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Tough Decisions



 
 
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  #12  
Old August 25th 03, 03:55 AM
Hopitus2
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An excellent article. Our vet tells us that cats are even *more* stoic
animals than dogs, and extremely difficult to tell when they are in pain
until it's really overwhelming.


wrote in message
...
it will be hard to let her go, but I'm
thinking it is time.


You may find the following article helpful (which really applies to any
pet, not just dogs):

How Do You Know When It's Time?
by Hilary Brown

I don't subscribe to the idea that dogs "will let us know when it's
time", at least not in any conscious sense on their part. For one
thing, I've found in my years of counseling folks who have ill pets and
often accompanying them through the euthanasia process, that this notion
is often interpreted in a way that puts a lot of pressure on people when
they're already stressed and grief-stricken. "What if I miss the
signs? He looked miserable yesterday but not today. What if I act too
soon or not soon enough? How could he ever let on that he wants it to
end? But maybe I'm deluding myself that he feels better than he
does."

Dogs are not people. We lovingly anthropomorphize our dogs during our
time together and there's no harm in that, even quite a bit of reward
for both them and us. But the bottom line is that they are not people
and they don't think in the way people think. (Many of us would argue
that that speaks to the superiority of dogs.) These amazing beings love
us and trust us implicitly. It just isn't part of their awareness
that they should need to telegraph anything to us in order for their
needs to be met or their well-being ensured. They are quite sure that
we, as their pack leaders, operate only in their best interest at all
times. Emotional selfishness is not a concept in dogdom and they
don't know how hard we sometimes have to fight against it ourselves.

Dogs also have no mindset for emotional surrender or giving up. They
have no awareness of the inevitability of death as we do and they have
no fear of it. It is fear that so often influences and aggravates our
perceptions when we are sick or dying and it becomes impossible to
separate the fear out from the actual illness after a while. But
that's not the case with dogs. Whatever we observe to be wrong with
our sick dogs, it's all illness. And we don't even see the full
impact of that until it's at a very advanced point, because it's a dog's
nature to endure and to sustain the norm at all costs. If that
includes pain, then that's the way it is. Unlike us, they have never
learned that letting pain show, or reporting on it, may generate relief
or aid. So they endure, assuming in their deepest doggy subconscious
that whatever we abide for them is what is to be abided.

If there is a "look in the eye", or an indication of giving up, that we
think we see from our beloved dogs, it isn't a conscious attitude on
their part or a decision to communicate something to us. It's just an
indication of how tired and depleted they are. But they don't know
there's any option other than struggling on, so that's what they do.
We must assume that the discomfort we see is much less than the
discomfort they really feel. And we do know of other options and it
is entirely our obligation to always offer them the best option for that
moment, be it further intervention, or none, or the gift of rest.

From the moment we embrace these animals when they first grace our
lives, every day is one day closer to the day they must abandon their
very temporary and faulty bodies and return to the state of total
perfection and rapture they have always deserved. We march along one
day at a time, watching and weighing and continuing to embrace and
respect each stage as it comes. Today is a good day. Perhaps
tomorrow will be, too, and perhaps next week and the weeks or months
after. But there will eventually be a winding down. And we must
not let that part of the cycle become our enemy.

When I am faced with the ultimate decision about how I can best serve
the animal I love so much, I try to set aside all the complications and
rationales of what I may or may not understand medically and I try to
clear my mind of any of the confusions and ups and downs that are so
much a part of caring for a terminally ill pet. This is hard to do,
because for months and often years we have been in this mode of weighing
hard data, labs, food, how many ounces did he drink, should he have his
rabies shot or not, etc. But at some point it's time to put all of
that in the academic folder and open the spiritual folder instead. At
that point we are wise to ask ourselves the question: "Does he want
to be here today, to experience this day in this way, as much as I want
him to?"

Remember, dogs are not afraid, they are not carrying anxiety and fear of
the unknown. So for them it's only about whether this day holds
enough companionship and ease and routine so that they would choose to
have those things more than anything else and that they are able to
focus on those things beyond any discomfort or pain or frustration they
may feel. How great is his burden of illness this day, and does he
want/need to live through this day with this burden of illness as much
as I want/need him to? If I honestly believe that his condition is
such, his pleasures sufficient, that he would choose to persevere, then
that's the answer and we press on.

