On 14/04/2011 4:41 PM, wrote:
MaryL wrote:

I'm piggybacking here because the thread I was looking for is not on the
list I'm viewing. Your message to Joyce is similar to what I was going to
write. Someone told me that Joyce thought I was criticizing her with regard
to a decision to euthanize. That was not my intention at all. I was trying
to describe how hard the decision is and how it can be a mistake to wait too
long. Most of us have been through that--we keep "rethinking," and we are
always afraid that we made that terrible decision either too early or too
late.

I guess this is as good a time as any to give an update on this sad
story. I couldn't bring myself to post about it earlier. I helped Smudge
off to the next phase of life's journey, if indeed there is a next phase,
last Thursday morning, April. 7. Wherever she is, I know she's not hurting.

I brought her to a second vet. It was important to me to have a second
opinion before making such a huge and irreversible decision, but he
said essentially the same thing. He wasn't so worried about a rupture,
although he said it was possible. But he was certain that her cancer was
terminal and that she wouldn't live very long.

We talked about maybe giving her prednisone for a while, which would
slow down the cancer, help her feel better and get her eating again,
and might give her a few more weeks of some quality time. But the
problem is, she wanted to be outside. And the vet thought that was a
bad idea, because if she were to have a rupture, or some other painful
and life-threatening develpment, and happened to be outside when it
happened, she'd probably go off and hide. And it would also be very
difficult to medicate her regularly if she weren't in a place where I
would have control. That might have been worked out with a couple of
neighbors' help, but the bottom line was that she was too sick to be
out running around. So I was faced with the option of helping her feel
better, only to keep her cooped up in one room. What a cruel way to
end her days. That's not what I would consider "quality of life" for
a cat whose only requirement for happiness was to be free to come and
go, smell the outdoors, and visit her many human friends.

The vet was helpful, and he spent a lot of time with me helping me
think it through and come to a decision. I'm not sure I would have
been able to do that on my own. As it is, I've been second-guessing
myself ever since.

The next morning, a neighbor came up to me as I was leaving for work
to tell me how sorry she was. She said that many people in the
neighborhood were brokenhearted over it. Smudge was a very friendly
and popular cat. And then the neighbor said that she was going to
plant a tomato plant in her garden in honor of Smudge - just for me,
so I can have tomatoes all summer. Is that the sweetest thing ever??
The Smudge Memorial Tomato Plant, LOL.

Joyce

PS - Mary, I was so wracked with guilt and anxiety last week that I
was taking all sorts of comments as personal insults. You used the
word "selfish" in your post - which, it sounds like you're saying,
wasn't even directed at me. But unfortunately, that word presses my
hottest of hot buttons. And there's no way one can hold life or death
power over another being without worrying about being too selfish,
among many other things.

{{{{{Joyce}}}}}

The Smudge Memorial Tomato Plant sounds like a wonderful tribute. I'm
glad you have such great neighbours, and that Smudge was able to
brighten the day of so many people.

Yowie