On Dec 2, 1:49 am, Mason H Chelmsford wrote:
When I was a kid I was harassed, and beaten up by both Irish and black bullies who picked on me for being Jewish. I grew to hate the Irish and the blacks but what was funny about it was although I was lonely and alienated because of the treatment I was getting every day in school, it was always weird Irish outcasts who reached out to me, and came to my emotional rescue. My best friends were eccentric Irishmen wit outstanding senses of humor which I believe exists in the soul of the Irish people. Two of these Irish friends were homosexuals, one was flaming and the other was a closet case. They were weirdos but were important figures in my life. Also I began noticing that black girls found me attractive probably because I have big dark eyes like a black man. It started to become obvious to me that black people in general were not really a threat to me at all, and that we actually had a lot in common because blacks are the ultimate outsiders and this is
their existential dilemma. years later I rescued two homeless cats. One was all black, and the other was white with black spots. I a very isolated, and a diagnosed schizophrenic, so the cats are important emotional outlets to me. The black cat lives with my ex-girlfriend now, and the white cat who is very old is living with me. Since I love my cat, I often talk to him and sometimes shout out to him affectionate nicknames. Its almost like I am having a fit of love and I start calling him "black spot jackson" and then I will call him "gentle jack mahoney" or "mr Mcgee". I used to call the black cat "blacky Jackson" and sometimes "mr Jones" or "blacky Johnson". I think its fair to assume that when you are experiencing a love attack, and then spontaneously shouting out terms of endearment, the words are the signature of the subconscious, and what I am wondering now is if I must really love the Irish and the blacks even though I am still bitter about the bad
treatment and emotional damage I received in childhood. I know that the readers of this post are not psychoanalysts, but given all the facts I have presented what do you make of this? Do I really love the people I thought were my enemies?

The fact that you were picked on has NOTHING to do with being Jewish.

I'm Jewish, I never mention it and you can't tell by just looking at
somebody if they are Jewish or not because over the centuries we
became rather white in appearance (Jews are of Middle Eastern origin,
in case you didn't know).

I also have Asperger's - in fact I was diagnosed with it 3 years ago
as an adult while my son was diagnosed with Asperger's also (that's
how I first heard about it and then - boom! got diagnosed myself! that
was a shock!)

Another very important point to you and to anybody else reading it:
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE STOP referring to it as a 'very mild version'!!

There is no such a thing as the 'mild version' of Asperger's. You
either have it or you don't!

You can't be a 'little bit black'. Even if you're mixed-race you are
not white! It's like if people were ASHAMED of being non-white
(nothing wrong with being non-white - in fact, you're far more
beautiful usually - I know, my kids are half-black and I'm not just
saying it cause they are my kids. People of colour are beautiful,
talented and less stuck up and arrogant than us, whites! It's a fact!
Maybe, because they have to work for everything a lot harder than we
do. Even autistics)

No, you're NOT supposed to be a dribbling idiot 'locked in your own
little world', devoid of friendships, with glaring eyes and two heads
if you have Asperger's! Just because you 'look normal' - it doesn't
make you a 'mild version/case of Asperger's' - that's because
Asperger's is an invisible difference, it's neurological! And even if
you did have a see-through scull and your brain was perfectly visible
- nobody could still tell the difference because the difference is in
the way your brain is wired and it's practically on microscopic level!

So if you do think you have Asperger's - that's what ****es people off
(it usually does on subconscious level - that's why they 'turn on you'
because humans always turn on anyone who is 'different' - it's
programmed in their psyche. Unless people use intellect to work around
the subconscious prejudice and try to understand you and accept you
(which makes things fine for both parties then).

It's not your Jewishness! Come on! Unless you live in a Communist
Russia, wear our religious headgear and openly go to Synagogue in
which case you may get some drunk shout obscenities at you - you're
just not gonna be identified as anything other than white and
prejudice against the blacks and the Pakistanis in the Western World
is much greater than it is against the Jews or Irish or anyone else. I
know - I'm a Jew through and through.

If you get your official diagnosis of Asperger's (or even if you won't
but suspect you're 'one of us') find out as much as you can about what
it means being an Aspie and work around the difficulties through
intellectual effort.

I found it helpful to study counselling and psychology to understand
people better and I no longer have an 'empathy problem' or the lack of
that Autistics are supposed to have.

In fact I care about people a great deal (always have) but now I have
tools to spot how people feel even though it may not come 'naturally'
to me - I can still figure it out and respond accordingly. And it'd
helped a great deal.

You sound very young so you're ahead of the game anyhow as with age
comes experience in dealing with people.

And don't be ashamed of who you are - there is a great number of
positives in being Autistic (Asperger's is Autism without verbal delay
and without learning difficulties which often accompanies classic
autism although not always).

We all matter and we all can get on.

I found the saying treat others the way you want to be treated very
true, only if you're Autistic - you have to go that extra mile to meet
the society. And they do respond positively in the end. You can't
change other people, but you can change their reaction to you by
understanding yourself and others. That way you CAN CHANGE your
immediate environment and perhaps even further away.

best!

Rozagy

(as in Roza - Gee pronounced)

www.myspace.com/rozagy