"Yowie" wrote in
:

I'm thinking of Charleen especially here, but others have been through
the same thing, and I also speak from experience myself.

As much as we share on this here NG and other electronic media, other
people are not privvy to the minutaie of the situation, or our lives,
our relationships with our cats, and indeed, the personality of the
people or pets themselves.

It is easy to say "well, if I was in that situation, I would
have....." and go on to criticise a friend's tough decision, but
really, we are in no position to truly understand and appreciate *all*
the factors that go into the decision.

We can only trust, knowing each other as we do, that as catslaves,
that the other is doing their own best as they see fit. It may not be
our own best, we may have made different choices had we been in the
same situation, but if we have any faith in each other at all, then we
need to support each other even though perhaps we would have done
things differently had we been presented with the same situation.

Anyone who has made a heartbreaking decision is already second
guessing themselves, is already feeling guilty about not being able to
make a 'better' decision, even though there is no 'better' decision to
make. Those that make a person feel even guiltier for doing the Right
Thing are simply projecting their own fear and their own guilt. They
do not know the intimate details of the situation, and are in no
position to judge. And most tellingly, when asked to do what they have
just berated another person for *not* doing, they fall oddly silent,
knowing that in Reality, they are just as powerless to stop Real Life
and the tragedy that is part of it as anyone else. What they are
really railing against, it seems to me, is not the other person's
difficult decision, but rather, some decision that they have made in
the past that they still feel guilty over.

If ever in a sitiatuon where a difficult decision is required, we can
only do the best we can at the time with the resources, knowledge and
capacity we have *at that time*. It does no good to second that
decisision once its made, only to be sure that we did the best we
could *at the time* with what we had. Once you know in your heart that
the decision - whatever it was - was the 'best' it could be at the
time, then please do not let anyone else's insecurity get to you. They
weren't there, they weren't the person who had to make the decision,
and they will never *ever* know all of what was going through your
head & heart at the time.

Their self righteous blathering is just a way for them to hide from
their own guilt. It means less than nothing, and thats exactly what
they'll do if asked to 'step up' and actually do what it was they
demanded of you. They are cowards, always willing to play "Monday
Morning Quarterbacks", but never willing to get out there in the mud &
muck themselves.

They are not worthy of our attention. Know that you did your best, and
do not allow others to share their own guilt with you - it doesn't
help them any, and it certainly doesn't help you.

Hugs

Yowie



Very well said.

As for guilt; I don't do it. I learn from my mistakes but I don't feel
guilty over them. I learned that almost two decades ago. If someone tries
to make me feel guilty it just seems funny to me. The odd thing is since I
dumped guilt I started making fewer mistakes. Go figure.

Andy