"Cat Protector" wrote in message
news:y%Smc.25283$Z%5.17778@okepread01...

The abusers also need to really see what it is to be the victim and get
help.

There are many excellent materials out there to help an abuser understand
the impact of his actions. This is essential as part of an overall
reprogramming effort.

Of course I am not sure how effective therapy is.

As in anything else, quality varies.

It seems like a lot of abusers hide behind excuses like poor childhood,
broken home, divorced
parents, etc. The defense lawyers use this one a lot when the abuser is
accused of a crime. Of course this just seems to excuse the abusive
behavior.

The root causes of domestic violence are just that - root causes. The abuser
has for whatever reason not developed an acceptable method of dealing with
conflict. The abuser has a choice - continue the behavior or seek ways to
change it. When the behavior continues, the root causes become the excuses
used as a crutch to avoid accepting responsibility for one's own actions.
There are so many complex factors involved in breaking through the denial
and defense mechanisms that abusers invoke regarding their behavior.

I think abusers need to stand up and say they have a problem, then
get help. It is all about choices.

That is obviously the first step. The path to reformation gets tougher from
there.

But no animal should be abused. This 17 year old girl needs to finally wake
up
and leave this guy or she will be this guy's next victim.

She is his next victim already. Even if he has never laid a hand on her yet,
he's already got her defending his seriously abnormal actions. Not a good
sign. He's already noticed that she will defend his senseless violence. Why
should anything he does to her be regarded differently?

'I'm really sorry for what I did to your cats, but it's what you get for
loving me.'