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View Full Version : 5 Month Olds are still Scared. Boyfriend is now scared too!


LM007 via CatKB.com
August 4th 06, 07:37 AM
so it's been 6 days since we've had the 5 month old brothers and they are
still really scared and not affectionate. they lived at a shelter most of
their lives so I don't know exactly how much human touch they had. they don't
hiss at us but they don't let me pet them unless they are way under the tub
and I'm stretched to my max. if I play with them for an hour with the toy
they love and then slowly put my hand under the tub they will purr and stick
their chin out for scratching. but that has only happened 2 times. most of
the time if we move or make any noise they run and hide. One of them is a bit
more adventurous than the other. anyhow. My boyfriend is afraid they will
always be skittish and is talking about taking them back and getting one
younger kitten instead. I'd hate to take them back. we are also concerned
because we were planning on having them be indoor/outdoor cats but everyone
seems to think we should keep them inside. we don't want to live with the
smell of kitty litter (we have a tiny house) I'm so nervous that they aren't
going to be affectionate. and if they aren't I won't be able to convince my
boyfriend that we should keep them. I'm embarrassed that we aren't better at
this- any and all thoughts/advice are welcome.

--
Message posted via CatKB.com
http://www.catkb.com/Uwe/Forums.aspx/cat-health/200608/1

Lesley
August 4th 06, 08:54 AM
LM007 via CatKB.com wrote:
.. they don't
> hiss at us but they don't let me pet them unless they are way under the tub
> and I'm stretched to my max. if I play with them for an hour with the toy
> they love and then slowly put my hand under the tub they will purr and stick
> their chin out for scratching. but that has only happened 2 times.

After 6 days that's an improvement! If they've been in the shelter
since they were kittens, they're probably nervous. My two were born in
a shed and very little Human contact until they were 8 weeks old when
they came to us. It took them several days before they would approach
us for skritchies, the first two days, we would get fleeting glances as
they explored but the moment they realised we'd seen them, they would
bolt back behind the washing machine.

They're now affectionate, well adjusted cats so please don't give up on
these kittens yet.

Lesley

Slave of the Fabulous Furballs

Ann
August 4th 06, 11:18 AM
On Fri, 04 Aug 2006 06:37:42 +0000, LM007 via CatKB.com wrote:

> so it's been 6 days since we've had the 5 month old brothers and they are
> still really scared and not affectionate. they lived at a shelter most of
> their lives so I don't know exactly how much human touch they had. they don't
> hiss at us but they don't let me pet them unless they are way under the tub
> and I'm stretched to my max. if I play with them for an hour with the toy
> they love and then slowly put my hand under the tub they will purr and stick
> their chin out for scratching. but that has only happened 2 times. most of
> the time if we move or make any noise they run and hide. One of them is a bit
> more adventurous than the other. anyhow. My boyfriend is afraid they will
> always be skittish and is talking about taking them back and getting one
> younger kitten instead. I'd hate to take them back. we are also concerned
> because we were planning on having them be indoor/outdoor cats but everyone
> seems to think we should keep them inside. we don't want to live with the
> smell of kitty litter (we have a tiny house) I'm so nervous that they aren't
> going to be affectionate. and if they aren't I won't be able to convince my
> boyfriend that we should keep them. I'm embarrassed that we aren't better at
> this- any and all thoughts/advice are welcome.

You aren't giving them near enough time to get used to you and their new
home. Also, that you probably have unrealistic expectations. The kittens
you have are shy, but on the plus side, they do get along well with each
other. And, even if you had a secure, fenced, outside area for them, they
would also need an inside litter box (bad weather, when you are away,
etc).

If you're not satisfied with the kittens, take them back. But I strongly
suggest that you not get another. A little shy at first is way down the
list of problems one can have with a kitten/cat.

Michelle
August 4th 06, 03:52 PM
Maybe leave them alone for a while...they need time to get used to
their surroundings and then they can deal with making new friends. It
works best if you let them come to you rather than forcing them to
interact.

Like I posted before, sometimes it can take more than a week for
kittens to adjust...and since they are a pair and are not "forced" to
turn to you for companionship, it may take longer.

Good luck!

