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#52
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[Long] Projecting Prejudices (WAS: 'Monster' Cat In China Weighs 33 Pounds)
"-L." wrote in message oups.com... wrote: CatNipped wrote: *NOBODY* *CHOOSES* *TO* *BE* *FAT*!!! That's probably true, for the most part. I do know people who choose not to diet, and by doing so, they stay fat. It's not a matter of "dieting". It's a matter of changing your lifestyle and for many fighting against your "natural" state which is "overweight" based on "societal"** standards. A low metabolism is a survival mechanism in most animals, including humans. And as Lori said - it is also a battle against an addiction for many. **Some societies/cultures value those who are overweight or obese - it's merely a matter or perspective. But I'm not convinced that dieting would make them thin anyway, so it's not really much of a choice after all. (I'm one of these people, by the way.) It is a myth that we can control our weight in the long run. Most of us cannot. We can lose weight in the short run, sure. And that's what gives us the idea that we control our weight. But for 98% of dieters, it comes back, often with even more weight. The real clincher for me is that dieting and regaining, over and over, is so unhealthy that I think it's better for me to remain at my current size. I'm not saying there are no risks to being at my weight, but until there is a SAFE, EFFECTIVE, and PERMANENT way to lose weight, I'm not doing it anymore. Instead, I'm putting my energy into eating well, exercising, and taking care of my body in the best way I can. So far, so good. Having a choice between this: http://www.possibleplaces.com/Before/ and this: http://www.possibleplaces.com/After/ does anybody in their right mind think I would *CHOOSE* or *ALLOW MYSELF* to look (AND FEEL!!) as I looked for 30 years of my life????!!!!! Well, frankly, Lori, I don't think you look so bad in the before picture! It's not a very flattering picture, which has nothing to do with your size. The picture is blurry, you're not wearing an outfit that flatters your body as well as another one might, and your haircut in the "after" picture is much better, too. It's like those weight-loss ads that show before and after pictures - the before picture always shows the woman in a muumuu and a bad haircut, looking unhappy, and the picture is blurry and has bad, unflattering lighting. The after photo always looks clean, crisp, colorful, and the woman is wearing a great outfit, is made up, and smiling to beat the band. Well NATURALLY she looks better in the after picture! Lori probably doesn't have any good pictures of herself at her highest weight because she felt so bad about herself either she didn't let people take photos or her low self-esteem showed in the photos that were taken. (Excuse me Lori, if this isn't true.) I have weighed everything from 98 to 198 as an adult. You will never find a pic of me at 198 - none were taken. You will only find one of me at 98 - for the same exact reasons. Very true! Those pictures were taken on a trip to New York City and I *HAD* to have at least a couple of pictures of me there - but I hated them. My clothes were sloppy (except for work), my hair was a mess - because, besides feeling bad and tired all the time, I had no self-esteem at that point. I'm normally a very out-going, happy-go-lucky type person, but when I was that weight very few people would even bother to talk to me! I once , while looking for a prom dress for my daughter, walked into a 5-7-9 store and had a skinny little sales girl run up to me before I got two steps inside the door. She looked me up and down and said, with sneer on her face, "Oh we don't sell your sizes in this store." I said, "Well thank you for telling me that before I spent hundreds of dollars on my daughter's prom dress, we wouldn't want a snotty little git like you to have *that* commission, now would we?" I stuck my nose up and walked out the store, but when I got to the parking lot I sat in my car and cried - then I went out and had a Big Mac (my comfort food - the more people rag on you about your weight, the worse you feel, and the more comfort food you need). You see, for me (and I suspect for a lot of other people) overeating wasn't about being greedy about food. What I was trying to do was somehow fill up that huge void inside of me that *should* have been filled with my mother's love and approval. By the time I finally realized that was my problem (and able to give to myself what my mother withheld from me) I was so overweight (and had been for so long) that simple dieting would never have worked. Even knowing this about myself, I still have times when I want comfort food, though - it's insidious. -- Hugs, CatNipped See all my masters at: http://www.PossiblePlaces.com/CatNipped/ Of course, I can't tell you how you *felt* at your higher weight, that's not something I could know. But I don't think fat equals ugly, so when I see a fat person, I don't automatically dismiss them as unattractive. It would take other attributes to turn me off of someone - fat or thin. American society does not value people who are even moderately overweight. So you are the exception. However, it's true that most people would not choose to be the object of prejudice, discrimination, ridicule, rejection, and so forth. So given the choice, most people would lose weight and keep it off, if they could. So why can't they? Maybe because biologically, our bodies fight any and all attempts to lose weight? Your metabolism doesn't know the difference