A joke for Catnipped - OT

"Joy" wrote in message
...
In case you still want jokes, here's one:
A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened
a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy
flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the
competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but
they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They
ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest
and most vicious thug in town to 'persuade' them to close. Hugh beat
up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they
didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that
only Hugh can prevent florist friars.
Joy

"Robert Catt" wrote in message ...
Good timing, Joy. My Special Person lunches every Thursday with a group of
women who used to work where she did, and they're disappointed if she
doesn't bring copies of jokes they all can enjoy. You sent this one just in
time for me to print copies for her!


I also sent it to a cousin in Ottawa, who passed it on to a friend. The
friend replied:

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!
Bad enough that you ruin my weekdays with this stuff.
now you're expanding to try to ruin my weekends?..."

To get back to jokes (and the Leprecaun joke has already caused much
hilarity amongst friends) here's one I like:
"These 4 ladies meet every week to play golf, they've been doing it
for years and they've become best friends- so one afternoon in the bar
afterwards one of them says: "I really want to tell someone my
problem and you are all my closest friends....Okay I'm a compulsive
shoplifter...at home I have wardrobes full of stolen clothes etc. It's
not I can't afford to buy them it's just the thrill of stealing them.
I live in dread of what will happen if I'm caught, my husband could
lose his job but I can't help myself"

The next woman says "Okay if we're being honest...I'm an
alcoholic,,,,I might look sober right now but that;s because before
coming to play golf I drank half a bottle of vodka...and that was just
what I normally have for breakfast. I hide bottles all over the house
and drink at least 2 bottles of vodka every day"

The next woman says "I'm addicted to sex. The day of my wedding I had
the best man in the room where we signed the register then my
husband. We've know each other for so long that I have to confess
I've had sex with all your husbands and your sons and I go to bars
every night just to pick up men for meaningless sex"

And the fourth woman stands up and says: "My problem is I am a
compulsive gossip and I have got to find a phone"

Lesley

Slave of the Fabulous Furballs

Trust me, if you want the birds to flock around you, screaming and
begging you for what you have to offer...Buy some chips at the sea-side.


--
Adrian

The customs officer leans in the open window of the car:"Alcohol?
Cigarettes?""No thanks, just two coffees please."


--
Adrian

On Aug 27, 8:58*am, Adrian wrote:
The customs officer leans in the open window of the car:"Alcohol?
Cigarettes?""No thanks, just two coffees please."

Nice one!

"When I was in high school my friends would chase any girl who had a
pulse- I said to them "Why limit yourself?""- Emo Phillips

Lesley

Slave of the Fabulous Furballs

"Mark Edwards" wrote in message
...


Mark Edwards wrote:
How about That that is is that that is not is not is not that it it is

No cluons were harmed when CatNipped said:
OK, you've got me stumped. How *would* you punctuate that to make sense?


That that is, is. That that is not, is not. Is not that it? It is!

(What is, is. What is not, is not. Right? Right!)

I'm also reminded of the story about a linguistics professor telling
his students that in some cultures, a double negative (ain't not!) is
a negative, in some cultures it's a positive and in other cultures
it's meaningless, but in NO culture is a double positive a negative.

From the back of the classroom a student replies sarcastically, "Yeah,
yeah..."


Hugs and Purrs,
Mark

The version I read has the student saying, "Yeah, right." ;-)

Joy

"Adrian" wrote in message
...
The customs officer leans in the open window of the car:"Alcohol?
Cigarettes?""No thanks, just two coffees please."


--
Adrian

That one literally made me LOL!

Joy

"Robert Catt" wrote in message
...
"Joy" wrote in message
...
In case you still want jokes, here's one:
A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened
a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy
flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the
competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but
they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They
ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest
and most vicious thug in town to 'persuade' them to close. Hugh beat
up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they
didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that
only Hugh can prevent florist friars.
Joy

"Robert Catt" wrote in message ...
Good timing, Joy. My Special Person lunches every Thursday with a group of
women who used to work where she did, and they're disappointed if she
doesn't bring copies of jokes they all can enjoy. You sent this one just
in
time for me to print copies for her!


I also sent it to a cousin in Ottawa, who passed it on to a friend. The
friend replied:

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!
Bad enough that you ruin my weekdays with this stuff.
now you're expanding to try to ruin my weekends?..."

I'm glad it was so successful. ;-)

Joy

On 25/08/2011 9:36 AM, Joy wrote:
In case you still want jokes, here's one:

A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened
a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy
flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the
competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but
they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They
ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest
and most vicious thug in town to 'persuade' them to close. Hugh beat
up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they
didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that
only Hugh can prevent florist friars.


During a visit to my doctor, I asked him, "How do you determine whether
or not a retiree should be put in an old age home?"
"Well," he said, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a
teacup and a bucket to the retiree and ask him or her to empty the bathtub"
"Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the bucket
because it is bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No" he said. "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed
near the window?"

Yowie

Yowie wrote:

During a visit to my doctor, I asked him, "How do you determine
whether or not a retiree should be put in an old age home?"
"Well," he said, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a
teacup and a bucket to the retiree and ask him or her to empty the
bathtub"
"Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the bucket
because it is bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No" he said. "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed
near the window?"

Yowie

ROTFL

--
Adrian