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View Full Version : HELP!! - old male is mounting my new female cat


YvonneD
November 10th 09, 01:16 AM
I have a nine year old male. He was fixed when he was less than a
year old and has not met another cat until this week (he's always been
indoors).

Six days ago I adopted a two year old female. She'd had a litter in
July and was spayed in September. I introduced the two of them
gradually and as of yesterday they were getting along great. They
slept together and ate together. She loves him, rubbing against him
and giving him head butts, and he seemed to like her as well. He is a
VERY laid back and gentle cat.

Tonight he tried to mount her. I had noticed in the past few days
that every once in a while he would try to grab the back of her neck,
but she would run off or I would tell him to stop. Tonight he was
serious. I couldn't keep him away from her. I had to lock him up.
When I let him out he went back for more. I sprayed him with water
(now he's mad at me).

What should I do? I really don't care except I'm afraid he will hurt
her. He weighs 14 lbs and she weighs 7. On the plus side, he has
chronic gingivitis and cannot chew hard food, so I'm guessing he can't
really bite very hard.

The vet said that he is trying to assert his dominance and I should
just let it play out - that she will give him a swat if she wants him
off.

Does that sound OK? He has no claws (got him that way), and she does,
so I suppose she should be able to handle him if he was really hurting
her?

God, I sound like an idiot I know. I've never had more than one cat.
I want this to work out so badly. She came from the MSPCA where she
spent 5 months cowering in the corner of a cage. I was so thrilled
when she became happy and playful. It would kill me if I had to bring
her back.

What should I do?

Matthew[_3_]
November 10th 09, 01:39 AM
"YvonneD" > wrote in message
...
>I have a nine year old male. He was fixed when he was less than a
> year old and has not met another cat until this week (he's always been
> indoors).
>
> Six days ago I adopted a two year old female. She'd had a litter in
> July and was spayed in September. I introduced the two of them
> gradually and as of yesterday they were getting along great. They
> slept together and ate together. She loves him, rubbing against him
> and giving him head butts, and he seemed to like her as well. He is a
> VERY laid back and gentle cat.
>
> Tonight he tried to mount her. I had noticed in the past few days
> that every once in a while he would try to grab the back of her neck,
> but she would run off or I would tell him to stop. Tonight he was
> serious. I couldn't keep him away from her. I had to lock him up.
> When I let him out he went back for more. I sprayed him with water
> (now he's mad at me).
>
> What should I do? I really don't care except I'm afraid he will hurt
> her. He weighs 14 lbs and she weighs 7. On the plus side, he has
> chronic gingivitis and cannot chew hard food, so I'm guessing he can't
> really bite very hard.
>
> The vet said that he is trying to assert his dominance and I should
> just let it play out - that she will give him a swat if she wants him
> off.
>
> Does that sound OK? He has no claws (got him that way), and she does,
> so I suppose she should be able to handle him if he was really hurting
> her?
>
> God, I sound like an idiot I know. I've never had more than one cat.
> I want this to work out so badly. She came from the MSPCA where she
> spent 5 months cowering in the corner of a cage. I was so thrilled
> when she became happy and playful. It would kill me if I had to bring
> her back.
>
> What should I do?

Calm down your vet had it right She will show him who's boss if she
chooses ;-)

cybercat
November 10th 09, 04:10 AM
"Matthew" > wrote
>> What should I do?
>
> Calm down your vet had it right She will show him who's boss if she
> chooses ;-)
I agree. And bless you for taking this girl. She sounds lovely. Rest
assured, she can kick grandpa's ass if need be.

