If this is your first visit, be sure to check out the FAQ by clicking the link above. You may have to register before you can post: click the register link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below. |
|
|
Thread Tools | Display Modes |
#1
|
|||
|
|||
Cats & Pills
Cats & Pills
1. Grasp cat firmly in your arms. Cradle its head on your elbow, just as if you were giving baby a bottle. Coo confidently, "That's a nice kitty." Drop pill into its mouth. 2. Retrieve cat from top of lamp and pill from under sofa. 3. Follow same procedure as in 1, but hold cat's front paws down with left hand and back paws down with elbow of right arm. Poke pill into its mouth with right forefinger. 4. Retrieve cat from under bed. Get new pill from bottle. (Resist impulse to get new cat.) 5. Again proceed as in 1, except when you have cat firmly cradled in bottle-feeding position, sit down on edge of chair, fold your torso over cat, bring your right hand over your left elbow, open cat's mouth by lifting the upper jaw and pop the pill in - quickly. Since your head is down by your knees, you won't be able to see what you're doing. That's just as well. 6. Leave cat hanging on drapes. Leave pill in your hair. 7. If you're a woman, have a good cry. If you're a man, have a good cry. 8. Now pull yourself together. Who's the boss here anyway? Retrieve cat and pill. Assuming position 1, say sternly, "Who's the boss here, anyway?" Open cat's mouth, take pill and...Oops! 9. This isn't working, is it? Collapse and think. Aha! Those flashing claws are causing the chaos. 10. Crawl to linen closet. Drag back large beach towel. Spread towel on floor. 11. Retrieve cat from kitchen counter and pill from potted plant. 12. Spread cat on towel near one end with its head over long edge. 13. Flatten cat's front and back legs over its stomach. (Resist impulse to flatten cat.) 14. Roll cat in towel. Work fast; time and tabbies wait for no man or woman. 15. Resume position 1. Rotate your left hand to cat's head. Press its mouth at the jaw hinges like opening the petals of a snapdragon. 16. Drop pill into cat's mouth and poke gently. Voila! It's done. 17. Vacuum up loose fur (cat's). Apply bandages to wounds (yours). 18. Take two aspirins and lie down. 19. Forget aspirin, drink glass of wine and lie down. |
Thread Tools | |
Display Modes | |
|
|
Similar Threads | ||||
Thread | Thread Starter | Forum | Replies | Last Post |
rec.pets.cats: Norwegian Forest Cat Breed-FAQ | Bjorn Steensrud | Cat Information | 0 | October 19th 05 05:37 AM |
rec.pets.cats: Traditional Siamese Breed-FAQ | Laura Gilbreath | Cat Information | 0 | October 19th 05 05:35 AM |
performing cats | Norm | Cat anecdotes | 0 | September 18th 05 03:32 AM |
Cat predation studies | Alison | Cat health & behaviour | 48 | February 5th 04 03:17 AM |
@#*%)^@ Cats! | paghat | Cat health & behaviour | 62 | August 28th 03 04:55 AM |