[A black cat with a few small white spots walks up to the podium, followed by eight other cats -- some assured, some nervous, and two totally bewildered.]

Meow! I iz Fredrick T. Spawn uv da House of David. I is heer tu peigh tribewt to da hed uv mineown clowder, Ralph de Ralf; tu ar matreearch uv da clowder, Alice Ann Madre; and tu twu d*gz ov da howse, hoo were gud frenz tu da clowder and esphullee tu Ralph ana Alice, Charlotte Davidogue and Chuy Rex Davidogue.

Ralph de Ralf. Whut kin I seigh. It wud tayk a wurd fur every deigh ov his lif, nearly 7,300, tu efun start tu du him justis. He wuz fownd inna tree by owerownhumin wen he wuz jist a kitten, hollering his naym - "RALLLLLLPPPPHHHHH". She doptid him, effun dough she didn't want tu, ana luffed him effury deigh aftur dat. His sisfur, Laura Ann Mihstol (RB) lerned tu luff him tu. In fackt, effurwun lerned tu luff dat bi galloot. Ralph ana Laura mewed heer onna RPCC fur meny years. Dey made music, and met der wun troo lovs. Ralph met, winkwinked, and wedwinked Kissa of da Howse of Rennie.

Ralph wuz a luver ana he wuz a fiter.a sumowressler heer undur da nayme Da Ralphinator and caym closs tu defeeting da Great Girtha. He wuz also Sekritary uf Defenz ana uv Senyur Kittees. Du to a defective sekritaree, he hadn't postid much inna past yeerz.

Hizown biggist fite wuz aginst hizown failin kidneez. Wif hizownhumin'z help he fot fur tree yeers ana last yeer or sew he hadda eet ycuky fudz ana get stuck wif needullz dat put waddurmonsturz undur hiz skin.

Inna March he let hur kno dat he cudn't put off hiz jurnee eny longur. Shee cuddled him ana petted him ana rubbed hisownself's eerz. Den, wen he told hur da momint wuz at paw, she tuk him owt onna pattyo, rapped inna blankee, ana dey luked atta starz. She towld Ralph it wuz hookay tu leaf. Inna wee dark howurz uv March 17, twu weekz afore he wud bee twentee yeerz owld, he gafe a liddull shudder ana lept onna Rainbow Bridj.

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Alice Ann Madre fownd owerownselve'z humin wen Alice had kittenz inna wallz atta huminz work plaze. Shee wuznt feral likka humin thot sew she came tu uz. She luffed people ana most catz ana adoored skritchez, but shee ruled da howse wif an iron paw ana tot da d*gz tu respeckt catz. Hur fafforite fing, nekt tu fud, wuz cuddling wif mom onna couch ana bed.

Alice wuz alweighz hadda a nurfus stomch, probable cuz she had lotta kittenz wen she wuz jist a kitten. She also hadda lot uv furrballz cuz she washt alla uz (ana kept Ralph'z eerz kleen). She got reelee sik inna June ana had tu go tu TED. Dough TED tried furry hard, she cud not mayke Alice beddur sinze her pancreas ana liver got sik wif hur kidneez. She didn't want tu go wifowt a last cuddl sew da humin wint ana held hur wile TED helped hur cross da Rainbow Bridj onna July 6. She wuz problee onlee eight yeerz owld.

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Chalotte David*gue wuzn't wif uz long. She wuz rescued frum da desert almost ded frum no fudz or watur ana nursing puppeez. She tried to eet rockz ana dat hurt hur insidez. She got tu keet gudgud fudz ana all wattur she wantid fur offur a yeer before hur insidez cudn't get nutrishun frum da foodz. TED helpt hur cross da Rainbow Bridj onna April 21.

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Chuy Rex David*gue wuz wif uz fur bowt ten yeerz. He sed he wuznt a d*g but a chupacabra. Da humin sed he wuz a xolitizcuintle wich iz whut dey call a Mexican Hairless if dey want to bee correckt. He wuz a reskue, tew. He luffed da humin. He alsough loved Ralph ana Alice. Dat rest, wall, he likt catz ana people ana sum d*gz.

He had Vallee Feffur ana hart mumur ana uffer problimz. Diz summer hee started coughin ana TED sed dat hizown hart mumur wuz wuz ana he had COPD. He got moor pillz tu tayk. Den, jist twu weekz lattur, he had trubil breefing ana da humin wuz rushin him tu TED (itz a twu howr drife tu get der). Afore dey cud get der, Chuy crossed da Bridj tu be wif Ralph ana Alice.

[The black cat, still not used to being the head of his clowder, bows his head and lets the tears he had been holding back slip down his cheeks. He cheek smooches Jane, Ricky, Mary, Judith, Claude, Lilah, and the two newcomers Meggie & Cami. Maggie & Cami stay on the stage while the rest exit and take their seats.]