RIP My old friend
 

"Matthew" wrote in message
g.com...
I just got back inside from burying my old friend of 15 plus years.
His name was Phantom; my grouchy Old man. I buried him next to Spirit. I
wrapped him in some towels and a nice box. I decorate the grave in red
tone chipped bricks.

Last night after I asked for the purrs. Phantom became much weaker.
He tried to jump up on a table and fell. He just laid there in a odd
facing fashion and did not move. When I picked him up to move him back to
his perch after making sure he was ok. He was very weak barely able to
stand. He has not been eating much, drinking water yes. His kidney were
giving out from my final observations today. I laid awake most of the
night thinking about this and checking on him. He had been a big cat
going from about 16 pounds to 6 pounds since his hyperthyroidism set in.
He had not been himself for a few days. I was hoping it was like before a
few months ago. This morning I knew it was time to face one of my greatest
fears.

Me and Mom drove him to the emergency clinic that he was taken too not
to long ago when we found out he had hyperthyroidism. I did the special
whistle I had been doing for him over the last 15 years. Every time he
heard before in the past. He would pop up from where ever and come to me
for loving and kisses. He meowed a few times and had his special purr that
he does, all the way to the end. I held his head in my hands and focused
into his eyes. I told him I love him so much and thanked him for being my
friend for so long. It was very quick before the vet was even done he
was gone. I closed his eyes after the vet checked and told him travel
safe my friend I Love you. I was crying like a baby when I said this. I
still am as I write this.

The vet and the staff were very pleasant and compassionate. The
gentleman vet put his hand on my back and told me I was a very lucky man
to have him in my life for so long. I know I was. I already feel so empty
though. The vet also told me that I was a good man for giving the
greatest gift I could give. Am I a good man ???. I don't feel like it. I
will always have my doubts when the time was right. I think we all have
felt this way. It is a demon I must face once again. I miss him so much
already. I know I will see all of them again when it is my time. I pray
the gods find forgiveness in their hearts to let me be with my proud
masters of before. I pray for redemption for any trespasses I might do or
have done in my life to be with the ones that I love.

Travel safe across the bridge My friend. I love you so much



Matthew - this post brought tears to my eyes.
YES, you are a good person.
YES, it is OK to have doubts about what you did - I still have them about
Princess Ivy Punkinhed Puffybutt, and it's been almost 7 years since we
"lost" her to CRF (12/7/02). She was never a big cat, weighing 7lbs at her
biggest, and lost 1/4 (!!!) that when she first came down with it. She
lasted 8+/- months with treatments. But her last "crash" was all we could
take, we couldn't put her through it any more, just because we "didn't want
to be without her"...We still have her in our hearts. Sweetest calico
(tortie with white for you across the pond) I have ever known, named Ivy
since she was the only one of a litter of 5 ferals we were able to catch, in
our neighbors back yard, in a patch of poison ivy!