between chosen and unchosen starvation, after all. And we're still here on earth because our bodies have evolved ways to keep ourselves from starving. Bingo. What I really can't stand is the moral righteousness people have about fat people. What is that about? To all who are reading this post: if you are the kind of person who sneers at a fat person and who believes that they deserve moral judgement, could you take a few minutes and ask yourself why you feel the need to make that judgement? What's it to ya, anyway? Why do you care if a fat person complains about her health, but doesn't "do anything" about her weight? It seems so petty and sophomoric. snip No, now they're gun-toting gangstas. Don't assume racism is gone just because polite white people don't express it openly. I do agree with you that it's still OK to express fat-hatred openly. But as a white person, I can't assume that racism isn't getting expressed just because I don't see it very much. Ask any black person you meet, and you'll hear about being followed in stores by clerks, stopped on the highway for no reason at all ("Driving While Black"), people crossing the street when they see them coming. It's still there, even if it's more hidden than it used to be. It's just become more covert and subtle. Racism is still alive and well in America. What people don't seem to "get" is that overeating is an addiction like every other addiction *with one crucial exception* - you can't avoid food like you can avoid the source of other addictions. And this assumes that all fat people eat too much, which is simply not the case. That is a superficial analysis and ignores the complexity of the human metabolism. Bingo. Plus the addiction, and the psychological ramifications of being overweight. Which is not to deny that many people do have eating disorders, and I'm sure that is hell to live with and recover from. Many people go from one eating disorder to another. I have suffered obesity and anorexia nervosa, both. And I can tell you that 100% of my eating disorders stemmed from societal pressure and low self-esteem. It took me 30-some-odd years to learn not to hate my body - a lesson I learned from society at a very young age. We are doing a number on our little girls in this country. And it is the bigots and the media who sneer at overweight girls/women who are guilty. -L. |
#53
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[Long] Projecting Prejudices (WAS: 'Monster' Cat In China Weighs 33 Pounds)
"-L." wrote in message
ups.com... Can't snip a word (Bravo!) but will add a comment. It's not just the obese who get discriminated against in this manner - it's the moderately overweight as well. But I do think the fatter you are, the worse you get treated. And let's not forget the double standard when it somes to sex - fat men are treated a whole lot better in society than fat women are. -L. Right! Just look at sitcoms like "The King of Queens" - and there are dozens more like this - where a fat guy has a hot wife, and nobody blinks an eye at this. How many TV shows have you seen where a fat woman has a hot husband? -- Hugs, CatNipped See all my masters at: http://www.PossiblePlaces.com/CatNipped/ |
#54
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[OT] [Long] Projecting Prejudices (WAS: 'Monster' Cat In China Weighs 33 Pounds)
Cheryl Perkins wrote:
what is so great about "self-control"? I mean, as a moral virtue. I think it's a pretty important moral virtue. If you don't have self-control, you will never do or think anything that doesn't interest or benefit you. Well, you didn't quote the part where I also said it's important to control oneself in many circumstances, because otherwise you end up hurting people. From your post alone, some people might infer that I think we should all go around doing and saying whatever we pleased. I was questioning the idea that "self-control" is such a virtue unto itself, that people will judge your lack (or *perceived* lack) of it in reference to behaviors that have no victims. In other words, self- control becomes an end in itself, rather than simply a means to deal with social relationships in a decent and civilized way. I will admire someone who exerts self-control, when not to do so would cause harm. I will usually judge someone who doesn't. But I don't have any particular admiration for people who maintain self-control over their private behaviors, or who do it just for the sake of doing it. I mean, self-control for its own sake is what anorexia is all about, isn't it? I find that pathological. And anyway, I think it's a depressing view of human nature to say that if nobody had self-control, we'd never do anything nice for each other. Don't we also have kind impulses? A lack of self-control wouldn't stop us from acting on those. We'd do a lot of nasty things, too, but I like to think our basic natures are also good. Joyce |
#55
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Projecting Prejudices (WAS: 'Monster' Cat In China Weighs 33 Pounds)
