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#11
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This is just horrible. I can't (well, I can, that's the sad part) believe
that the girlfriend is sticking by him. We had two sweet cats turned in to the shelter because the boyfriend was beating on them. At least the girlfriend had the smarts to get the cats out of the house. We had her talk to a battered women's shelter worker. Unfortuntaely, the last we heard from her is that she is going back to the boyfriend. I bet anything in a couple years this guy is going to be abusing children. -- -Kelly kelly at farringtons dot net Check out www.snittens.com "James Marz" wrote in message om... What would you do if your daughters boyfriend did this to your cats? This was taken from an article by Amber Hunt Martin. start article It wasn't just that Edward Baker allegedly bashed the cat in the face. Or that he chased it around the blood-spattered laundry room. Or that he extinguished cigarettes on another cat's paws. It was, authorities said, that he acted methodically, intentionally. Baker, 20, is charged with animal torture, a felony punishable by up to 4 years in prison upon conviction. Police said Baker was living with his 17-year-old girlfriend and her family when he began tormenting and beating two orange tabbies named Crystal and Haley, ages 8 and 3. Crystal had been bashed in the face with a bottle of laundry detergent so hard, her teeth pierced the bottle. The impact broke her lower jaw and cracked her sternum and upper jaw. Her daughter, Haley, had singed fur and charred, black paw pads, apparently from being burned by a lighter or cigarettes. Both cats are healing at home, said their owner, Kim Steis. "They're still a little afraid when someone walks down the hallway," she said Tuesday. "I don't think they'll ever be the same." Steis, whose daughter Tia is still dating Baker, said the man moved into her Clinton Township ranch in December. Baker seemed friendly, she said, but the cats clearly didn't like him. Steis discovered that Haley's left front leg was broken in January. Steis didn't know how it happened, but she noticed that the usually people-friendly pet raced from a room when Baker entered. Then, on Feb. 21, she heard Crystal wailing in the laundry room. She said she found the cat on her back near the furnace, hissing at Baker, who hovered nearby. Crystal's mouth was bloody and swollen; both eyes were bruised. Steis has paid $1,767 in veterinarian bills. Baker's girlfriend is standing by him and has offered to testify on his behalf. end article Well, What would you like to do or say to this man? James Marz For full article http://www.freep.com/news/locmac/peta14_20040414.htm |
#12
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Some people don't have the strength. I have always wondered why women who
get treated badly seem to go back to the guy who does it? Of course when abuse is involved, the pattern seems to be that the guy promises to change or says he won't do it anymore. Then he'll get violent again and continue to do harm. Unless women who are being abused break free from the relationship and seek help they'll continue to allow themselves to be victims. It is all about power and control. Of course some men can be the victims in abusive relationships too. It is sad. It is even worse when the animal is abused. -- Panther TEK: Staying On Top Of All Your Computer Needs! www.members.cox.net/catprotector/panthertek Cat Galaxy: All Cats, All The Time! www.catgalaxymedia.com "KellyH" wrote in message news:e1Rmc.37290$Ia6.6537801@attbi_s03... This is just horrible. I can't (well, I can, that's the sad part) believe that the girlfriend is sticking by him. We had two sweet cats turned in to the shelter because the boyfriend was beating on them. At least the girlfriend had the smarts to get the cats out of the house. We had her talk to a battered women's shelter worker. Unfortuntaely, the last we heard from her is that she is going back to the boyfriend. I bet anything in a couple years this guy is going to be abusing children. -- -Kelly kelly at farringtons dot net Check out www.snittens.com "James Marz" wrote in message om... What would you do if your daughters boyfriend did this to your cats? This was taken from an article by Amber Hunt Martin. start article It wasn't just that Edward Baker allegedly bashed the cat in the face. Or that he chased it around the blood-spattered laundry room. Or that he extinguished cigarettes on another cat's paws. It was, authorities said, that he acted methodically, intentionally. Baker, 20, is charged with animal torture, a felony punishable by up to 4 years in prison upon conviction. Police said Baker was living with his 17-year-old girlfriend and her family when he began tormenting and beating two orange tabbies named Crystal and Haley, ages 8 and 3. Crystal had been bashed in the