cat - 4 days with the kitten... please help me :)

Hi all...

execuse me if this thread is too long for u, but this is my broken
heart talkin.. also, English isnt my =F3riginal language.. so mind my
poor grammer and typos :)

right now ,i'm writing this thread and feeing soo sad, i never felt
this way, exept in goodbyes,u know how it feels...
it's been 1 day,since i returned the kitten.. and i'm still feeling
empty and lonely without my kitten. it's soo painful to be that
hesitant about whether i get the kitten back or leave her..im thinking
of this matter all day long, i even dreamt about it..

it's not like that common situation where some body owns a cat for 10
yrs, then suddenly it dies.. no. i got this kitten (persian-2
months-female). for only 4 days.now i'm grieving her absence.

the idea of having a cat in my head was just curiousity..i wasn't too
serious about it.. i wanted to know how it's like to live with a cat..
now that i got it, and then returned it..

I feel so empty and guilty.. the reason i feel guilty right now, cos
i'm thinking that the poor kitten has adapted with me and my place, and
maybe she was happy with me.. then the day i decided to return it back
(i wasn't completelty satisfied about leaving the kitten) but there was
some things that forced me (now i see them as redeculas) like it kept
urinating on the carpet.. i put a box filled with sand and i put her in
it, she kept messing the carpet until the last day, then she used the
litter box twice.. that was good, so this problem was solved.. now my
mother she kept saying the cat is dirty u cannot let her bounce over ur
bed.. (some times she slept with me) also my mother wouldn't like the
sight of her bouncing over the expensive sofas and kitchen table.

inside of me i also wanted to get rid of her (only because i had
thoughts that the kitten might get hurt in my house) cos i'm not living
in a small apartment, i live in a big house.. so i think she will get
lost.. plus i think i will get exhausted of thinking that the kitten
might get hurt (it's like an obsesion) i'm afraid since we have stairs,
it might fall from that hight).

I thought that the sooner i leave her, the easier it would be, so i
wouldn't be so attached to her.i was wrong, i don't know how i got soo
attached to this kitten that it made me weep for hours, i really miss
her...

please help me, i really feel guilty of leaving the little kitten..(she
will be with a friend, then she will sell it since i didn't want her)
but i'm really having second thoughts...

i'm asking you to correct me if i'm thinking wrong:

-do you think that the kitten got used to me and adapted to me and my
place and now she's wondering where am i ? by living with me for only 4
days? are cats in general get attached with people that they get sad or
miss their owners?

-i will be out of town soon, so do u think that even if i didn't return
the cat,, and then when i come back.. the cat will not be remembering
me? or will she still recognise me?

-does this kitten get hurt easily? like could she jump from hights? or
does she know that she will get hurt if she jumps from hights?

-if i wash her every 3 days, will she still be not that clean to get in
my bed or on the couche?

-can i prevent her from getting on the kitchen table or on other spots
i don't want her to be? will she do it by simply telling her not to?
and then learn not to jump over that couche for example?

-i feel like she's sudden attacking things.. like she makes sudden
moves that she scares me sometimes, is that her just playing?

-sometimes she gets like restless, she runs every where, then suddenly
stops, then runs again (in an unnatural way) is that her searching a
place to urinate? i did put her in the litter box when i see her acts
this way. then she does it on the carpet.

-the most thing i'm afraid of is that some of my family memebers might
slam the door while she tries to get in that room, then... bam! i soo
don't want this to happen, is this accedint possible to happen?

now, i want to get her back. but those things i think about, make me
hesitate so much.. please i need your reply asap! :)
thank you soo much in advance