CatNipped wrote: Very true! Those pictures were taken on a trip to New York City and I *HAD* to have at least a couple of pictures of me there - but I hated them. My clothes were sloppy (except for work), my hair was a mess - because, besides feeling bad and tired all the time, I had no self-esteem at that point. I'm normally a very out-going, happy-go-lucky type person, but when I was that weight very few people would even bother to talk to me! Actually I just looked at them and they aren't *that* bad. I was surprised at the difference though - wowie! I once , while looking for a prom dress for my daughter, walked into a 5-7-9 store and had a skinny little sales girl run up to me before I got two steps inside the door. She looked me up and down and said, with sneer on her face, "Oh we don't sell your sizes in this store." I said, "Well thank you for telling me that before I spent hundreds of dollars on my daughter's prom dress, we wouldn't want a snotty little git like you to have *that* commission, now would we?" I stuck my nose up and walked out the store, but when I got to the parking lot I sat in my car and cried - then I went out and had a Big Mac (my comfort food - the more people rag on you about your weight, the worse you feel, and the more comfort food you need). Good for you telling that *bitch* off. You see, for me (and I suspect for a lot of other people) overeating wasn't about being greedy about food. What I was trying to do was somehow fill up that huge void inside of me that *should* have been filled with my mother's love and approval. By the time I finally realized that was my problem (and able to give to myself what my mother withheld from me) I was so overweight (and had been for so long) that simple dieting would never have worked. Even knowing this about myself, I still have times when I want comfort food, though - it's insidious. I struggle with a few comfort foods from time to time. Mac 'N' Cheese - homemade, baked with onions and a nice creamy sauce. Damn, that's good. That's the one dish passed down from my paternal Grandmother that I still make. -L. |
#56
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Projecting Prejudices (WAS: 'Monster' Cat In China Weighs 33 Pounds)
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#57
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Projecting Prejudices (WAS: 'Monster' Cat In China Weighs 33 Pounds)
wrote in message
oups.com... CatNipped wrote: Very true! Those pictures were taken on a trip to New York City and I *HAD* to have at least a couple of pictures of me there - but I hated them. My clothes were sloppy (except for work), my hair was a mess - because, besides feeling bad and tired all the time, I had no self-esteem at that point. I'm normally a very out-going, happy-go-lucky type person, but when I was that weight very few people would even bother to talk to me! Actually I just looked at them and they aren't *that* bad. I was surprised at the difference though - wowie! Well, DH loved the way I looked (he loves big women and I was really worried about losing a lot of weight - but he still loves me!* ;), and I didn't care about anyone else. So it wasn't so much the way I looked as it was the way I felt that prompted me to have the surgery. I can't tell you how much it meant to me, when my granddaughters were here, to be able to *RUN* and play with them - sliding down water slides (well, more like careening down, LOL), swinging on swings. The difference in the way I feel, and my future health outlook (I've probably added at least 20 years to my life, since we're a long-lived family) - *that's* what amazes me. *He's also very glad that I'm so much healthier than I was. I once , while looking for a prom dress for my daughter, walked into a 5-7-9 store and had a skinny little sales girl run up to me before I got two steps inside the door. She looked me up and down and said, with sneer on her face, "Oh we don't sell your sizes in this store." I said, "Well thank you for telling me that before I spent hundreds of dollars on my daughter's prom dress, we wouldn't want a snotty little git like you to have *that* commission, now would we?" I stuck my nose up and walked out the store, but when I got to the parking lot I sat in my car and cried - then I went out and had a Big Mac (my comfort food - the more people rag on you about your weight, the worse you feel, and the more comfort food you need). Good for you telling that *bitch* off. It made me really sad for every woman who was overweight and might have walked into that store just trying to get some incentive to diet, or just looking and dreaming. One of the reasons this thread "set me off" was knowing that there are people out there who feel smug, and justified in being mean to and making fun of overweight people. And the media buys into it also - with all our obsession with super-model skinniness, the opposite is considered to be bad - not different, but *BAD*! It's so ironic that we are the richest nation on the planet, with most of our population *considered* "overweight", and we have children who are deliberately starving themselves to death! You see, for me (and I suspect for a lot of other people) overeating wasn't about being greedy about food. What I was trying to do was somehow fill up that huge void inside of me that *should* have been filled with my mother's love and approval. By the time I finally realized that was my problem (and able to give to myself what my mother withheld from me) I was so overweight (and had been for so long) that simple dieting would never have worked. Even knowing this about myself, I still have times when I want comfort food, though - it's insidious. I struggle with a few comfort foods from time to time. Mac 'N' Cheese - homemade, baked with onions and a nice creamy sauce. Damn, that's good. That's the one dish passed down from my paternal Grandmother that I still make. -L. Ooooooo - YUM! Yeah, I still have to be vigilant and not give in to those comfort foods - if I do I know I'll eat too much of them and hurt myself! ; -- Hugs, CatNipped See all my masters at: http://www.PossiblePlaces.com/CatNipped/ |
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