face with a bottle of laundry detergent so hard, her teeth pierced the bottle. The impact broke her lower jaw and cracked her sternum and upper jaw. Her daughter, Haley, had singed fur and charred, black paw pads, apparently from being burned by a lighter or cigarettes. Both cats are healing at home, said their owner, Kim Steis. "They're still a little afraid when someone walks down the hallway," she said Tuesday. "I don't think they'll ever be the same." Steis, whose daughter Tia is still dating Baker, said the man moved into her Clinton Township ranch in December. Baker seemed friendly, she said, but the cats clearly didn't like him. Steis discovered that Haley's left front leg was broken in January. Steis didn't know how it happened, but she noticed that the usually people-friendly pet raced from a room when Baker entered. Then, on Feb. 21, she heard Crystal wailing in the laundry room. She said she found the cat on her back near the furnace, hissing at Baker, who hovered nearby. Crystal's mouth was bloody and swollen; both eyes were bruised. Steis has paid $1,767 in veterinarian bills. Baker's girlfriend is standing by him and has offered to testify on his behalf. end article Well, What would you like to do or say to this man? James Marz For full article http://www.freep.com/news/locmac/peta14_20040414.htm |
#13
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Some people don't have the strength. I have always wondered why women who
get treated badly seem to go back to the guy who does it? Of course when abuse is involved, the pattern seems to be that the guy promises to change or says he won't do it anymore. Then he'll get violent again and continue to do harm. Unless women who are being abused break free from the relationship and seek help they'll continue to allow themselves to be victims. It is all about power and control. Of course some men can be the victims in abusive relationships too. It is sad. It is even worse when the animal is abused. -- Panther TEK: Staying On Top Of All Your Computer Needs! www.members.cox.net/catprotector/panthertek Cat Galaxy: All Cats, All The Time! www.catgalaxymedia.com "KellyH" wrote in message news:e1Rmc.37290$Ia6.6537801@attbi_s03... This is just horrible. I can't (well, I can, that's the sad part) believe that the girlfriend is sticking by him. We had two sweet cats turned in to the shelter because the boyfriend was beating on them. At least the girlfriend had the smarts to get the cats out of the house. We had her talk to a battered women's shelter worker. Unfortuntaely, the last we heard from her is that she is going back to the boyfriend. I bet anything in a couple years this guy is going to be abusing children. -- -Kelly kelly at farringtons dot net Check out www.snittens.com "James Marz" wrote in message om... What would you do if your daughters boyfriend did this to your cats? This was taken from an article by Amber Hunt Martin. start article It wasn't just that Edward Baker allegedly bashed the cat in the face. Or that he chased it around the blood-spattered laundry room. Or that he extinguished cigarettes on another cat's paws. It was, authorities said, that he acted methodically, intentionally. Baker, 20, is charged with animal torture, a felony punishable by up to 4 years in prison upon conviction. Police said Baker was living with his 17-year-old girlfriend and her family when he began tormenting and beating two orange tabbies named Crystal and Haley, ages 8 and 3. Crystal had been bashed in the face with a bottle of laundry detergent so hard, her teeth pierced the bottle. The impact broke her lower jaw and cracked her sternum and upper jaw. Her daughter, Haley, had singed fur and charred, black paw pads, apparently from being burned by a lighter or cigarettes. Both cats are healing at home, said their owner, Kim Steis. "They're still a little afraid when someone walks down the hallway," she said Tuesday. "I don't think they'll ever be the same." Steis, whose daughter Tia is still dating Baker, said the man moved into her Clinton Township ranch in December. Baker seemed friendly, she said, but the cats clearly didn't like him. Steis discovered that Haley's left front leg was broken in January. Steis didn't know how it happened, but she noticed that the usually people-friendly pet raced from a room when Baker entered. Then, on Feb. 21, she heard Crystal wailing in the laundry room. She said she found the cat on her back near the furnace, hissing at Baker, who hovered nearby. Crystal's mouth was bloody and swollen; both eyes were bruised. Steis has paid $1,767 in veterinarian bills. Baker's girlfriend is standing by him and has offered to testify on his behalf. end article Well, What would you like to do or say to this man? James Marz For full article http://www.freep.com/news/locmac/peta14_20040414.htm |
#14
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Well said Craig.
