Thanks, Joan, and everybody...

I'm actually better today than I was most of the 4-5 days leading up
to this... I was aware of what the worst could be, but had hoped for
better. I was already grieving anticipating this. At least it feels
now that I can mourn properly.

Lenny and Lucy were the first two cats of my adulthood (read: not the
'family' cats from my parents home), and Lenny is the first I have
lost, and the first for whom I ever had to make such a terrible
decision. I did have to have my Jazmyn rat put to sleep a few years
ago, but she had had a stroke and lost all control and responsiveness,
it was an easier decision. Even then I cried for days. Lenny was
still all my old Lenny, just weakening and in pain from the cancer.
With the fentanyl patch, he would still eagerly hobble to his
waterfountain, my glass, or the clinic cats' bowls (anything but his
own water bowl), and he never missed his litter box, weak as he was.
He purred for me and hissed at strange cats (not really meaning it,
just to be brave) to his very last day.

It's hard. Of the 4 cats, he was the most intensely interactive and
devoted. I'm realizing how many of the things I loved, talked about,
shared, about "my cats" were really about "my Lenny". I love all my
kitties, but Lenny's intensity was such a big part of our family
dynamic, things will be very different without him. And as we mourn,
of course, the different feels like "worse" while this big gap is
still so fresh.

I hope Poppacat knows not to get mad if Lenny hisses - it's just
bravado, it was there until his emaciated little body stopped
entirely. He doesn't mean it and he really loves being with other
cats.

I think I gotta get more kleenex out of the staff room, and should get
back to work. More as I can manage it, friends -

Johanna
an' de Furrsome ThreeGirls.
Da Koster Katz wrote in message ...
fourcats wrote:

Peace, everyone. I'm going to finish cleaning the Lenny Memorial
Hairball,
then Lucy, Panda, Sprout and I are going to go curl up with a cup of
tea
and a book.

Johanna
Ms. Lucy
Panda-ov-Mourning-Toes
an' da Sprout!

Aw, hisspitt! I didn't see this when the cats posted their response in
the other thread.

You KNOW that I understand, Johanna. Poppa and Mr. Lenny are probably
right now rockin' and rollin' at the Bridge, happy as our little guys
can be.

{{{{{Johanna}}}}}

Joan, off to light her Rainbow Bridge candles for Mr. Lenny

*four tabbies and a tuxedo cat snuggle back down in the meatloaf
position, and resume their purrs with a slightly different tone*

Be happy, Mr. Lenny.

Junior, Bitsy, Baby, Cinni an Cookie