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Bobcat
August 23rd 05, 03:21 AM
Yesterday Flippy sent her extensive mailing list something that RPCA folk
put together some time ago. It was our our suggestions for jobs and ventures
that are beyond cats' abilities to pull off. She's had them on her web site
for awhile, but now she's spread them around via e-mail. Thanks for the nod
of approval, Flippy!

----- Original Message -----
From: Flippy
To:
Sent: Sunday, August 21, 2005 6:38 PM
Subject: FLIPPY'S MAILING LIST - Kitty Ventures Doomed to Fail


Kitty Ventures Doomed to Fail

Just for fun, the folks at the newsgroup rec.pets.cats.anecdotes put on
their thinking caps and came up with a list of jobs and ventures for cats
that would never work because, well, they're cats! Thanks to writers Bobcat,
Bonbon, Joyce, Kreisleriana, Mary, Cheryl Perkins, Christina Websell,
Enfilade and Christopher Young for sharing their "ventures" with us!


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

BIRD CATS - There are bird dogs and now bird cats. You take them hunting
with you and when you shoot a bird and it falls, the cat will go to retrieve
it, but instead just sit there and dine. "What? You didn't get this for me?"

CAT BABYSITTERS - because babies stink often, cry too much, they don't
eliminate in the box, they keep getting perfectly good milk that the cat
could be drinking, and they receive entirely too much attention. Attention
that could be given to the cat.

CAT CHRISTMAS TREE DECORATORS - because cats prefer the stuff to all be OFF
of the tree, where it can be batted about the room

CAT GARDENERS - because th......wait a minute.......CATS make excellent
gardeners.

CAT IRONERS - because ironing cloths is just plain silly.......that ironing
board was set up for the CAT to lay on.

CAT MECHANICS - cars shouldn't run at all, cars are what takes the CAT to
the vets office.

CAT OBEDIENCE SCHOOL - This is not to teach people to follow the wishes of
their kitties, but the reverse. The most obvious pitfall is that cats will
listen to what you tell them to do - and then ignore it or do the opposite.

CAT OFFICE TEMPS - They run like maniacs to a ringing phone, fax machine, or
printer; but they will not actually *do* anything about them.

CAT RESCUE TEAMS - Dogs are also trained to hunt for skiers lost or trapped
by avalanches. How about using cats? One of my favourite cartoons is titled
"If Lassie were a cat" gives us a clue. In it Timmy calls from the bottom of
a well, "Lassie, go get help. I'm trapped here!" Lassie the cat looks down
the well and replies, "Where's my food?" Imagine being Timmy, looking up to
the top of the well, and seeing Lassie-kitty sitting on the edge, washing
herself.

CAT SLEDDING - It's simple, the Inuit have been doing it for centuries, but
with dogs. Why not cats? Because they're cats, that's why. Try to make them
go in a single direction, let alone the one you have in mind!

CAT SMALL PET SITTING - The cats would watch peoples small pets while
they're away on vacation, especially hamsters, fish and birds. Of course the
visitors would check in but not check out.

CATS WHO LIVE ON A POULTRY FARM - Don't trust them when they volunteer to
look after baby chicks.

CLEANERS/MAIDS - While they *will* wave their tails about like mobile
dusters, and rub the furniture, they will deposit (not remove) cat hairs,
re-distribute dust, and, as a bonus, tidy cluttered surfaces by ensuring
that especially fragile vases or ornaments end up on the floor instead.

DECORATIVE CAT GROOMING - Self explanatory.

FOOD GUARDING CATS - Never expect your cats to look after your
ham/turkey/chicken salad when you are suddenly called to the telephone.

WATCH CATS - A burglar breaks into your house at 3:00am. Your ever-alert cat
wakes and streaks towards the felon - right past him, and down to the
basement litter pan to answer an urgent call of nature. The burglar goes
about his business while you continue sleeping upstairs.

SMOKEY'S PIZZA DELIVERY - All Pizzas ordered are delivered directly to
Smokey's stomach in ten minutes or less. He also does sandwiches.

TYCHE'S JANITORIAL SERVICE - All floors are licked clean. All vacuum
cleaners are shoved out balconies, or left out for the garbageman.

KUMANI'S EXTERMINATOR - Bugs found and promptly eaten.

NOCTURNE'S CHARITY: ENMITY INTERNATIONAL - Campaigning for the repeal of
human rights.

Copyright Bobcat, et al.

http://www.flippyscatpage.com/ventures.html


Flippy in Melbourne, Australia.
Email:
Catpage: http://www.flippyscatpage.com
Cat-chat: http://www.flippyscatpage.com/catchat.html