CatNipped wrote in message
m...
Cast of Characters:

Bandit - 14-year-old female DLH tabby
Sammy - 2 1/2 -month-old female DHL tabby

Hello, my name is Bandit and I'd like to air my grievances to you.
Mommy said the people on this list are very sympathetic and I'm hoping
you will sympathize with my horrible situation.

You see, my life used to be peaceful. My life used to be serene. My
life used to be pleasant! Then one day Mommy brought home a monster.

Oh, you wouldn't think she was a monster - less than a pound of fluff
with big blue eyes. But just looking into those eyes, I knew. I had
her number from the start. You think I'm lying? Just listen to what
my typical morning is like now.
SNIP

Bandit,

I sympathize from the bottom of my heart. MY life used to be serene and
predictable, too. Mommy's co-owner, Isadora, was sometimes rude to me, and
was always a bossy piece of baggage, but she and I had grown up together,
and were contemporaries. We understood the value of naps, separate food
bowls and peaceful mornings lolling in the sun on Mommy's bed without being
pounced upon or bitten. Then this past march, Mommy carelessly went and
left Isadora at the vet, and never brought her back again. I've quite given
up hope that Isadora will be back.

I have to admit, that for a while, my life became very pleasant, as Mommy
seriously upgraded my diet, and lavished love and attention on me, telling
me how beautiful and how loved I was, and giving me luxurious backrubs every
night before she went to sleep. This only continued for two months, however.
Late in May, she brought home this wet behind the ears teenager. (Decency
forces me to admit that at least this cocky youngster knows better than to
suck on her tail or paws, and keeps her teeth and tongue to herself where MY
tail and paws are concerned. But she does manage to be perpetually
underfoot when we rush to our food bowls at breakfast time every morning.)
And well, I can't help noticing that she's a rather nice looking lady cat,
if one DOES have to live with an unsophisticated junior.

Then about two weeks ago, this little indigent starts smelling alarmingly
sexy--I'm afraid I quite forgot myself and, at the mercy of pheromones, was
forced to chase her around the apartment--at MY age!! Shortly thereafter,
Mommy took HER off to the vet. I thought Mommy had come to her senses, and
realized life would be better without this upstart. You can imagine my
astonishment and indignation when she brought Francesca back, and not only
that! She brought this tiny little kitten home, too! I say its the thin end
of the wedge, and this madness MUST be stopped before she starts bringing
more and more babies home. I simply will NOT stand for my peaceful home
being turned into a nursery for indigent little layabout females and their
kittens. Right now, I have to admit, the small one is not too much trouble
to me. For one thing, she's too small to climb out of her enclosure. But
once she masters the trick, I fear I am in for nearly as much sleep
deprivation and pestering as you are currently experiencing.

Yours most sympathetically,

Panther.