On Aug 15, 4:06*pm, "tanadashoes" wrote:
YAY!! *The Feline Olympics are ON!!!

Pam S. who wishes she were this good at reporting.

"Shiral" wrote in message

...
Tabby: *Good evening I’m *Tabby Barncat, welcoming you to the final
round of the Team Zoomie Dash here at our Darkened *House Venue. *With
me tonight is Simon Streamline, also known as “Streamline Sime” thanks
to his thus far undefeated *Zoomie Gold Medals from the *2000 and 2004
games. *Some wonder why the Zoomie events are traditionally held at
night. Simon, any insights?

Simon: Thanks, Tabby for inviting me. *Zoomies are always held at
night to maximize our natural tendency to go crazy at that hour. It
does make seeing the action a little more difficult, of course, but
for us cats, seeing in the dark is no problem!

Tabby: (Laughing) True, very true, Simon! Now, for our viewers, can
you summarize the rules of competition for Zoomie Dashing? *What are
the important things that contestants must do to accumulate the high
scores?

Simon: There are three very important elements of Zoomie competition,
Tabby. First is unpredictability—creativity is essential here. *Then
there’s speed—you have to be a high-octane pussycat for the all
important galumphing, and thirdly, noise. *The routine should involve
running, jumping—both up and down—and climbing. You must run either up
or down at least one staircase at top speed. *Sudden reversals of
direction add greatly to a contestant’s score. Sliding for a distance
across the floor is highly encouraged. You get extra points if you
manage to use area rugs as toboggans. *Knocking over piles of books is
a bonus point. *Polished wooden floors are the best area for sliding,
but a good clean stretch of kitchen linoleum works also. They should
move from room to room with each other and it helps if they’re doing
the same basic things at the same time, but are not required to mirror
one another’s actions.
In competition Zoomie Dashing, there is of course the element of team
work. Both team members should start at the same moment, and end
within three seconds of each other. There is a five tenths point
deduction if one team member carries on for more than three seconds
after *the other one *has quit.

Tabby: Thanks Simon. I do want to touch on something you said a moment
ago about noise. Why is that important?

Simon: *Tabby, we cats are always praised for our ability to move
silently, which is of course one of our most appealing attributes.
But in the galumphing part of Zoomies, we need *to be heard. When you
the galumph in competition, you should try to sound like a herd of
wildebeests stampeding over the African Veldt.

Tabby: Wildebeasts? Really?

Simon: Well, that’s the ideal, Tabby. Obviously not everyone can reach
it. You have to pick your terrain to maximize the amount of noise you
make when you galumph. For some reason, we sound louder from below
when we galumph on an upper storey level. *This Zoomie course will be
excellent for that, as there’s a long upper hallway with a *hardwood
floor at this venue.

Tabby: Ahah, our first contestants have decided to begin their
competition on the Bed element. Our first team up consists of Cora
Calico, and her littermate Connie. And they’re off!

Simon: A very good start, going from apparent cat nap to balletic
leaps off the lower right corner of the bed, and almost reaching the
bedroom door—Ah, I see they’re going straight into the long galumph.
Good speed, and Connie Calico has excellent formation and speed, while
Cora Calico is a bit behind her, but I’d say they’re both a little too
quiet. This is where *thudding is important, they’ll be *marked down
for that—Ooo, good touch, now they’re thudding down the stairs!

Tabby: Oo, I see that Cora used the front door mat as a sled for a
minute, there on the hair pin turn at the bottom of the stair case—
leaving it nicely bunched up. Connie Calico went a little wide on her
turn and they collided for a moment, but they’ve straightened out
again and are racing around the dining room, making an obstacle course
of the chair and table legs.

Simon: They may not make as much noise, but I give them full marks for
speed and agility, Tabby. *Cora is doing a chair giant slalom with
almost no reduction in her speed. Connie has jumped up onto a chair
seat and is wiggling her way through the open spaces in the chair back—
a nice unpredictable element, but I think it’s slowing her down, too
much.

Tabby: Yes, Oh dear, the space is a little too narrow and she’s
backing up. *She’ll have to hurry to catch up to Cora. They’re
supposed to enter *and leave each room together, isn’t that right?

Simon: * Yes, Tabby. Oh dear, she ran into the kitchen a full second
after her littermate. *But look, they both leaped up onto the kitchen
counter *at the same moment and just avoided a collision! That’s a
VERY difficult move, and Cora had to leap over the fruit bowl almost
at once, and sent an apple and a plum rolling onto the floor.
Excellent surprise element!