All animals are sentient beings - and only a true psychopath would want to harm them. A recent documentary on the military and killing featured recent research which found that just 2% of troops were responsible for 95% of the killing. This 2% was composed of psychopaths who are not hardwired against killing their own species - an evolutionary adaptation ensuring survival of the species. They usually begin their lives by torturing and killing animals. "Craig Petersen" wrote in message ... James Marz wrote: What would you do if your daughters boyfriend did this to your cats? rant Personally I would treat this dickless piece of **** in the same manner. What would happen to me would be irrevelant, as long as I had the satisfaction beating the **** out of a sadistic animal abuser. Animal abusers are PUSSYS, they pick on the most defenseless beings on the planet, they cannot contribute ANYTHING usefull to society. If I seem a bit extreme it's because most, if not ALL animal abusers get nothing more than an insulting slap on the wrist. I don't consider pets to be "property" or "things to be owned", that's what your DVD and or TV are for. Animals are beings, just like you and me. They are just unfortunate enough to be born on a planet that is populated by a bunch of sadistic cannibals (AKA Man). If you have pets you are their GUARDIAN ( you don't OWN them anymore that you would OWN your children ), and are 100% responsible for their well being. /rant This was taken from an article by Amber Hunt Martin. start article It wasn't just that Edward Baker allegedly bashed the cat in the face. Or that he chased it around the blood-spattered laundry room. Or that he extinguished cigarettes on another cat's paws. It was, authorities said, that he acted methodically, intentionally. Baker, 20, is charged with animal torture, a felony punishable by up to 4 years in prison upon conviction. Police said Baker was living with his 17-year-old girlfriend and her family when he began tormenting and beating two orange tabbies named Crystal and Haley, ages 8 and 3. Crystal had been bashed in the face with a bottle of laundry detergent so hard, her teeth pierced the bottle. The impact broke her lower jaw and cracked her sternum and upper jaw. Her daughter, Haley, had singed fur and charred, black paw pads, apparently from being burned by a lighter or cigarettes. Both cats are healing at home, said their owner, Kim Steis. "They're still a little afraid when someone walks down the hallway," she said Tuesday. "I don't think they'll ever be the same." Steis, whose daughter Tia is still dating Baker, said the man moved into her Clinton Township ranch in December. Baker seemed friendly, she said, but the cats clearly didn't like him. Steis discovered that Haley's left front leg was broken in January. Steis didn't know how it happened, but she noticed that the usually people-friendly pet raced from a room when Baker entered. Then, on Feb. 21, she heard Crystal wailing in the laundry room. She said she found the cat on her back near the furnace, hissing at Baker, who hovered nearby. Crystal's mouth was bloody and swollen; both eyes were bruised. Steis has paid $1,767 in veterinarian bills. Baker's girlfriend is standing by him and has offered to testify on his behalf. end article Well, What would you like to do or say to this man? James Marz For full article http://www.freep.com/news/locmac/peta14_20040414.htm |
#15
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Well said Craig.
All animals are sentient beings - and only a true psychopath would want to harm them. A recent documentary on the military and killing featured recent research which found that just 2% of troops were responsible for 95% of the killing. This 2% was composed of psychopaths who are not hardwired against killing their own species - an evolutionary adaptation ensuring survival of the species. They usually begin their lives by torturing and killing animals. "Craig Petersen" wrote in message ... James Marz wrote: What would you do if your daughters boyfriend did this to your cats? rant Personally I would treat this dickless piece of **** in the same manner. What would happen to me would be irrevelant, as long as I had the satisfaction beating the **** out of a sadistic animal abuser. Animal abusers are PUSSYS, they pick on the most defenseless beings on the planet, they cannot contribute ANYTHING usefull to society. If I seem a bit extreme it's because most, if not ALL animal abusers get nothing more than an insulting slap on the wrist. I don't consider pets to be "property" or "things to be owned", that's what your DVD and or TV are for. Animals are beings, just like you and me. They are just unfortunate enough to be born on a planet that is populated by a bunch of sadistic cannibals (AKA Man). If you have pets you are their GUARDIAN ( you don't OWN them anymore that you would OWN your children ), and are 100% responsible for their well being. /rant This was taken from an article by Amber Hunt Martin. start article It wasn't just that Edward Baker allegedly bashed the cat in the face. Or that he chased it around the blood-spattered laundry room. Or that he extinguished cigarettes on another cat's paws. It was, authorities said, that he acted methodically, intentionally. Baker, 20, is charged with animal torture, a felony punishable by up to 4 years in prison upon conviction. Police said Baker was living with his 17-year-old girlfriend and her family when he began tormenting and