Top posting, this was too good to snip.

ROFLOL1 This was hysterical, CN. Gotta go get a tissue now to wipe
my eyes.


On Wed, 14 Sep 2005 08:22:29 -0500, "CatNipped"
wrote:

Every morning upon awakening, precisely at 5:00am, "Prissy Sissy With The
Sassy Tail" would roam around the house checking to make sure her territory
was adequately secure and safe for her family. Being a very conscientious
"watch cat", she never skimped on this task. Indeed, she was always very
thorough and ran through all her "check points" in precise sequence.

The kitchen was Prissy's first stop. She would jump up, flip on the light
and take a general look around. Satisfied, she would walk over to her food
bowl to make sure no one had filched her stash of dried food (which she kept
hidden under the throw mat upon which her bowl rested). Next she would walk
up to each cabinet, open it with a paw, and take several sniffs as well as
making a sight check of the interior. When her kitchen inspection was
complete she would jump up, switch off the light and head for the bathroom.
She proceeded in this manner until every room in the house was checked out,
each closet inspected, and each nook and cranny given the "all clear".
Afterwards, she would come into my bedroom, switch on the light, jump up on
the bed next to my ear, and give her "report" - letting me know that it was
now safe for me to proceed with my day.

I am a bit obsessive/compulsive (OK, maybe more than a bit). I tend to do my
"spring cleaning" 10 to 12 times a year. On this occasion I got really
energetic and decided to re-arrange things in my house to a more efficient
layout. I made one big mistake, however. I forgot to let Prissy in on my new
arrangements!

The next morning Prissy entered the kitchen, turned on the light, gave her
general "look around" and then stood stock still in disbelief, growling
softly . Things did not look the same! Her big, round toy-things on the
counter had been moved around - the table had different toy-things on it -
and, worst of all, her food dish had been moved. She rushed over, checked
under the mat and, sure enough, found that her food stash was gone! Some
thief in the night had clearly been there, and might still be. It could even
be the evil greebles she had heard about at her mother's knee! She had had
deadly encounters with this menace in the past.

Still growling, louder now, Prissy started her cabinet check. Yep, just as
she had thought, things were definitely misplaced - even her box of treats
had been moved so that she would now have to jump up to a top cabinet in
order to get a midnight snack! By now she was getting really perturbed , she
even forgot to turn out the light before rushing into the bathroom.

In the bathroom, Prissy turned on the light and looked about her. Here, at
least, things seemed to be pretty much undisturbed, although three of her
toy-things on the sink counter had been moved or replaced. She jumped up to
the sink, pawed the cold water tap on, and took a long drink while she
thought about what to do. As she left the bathroom she stopped at her
scratching post in the hall and slowly, deliberately sharpened her claws in
preparation for battle.

When Prissy got to my daughter's bedroom she paused just outside the door
and took a deep breath. With lightening speed, she launched herself at the
light switch, flicked it on, and, with the momentum of her jump, ricocheted
off the wall to land on the foot of my daughter's bed. She immediately
hunched herself up "Halloween cat" style, puffed out her fur, and gave a
great hiss/spit and growl. Three times she jumped straight up into the air,
came down facing a different direction and repeated her warning. Assured
that the unseen thief was sufficiently cowed she proceeded with her check of
the room. Everything here seemed to be quiet and, except for the few
toy-things on shelves being moved (this thief sure was cocky to so advertise
his visit!), all looked to be well here - her girl was safe.

Prissy huffed a bit and left my daughter's bedroom (again forgetting, in her
agitation, to turn out the light!) and padded down the hallway to my son's
bedroom. Now this would be her biggest problem room. The toy-things in this
room were quite numerous and always flung around the room in a haphazard
manner. Every morning she was forced to update her mental map of what this
room should look like. Cautiously, she lowered her body and poked her head
around the door post to take a preliminary sniff. She crouched back and
sprang for the light switch (intending to use the same "jump, flick-switch,
land-on-bed, and snarl" tactic that she had used in my daughter's room).
Imagine her surprise when she found herself landing on the floor instead of
the bed!

The evil greebles (she was sure it was them by now, only greebles could be
so insidiously evil and blatant) had moved the bed - with her boy still on
it!! She leapt onto the dresser and skidded on the newly waxed surface.
This, of course, was according to the plan of the evil greebles; that she be
forced to collide with all the toy-things. She was sure they had been up all
night carefully spreading butter over the entire surface of the dresser. One
round toy-thing went sliding off onto the floor and its lid popped off. To
Prissy's complete consternation, hundreds of evil greebles poured out onto
the floor making a great, grinding-like noise. The evil greebles were in
their hard, shiny, round transmutation! They rolled over the floor, heading
in every direction and scattering under furniture. Now, Prissy's mother had
been very careful to tell Prissy of all the many ways evil greebles could
entrap and defeat the unwary cat; and Prissy had learned her lessons well.
She knew that the evil greebles planned to surround her, cut her off from
the rest of her family, and take them out one by one. She also knew that she
was the only one capable of defeating this horrid horde (her human family
members were just too slow and did not even have respectable claws with
which to protect themselves!).

Prissy paused a moment to consider her strategy. First she had to get her
boy out of harm's way. To do this she had to jump onto his bed, yowl loudly
in his ear, and even give him a few nips on his rump to get him running for
the door and safety. The evil greebles tried to thwart her plans of course;
they quickly rolled themselves under her boy's feet and made him trip (well
she should have expected this - her human family were extremely clumsy). She
immediately jumped to his rescue, batting at the evil greebles, sending them
flying in every direction. Prissy gave her boy a few extra nips on his rump
to get him up and going again. She followed his running, crying little body
into my bedroom, yowling the whole while, until he landed in a heap upon my
bed and me. She then jumped on top the both of us and gave me a quick report
before turning and running back to the battle.

Prissy stalked down the hall, hissing and growling, as I followed warily -
baseball bat in hand (hey, this was a smart cat, y'all - I always took her
warnings seriously). When she reached my son's door she paused for only a
second before throwing herself into the midst of the evil greebles. They
were fiendishly clever, rolling and careening into each other in order to
confuse her, but she persevered! The evil greebles seemed to be multiplying
even as she watched. Her efforts intensified. Each swipe of her paw sent
evil greebles crashing off in new directions. Finally, all the greebles
seemed to be dispatched, stopped dead in their tracks. Just to be sure, she
sidled up to one and gave it a small nudge with her paw. Oh, her surprise
when this evil, faking greeble rolled away into another greeble which also
went rolling away. The battle was on again! She spent the next 15 minutes
subduing evil greebles - spitting, hissing, yowling out her victory cry, and
flying into the air in prodigious leaps intended to confuse and cow the
enemy into submission. At last she was satisfied that all were quite dead.
She walked back to me, tail held proudly high, and gave me the "all clear"
report. By this time I was seated on the hallway floor, laughing until tears
poured down my cheeks, and trying to figure out how I was going to find and
gather up all those marbles! She kindly ignored my hysterical behavior, sure
that it was only the pent-up fear and relief taking hold of me now that the
battle was done.

Prissy, purring loudly, strolled over to her favorite napping spot and, with
a sigh, lay down. She had faithfully performed her sworn duty and was secure
in the knowledge that all was now well - once again she had saved her
family, and the world, from the depredations of the evil greebles!

Hugs,

CatNipped


Purrs and Hugs,

Nan and the felinity felines

A wise man talks because he has something to say;
a fool talks because he has to say something.