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February 10th 09, 01:16 AM
Hi,
I have a cat named Shera, she is 1 going to be 2 yrs. old in April. I
got her from the shelter and the main issue she had was that she
didn't like to be around children. She was an abused kitty who got
her tail tugged on by some children before she was put into a foster
home. When my boyfriend and I adopted her she was 7 months old and we
were told of her past abuse and also told that she would not do well
around children and that it would take a while for her to warm up to
us. As soon as we got her home however, she immediately started
demanding to be pet and loved. She seemed to do so well with new
people, even jumping on their laps and letting them pet her. Then,
for whatever reason, a little bit past her first birthday she started
acting different when it came to strangers.
She usually hides under the bed and refuses to venture out of our
bedroom unless all the strangers are out of the house. Sometimes
she'll go on the bed but as soon as she hears a loud noise she'll go
right back under the bed again. If she happens to be out and about
and a stranger comes into the house she either runs upstairs as fast
as possible (that's where my bedroom is) or stands there and does a
long, aggravated meow and sometimes she'll scratch or growl. Not
saying that we have a lot of strangers coming in and out of the house
all the time but we do get the occasionally visitor.
My concern is that my boyfriend's sister is going to be moving in with
us and so is her three year old little boy. I'm worried to death that
Shera is going to wind up being traumatized by this whole ordeal.
They may be here for months and I don't want her to be afraid and hide
under the bed all the time. I'd like to give her the benefit of the
doubt and say she might take to them, but when they were here two
months ago for two weeks she spent all her time cowering in a corner
under the bed.
I have no idea what to do. I need suggestions and would appreciate
any advice on how to calm her down or at the very least keep her
mentally unscathed from these soon to be visitors.

Jenn

Buddy's Mom
February 10th 09, 02:39 AM
You already know the answer to your question - they were visiting
before and she didn't do well. It isn't going to change - you were
told that when you got her.


On Feb 9, 7:16�pm, wrote:
> Hi,
> I have a cat named Shera, she is 1 going to be 2 yrs. old in April. �I
> got her from the shelter and the main issue she had was that she
> didn't like to be around children. �She was an abused kitty who got
> her tail tugged on by some children before she was put into a foster
> home. �When my boyfriend and I adopted her she was 7 months old and we
> were told of her past abuse and also told that she would not do well
> around children and that it would take a while for her to warm up to
> us. �As soon as we got her home however, she immediately started
> demanding to be pet and loved. �She seemed to do so well with new
> people, even jumping on their laps and letting them pet her. �Then,
> for whatever reason, a little bit past her first birthday she started
> acting different when it came to strangers.
> She usually hides under the bed and refuses to venture out of our
> bedroom unless all the strangers are out of the house. �Sometimes
> she'll go on the bed but as soon as she hears a loud noise she'll go
> right back under the bed again. �If she happens to be out and about
> and a stranger comes into the house she either runs upstairs as fast
> as possible (that's where my bedroom is) or stands there and does a
> long, aggravated meow and sometimes she'll scratch or growl. �Not
> saying that we have a lot of strangers coming in and out of the house
> all the time but we do get the occasionally visitor.
> My concern is that my boyfriend's sister is going to be moving in with
> us and so is her three year old little boy. �I'm worried to death that
> Shera is going to wind up being traumatized by this whole ordeal.
> They may be here for months and I don't want her to be afraid and hide
> under the bed all the time. �I'd like to give her the benefit of the
> doubt and say she might take to them, but when they were here two
> months ago for two weeks she spent all her time cowering in a corner
> under the bed.
> I have no idea what to do. �I need suggestions and would appreciate
> any advice on how to calm her down or at the very least keep her
> mentally unscathed from these soon to be visitors.
>
> Jenn

cshenk
February 10th 09, 06:43 AM
> wrote

> didn't like to be around children. She was an abused kitty who got
> her tail tugged on by some children before she was put into a foster
> home. When my boyfriend and I adopted her she was 7 months old and we

Make sure the cat has a safe place the kid can NOT get at and do NOT leave
both untended alone for even a second. Do NOT let the child try to 'play
with kitty'.

We are talking danger to the child here.

A truely scared cat will go for the face and eyes. This is why they mark
cats behavior with children and do not relase ones known to not deal with to
people with children. An experienced cat owner can work with this but you
seem too new to do so safely with a toddler. Warn the mother now.