Ann wrote:
> On Fri, 04 Aug 2006 06:37:42 +0000, LM007 via CatKB.com wrote:
>
> > so it's been 6 days since we've had the 5 month old brothers and they are
> > still really scared and not affectionate. they lived at a shelter most of
> > their lives so I don't know exactly how much human touch they had. they don't
> > hiss at us but they don't let me pet them unless they are way under the tub
> > and I'm stretched to my max. if I play with them for an hour with the toy
> > they love and then slowly put my hand under the tub they will purr and stick
> > their chin out for scratching. but that has only happened 2 times. most of
> > the time if we move or make any noise they run and hide. One of them is a bit
> > more adventurous than the other. anyhow. My boyfriend is afraid they will
> > always be skittish and is talking about taking them back and getting one
> > younger kitten instead. I'd hate to take them back. we are also concerned
> > because we were planning on having them be indoor/outdoor cats but everyone
> > seems to think we should keep them inside. we don't want to live with the
> > smell of kitty litter (we have a tiny house) I'm so nervous that they aren't
> > going to be affectionate. and if they aren't I won't be able to convince my
> > boyfriend that we should keep them. I'm embarrassed that we aren't better at
> > this- any and all thoughts/advice are welcome.
>
> You aren't giving them near enough time to get used to you and their new
> home. Also, that you probably have unrealistic expectations. The kittens
> you have are shy, but on the plus side, they do get along well with each
> other. And, even if you had a secure, fenced, outside area for them, they
> would also need an inside litter box (bad weather, when you are away,
> etc).
>
> If you're not satisfied with the kittens, take them back. But I strongly
> suggest that you not get another. A little shy at first is way down the
> list of problems one can have with a kitten/cat.

LM007 via CatKB.com
August 11th 06, 02:33 AM
I really appreciate the responses I'm getting here. It's been 13 days since
we got the kitties and we've been doing everything we can to make them feel
loved. one cat person told us to take them and pet them until they understand
that we won't hurt them. that seemed against the general "let them come to
you" advice I've been getting but we tried it. it sort of works with one of
them. he was really scared and mad when we grabbed him but then he ended up
sleeping next to me on the bed. today he is hissing and hiding again and
seems to have forgotten about our cozy night last night.
the other one got out in the yard and we didn't get him back for 48 hours. I
tried to grab him once but he bit me (this was when it was getting dark after
spending the day trying to seduce him inside with treats and the toy he likes)
he made it into our basement the next day through a hole and my boyfriend
got him after getting scratched up too. that one didn't relax at all the time
we held him and pet him (after sort of forcing him out from under the tub-
which I felt horrible about doing)

I've been sitiing next to them while they eat and just talking to them. but
they still run away when I move.

they have also been peeing on things that they shouldn't every once in a
while.

I feel so badly about this. I have had kittens before (when I was a teenager)
and have had cats that adopted me and I guess I wasn't prepared for how hard
this would be. we are seriously considering taking them back and I know
there's no way around the guilt if we do. I'm thinking they might need a home
where the people aren't working all the time and with someone who has more
patience to heal the childhood wounds these kitties are suffering from.

advice?

Michelle wrote:
>Maybe leave them alone for a while...they need time to get used to
>their surroundings and then they can deal with making new friends. It
>works best if you let them come to you rather than forcing them to
>interact.
>
>Like I posted before, sometimes it can take more than a week for
>kittens to adjust...and since they are a pair and are not "forced" to
>turn to you for companionship, it may take longer.
>
>Good luck!
>
>> > so it's been 6 days since we've had the 5 month old brothers and they are
>> > still really scared and not affectionate. they lived at a shelter most of
>[quoted text clipped - 24 lines]
>> suggest that you not get another. A little shy at first is way down the
>> list of problems one can have with a kitten/cat.

--
Message posted via http://www.catkb.com

August 11th 06, 07:37 AM
On Fri, 04 Aug 2006 06:37:42 GMT, "LM007 via CatKB.com" <[email protected]>
wrote:

>so it's been 6 days since we've had the 5 month old brothers and they are
>still really scared and not affectionate. they lived at a shelter most of
>their lives so I don't know exactly how much human touch they had. they don't
>hiss at us but they don't let me pet them unless they are way under the tub
>and I'm stretched to my max. if I play with them for an hour with the toy
>they love and then slowly put my hand under the tub they will purr and stick
>their chin out for scratching. but that has only happened 2 times. most of
>the time if we move or make any noise they run and hide. One of them is a bit
>more adventurous than the other. anyhow. My boyfriend is afraid they will
>always be skittish and is talking about taking them back and getting one
>younger kitten instead. I'd hate to take them back. we are also concerned
>because we were planning on having them be indoor/outdoor cats but everyone
>seems to think we should keep them inside. we don't want to live with the
>smell of kitty litter (we have a tiny house) I'm so nervous that they aren't
>going to be affectionate. and if they aren't I won't be able to convince my
>boyfriend that we should keep them. I'm embarrassed that we aren't better at
>this- any and all thoughts/advice are welcome.


