one of the reasons among many that Gramby and i are friends is because we
have a code of conversation of sorts... they include:

I am calling you to bitch/wine/ nvent... then ensuing tirade... thanks...

or I am calling you to just listen to this...

or ok now i need your thoughts about///
or am i being unreasonable...

gives a context up front as Gramby and i can fall into fixing stuff but at
least with each other this prefix if you will helps both of us, Lee
wrote in message
...
MLB wrote:

wrote:

I have a friend who, the moment
I appear to be even slightly struggling to do something, starts
reaching
over to grab the item from me because I'm obviously having trouble and
therefore require her help. This *really* irritates me, and she knows
that, but she can't seem to help herself.

Did ypu ever think that perhaps SHE needs to be needed? MLB

Oh, absolutely! She has classic co-dependency behaviors (trying to
"fix" and rescue other people, giving unsolicited advice, believing
that her job in life is to solve other people's problems, etc). I'm
all for people being helpful and generous, but only when help and
generosity is welcome.

I think this friend does this compulsively, so I don't yell at her
about it, but I do have to remind her all the time that, just because
I'm talking about a problem in my life, that doesn't mean I want
advice. Maybe I just want a sympathetic ear, or a different perspective,
or a place to vent. When I'm ready to take action about a problem, I
take action, but often times, I have to vent feelings about it first,
so I'm clear-headed enough to think. When someone tries to get me to
"*Do* something about it!" before I'm ready to, I feel disrespected,
like the person thinks all I want to do is whine and complain, and
doesn't believe I'll do anything unless they kick my butt. That's
insulting.

Also, when I need help with something, I'm perfectly capable of
asking for it. I don't mind when someone offers help, but if I say
"no, thanks", they should respect that.

--
Joyce ^..^

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