February 10th 09, 01:46 PM
On Feb 9, 7:16*pm, wrote:

> I have no idea what to do. *I need suggestions and would appreciate
> any advice on how to calm her down or at the very least keep her
> mentally unscathed from these soon to be visitors.

Keep them apart. Period. Focus on keeping the cat in a safe and secure
place (as the cat defines it) while the kids are around. Warn the
parent(s) of the kids, warn the kids. Repeat as needed.

Eventually the kids will get older. Eventually the cat will learn that
the kids are not a direct threat. But this will _NOT_ happen
overnight.

Funny thing, our big guy (16 pound Maine Coon) absolutely dotes on
kids and will allow no end of abuse from them - well, he was raised
with a golden retriever - up to and including grabbing and (minor)
tail-pulling (which he has always enjoyed since a very young kitten).
But let an adult try it and it is an entirely different story. Our
grands were over most of Sunday (2/2/5) and he was right in the middle
of them for most of that time. We supervised the entire time to make
sure that the kids did not go too far, and we also showed them that
the younger cat, although more playful did not like being picked up or
carried. So, just as our kids learned, they are learning how to play
with cats at a very young age - and that all cats are different. Now,
the 2 & 5 year old brother and sister have just gotten a kitten of
their own after their parents saw them with our two on several
occasions. That kitten (named Bob) will lead a very good life.

Patience. Your cat may never fully relax around the kids, but she will
learn to adjust once she establishes that they are no direct threat.

Peter Wieck
Melrose Park, PA

barb
February 10th 09, 07:04 PM
Rethink this whole plan. Your boyfriend's sister? Once people move in on
you it is not easy to get them to move out. I feel badly for the little cat
that you are foisting all this on in addition to what you are doing here.
If this is your place have no one move in. If it's your boyfriend's place
and he wants this whole group moving in, then you move out.

Barb

February 10th 09, 09:04 PM
> Patience. Your cat may never fully relax around the kids, but she will
> learn to adjust once she establishes that they are no direct threat.

When we first got Shera the lady at 9 Lives told us that if she got
used to us enough, when we decided to have kids she may eventually be
alright with it. That isn't going to be any time soon but hopefully
by the time that happens she'll have gotten a little older and
mellowed out some. I'm not expecting a miracle for her to all of a
sudden be ok with children. I know she may never like them. Even
though Shera is the first cat I've own, she isn't the first cat I've
had in my life. Growing up my parents always had cats around the
house. They would always adopt them from the nearest shelter and a
lot came from abused homes. I understand not to force her on anybody
because I know what the outcome could be. I just can't understand why
the first few months she did fine with strangers and all of a sudden
she can only deal with my boyfriend and I. I have no idea what
could've made her change so drastically at the drop of a hat.

I thank everyone for the input. I'll keep an eye out and make sure
that both the kid and Shera don't get too close to one another. I'm
just afraid that hiding under the bed for months without her venturing
out she'll develop a nervous tummy and either stop eating or stop
using her litter box. I don't want her to be a nervous wreck, but
seeing how this isn't my house I have no say in who comes to live
here. Especially when it comes to family.

February 10th 09, 09:06 PM
On Feb 10, 1:04*pm, "Barb" > wrote:
> Rethink this whole plan. *Your boyfriend's sister? *Once people move in on
> you it is not easy to get them to move out. *I feel badly for the little cat
> that you are foisting all this on in addition to what you are doing here.
> If this is your place have no one move in. *If it's your boyfriend's place
> and he wants this whole group moving in, then you move out.
>
> Barb

To clarify, it's not my boyfriends house or mine, it's his parents and
moving out is unfortunately not an option at this point.

cybercat
February 10th 09, 11:50 PM
> wrote in message
...
On Feb 10, 1:04 pm, "Barb" > wrote:
> Rethink this whole plan. Your boyfriend's sister? Once people move in on
> you it is not easy to get them to move out. I feel badly for the little
> cat
> that you are foisting all this on in addition to what you are doing here.
> If this is your place have no one move in. If it's your boyfriend's place
> and he wants this whole group moving in, then you move out.
>
> Barb

>To clarify, it's not my boyfriends house or mine, it's his parents and
>moving out is unfortunately not an option at this point.

It is ALWAYS an option. Grow up.