MaryL
November 10th 09, 04:41 AM
"YvonneD" > wrote in message
...
>I have a nine year old male. He was fixed when he was less than a
> year old and has not met another cat until this week (he's always been
> indoors).
>
> Six days ago I adopted a two year old female. She'd had a litter in
> July and was spayed in September. I introduced the two of them
> gradually and as of yesterday they were getting along great. They
> slept together and ate together. She loves him, rubbing against him
> and giving him head butts, and he seemed to like her as well. He is a
> VERY laid back and gentle cat.
>
> Tonight he tried to mount her. I had noticed in the past few days
> that every once in a while he would try to grab the back of her neck,
> but she would run off or I would tell him to stop. Tonight he was
> serious. I couldn't keep him away from her. I had to lock him up.
> When I let him out he went back for more. I sprayed him with water
> (now he's mad at me).
>
> What should I do? I really don't care except I'm afraid he will hurt
> her. He weighs 14 lbs and she weighs 7. On the plus side, he has
> chronic gingivitis and cannot chew hard food, so I'm guessing he can't
> really bite very hard.
>
> The vet said that he is trying to assert his dominance and I should
> just let it play out - that she will give him a swat if she wants him
> off.
>
> Does that sound OK? He has no claws (got him that way), and she does,
> so I suppose she should be able to handle him if he was really hurting
> her?
>
> God, I sound like an idiot I know. I've never had more than one cat.
> I want this to work out so badly. She came from the MSPCA where she
> spent 5 months cowering in the corner of a cage. I was so thrilled
> when she became happy and playful. It would kill me if I had to bring
> her back.
>
> What should I do?

*Don't* take her back. They sound like a great pair who are already bonded
with each other. Just calm down, follow your vet's advice, and let them
handle this themselves. You are worrying without cause. And *do not* spray
your male cat with water. That is cruel and unproductive. He is simply
doing what comes naturally, and he will not understand why you are trying to
punish him. You are more likely to teach him to fear and distrust you than
to get the results you want. Also: It hasn't been all that long since the
little female was spayed. She may still have some hormones that are acting
as an attractant, but that should diminish with time. You should discuss
this with your vet if you continue to see signs of sexual behavior. It is
possible for a vet to miss part of the uterus, but that can be remedied.

MaryL

cybercat
November 10th 09, 04:49 AM
"MaryL" -OUT-THE-LITTER> wrote
> *Don't* take her back. They sound like a great pair who are already
> bonded with each other.

I was thinking the same thing. How lucky she is, to have to adult unrelated
cats that will play and sleep together and interact. I thought you had to
have siblings for them to do that.

> Also: It hasn't been all that long since the
> little female was spayed. She may still have some hormones that are
> acting as an attractant, but that should diminish with time.

I was thinking this too. I want to see pictures of them!

Kathy
November 10th 09, 01:23 PM
cybercat wrote:
> "MaryL" -OUT-THE-LITTER> wrote
>> *Don't* take her back. They sound like a great pair who are already
>> bonded with each other.
>
> I was thinking the same thing. How lucky she is, to have to adult unrelated
> cats that will play and sleep together and interact. I thought you had to
> have siblings for them to do that.

Siblings don't always get along either. My daughter has 2 brothers she
adopted at 6 weeks. They're 7 years old now (both spayed) and lately
they frequently fight. She's at her wits' end. She comes home from
work (that's why she got 2 - she's at work all day) and finds one with a
bloody ear and the other with a bloody chin. She hates to, but she's
going to have to start separating them during the day when she's away.
Should she shut both of them into separate bedrooms or just one to keep
them apart? If just one, should she alternate who gets locked up for
the day?

Kathy

>
> > Also: It hasn't been all that long since the
>> little female was spayed. She may still have some hormones that are
>> acting as an attractant, but that should diminish with time.
>
> I was thinking this too. I want to see pictures of them!
>
>