beating two orange tabbies named Crystal and Haley, ages 8 and 3. Crystal had been bashed in the face with a bottle of laundry detergent so hard, her teeth pierced the bottle. The impact broke her lower jaw and cracked her sternum and upper jaw. Her daughter, Haley, had singed fur and charred, black paw pads, apparently from being burned by a lighter or cigarettes. Both cats are healing at home, said their owner, Kim Steis. "They're still a little afraid when someone walks down the hallway," she said Tuesday. "I don't think they'll ever be the same." Steis, whose daughter Tia is still dating Baker, said the man moved into her Clinton Township ranch in December. Baker seemed friendly, she said, but the cats clearly didn't like him. Steis discovered that Haley's left front leg was broken in January. Steis didn't know how it happened, but she noticed that the usually people-friendly pet raced from a room when Baker entered. Then, on Feb. 21, she heard Crystal wailing in the laundry room. She said she found the cat on her back near the furnace, hissing at Baker, who hovered nearby. Crystal's mouth was bloody and swollen; both eyes were bruised. Steis has paid $1,767 in veterinarian bills. Baker's girlfriend is standing by him and has offered to testify on his behalf. end article Well, What would you like to do or say to this man? James Marz For full article http://www.freep.com/news/locmac/peta14_20040414.htm |
#16
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Well everyone has a choice. You can lead a horse to water but you can't
force them to drink. A lot of abused women seem to believe everything they are telling them including that is their fault. If the guy hits them then they simply shrug it off and keep taking the abuse. If they leave the relationship then 9 times out of 10 they go back because the other party says they're sorry and won't do it again or that they'll change. But of course that's a lie and the cycle continues. I usually say that nobody deserves to be abused like that but they also made the choice. They can continue to be the victim or they can fight back, escape the relationship, and get help. The abusers also need to really see what it is to be the victim and get help. Of course I am not sure how effective therapy is. It seems like a lot of abusers hide behind excuses like poor childhood, broken home, divorced parents, etc. The defense lawyers use this one a lot when the abuser is accused of a crime. Of course this just seems to excuse the abusive behavior. I think abusers need to stand up and say they have a problem, then get help. It is all about choices. But no animal should be abused. This 17 year old girl needs to finally wake up and leave this guy or she will be this guy's next victim. -- Panther TEK: Staying On Top Of All Your Computer Needs! www.members.cox.net/catprotector/panthertek Cat Galaxy: All Cats, All The Time! www.catgalaxymedia.com "RobZip" wrote in message ... Abusers have an incredible ability to be manipulative of all of those they encounter in the course of and as a consequence of their actions. The women usually hear an array of excuses and explanations. I've heard of some who convinced a woman that they wouldn't have acted out so badly if it wasn't for the strong love they have for them. Now how warped is that? Others have a multitude of rationales to shift the blame for such actions to the woman. Along with this comes the psychological modeling in which the abuser plays on the woman's already damaged self-esteem. He convinces her that she wouldn't stand a chance being on her own, that she wouldn't be worthy and capable of survival in a truly equal relationship, etc. When living in Tampa I was in an area with a heavy Puerto Rican population. Certain parts of their culture have a much different view on relationship power and control than white Anglos. I had a very pretty Puerto Rican neighbor girl who was flirting with me, hanging around, and generally 'stepping out of line' in order to evoke a controlling response from her boyfriend whom she suspected was losing interest in her. She told me that if he really cared, he would order her to stay in the apartment, avoid me, and probably threaten to physically punish her if that wasn't part of his initial expression of displeasure at her behavior. Unless women who are being abused break free from the relationship and seek help they'll continue to allow themselves to be victims. It is all about power and control. These women find it hard to accept that they DO have control. They've only relinquished it on bad terms to someone else. An abuser who promises to change and swears he won't do it again most likely really and truly believes what he's saying. But there are many reasons why that always fails. Foremost is that one has to honestly take their own inventory and understand it before they have any hope of changing it. On what authority do I say this? I grew up in a home with a physically abusive father. I swore I would never treat my wife like that when I got married. Well guess what? Along the way I never learned any of the proper coping skills or honest interpersonal relationship skills. How could I? Everything was a masquerade to shift blame and deflect the truth. Although I never sought out to repeat the violent mistakes of my father, I had the same bad interpersonal and coping skills he did. It was all I ever had a chance to learn. It was the only example I had. The natural byproduct was that I bullied, punched, swore and