hate water more than
> dogs, and
> would rather travel in a car then deal with it. But cat's
> are funny
> as hell in water. Try filling up a tub, or a sink, or
> something with
> water in it that the cat will fit in. Throw the ****er in
> for a
> minute or two (unless it's definitely going to drown,
> we'll talk
> about killing them later) and watch it squeal..They act
> like water is
> acid or something and yet they still drink water out of
> the toilet
> when none is available (these ****ers gotta get their
> facts
> straight). After the cat has had enough torture, grab it
> by the ear,
> or tail, or get a good grab around it's head and throw it
> out (throw
> it outside you fool). When a cat gets wet (especially a
> long-haired
> cat) they look like giant ferrets, really nasty like
> (which might
> persuade you to do something else, like nail it to a 2 by
> 4 and shoot
> it full of b-b's) but don't hurt it too bad..
>
> 5 -- Misc. ****....Stick the cat in the Microwave (no,
> really) and
> don't turn it on (yet) just let it sit there, and look
> through the
> little see-through window...It should be scared as hell,
> since it's
> in a really tight spot, can't move much at all...If you
> really want
> to screw the ****er, nuke it! Just nuke it for 20 seconds
> at a
> time...The cat will start squirming at about 10 seconds
> (depending on
> the wattage of the Microwave)...After about 30 seconds,
> the cat will
> definitely have radiation poisoning, which will probably
> kill it
> within a month or less. If you nuke it for a minute,
> you'll probably
> kill it, depending on the size of the cat, the microwave
> cooks inside
> out, so after a minute, it's intestines and lungs will be
> a little
> toasty, maybe killing it, if not, probably sterilizing it
> or leaving
> it a slow and terrible death. Of course, you can go
> "All-Out" if you
> REALLY express rage for it, and can nuke it for 5
> minutes...This is
> NOT for the Squeamish....I DO know someone who did this,
> and saw
> it....It was pretty ****ing gross, and being the cat hater
> I am, I
> still felt sorry for it. In 30 seconds, it starts kicking
> and
> screaming and freaking out (which brings me to the point,
> you gotta
> make sure the door can't be opened, and you gotta make
> sure you don't
> want the microwave anymore). In 1 minute, it was started
> to spaz like
> nothing you've ever seen before, some blood was coming
> from it's
> mouth due to internal cuts the Nuking did, all types of
> seizures and
> some last moans were following at 2 minutes. At about 2
> and a half
> minutes, the cat was still alive, it's pupils were dilated
> and it was
> twitching like someone stuck a Electrolysis gun up it's
> ass...At 3
> minutes, it's almost dead...The smell of the cat would
> make any
> mortician throw up, that's why I would suggest a lot of
> open windows
> and doors and some type of gas mask on. The last two
> minutes it the
> cool part...Now that the ****er is dead (for good reason
> too) it's
> time to watch the fireworks...I think at around 4 minutes,
> the cat
> started popping, it's eyeballs literally popped out of
> it's sockets,
> and the blood started to ooze, not a pretty sight..At
> about, 4 mins
> 15 seconds, it's fur starts to curl (although it was
> already crispy)
> and at about 5 minutes, the whole microwave is one big
> slaughterhouse. Which brings me to clean up...DON'T! I
> said earlier,
> Nuke the cat in a microwave you no longer want to use (not
> to mention
> the microwave is probably broken anyway). Just throw the
> microwave
> away and chuckle off a couple laughs...Even take poloraids
> if you
> want.

these are all rookie things to do to cats ,
you should see the good stuff

Bob
September 6th 16, 05:13 AM
On 9/5/2016 11:42 PM, eric wrote:
> Many a time have I wanted to beat the **** out of that furry little
> ******* that always seems to **** me off.

Or you could call your local Animal Control Officer, and he or she
will be glad to come by and take the cat where someone who loves
cats can come and adopt it and give it a nice home.

That way you stand far less a chance of getting charged with animal
cruelty, which is a felony now in most states. And now that you've
posted this, the chances are very good that you would pull time in a
state prison.

I once worked with a guy who is now in prison for bludgeoning his
neighbor to death for putting anti-freeze out for his dog to drink.
You wouldn't want to have him as your bunk-mate. In fact, you wouldn't
want to be anywhere near him. He's not getting out anytime soon,
so he's got nothing to lose. All they would do is give him another
40-50 year sentence. That would mean nothing to him, as long as
you're below ground, and food for worms.