Six days is nothing. It can take weeks. Just be patient and don't take
it personally. They're picking up on your anxiety.

Matthew
August 11th 06, 08:29 AM
When you grab the cat you going to get bit it is their defense to say what
do you think you are doing.
6 days you need something called PATIENCE and a lot of it



"LM007 via CatKB.com" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected]
>I really appreciate the responses I'm getting here. It's been 13 days since
> we got the kitties and we've been doing everything we can to make them
> feel
> loved. one cat person told us to take them and pet them until they
> understand
> that we won't hurt them. that seemed against the general "let them come to
> you" advice I've been getting but we tried it. it sort of works with one
> of
> them. he was really scared and mad when we grabbed him but then he ended
> up
> sleeping next to me on the bed. today he is hissing and hiding again and
> seems to have forgotten about our cozy night last night.
> the other one got out in the yard and we didn't get him back for 48 hours.
> I
> tried to grab him once but he bit me (this was when it was getting dark
> after
> spending the day trying to seduce him inside with treats and the toy he
> likes)
> he made it into our basement the next day through a hole and my boyfriend
> got him after getting scratched up too. that one didn't relax at all the
> time
> we held him and pet him (after sort of forcing him out from under the tub-
> which I felt horrible about doing)
>
> I've been sitiing next to them while they eat and just talking to them.
> but
> they still run away when I move.
>
> they have also been peeing on things that they shouldn't every once in a
> while.
>
> I feel so badly about this. I have had kittens before (when I was a
> teenager)
> and have had cats that adopted me and I guess I wasn't prepared for how
> hard
> this would be. we are seriously considering taking them back and I know
> there's no way around the guilt if we do. I'm thinking they might need a
> home
> where the people aren't working all the time and with someone who has more
> patience to heal the childhood wounds these kitties are suffering from.
>
> advice?
>
> Michelle wrote:
>>Maybe leave them alone for a while...they need time to get used to
>>their surroundings and then they can deal with making new friends. It
>>works best if you let them come to you rather than forcing them to
>>interact.
>>
>>Like I posted before, sometimes it can take more than a week for
>>kittens to adjust...and since they are a pair and are not "forced" to
>>turn to you for companionship, it may take longer.
>>
>>Good luck!
>>
>>> > so it's been 6 days since we've had the 5 month old brothers and they
>>> > are
>>> > still really scared and not affectionate. they lived at a shelter most
>>> > of
>>[quoted text clipped - 24 lines]
>>> suggest that you not get another. A little shy at first is way down the
>>> list of problems one can have with a kitten/cat.
>
> --
> Message posted via http://www.catkb.com
>

Michelle
August 11th 06, 05:10 PM
Wow, 13 days? I'm starting to wonder what sort of conditions these
kitties came from. Did you get a history from the shelter?


LM007 via CatKB.com wrote:
> I really appreciate the responses I'm getting here. It's been 13 days since
> we got the kitties and we've been doing everything we can to make them feel
> loved. one cat person told us to take them and pet them until they understand
> that we won't hurt them. that seemed against the general "let them come to
> you" advice I've been getting but we tried it. it sort of works with one of
> them. he was really scared and mad when we grabbed him but then he ended up
> sleeping next to me on the bed. today he is hissing and hiding again and
> seems to have forgotten about our cozy night last night.
> the other one got out in the yard and we didn't get him back for 48 hours. I
> tried to grab him once but he bit me (this was when it was getting dark after
> spending the day trying to seduce him inside with treats and the toy he likes)
> he made it into our basement the next day through a hole and my boyfriend
> got him after getting scratched up too. that one didn't relax at all the time
> we held him and pet him (after sort of forcing him out from under the tub-
> which I felt horrible about doing)
>
> I've been sitiing next to them while they eat and just talking to them. but
> they still run away when I move.
>
> they have also been peeing on things that they shouldn't every once in a
> while.
>
> I feel so badly about this. I have had kittens before (when I was a teenager)
> and have had cats that adopted me and I guess I wasn't prepared for how hard
> this would be. we are seriously considering taking them back and I know
> there's no way around the guilt if we do. I'm thinking they might need a home
> where the people aren't working all the time and with someone who has more
> patience to heal the childhood wounds these kitties are suffering from.
>
> advice?
>
> Michelle wrote:
> >Maybe leave them alone for a while...they need time to get used to
> >their surroundings and then they can deal with making new friends. It
> >works best if you let them come to you rather than forcing them to
> >interact.
> >
> >Like I posted before, sometimes it can take more than a week for
> >kittens to adjust...and since they are a pair and are not "forced" to
> >turn to you for companionship, it may take longer.
> >
> >Good luck!
> >
> >> > so it's been 6 days since we've had the 5 month old brothers and they are
> >> > still really scared and not affectionate. they lived at a shelter most of
> >[quoted text clipped - 24 lines]
> >> suggest that you not get another. A little shy at first is way down the
> >> list of problems one can have with a kitten/cat.
>
> --
> Message posted via http://www.catkb.com