February 11th 09, 01:12 AM
On Feb 10, 5:50*pm, "cybercat" > wrote:
> > wrote in message
>
> ...
> On Feb 10, 1:04 pm, "Barb" > wrote:
>
> > Rethink this whole plan. Your boyfriend's sister? Once people move in on
> > you it is not easy to get them to move out. I feel badly for the little
> > cat
> > that you are foisting all this on in addition to what you are doing here.
> > If this is your place have no one move in. If it's your boyfriend's place
> > and he wants this whole group moving in, then you move out.
>
> > Barb
> >To clarify, it's not my boyfriends house or mine, it's his parents and
> >moving out is unfortunately not an option at this point.
>
> It is ALWAYS an option. Grow up.

Thanks for the insight, Barb.

cybercat
February 11th 09, 01:14 AM
> wrote :

>Thanks for the insight, Barb.

Mastering your newsreader is also an option. That was ME, not Barb.

February 11th 09, 01:22 AM
On Feb 10, 7:14*pm, "cybercat" > wrote:
> > wrote :
>
> >Thanks for the insight, Barb.
>
> Mastering your newsreader is also an option. That was ME, not Barb.

Thanks for the insight, ME.

barb
February 11th 09, 03:43 PM
Look, I'm not unsympathetic to your plight, but your boyfriend's house or
his parents house- makes no difference. Like Cyber said, there are always
other options, you've gotta look. You are probably hoping for a wedding
ring in this mess but meanwhile you are closing the door on other possible
suitors so even a room with kitchen privileges that allows a little cat
beats this. (Just my opinion.)

Barb

February 11th 09, 09:47 PM
On Feb 11, 9:43*am, "Barb" > wrote:
> Look, I'm not unsympathetic to your plight, but your boyfriend's house or
> his parents house- makes no difference. *Like Cyber said, there are always
> other options, you've gotta look. *You are probably hoping for a wedding
> ring in this mess but meanwhile you are closing the door on other possible
> suitors so even a room with kitchen privileges that allows a little cat
> beats this. *(Just my opinion.)
>
> Barb

So let me get this straight, you are saying to drop my boyfriend who
I've been with for 5 years and live in a shelter? I (that's right, me
not him) was holding out on the whole marriage thing until we had a
steady income and a place of our own by the way. Not that I see what
that has to do with anything. But to get back on the subject, what no
one seems to be getting is that moving out is not an option for
everyone. People, A. Have jobs where they can't just pick up and
leave, B. Don't have funding available to rent an apartment by
themselves or buy a house and, C. Don't have family that they can just
move in with.

It doesn't matter if a person is grown up or not, the irrational thing
would be just picking up and moving out without at least trying to
remedy a situation. I'm not trying to sound mean in my reply. I'm
trying to sound level headed. It's not that I don't appreciate the
input but everyone always jumps to the 'move out' solution whenever
there's a problem. I'll take all the precautions necessary to make
sure Shera is well taken care of and I'm sure if everyone in the
household sits down, we can all talk about how to make things work.
Everyone has to remember that not only do I love Shera with all my
heart, my boyfriend loves her too.

Thanks again.

DWMeowMix
February 11th 09, 10:11 PM
> So let me get this straight, you are saying to drop my boyfriend who
> I've been with for 5 years and live in a shelter? ...

*It's not that I don't appreciate the
> input but everyone always jumps to the 'move out' solution whenever
> there's a problem. *I'll take all the precautions necessary to make
> sure Shera is well taken care of and I'm sure if everyone in the
> household sits down, we can all talk about how to make things work.
> Everyone has to remember that not only do I love Shera with all my
> heart, my boyfriend loves her too.
>
> Thanks again.

Jenn,

I think your wonderful for looking to make sure you take care of kitty
first. It's nobody else's business of the why's of it. The situation
is what it is. Too many people think pets are disposal objects when
the going gets tough. I was in a similar situation as yours when I
was 17 and I had nowhere for my kitty after being left broke and
homeless. I ended up moving in with my boyfriends house with his
parents who obsolutely REFUSED to have a cat in the house or garage.
My poor baby ended up living in my boyfriends car for a week until his
Dad took pity on us and let her stay in the garage. Dave's dad ended
up liking her very much and I would even catch him petting her like a
dog! It was too funny. Anyway, kudos to you girlfriend!

