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Christina Websell[_2_]
November 23rd 09, 10:28 PM
Matthew wrote:
> I just got back inside from burying my old friend of 15 plus
> years. His name was Phantom; my grouchy Old man. I buried him next
> to Spirit. I wrapped him in some towels and a nice box. I decorate
> the grave in red tone chipped bricks.
>
> Last night after I asked for the purrs. Phantom became much
> weaker. He tried to jump up on a table and fell. He just laid there
> in a odd facing fashion and did not move. When I picked him up to
> move him back to his perch after making sure he was ok. He was very
> weak barely able to stand. He has not been eating much, drinking
> water yes. His kidney were giving out from my final observations
> today. I laid awake most of the night thinking about this and
> checking on him. He had been a big cat going from about 16 pounds to
> 6 pounds since his hyperthyroidism set in. He had not been himself
> for a few days. I was hoping it was like before a few months ago.
> This morning I knew it was time to face one of my greatest fears.
> Me and Mom drove him to the emergency clinic that he was taken too
> not to long ago when we found out he had hyperthyroidism. I did the
> special whistle I had been doing for him over the last 15 years. Every
> time he heard before in the past. He would pop up from where
> ever and come to me for loving and kisses. He meowed a few times and
> had his special purr that he does, all the way to the end. I held
> his head in my hands and focused into his eyes. I told him I love
> him so much and thanked him for being my friend for so long. It was
> very quick before the vet was even done he was gone. I closed his
> eyes after the vet checked and told him travel safe my friend I Love
> you. I was crying like a baby when I said this. I still am as I
> write this.
> The vet and the staff were very pleasant and compassionate. The
> gentleman vet put his hand on my back and told me I was a very lucky
> man to have him in my life for so long. I know I was. I already feel
> so empty though. The vet also told me that I was a good man for
> giving the greatest gift I could give. Am I a good man ???. I don't
> feel like it. I will always have my doubts when the time was right.
> I think we all have felt this way. It is a demon I must face once
> again. I miss him so much already. I know I will see all of them
> again when it is my time. I pray the gods find forgiveness in their
> hearts to let me be with my proud masters of before. I pray for
> redemption for any trespasses I might do or have done in my life to
> be with the ones that I love.

My heart goes out to you, Matthew. I don't think anyone knows what is
exactly the right time. Is it too soon or perhaps too late? We just do
what we think is right.
Are you a good man? Yes, of course you are, you did what you had to.
Don't beat yourself up.
(hugs)
Tweed