manipulated my way through two disastrous marriages. At age 36 I was finally tired enough of my life, beaten and ready to do something about it. My pride was gone. Funny - most of us think we have all the answers and it's the rest of the world that is so screwed up. That's why we are able to do the things we do. You can't make change meaningful until you lose the false pride and are ready to have every element of your life taken apart. I invested the next 6 years in one on one therapy, 12 step abusers programs, group therapy abuser sessions, etc. It wasn't an easy or quick fix. Serious matters are never resolved easily. It's tough to sit and listen to a group who has been there and done that take your ass apart piece by piece, telling you everything that is wrong with how you think about everything - and you know that they're right. The good news is that once you are willing to acknowledge and accept those things, the replacement skills are much easier to practice. Unless a person is willing to make that kind of effort for their own self improvement, the cycle will continue. That's why the young lady involved needs to drop this guy like last weeks garbage. But since she is already defending him I guess we really don't need a crystal ball to see where this is going. I sincerely hope that both of them are sterile.... |
#17
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Well everyone has a choice. You can lead a horse to water but you can't
force them to drink. A lot of abused women seem to believe everything they are telling them including that is their fault. If the guy hits them then they simply shrug it off and keep taking the abuse. If they leave the relationship then 9 times out of 10 they go back because the other party says they're sorry and won't do it again or that they'll change. But of course that's a lie and the cycle continues. I usually say that nobody deserves to be abused like that but they also made the choice. They can continue to be the victim or they can fight back, escape the relationship, and get help. The abusers also need to really see what it is to be the victim and get help. Of course I am not sure how effective therapy is. It seems like a lot of abusers hide behind excuses like poor childhood, broken home, divorced parents, etc. The defense lawyers use this one a lot when the abuser is accused of a crime. Of course this just seems to excuse the abusive behavior. I think abusers need to stand up and say they have a problem, then get help. It is all about choices. But no animal should be abused. This 17 year old girl needs to finally wake up and leave this guy or she will be this guy's next victim. -- Panther TEK: Staying On Top Of All Your Computer Needs! www.members.cox.net/catprotector/panthertek Cat Galaxy: All Cats, All The Time! www.catgalaxymedia.com "RobZip" wrote in message ... Abusers have an incredible ability to be manipulative of all of those they encounter in the course of and as a consequence of their actions. The women usually hear an array of excuses and explanations. I've heard of some who convinced a woman that they wouldn't have acted out so badly if it wasn't for the strong love they have for them. Now how warped is that? Others have a multitude of rationales to shift the blame for such actions to the woman. Along with this comes the psychological modeling in which the abuser plays on the woman's already damaged self-esteem. He convinces her that she wouldn't stand a chance being on her own, that she wouldn't be worthy and capable of survival in a truly equal relationship, etc. When living in Tampa I was in an area with a heavy Puerto Rican population. Certain parts of their culture have a much different view on relationship power and control than white Anglos. I had a very pretty Puerto Rican neighbor girl who was flirting with me, hanging around, and generally 'stepping out of line' in order to evoke a controlling response from her boyfriend whom she suspected was losing interest in her. She told me that if he really cared, he would order her to stay in the apartment, avoid me, and probably threaten to physically punish her if that wasn't part of his initial expression of displeasure at her behavior. Unless women who are being abused break free from the relationship and seek help they'll continue to allow themselves to be victims. It is all about power and control. These women find it hard to accept that they DO have control. They've only relinquished it on bad terms to someone else. An abuser who promises to change and swears he won't do it again most likely really and truly believes what he's saying. But there are many reasons why that always fails. Foremost is that one has to honestly take their own inventory and understand it before they have any hope of changing it. On what authority do I say this? I grew up in a home with a physically abusive father. I swore I would never treat my wife like that when I got married. Well guess what? Along the way I never learned any of the proper coping skills or honest interpersonal relationship skills. How could I? Everything was a masquerade to shift blame and deflect the truth. Although I never sought out to repeat the violent mistakes of my father, I had the same bad interpersonal and coping skills he did. It was all I ever had a chance to learn. It was the only example I had. The natural byproduct was that I bullied, punched, swore and manipulated my way through two disastrous marriages. At age 36 I was finally tired enough