YvonneD
November 10th 09, 01:37 PM
On Nov 9, 11:41*pm, "MaryL" -OUT-THE-LITTER>
wrote:
> "YvonneD" > wrote in message
>
> ...
>
>
>
> >I have a nine year old male. *He was fixed when he was less than a
> > year old and has not met another cat until this week (he's always been
> > indoors).
>
> > Six days ago I adopted a two year old female. *She'd had a litter in
> > July and was spayed in September. *I introduced the two of them
> > gradually and as of yesterday they were getting along great. *They
> > slept together and ate together. *She loves him, rubbing against him
> > and giving him head butts, and he seemed to like her as well. *He is a
> > VERY laid back and gentle cat.
>
> > Tonight he tried to mount her. *I had noticed in the past few days
> > that every once in a while he would try to grab the back of her neck,
> > but she would run off or I would tell him to stop. * Tonight he was
> > serious. *I couldn't keep him away from her. *I had to lock him up.
> > When I let him out he went back for more. *I sprayed him with water
> > (now he's mad at me).
>
> > What should I do? *I really don't care except I'm afraid he will hurt
> > her. *He weighs 14 lbs and she weighs 7. *On the plus side, he has
> > chronic gingivitis and cannot chew hard food, so I'm guessing he can't
> > really bite very hard.
>
> > The vet said that he is trying to assert his dominance and I should
> > just let it play out - that she will give him a swat if she wants him
> > off.
>
> > Does that sound OK? *He has no claws (got him that way), and she does,
> > so I suppose she should be able to handle him if he was really hurting
> > her?
>
> > God, I sound like an idiot I know. *I've never had more than one cat.
> > I want this to work out so badly. *She came from the MSPCA where she
> > spent 5 months cowering in the corner of a cage. *I was so thrilled
> > when she became happy and playful. *It would kill me if I had to bring
> > her back.
>
> > What should I do?
>
> *Don't* take her back. *They sound like a great pair who are already bonded
> with each other. *Just calm down, follow your vet's advice, and let them
> handle this themselves. *You are worrying without cause. *And *do not* spray
> your male cat with water. *That is cruel and unproductive. *He is simply
> doing what comes naturally, and he will not understand why you are trying to
> punish him. *You are more likely to teach him to fear and distrust you than
> to get the results you want. *Also: *It hasn't been all that long since the
> little female was spayed. *She may still have some hormones that are acting
> as an attractant, but that should diminish with time. *You should discuss
> this with your vet if you continue to see signs of sexual behavior. *It is
> possible for a vet to miss part of the uterus, but that can be remedied.
>
> MaryL

Thanks. I already put the spray bottle away. It took me over an hour
to get him to forgive me. I won't do that again. They, however, are
doing "that" again right now.

cybercat
November 10th 09, 06:33 PM
"Kathy" > wrote

>She hates to, but she's going to have to start separating them during the
>day when she's away. Should she shut both of them into separate bedrooms or
>just one to keep them apart? If just one, should she alternate who gets
>locked up for the day?
>

That sounds fair. I did not know this about siblings, thanks for letting me
know. I thought they always got along.

cybercat
November 10th 09, 06:36 PM
"YvonneD" > wrote

>Thanks. I already put the spray bottle away. It took me over an hour
>to get him to forgive me. I won't do that again. They, however, are
>doing "that" again right now.

Good call on the squirt bottle. Cats have effective ways of getting even
with you, if you continue stuff they hate. Like pooping in the middle of
your bed. ;) Ask your vet if this behavior can hurt her. I have no idea--it
seems like if they are both "fixed" they should not be able to actually have
intercourse. If they can ... well, it is what those parts are made for. But
do ask your vet. I think the big issue here is, are you the only one it is
bothering?

dgk
November 10th 09, 06:46 PM
On Tue, 10 Nov 2009 05:37:11 -0800 (PST), YvonneD
> wrote:

>On Nov 9, 11:41*pm, "MaryL" -OUT-THE-LITTER>
>wrote:
>> "YvonneD" > wrote in message
>>
>> ...
>>
>>
>>
>> >I have a nine year old male. *He was fixed when he was less than a
>> > year old and has not met another cat until this week (he's always been
>> > indoors).
>>
>> > Six days ago I adopted a two year old female. *She'd had a litter in
>> > July and was spayed in September. *I introduced the two of them
>> > gradually and as of yesterday they were getting along great. *They
>> > slept together and ate together. *She loves him, rubbing against him
>> > and giving him head butts, and he seemed to like her as well. *He is a
>> > VERY laid back and gentle cat.
>>
>> > Tonight he tried to mount her. *I had noticed in the past few days
>> > that every once in a while he would try to grab the back of her neck,
>> > but she would run off or I would tell him to stop. * Tonight he was
>> > serious. *I couldn't keep him away from her. *I had to lock him up.
>> > When I let him out he went back for more. *I sprayed him with water
>> > (now he's mad at me).
>>
>> > What should I do? *I really don't care except I'm afraid he will hurt
>> > her. *He weighs 14 lbs and she weighs 7. *On the plus side, he has
>> > chronic gingivitis and cannot chew hard food, so I'm guessing he can't
>> > really bite very hard.
>>
>> > The vet said that he is trying to assert his dominance and I should
>> > just let it play out - that she will give him a swat if she wants him
>> > off.
>>
>> > Does that sound OK? *He has no claws (got him that way), and she does,
>> > so I suppose she should be able to handle him if he was really hurting
>> > her?
>>
>> > God, I sound like an idiot I know. *I've never had more than one cat.
>> > I want this to work out so badly. *She came from the MSPCA where she
>> > spent 5 months cowering in the corner of a cage. *I was so thrilled
>> > when she became happy and playful. *It would kill me if I had to bring
>> > her back.
>>
>> > What should I do?
>>
>> *Don't* take her back. *They sound like a great pair who are already bonded
>> with each other. *Just calm down, follow your vet's advice, and let them
>> handle this themselves. *You are worrying without cause. *And *do not* spray
>> your male cat with water. *That is cruel and unproductive. *He is simply
>> doing what comes naturally, and he will not understand why you are trying to
>> punish him. *You are more likely to teach him to fear and distrust you than
>> to get the results you want. *Also: *It hasn't been all that long since the
>> little female was spayed. *She may still have some hormones that are acting
>> as an attractant, but that should diminish with time. *You should discuss
>> this with your vet if you continue to see signs of sexual behavior. *It is
>> possible for a vet to miss part of the uterus, but that can be remedied.
>>
>> MaryL
>
>Thanks. I already put the spray bottle away. It took me over an hour
>to get him to forgive me. I won't do that again. They, however, are
>doing "that" again right now.