LM007 via CatKB.com
August 11th 06, 07:48 PM
the kitties and their brothers and sisters were brought to the vet when they
were 3 months old. the mother was never found so they don't know how long
they'd been on their own but they were completely feral when they were
brought in. then they spent 2 month in a cage at the vet. I spoke to the
nice people at the vet and they said that the siblings of these guys are NOT
adjusting well and they don't know what they are going to do with them. I
think you guys are right that we need patience and that they will eventually
come around. But i'm not sure that we have that kind of patience-- to be
honest. and it's hard for me to believe that they won't be skittish. we
don't want skittish cats that hide when people come over. I guess I'm
looking for someone to tell me it's OK to take them back to the vet and let
them find them a better home than we can provide. sorry to be such a bummer
and thank you very much for listening to my problems.

Michelle wrote:
>Wow, 13 days? I'm starting to wonder what sort of conditions these
>kitties came from. Did you get a history from the shelter?
>
>> I really appreciate the responses I'm getting here. It's been 13 days since
>> we got the kitties and we've been doing everything we can to make them feel
>[quoted text clipped - 43 lines]
>> >> suggest that you not get another. A little shy at first is way down the
>> >> list of problems one can have with a kitten/cat.

--
Message posted via http://www.catkb.com

The Polish-Kraut
August 11th 06, 08:41 PM
If you do not want skittish cats then suggest you rehome them with
someone that will take them and love them the way they are.

I have four that I took in and they are all skittish. The oldest is
15 / 16 and I took her in at about 6 years and the others are about
3 / 4 years now. They here a strange noise and they are gone. People
wonder if I really have cats at times because as soon as they hear a
knock or hear the door open they are gone and will not come out until
they are sure all are gone - except me. I think maybe the reason is I
live along and very seldom have company except when the kids want
something and stop by. Basically I am all these guys know. I often
worry about what will become of them when I am gone being 62 years
old.

For some reason when the neighbor comes to the door they will peep out
at her. Maybe because at times she has one of her cats with so they
think she is safe.



My furbabies


http://members.aol.com/larrystark/




>the kitties and their brothers and sisters were brought to the vet when they
>were 3 months old. the mother was never found so they don't know how long
>they'd been on their own but they were completely feral when they were
>brought in. then they spent 2 month in a cage at the vet. I spoke to the
>nice people at the vet and they said that the siblings of these guys are NOT
>adjusting well and they don't know what they are going to do with them. I
>think you guys are right that we need patience and that they will eventually
>come around. But i'm not sure that we have that kind of patience-- to be
>honest. and it's hard for me to believe that they won't be skittish. we
>don't want skittish cats that hide when people come over. I guess I'm
>looking for someone to tell me it's OK to take them back to the vet and let
>them find them a better home than we can provide. sorry to be such a bummer
>and thank you very much for listening to my problems.
>

>>Wow, 13 days? I'm starting to wonder what sort of conditions these
>>kitties came from. Did you get a history from the shelter?
>>
>>> I really appreciate the responses I'm getting here. It's been 13 days since
>>> we got the kitties and we've been doing everything we can to make them feel
>>[quoted text clipped - 43 lines]

>>> >> suggest that you not get another. A little shy at first is way down the
>>> >> list of problems one can have with a kitten/cat.

Michelle
August 11th 06, 11:26 PM
Feral kitties definitely present a challenge. I think it's best if
you're totally honest with yourself about whether you are willing to
invest the time in them...this would be a 10-15 year committment.
Nothing wrong with giving them back to ensure they have the chance for
the best possible home.