of my life, beaten and ready to do something about it. My pride was gone. Funny - most of us think we have all the answers and it's the rest of the world that is so screwed up. That's why we are able to do the things we do. You can't make change meaningful until you lose the false pride and are ready to have every element of your life taken apart. I invested the next 6 years in one on one therapy, 12 step abusers programs, group therapy abuser sessions, etc. It wasn't an easy or quick fix. Serious matters are never resolved easily. It's tough to sit and listen to a group who has been there and done that take your ass apart piece by piece, telling you everything that is wrong with how you think about everything - and you know that they're right. The good news is that once you are willing to acknowledge and accept those things, the replacement skills are much easier to practice. Unless a person is willing to make that kind of effort for their own self improvement, the cycle will continue. That's why the young lady involved needs to drop this guy like last weeks garbage. But since she is already defending him I guess we really don't need a crystal ball to see where this is going. I sincerely hope that both of them are sterile.... |
#18
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"Cat Protector" wrote in message news:y%Smc.25283$Z%5.17778@okepread01... The abusers also need to really see what it is to be the victim and get help. There are many excellent materials out there to help an abuser understand the impact of his actions. This is essential as part of an overall reprogramming effort. Of course I am not sure how effective therapy is. As in anything else, quality varies. It seems like a lot of abusers hide behind excuses like poor childhood, broken home, divorced parents, etc. The defense lawyers use this one a lot when the abuser is accused of a crime. Of course this just seems to excuse the abusive behavior. The root causes of domestic violence are just that - root causes. The abuser has for whatever reason not developed an acceptable method of dealing with conflict. The abuser has a choice - continue the behavior or seek ways to change it. When the behavior continues, the root causes become the excuses used as a crutch to avoid accepting responsibility for one's own actions. There are so many complex factors involved in breaking through the denial and defense mechanisms that abusers invoke regarding their behavior. I think abusers need to stand up and say they have a problem, then get help. It is all about choices. That is obviously the first step. The path to reformation gets tougher from there. But no animal should be abused. This 17 year old girl needs to finally wake up and leave this guy or she will be this guy's next victim. She is his next victim already. Even if he has never laid a hand on her yet, he's already got her defending his seriously abnormal actions. Not a good sign. He's already noticed that she will defend his senseless violence. Why should anything he does to her be regarded differently? 'I'm really sorry for what I did to your cats, but it's what you get for loving me.' |
#19
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"Cat Protector" wrote in message news:y%Smc.25283$Z%5.17778@okepread01... The abusers also need to really see what it is to be the victim and get help. There are many excellent materials out there to help an abuser understand the impact of his actions. This is essential as part of an overall reprogramming effort. Of course I am not sure how effective therapy is. As in anything else, quality varies. It seems like a lot of abusers hide behind excuses like poor childhood, broken home, divorced parents, etc. The defense lawyers use this one a lot when the abuser is accused of a crime. Of course this just seems to excuse the abusive behavior. The root causes of domestic violence are just that - root causes. The abuser has for whatever reason not developed an acceptable method of dealing with conflict. The abuser has a choice - continue the behavior or seek ways to change it. When the behavior continues, the root causes become the excuses used as a crutch to avoid accepting responsibility for one's own actions. There are so many complex factors involved in breaking through the denial and defense mechanisms that abusers invoke regarding their behavior. I think abusers need to stand up and say they have a problem, then get help. It is all about choices. That is obviously the first step. The path to reformation gets tougher from there. But no animal should be abused. This 17 year old girl needs to finally wake up and leave this guy or she will be this guy's next victim. She is his next victim already. Even if he has never laid a hand on her yet, he's already got her defending his seriously abnormal actions. Not a good sign. He's already noticed that she will defend his senseless violence. Why should anything he does to her be regarded differently? 'I'm really sorry for what I did to your cats, but it's what you get for loving me.' |
#20