Debbie

cshenk
February 11th 09, 11:02 PM
> wrote

>It doesn't matter if a person is grown up or not, the irrational thing
>would be just picking up and moving out without at least trying to
>remedy a situation. I'm not trying to sound mean in my reply. I'm

Do be careful of the child then.

There's a time to be careful and this is it. I know from experience that
toddlers can be hurt by a cat that is scared of them and I dont mean just a
few little scratches. Give the cat hidy holes the toddler can not get to.
Lots of them. Then teach the toddler to leave the cat alone (much harder
than teaching the cat to avoid the toddler which will be natural).

Most of my experience here is comming from semi-feral to fully feral cats.
A cat that has been abandoned and mistreated by a child, seldom really
forgets this. We have to watch Daisy like a hawk when Christopher (now 6)
comes over. Daisy has to be separated from him and all other kids but
Charlotte. She is *dangerous* as in will aim for the face and eyes with
kids (totally safe with adults). We love her dearly and are not about to
ever give her up, but it is our responsibility also to make sure she never
harms a child.

She will avoid kids with no problem but if they trap her in a corner to
'play with the pretty kitty' it will not be a good scene. We have enough
experience to know this without having a tragedy to reinforce it.

This BTW, is why a lovely white medium-long hair cat with incredible emerald
eyes, was bounced from rescue home to rescue home for 18 months without a
single adoptive offer. She will not tolerate children or other cats. She's
over there sleeping on the dog just now about 6 feet from me. (she tolerates
dogs exceptionally well once she teaches them their place in the world ;-)

Everyone is mystified that she loves Charlotte (age 15, daughter) but she's
just that soft voiced unscarey level of age that Daisy took to. Charlotte
of course, was raised with cats so knows how to act. This isnt her first
semi-feral. Shocked us all silly when Daisy first saw her then came out of
her cage to sit in her lap.

Brought the dog in, and she walked right up, licked his nose, then swatted
him on the ass. Love at first sight (grin). (Yes, she had a hidy hole and
we had him on a very strong harness and then let them say hello with him
firmly held at the door and not allowed to approach. She had to walk over
to him and she did).

Basically don't give up the cat, but do protect the cat and toddler from
each other.
If you need tips on how, speak up fast!

February 12th 09, 01:51 AM
On Feb 10, 5:50*pm, "cybercat" > wrote:
> > wrote in message
>
> ...
> On Feb 10, 1:04 pm, "Barb" > wrote:
>
> > Rethink this whole plan. Your boyfriend's sister? Once people move in on
> > you it is not easy to get them to move out. I feel badly for the little
> > cat
> > that you are foisting all this on in addition to what you are doing here.
> > If this is your place have no one move in. If it's your boyfriend's place
> > and he wants this whole group moving in, then you move out.
>
> > Barb
> >To clarify, it's not my boyfriends house or mine, it's his parents and
> >moving out is unfortunately not an option at this point.
>
> It is ALWAYS an option. Grow up.

Always an option? So are you saying that the average person can just
pick up and move out on a whim? That is ridiculous. I am "grown up"
with a husband, house, and children, does that mean if I have a
problem I can just pick up and move? The nerve of some people to
comment on another person's life when they have absolutely no idea of
the true situation. This person simply asked for advice, they are
helping out family in need and also trying to help their cat adjust
and now she is a bad guy? Does it make you feel good to put people
down?

Matthew[_3_]
February 12th 09, 02:26 AM
>


IDK maybe if this wasn't your first post we would care what you think

cybercat
February 12th 09, 02:38 AM
"Matthew" > wrote in message
g.com...
>
> >
>
>
> IDK maybe if this wasn't your first post we would care what you think

Everyone is entitled to their opinion. There's always a way to be
independent, particularly for young able-bodied people. Anyone too fragile
to hear the opinion of a stranger has no buisness in Usenet.

February 12th 09, 02:40 AM
On Feb 11, 8:26*pm, "Matthew" >
wrote:
> >
>
> IDK *maybe if this wasn't your first post *we would care what you think

LOL Well I was hoping to find a helpful group of cat owners and it is
obvious that this is not that group. And I apoligize for my first
post being so opinionated, after reading other posts though I doubt
you will see me very much anyway. Go ahead make your snide comments,
because it doesn't affect me. I am actually happy with my life and do
not feel the need to judge others based on assumptions.
I do feel bad for the people who ask genuine questions and get rude
remarks and I applaud those of you who give wonderful, helpful advice.
To the original poster, I hope very much that things work out for you.