Just curious, did you get a chance to play with them before you
adopted?


LM007 via CatKB.com wrote:
> the kitties and their brothers and sisters were brought to the vet when they
> were 3 months old. the mother was never found so they don't know how long
> they'd been on their own but they were completely feral when they were
> brought in. then they spent 2 month in a cage at the vet. I spoke to the
> nice people at the vet and they said that the siblings of these guys are NOT
> adjusting well and they don't know what they are going to do with them. I
> think you guys are right that we need patience and that they will eventually
> come around. But i'm not sure that we have that kind of patience-- to be
> honest. and it's hard for me to believe that they won't be skittish. we
> don't want skittish cats that hide when people come over. I guess I'm
> looking for someone to tell me it's OK to take them back to the vet and let
> them find them a better home than we can provide. sorry to be such a bummer
> and thank you very much for listening to my problems.
>
> Michelle wrote:
> >Wow, 13 days? I'm starting to wonder what sort of conditions these
> >kitties came from. Did you get a history from the shelter?
> >
> >> I really appreciate the responses I'm getting here. It's been 13 days since
> >> we got the kitties and we've been doing everything we can to make them feel
> >[quoted text clipped - 43 lines]
> >> >> suggest that you not get another. A little shy at first is way down the
> >> >> list of problems one can have with a kitten/cat.
>
> --
> Message posted via http://www.catkb.com

LM007 via CatKB.com
August 18th 06, 07:48 AM
we did play with them at the vet hospital where they were living and they
were very playful. They are definitely making progress but we are still
really on the fence. about 5 days ago we thought we were going to take them
back but i'm already pretty attached to them and couldn't do it. They still
run away if I try to touch them but they are jumping up on the bed and
playing with their toy.
thanks for all your responses.

Michelle wrote:
>Feral kitties definitely present a challenge. I think it's best if
>you're totally honest with yourself about whether you are willing to
>invest the time in them...this would be a 10-15 year committment.
>Nothing wrong with giving them back to ensure they have the chance for
>the best possible home.
>
>Just curious, did you get a chance to play with them before you
>adopted?
>
>> the kitties and their brothers and sisters were brought to the vet when they
>> were 3 months old. the mother was never found so they don't know how long
>[quoted text clipped - 18 lines]
>> >> >> suggest that you not get another. A little shy at first is way down the
>> >> >> list of problems one can have with a kitten/cat.

--
Message posted via CatKB.com
http://www.catkb.com/Uwe/Forums.aspx/cat-health/200608/1

IBen Getiner
August 19th 06, 09:22 AM
LM007 via CatKB.com wrote:
> so it's been 6 days since we've had the 5 month old brothers and they are
> still really scared and not affectionate. they lived at a shelter most of
> their lives so I don't know exactly how much human touch they had. they don't
> hiss at us but they don't let me pet them unless they are way under the tub
> and I'm stretched to my max. if I play with them for an hour with the toy
> they love and then slowly put my hand under the tub they will purr and stick
> their chin out for scratching. but that has only happened 2 times. most of
> the time if we move or make any noise they run and hide. One of them is a bit
> more adventurous than the other. anyhow. My boyfriend is afraid they will
> always be skittish and is talking about taking them back and getting one
> younger kitten instead. I'd hate to take them back. we are also concerned
> because we were planning on having them be indoor/outdoor cats but everyone
> seems to think we should keep them inside. we don't want to live with the
> smell of kitty litter (we have a tiny house) I'm so nervous that they aren't
> going to be affectionate. and if they aren't I won't be able to convince my
> boyfriend that we should keep them. I'm embarrassed that we aren't better at
> this- any and all thoughts/advice are welcome.
>

Why would you want to devote your time and money to attending to them
if they weren't affectionate, dear...? Don't you expect anything out of
the relationship, or do you just like getting stepped on...?

Alan
September 1st 06, 08:48 AM
In article <[email protected]> "LM007 via CatKB.com" <[email protected]> writes:
>we did play with them at the vet hospital where they were living and they
>were very playful. They are definitely making progress but we are still
>really on the fence. about 5 days ago we thought we were going to take them
>back but i'm already pretty attached to them and couldn't do it. They still
>run away if I try to touch them but they are jumping up on the bed and
>playing with their toy.
> thanks for all your responses.


Give them time. They apparently had more time to not know people, and
to be scared than they have had to learn to trust you.


Alan