Tabby: They’ve dismounted the counter and are now tearing into the
living room in tandem—they’re galumphing as one, Simon!

Simon: They’re really flying now and oo! I think they’re headed for
their tower in the corner of the room! Yes! Connie is under the coffee
table now and Cora is just above—SCORE! Over goes the knitting
basket! *Good, now they’re racing one another up to the very top of
their tower, Connie up the ladder and Cora climbing the central pole,
Connie getting there just a little ahead. Excellent wild looks on both
their faces—they’re really rolling and out of control!

Tabby: Look at them go! Connie is leaping from the top of the tower to
the floor—excellent form on her back arch and she must have landed a
good five feet away from the base of the tower—Ouch, that had to hurt,
Cora had an uncomfortable encounter with the Venetian blinds on the
living room window *on her way down. But now they’re out into the
front hallway again and are heading BACK up the stairs at a gallop—
maybe looking just a little tired, now.

Simon: A little, yes. They need more unpredictability to really score
high in this event, Tabby, but they have time to polish this. It’s an
excellent, exciting starting routine, and as I mentioned earier, they
get huge marks for speed and agility. Listen to them go! They’re
making a lot more noise on their second galumph run Maybe they just
weren’t warmed up enough, before.

Tabby: And Cora and Connie Calico finish their routine simultaneously
leaping up and curling up around the sleeping Hoomin in the bed,
coming back full circle to their starting position.
Simon: Their combined finishing score is a 15.75, Tabby. I’d say
that’s a bit too generous. They’re both still barely more than kittens
and they have a lot to learn about polish, for all their enthusiasm.
But our next team is down in the livingroom, having decided to start
their Zoomie route from the sofa.

Tabby: Our next Zoomer team are Hector and Hilary, a pair of Havana
Browns. *They were the silver medal team Zoomers back in 2004, weren’t
they, Simon?

Simon: They were indeed. *Hector and Hilary are a team to watch, for
certain Tabby. They’re the best, noisiest galumphers in the
competition here, and they’d really love to up their standing to
finish with *the gold medal this time. *Where they’re weak is in
wildness and unpredictability. They’re very polished, but rather
predictable. *They don’t make the risky, spontaneous moves.

Tabby: * And they’re off! Hilary has pounced on the dozing Hector
lying on the sofa seat, and they’ve both jumped to the living room
floor. Hilary pauses to bat at a ball of yarn knocked to the floor by
Cora, but now he’s hurrying to catch up with Hector and they’re neck
in neck as they speed into the kitchen—

Simon: WOW! What a leap! Hector has jumped up to the top of the
refrigerator and from their to the *top of the kitchen cabinets and is
racing along the kitchen at cabinet level! He sure has excellent hind
leg spring! *Hilary by contrast has made a flying leap onto the
kitchen rag rug and got a good toboggan effect from the slide—he would
have gone farther if he’d had more speed and momentum built up—
Hector’s dismounting the cabinet and lands on the kitchen Island and
from there to the floor, almost landing on Hilary as they both head
into the dining room, shoulder to shoulder. I see they’re electing to
circle around the dining room table, rather than try to *contend with
the chair legs. Less difficulty, in running around rather than under,
but it doesn’t do to copy one’s competitor’s routines too closely.
Variety is the key for Zoomers.

Tabby: And they’re racing down the hall! Rather than negotiate the
hairpin turn up the stairs at speed, Hector has jumped up to the newel
post and from there, to the stairs.

Simon: It saves time, yes, but it’s going to lower his stair climbing
score—they’re supposed to climb the whole flight, as Hilary is doing.
He had to get back under control as he slid into the coat closet door
trying to make that * u-turn at the bottom of the stairs at speed. And
now they’re galumphing in tandem as only Hilary and Hector can!

Tabby: I see what you mean about the noise! *Would you say they sound
like stampeding Wildebeests, Simon?
Simon: They sound as close to that ideal as ten pound pussycats can,
Tabby. They’ve really set the mark for noisiness and leaping, today. I
guess Hector and Hilary realize they have to adjust the difficulty and
high-risk element to get the best Zoomie scores—they’re really on
tonight. Oooh, that sounded like a *painful crash up there, Tabby!
That’s the danger of speed, you do lose some control and agility.

Tabby: Ah, they’re up again—turns out they knocked over the upper hall
table—too bad about that Famille Rose jar that was ...

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