Matthew[_3_]
February 12th 09, 02:55 AM
"cybercat" > wrote in message
...
>
> "Matthew" > wrote in message
> g.com...
>>
>> >
>>
>>
>> IDK maybe if this wasn't your first post we would care what you think
>
> Everyone is entitled to their opinion. There's always a way to be
> independent, particularly for young able-bodied people. Anyone too fragile
> to hear the opinion of a stranger has no buisness in Usenet.
I know cyber I just find it funny the original post is from gmail and
someone from gmail jumps in to defend them their only post total not other
post at all a little convenient in my books.

I know why now why I don't even bother with some of the post like this

Matthew[_3_]
February 12th 09, 02:57 AM
>

ROFLMAO

Ok no problem <good luck with that train of thought>

and a yeah right to be added also.

cybercat
February 12th 09, 02:59 AM
"Matthew" > wrote in message
g.com...
>
> "cybercat" > wrote in message
> ...
>>
>> "Matthew" > wrote in message
>> g.com...
>>>
>>> >
>>>
>>>
>>> IDK maybe if this wasn't your first post we would care what you think
>>
>> Everyone is entitled to their opinion. There's always a way to be
>> independent, particularly for young able-bodied people. Anyone too
>> fragile to hear the opinion of a stranger has no buisness in Usenet.
> I know cyber I just find it funny the original post is from gmail and
> someone from gmail jumps in to defend them their only post total not
> other post at all a little convenient in my books.
>
> I know why now why I don't even bother with some of the post like this
I know. I'm wondering why I answered a post from somebody who would actually
choose "superpenguinprincess" as an email id.

barb
February 12th 09, 04:57 PM
How can you, LynnBX compare your moving out on a husband and children to
moving out on a boyfriend of 5 years? That's rediculous!

Barb

cybercat
February 12th 09, 05:00 PM
"Barb" > wrote in message
...
> How can you, LynnBX compare your moving out on a husband and children to
> moving out on a boyfriend of 5 years? That's rediculous!
>
For real. And why the hell isn't penguinpuss' boyfriend out of his parents'
house? Are these two healthy young people, or not?

barb
February 12th 09, 05:03 PM
Moving out on a husband and children as Lynn said, is a big deal. Moving
out on a boyfriend is not.

Barb

DWMeowMix
February 12th 09, 05:05 PM
On Feb 11, 6:40*pm, wrote:

> LOL Well I was hoping to find a helpful group of cat owners and it is
> obvious that this is not that group. ...

I'm totally with you on this one Lynn. If you can find a better
group, please let me know. I too am rather sick of the sniping and
insult tossing that seems to be prevalent in this group. I can learn
nothing here.

Debbie

cybercat
February 12th 09, 05:16 PM
"Barb" > wrote in message
...
> Moving out on a husband and children as Lynn said, is a big deal. Moving
> out on a boyfriend is not.
>
Well let's not deprive Lynn of the chance to get hysterical.

Matthew[_3_]
February 12th 09, 05:39 PM
"DWMeowMix" > wrote in message
...
On Feb 11, 6:40 pm, wrote:
<snipped>

Well Deb Sorry to see you leave but don't let the door knob hit you on the
way out if that is how you feel. I have learned quite a bit here and still
learn everyday. Two of my cats have been saved due to posters in the group.
This is all going on when the trolls and posters who do not care about cats
were here by the ton.
Welcome to the World Wide Web you think this group is bad check out the
other groups where trolls and [email protected]@holes are there so much that you can't
even post.

cybercat
February 12th 09, 06:27 PM
"Matthew" > wrote in message
g.com...
>
> "DWMeowMix" > wrote in message
> ...
> On Feb 11, 6:40 pm, wrote:
> <snipped>
>
> Well Deb Sorry to see you leave but don't let the door knob hit you on
> the way out if that is how you feel. I have learned quite a bit here and
> still learn everyday. Two of my cats have been saved due to posters in
> the group. This is all going on when the trolls and posters who do not
> care about cats were here by the ton.
> Welcome to the World Wide Web you think this group is bad check out the
> other groups where trolls and [email protected]@holes are there so much that you can't
> even post.
Oh, bummer, I missed out on another princess complaining about how mean we
all are. I must have Deb killfiled. What a pity.