If, on the other hand, I can look honestly and bravely at the situation
and admit that he, with none of the fear or sadness that cripples me,
would choose instead to rest, then my obligation is clear. Because he
needs to know in his giant heart, beyond any doubt, that I will have the
courage to make the hard decisions on his behalf, that I will always put
his peace before my own, and that I am able to love him as unselfishly
as he has loved me.

After many years, and so very many loved ones now living on joyously in
their forever home in my heart, this is the view I take. As my
veterinarian, who is a good and loving friend, injects my precious one
with that freedom elixir, I always place my hand on top of his hand that
holds the syringe. He has chosen a life of healing animals and I know
how terribly hard it is for him to give up on one. So I want to
shoulder that burden with him so he's not alone. The law of my state
says the veterinarian is the one licensed to administer the shot, not
me. But a much higher law says this is my ultimate gift to my dog and
the responsibility that I undertook on the day I welcomed that dog into
my life forever.


Megan



"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do
nothing."

-Edmund Burke

Learn The TRUTH About Declawing
http://www.stopdeclaw.com

Zuzu's Cats Photo Album:
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"Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one
elementary truth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and
splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then
providence moves too. A whole stream of events issues from the decision,
raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen incidents, meetings and
material assistance, which no man could have dreamt would have come his
way."

- W.H. Murray



  #13  
Old August 25th 03, 05:29 AM
LOL
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"Jo Firey" wrote in message ...
I have a really tough decision to make and maybe could use some purrs and prayers for
guidance. Our tiny poodle is almost 16 years old. Her twin sister died several
months ago.
She has had heart trouble for several years but the medicine controls it. She is
blind. She used to get around pretty well, but now has a hard time getting in from
the back yard in daylight and bumps into things getting around the house. She has
gradually lost her hearing and is now stone deaf. So she mostly stays on the bed, (a
waterbed so she can tell where the edge is) or on the sofa if we will put her up. We
have to carry her outside to do her business as she will no longer go willingly. She
is good in knowing when her feet hit grass what she should do. And accidents are
getting more frequent. She still follows her nose around the house, likes to be held
and likes treats. But I'm not sure she finds the water as often as she should and
she doesn't eat her ordinary food very well. She seems very anxious when she is
moving around.

My spouse thinks she is fine. I'm not so sure. I owned her mother and delivered her
myself so it will be hard to let her go, but I'm thinking it is time.



Hi, Jo

This sounds very much like our toy poodle, Claudine, when I was in
high school. She lived to be 17, and was blind and deaf for the last
year or so of her life. We used to come in and stomp around hard on
the floor so she would know we were there from the vibrations - if we
touched her and she didn't know we were there, it frightened her. She
was frequently incontinent, which also upset her. She'd had epilepsy
all her life, and for many years had severe arthritis which made it
hard to get around. At the end, she had cancer and her kidneys were
failing. Still, she seemed comfortable in our presence and comforted
by her routine, and the time to say goodbye did not come until the vet
confirmed that he thought she was uncomfortable at best, and there was
nothing we could do to give her a better quality of life. Really, a
decision like this can only be based on your knowledge of her and how
the way she acts reflects the way she feels.

I would like to suggest talking to your vet about how she likely
*feels* on a daily basis. I believe it might help in making a
decision, and it's what I would do under the circumstances.

Whatever decision you make, we are sending loving purrs to you and all
your family.