The good news is that you won't be getting any more cats out of the
deal.

Kelly Greene
November 10th 09, 07:29 PM
"YvonneD" > wrote in message
...

Brevity snip.

>
> What should I do?


NOTHING! She'll let him know when she's had enough of his nonsense. ;-)

jmc
November 11th 09, 07:27 PM
Suddenly, without warning, MaryL exclaimed (11/9/2009 11:41 PM):
>
> "YvonneD" > wrote in message
> ...

>> What should I do?
>
> *Don't* take her back. They sound like a great pair who are already
> bonded with each other. Just calm down, follow your vet's advice, and
> let them handle this themselves. You are worrying without cause. And
> *do not* spray your male cat with water. That is cruel and
> unproductive. He is simply doing what comes naturally, and he will not
> understand why you are trying to punish him. You are more likely to
> teach him to fear and distrust you than to get the results you want.
> Also: It hasn't been all that long since the little female was spayed.
> She may still have some hormones that are acting as an attractant, but
> that should diminish with time. You should discuss this with your vet
> if you continue to see signs of sexual behavior. It is possible for a
> vet to miss part of the uterus, but that can be remedied.
>
> MaryL

It's also possible for him to miss part of the testicles... though if he
was not neutered properly, I'd have thought you'd see other male
behaviors in the years you've had him - spraying, etc.

I agree with the general consensus though - they need to work this out
between them, but if she says "STOP" and he's persistent, get them both
checked to see if one or the other wasn't neutered properly.

jmc

phineasboggs
November 15th 09, 11:35 AM
I think it's great! And I think the vet is right. Let it play itself
out. She can take care of it herself without human intervention.

Although it seems to be more of a dominance theme, suppose it wasn't?
What's the problem?

Are you upset that he didn't buy her dinner first? Are you worried
about what your friends will say about the immoral cats? Worried
she'll get pregnant and won't get into the school of her choice?
Concerned that someone will write mean things about her on "My Space?"
<g>

My daughter weighs 1/3 her husband's weight, and, um, they seem to
survive <g>

Heck, if these two cool cats can get hot and get it on, let them have
their fun!

Lesley
November 15th 09, 02:59 PM
On 9 Nov, 17:16, YvonneD > wrote:

>
> The vet said that he is trying to assert his dominance and I should
> just let it play out - that she will give him a swat if she wants him
> off.
>
This is about dominance it has nothing to do with sex-he's showing her
he was here first and therefore he is the boss and the fact she's
taking it means she's accepting this. He's literally saying "I'm on
top". When she feels more settled (she's only been with you a few days
remember after 5 months in a cage) she may give him a swat if she
wants to but all their other behaviour suggests they are both happy
with each other - for them to be friendly within 6 days is good going
sometimes getting a new cat to adapt to another one can take
considerably longer.

I have 2 sisters and occasionally after a scrap the winner
has ,mounted the loser even through both are spayed. My previous pair
of spayed sisters also did it

Lesley

Slave of the Fabulous Furballs