Things CATS Must Try To Remember!

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Screaming at the can of food will not make it open itself.

I should not assume the patio door is open when I race outside to chase
leaves.

If I put a live mouse in my food bowl, I should not expect it to stay there
until I get hungry.

The guinea pig likes to sleep once in a while. I will not watch him
constantly.

If I bite the cactus, it will bite back.

I will not stand on the bathroom counter, stare down the hall, and growl at
nothing right after my human has finished watching "The X-Files".

Television and computer screens do not exist to backlight my lovely tail.

No matter how dangly and attractive they are, my human's earrings are not
cat toys.

If I play 'dead cat on the stairs' while people are trying to bring in
groceries or laundry, one of these days it will really come true.

My human is capable of cooking bacon and eggs without my help.

The canned cat food is already dead. I do not need to kill it by swatting
bits of it all over the floor. ( Cynthia's comment: or picking it up with my
mouth and shaking it from side to side)

I am a carnivore. Potted plants are not meat.

I will never be able to walk on the ceiling, and staring up the wall and
screaming at it will not bring it any closer.

It is not a good idea to try to lap up the powdered creamer before it all
dissolves in the boiling coffee.

The goldfish likes living in water and must be allowed to remain in its
bowl.

If my human wants to share her sandwich with me, she will give me a piece.
She will notice if I start eating it from the other end.

I cannot leap through closed windows to catch birds outside.

The large dog in the back yard has lived there for six years. I will not
freak out every time I see it.

I am a neutered cat, not a peacock, and prancing around with my tail fluffed
up will not make my balls grow back.

If I must give a present to my human's overnight guests, my toy mouse is
much more socially acceptable than a live cockroach, even if it isn't as
tasty.

Just because I hear voices in my head, I do not have to answer them!

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What a dog thinks about his master:

He loves me, he feeds and waters me, he takes care of me. He must be a god.

What a cat thinks about his master:

He loves me, he feeds and waters me, he takes care of me. I must be a god.