On 2011-08-03 7:46 PM, wrote:
This is a combination of some things I wrote to a couple of friends
today. I thought I'd reach out here, too.

I'm home "sick" today. I guess you could call it a mental health
day, although it feels more like a mental illness day to me. I'm
not getting enough sleep, I don't have much energy, and I feel
overwhelmed all the time. But mostly I just feel very alone.

I'm really scared about getting old and disabled and not having
anyone to take care of me. Apparently, it's a crime to be too damaged
to be able to form and keep close relationships. If you don't have a
partner, or kids, or an extended family, or a circle of loving
friends, I guess you can just go die in the street.

I don't need sympathy so much as I need people who simply enjoy
hanging out with me, whether in person or via the intertubes. I come
home each night to voicemails from 800 numbers, and I log on every
morning to a bunch of stupid notices about what some total stranger
did on LinkedIn or Facebook - my "social" networks that are really so
impersonal. Am I that much of a drag to be around? What have I done
to cause this? Or not done? (Not rhetorical - answer if you wish.)

Joyce

I don't mean to be hurtful or unduly negative, but ...

what I've found is that I need is to take care of myself and to not
expect more of my friends than they want to/can give. If I enjoy
someone's company while we're both doing some activity we enjoy, I
accept that with pleasure and remind myself it doesn't have to - and
probably won't - evolve into a lifelong intimate friendship. Those are
rare. There are other enjoyable types of friendship. I have to go
looking for them, though - get out of the house and do things I enjoy
even when I feel shy and tired and not up to meeting new people.

Choosing at least some activities that actively help others is also good
for the mood and for meeting like-minded new people.

But people come and go, particularly in this busy and mobile society. I
regret the waning and outright loss of friendships, some more than
others, but as long as I don't think I've done something like be rude or
inconsiderate which could break a friendship, I try to take it as just
part of life and nothing personal. (If I HAVE screwed up, I apologize
and if it's not accepted, move on. I've done my bit.)

I have no spouse or children, and my extended family is getting steadily
smaller as people age and die (and the ones I still have much contact
with don't have children, so my extended family doesn't really extend to
the next generation), but I don't worry much about dying or living alone.

No one knows how they're going to die. I might get run over crossing the
street today, and I won't have time to worry about who is going to nurse
me in my last illness!

And as we all know, having a spouse and children is no guarantee that
they'll be around if I become old and sick. They might die before me, or
become estranged (I could tell you a story or two!). Or one or more of
them might outlive me, but be so sick or disabled themselves that I
would need to care for them - and die in terrible anxiety about who will
take care of them afterwards! There are much worse things than dying in
some hospital bed with no one around other than the staff.

So ... I don't know you or your situation well enough to tell you what
to do, but these are some ideas I find helpful

--
Cheryl P.