------
Krista
  #14  
Old August 25th 03, 05:43 AM
JHBennett
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"Hopitus2" wrote in message
...
I can see where this thread could be a take-sides argumentative statement
for one view or another, but don't want to go there! From what you say re
your old poodle's behavior, every RB pet we've had (only the Akita was not

a
cat, but he was no different) gradually went down a slope accelerating to
first refusal to eat, then refusal to drink, then -to our observation -
non-painful, non-stressful descent into RB trip. We made them comfortable,
surrounded by their peers and hoomins (we weren't feeling so great

ourselves
from grief but you can't force old pets to eat/drink and the key word here
was *not suffering*) till the end came (the Akita's RB trip was much more
stressful to us only because he lasted twice as long as any of the cats
did). None of them had any diseases that we knew of, but were just *old*,
thin and feeble (if you live long enough and have enough pets you get to
know that look). Of course we cried and grieved but their earthly remains
are all in our huge backyard, where I still go and talk to each of them

now
and then. None were young or middle-aged when they left this earth for the
RB; none were "sick". Some folks cannot handle this method and prefer the
vet's needle; if any of them had been suffering I would have taken that
merciful route, but not to spare *our* distress. What you do depends on
which type of hoomin you are......I believe as long as the pet knows it is
still surrounded by those who love it and is not in pain or miserable
discomfort it should have the dignity of a natural death. But then what I

do
for a living necessitates seeing death pretty often (of hoomins, in an ER)
and then again, there are no children in our home.


I believe I side with you, on this matter. If an animal is suffering or in
distress, then it's time to end that suffering and be merciful. However, if
as someone suggested, it is a matter of convenience..... And what about the
quality of life consideration--or would it be argument? I used to watch
Ginger while she slept, and sometimes she was obviously dreaming, as her
paws would move as though she was chasing something. So, pets sleep a lot
and have their dreams. Which sounds pretty much like business as usual.
Otherwise, it's the enjoyment of a full tummy, a drink of fresh water, the
kind touch of a friend, and a good place to curl up for another dream.
That's not a bad deal...... for any of us.
Jack


  #15  
Old August 25th 03, 05:49 AM
Marina
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"Jo Firey" wrote

My spouse thinks she is fine. I'm not so sure. I owned her mother and

delivered her
myself so it will be hard to let her go, but I'm thinking it is time.


Jo, I'm so sorry, that is a very hard decision to make. Many many purrs that
you make the one that is best for the poor girl.

--
Marina, Frank and Nikki

  #16  
Old August 25th 03, 02:14 PM
bewtifulfreak
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Default

Hopitus2 wrote:
An excellent article. Our vet tells us that cats are even *more* stoic
animals than dogs, and extremely difficult to tell when they are in
pain until it's really overwhelming.


That's what our vet told us, too, about Gaspode, not to feel bad that we
didn't realize he was in pain until it was too late. We did feel bad, of
course, but yes, that was our experience, he hid it well, just seemed a bit
less social, until he couldn't breathe properly or get around.

Ann

--

http://www.angelfire.com/ca/bewtifulfreak





  #17  
Old August 25th 03, 09:49 PM
Jo Firey
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Thank you all for your input. The whole issue is something Charlie will not discuss
and I needed to "discuss" it somehow. For now we will focus on meeting her needs as
they change and increase. Blocking off "her" room will give her more security when
we aren't able to keep an eye on her and will be much easier than in the puppy days
when the litters loved to climb. I could likely keep her "in" with a ribbon at nose
level.

--
Jo Firey

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take
our breath away."
"Jo Firey" wrote in message
...
I have a really tough decision to make and maybe could use some purrs and prayers

for
guidance. Our tiny poodle is almost 16 years old. Her twin sister died several
months ago.
She has had heart trouble for several years but the medicine controls it. She is
blind. She used to get around pretty well, but now has a hard time getting in from
the back yard in daylight and bumps into things getting around the house. She has
gradually lost her hearing and is now stone deaf. So she mostly stays on the bed,

(a
waterbed so she can tell where the edge is) or on the sofa if we will put her up.

We
have to carry her outside to do her business as she will no longer go willingly.

She
is good in knowing when her feet hit grass what she should do. And accidents are
getting more frequent. She still follows her nose around the house, likes to be

held
and likes treats. But I'm not sure she finds the water as often as she should and
she doesn't eat her ordinary food very well. She seems very anxious when she is
moving around.

My spouse thinks she is fine. I'm not so sure. I owned her mother and delivered

her
myself so it will be hard to let her go, but I'm thinking it is time.

--
Jo Firey

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that

take
our breath away."




 




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