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"Cat Protector" wrote in message news:y%Smc.25283$Z%5.17778@okepread01... Well everyone has a choice. You can lead a horse to water but you can't force them to drink. A lot of abused women seem to believe everything they are telling them including that is their fault. If the guy hits them then they simply shrug it off and keep taking the abuse. If they leave the relationship then 9 times out of 10 they go back because the other party says they're sorry and won't do it again or that they'll change. But of course that's a lie and the cycle continues. I usually say that nobody deserves to be abused like that but they also made the choice. They can continue to be the victim or they can fight back, escape the relationship, and get help. The abusers also need to really see what it is to be the victim and get help. Of course I am not sure how effective therapy is. It seems like a lot of abusers hide behind excuses like poor childhood, broken home, divorced parents, etc. The defense lawyers use this one a lot when the abuser is accused of a crime. Of course this just seems to excuse the abusive behavior. I think abusers need to stand up and say they have a problem, then get help. It is all about choices. But no animal should be abused. This 17 year old girl needs to finally wake up and leave this guy or she will be this guy's next victim. -- Panther TEK: Staying On Top Of All Your Computer Needs! www.members.cox.net/catprotector/panthertek Cat Galaxy: All Cats, All The Time! www.catgalaxymedia.com "RobZip" wrote in message ... Abusers have an incredible ability to be manipulative of all of those they encounter in the course of and as a consequence of their actions. The women usually hear an array of excuses and explanations. I've heard of some who convinced a woman that they wouldn't have acted out so badly if it wasn't for the strong love they have for them. Now how warped is that? Others have a multitude of rationales to shift the blame for such actions to the woman. Along with this comes the psychological modeling in which the abuser plays on the woman's already damaged self-esteem. He convinces her that she wouldn't stand a chance being on her own, that she wouldn't be worthy and capable of survival in a truly equal relationship, etc. When living in Tampa I was in an area with a heavy Puerto Rican population. Certain parts of their culture have a much different view on relationship power and control than white Anglos. I had a very pretty Puerto Rican neighbor girl who was flirting with me, hanging around, and generally 'stepping out of line' in order to evoke a controlling response from her boyfriend whom she suspected was losing interest in her. She told me that if he really cared, he would order her to stay in the apartment, avoid me, and probably threaten to physically punish her if that wasn't part of his initial expression of displeasure at her behavior. Unless women who are being abused break free from the relationship and seek help they'll continue to allow themselves to be victims. It is all about power and control. These women find it hard to accept that they DO have control. They've only relinquished it on bad terms to someone else. An abuser who promises to change and swears he won't do it again most likely really and truly believes what he's saying. But there are many reasons why that always fails. Foremost is that one has to honestly take their own inventory and understand it before they have any hope of changing it. On what authority do I say this? I grew up in a home with a physically abusive father. I swore I would never treat my wife like that when I got married. Well guess what? Along the way I never learned any of the proper coping skills or honest interpersonal relationship skills. How could I? Everything was a masquerade to shift blame and deflect the truth. Although I never sought out to repeat the violent mistakes of my father, I had the same bad interpersonal and coping skills he did. It was all I ever had a chance to learn. It was the only example I had. The natural byproduct was that I bullied, punched, swore and manipulated my way through two disastrous marriages. At age 36 I was finally tired enough of my life, beaten and ready to do something about it. My pride was gone. Funny - most of us think we have all the answers and it's the rest of the world that is so screwed up. That's why we are able to do the things we do. You can't make change meaningful until you lose the false pride and are ready to have every element of your life taken apart. I invested the next 6 years in one on one therapy, 12 step abusers programs, group therapy abuser sessions, etc. It wasn't an easy or quick fix. Serious matters are never resolved easily. It's tough to sit and listen to a group who has been there and done that take your ass apart piece by piece, telling you everything that is wrong with how you think about everything - and you know that they're right. The good news is that once you are willing to acknowledge and accept those things, the replacement skills are much easier to practice. Unless a person is willing to make that kind of effort for their own self improvement, the cycle will continue. That's why the young lady involved needs to drop this guy like last weeks garbage. But since she is already defending him I guess we really don't need a crystal ball to see where this is going. I sincerely hope that both of them are sterile.... When your 17 and have a boyfriend of course your gonna stick up for him because your 17 and you think there's no one else in the world for you beside's this guy. One day she'll wake up and get a good kick in the pants.. and leave him. Probably after she's the guy's next victim. Trust me I know from experience.. nothing like the cat tortures or anything but I was 17 once with an abusive boyfriend. Tina |
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