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Of Cats, Dogs and Lightbulbs by Matthew AKA NMR
The Question: "How Many Dogs Does It Take to Change A Light Bulb?" 1. Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb? 2. Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not...
April 2nd 06 10:15 PM
by Matthew AKA NMR Go to last post
2 186
Scary Cat Diary by Matthew AKA NMR
Cat Diary Day 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture....
April 2nd 06 08:32 PM
by Matthew AKA NMR Go to last post
0 260
Signs Your Cat is Overweight by Matthew AKA NMR
Signs Your Cat is Overweight 14 Cat door retrofitted with garage door opener. 13 Confused guests constantly mistaking her for beanbag chair. 12 Always lands on her spleen. 11 Fewer calls to the fire service, but a sudden upsurge in broken branches.
April 2nd 06 08:31 PM
by Matthew AKA NMR Go to last post
0 284
Pet Rules--Memo to the Family Dog and Cat by Matthew AKA NMR
Pet Rules--Memo to the Family Dog and Cat 1. When I say move, it means go someplace else. It does not mean switch positions with each other so there are still two of you in the way. 2. The dishes on the floor are yours and contain your food. All other dishes are mine and contain my food. (Please...
April 2nd 06 08:30 PM
by Matthew AKA NMR Go to last post
0 335
Vet and the Cat by Matthew AKA NMR
Vet. A lady awoke one morning and discovered her dog was not moving. She called her vet who asked her to bring the dog in. After a brief examination, the vet pronounced the dog dead. "Are you sure?", the distraught woman asked. "He was a great family pet.Isn't there anything else you can do?" The...
April 2nd 06 08:29 PM
by Matthew AKA NMR Go to last post
0 238
TOP TEN THINGS A CAT THINKS ABOUT by Matthew AKA NMR
TOP TEN THINGS A CAT THINKS ABOUT 10. I could have sworn I heard the can opener. 9. Is there something I'm not getting when humans make noise with their mouths? 8. Why doesn't the government do something about dogs? 7. I wonder if Morris really liked 9-Lives, or did he have ULTERIOR motives?
April 2nd 06 08:28 PM
by Matthew AKA NMR Go to last post
0 266
Cat Finally Gets Revenge by Matthew AKA NMR
Fairy Tales " Cinderella is now 75 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now dead Prince, she happily sits upon her rocking chair, watching world go by from her front porch, with a cat named Bob for companionship. One sunny afternoon, out of nowhere, appeared the Fairy Godmother...
April 2nd 06 08:28 PM
by Matthew AKA NMR Go to last post
0 232
Strange Cat Facts and Records by Matthew AKA NMR
Best Climber In 1950, a four month kitten climbed 14,691 feet to the top of the Matterhorn in the Alps Longest Verismo’s Leonetti Reserve Red (Leo) - a Maine Coon who weighs in at 35 pounds and measures 48 inches from nose to tail (Guinness World Records) Shortest/smallest
April 2nd 06 08:27 PM
by Matthew AKA NMR Go to last post
0 238
Cat Miracle Diet by Matthew AKA NMR
Cat Miracle Diet Most diets fail because we are still thinking and eating like people. For those us who have never had any success dieting, now there is the new Cat Miracle Diet! Most cats are long and lean (or tiny and petite). The Cat Miracle Diet will help you achieve the same lean, svelte...
April 2nd 06 08:26 PM
by Matthew AKA NMR Go to last post
0 253
What is a Cat? by Matthew AKA NMR
What is a Cat? 1. Cats do what they want. 2. They rarely listen to you. 3. They're totally unpredictable. 4. When you want to play, they want to be alone. 5. When you want to be alone, they want to play. 6. They expect you to cater to their every whim. 7. They're moody. 8. They leave hair...
April 2nd 06 08:21 PM
by Matthew AKA NMR Go to last post
0 271
Things CATS Must Try To Remember! by Matthew AKA NMR
Things CATS Must Try To Remember! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Screaming at the can of food will not make it open itself. I should not assume the patio door is open when I race outside to chase leaves. If I put a live mouse in my food bowl, I should not...
April 2nd 06 08:19 PM
by Matthew AKA NMR Go to last post
0 502
Cats & Pills by Matthew AKA NMR
Cats & Pills 1. Grasp cat firmly in your arms. Cradle its head on your elbow, just as if you were giving baby a bottle. Coo confidently, "That's a nice kitty." Drop pill into its mouth. 2. Retrieve cat from top of lamp and pill from under sofa. 3. Follow same procedure as in 1, but hold cat's...
April 2nd 06 08:18 PM
by Matthew AKA NMR Go to last post
0 159
Cats jokes by Matthew AKA NMR
Two ROBINS were lying on their backs, BASKING in the sun. A mama cat and her kitten were walking by. The kitten complained, 'Mama, I'm so hungry, what can we eat?' To which the mama cat, spying the two robins, replied, How about some Baskin Robbins?' Top Ten Signs Your Cat Has Learned Your...
April 2nd 06 08:16 PM
by Matthew AKA NMR Go to last post
0 173
Quotes" About Cats by Matthew AKA NMR
Cats names are more for human benefit. They give one a certain degree more confidence that the animal belongs to you. - - - Alan Ayckbourn "Table Manners" Cat: a soft indestructible automaton provided by nature to be kicked when things go wrong in the domestic circle. - - - Ambrose Bierce Dogs...
April 2nd 06 08:15 PM
by Matthew AKA NMR Go to last post
0 433
Cats are like Teenagers by Matthew AKA NMR
The similarities between cats and human teenagers For all of you with teenagers or who had teenagers, you may want to know why they really have a lot in common with cats: 1. Neither teenagers nor cats turn their heads when you call them by name. 2. No matter what you do for them, it is not...
April 2nd 06 08:11 PM
by Matthew AKA NMR Go to last post
0 172
OT Joke by Matthew AKA NMR
Cardiologist's Funeral A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral. A huge heart covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service. Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart...
April 2nd 06 08:03 PM
by Matthew AKA NMR Go to last post
0 216
OT Ahhh, Retirement by Matthew AKA NMR
Ahhh, Retirement Question: How many days in a week? Answer: 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday Question: When is a retiree's bedtime? Answer: Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch. Question: How many retirees to change a light bulb? Answer: Only one, but it might take all day.
April 2nd 06 07:59 PM
by Matthew AKA NMR Go to last post
0 308
Ripping out the screens (pics) by Susan M
I was cleaning our bedroom this AM when Otis starting yowling right under the window, which is second storey window. He wanted in, and now. Very shortly, my heart dropped into my boots when I heard the familiar sound of a cat hitting the window screen. Luckily, he didn't bounce off and tumbled...
April 2nd 06 02:50 PM
by Victor Martinez Go to last post
9 391
Funny Little Game by jmcquown
This afternoon I was lying on my side on the couch intending to take a brief nap. Persia was next to me, facing me. I was giving her scritches - neck, forehead, rubbing the bridge of her nose. When I stopped and laid my hand against my chest she reached up and touched my forehead with her paw. ...
April 2nd 06 01:24 PM
by jmcquown Go to last post
6 219
scritch reactions by Steve Touchstone
I've been thinking lately about the different reactions I've seen when one of my cats jumps up for some scritches. I've only had four cats as an adult - I spent 20 years active duty in the Army, and as a single soldier never thought it right to get a pet and have to rehome it if I deployed...
April 2nd 06 08:04 AM
by Jean Hobbs Go to last post
9 306
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