Expectations about weight OT

On 2006-05-07, Enfilade penned:

Lately, my mother makes a lot of comments about me being
unattractive/fat/etc. I weigh 163 lbs. She weights 230+. Teacup,
meet kettle.

I was once seriously ill and plummetted to 128 lbs. On my frame,
that's underweight (145-150 is my ideal). My close friends were
concerned by how I looked, but casual acquaintances said I looked
great. I was all bones.

Aren't mothers helpful?

My mom also worries about my weight ... atm I'm 168, and 145-150 would
also be about right for me. I'm probably shorter than you -- I'm 5'5
-- but I seem to be dense *grin*

I once lost a ton of weight and got down to a size 10. I happened to
be extremely depressed and fairly out of touch with reality at that
point. I bought a bunch of nifty clothes, thrilled to be able to wear
them, but several coworkers pulled me aside, worried that I was
anorexic. When I'm really depressed, I just don't eat.

My mom *is* lighter than me and wears smaller sizes, and yay for her
and all that, she's very proud of it, but she worries me because she's
also fairly sedentary, inflexible, and prone to falls. She's already
broken her tibia a few years ago ... I would happily have her gain a
few pounds if they were muscle, and I've seriously talked to her about
trying yoga, but because she's so inflexible and has such poor
balance, she won't even go to the classes. Sigh. She's exactly the
kind of person who would benefit most from it.

--
monique, who spoils Oscar unmercifully

pictures: http://www.bounceswoosh.org/rpca

On 2006-05-07, Christine K. penned:

Being that weight-obsessive, she'd probably have a stroke if she
ever met me - at the moment the scales show around 130kg... I do
want to lose some weight, but it's not done at the flick of a
switch. Both DH and I need to redo our eating habits (he's a bit
heavier than me still), so now I'm reading books, searching the
internet and about to work out a program that would work for us.
That's just the way I am, big things require thorough planning.

Christine,

One thing I've found is that my eating isn't really about eating.
It's really psychological. I don't know enough about you to venture
anything, but it might be interesting to try to figure out if there's
such an aspect to how you eat. Unfortunately, while I knew there was
more going on than just eating, I seem to need a therapist to help me
figure out the details. (Actually, I shouldn't say unfortunately --
it's great! -- but it's a lot of time and money.)

You might find the books by Covert Bailey interesting:

http://www.rondagates.com/covert/

One thing he points out is that the more fat we carry, the harder it
is on our bodies to do intense exercise, so he recommends that, if
you're not currently exercising (I don't know if you are or aren't),
you start by just walking. Walk fast enough that you can't carry on
a conversation easily, but not so fast that you're gasping or that you
can't utter a few words now and then comfortably. Walking isn't as
hard on the knees as many activities, too.

Actually, I think just about everyone benefits from walking,
regardless of weight or fitness level (although the more fit you are,
the faster you want to walk, or on inclines, etc, to get the benefit).
My aunt lives in the mountains in Park City, Utah. Her daily walks
are perforce up and down serious slopes at about 8Kft of altitude.
Whenever I visit there, I think, geez, if I had that right outside my
door, I'd be in great shape. Of course that's not entirely true;
first I would have to step outside my door on a regular basis.

Now I'm realizing that I've been griping to myself about not being
able to exercise because of the wrist, all my appointments, etc, but
no one's stopping me from walking every day. I make it an excuse when
DH won't join me, but again, that's an excuse, and I need to recognize
it as such.

--
monique, who spoils Oscar unmercifully

pictures: http://www.bounceswoosh.org/rpca

On 2006-05-07, Shiral penned:
It's her obsession, not yours. She probably did mean to compliment
you, as western culture is very thin-oriented, nay thin-obsessed.
Yeah, excessive weight is not healthy, but I find people who are
diet obsessed complete bores. Probably because they've always had
to tell me all their diet success stories. (yawn!) Weight has been
an issue for me all my life, probably because my mother has about
the same attitude toward excess weight. So in part, my body shape
is a subconscious "Sod-off, I won't let you control me" to her. And
it's partially because if something is bad for me, I'm pretty sure
to like it. I either have a lot of self-discipline, or none at all.

Bingo! That's exactly what I'm finding about myself. My body turns out
to be a subconscious "You're not the boss of me!" statement. Among
other things, like fear of deprivation and a desire to reward myself.
Unfortunately, it also makes me unhappy, so I really need to address
it. I need to learn both to love myself and my body, and to eat
responsibly (I guess I don't have a choice about the latter, with the
IBS thing now).

--
monique, who spoils Oscar unmercifully

pictures: http://www.bounceswoosh.org/rpca

On Sun, 7 May 2006 02:04:51 +0100, "Christina Websell"
yodeled:


"Monique Y. Mudama" wrote in message
. ..
On 2006-05-07, Christina Websell penned:
I keep seeing posts on here about weight, how much is good and how much
isn't.
Yesterday we had a family reunion and the first thing my younger uncle's
wife said to me was "Oh, I'm glad to see you are still slim." I haven't
seen her for two years.
What's that about?

I wish I knew!

Does it matter to my family what my weight is? I hope not. What if
since
the last time she saw me I had got enormously fat? What would she had
said
then? I know what she would have said actually. "I have a diet that you
might like to go on.." She is obsessed about being slim. Huh, I told
her
the thinner she is the more wrinkles she'll have. ;-)

*snicker*

It's just assumed that thin = good, and that if you're thin you must
be thrilled about it, and if you're not thin that you must be terribly
bothered about it, and actively working against it. Nevermind if
you're thin because you've been ill, or if you're actually trying to
gain weight, or if you're happy with how you look.

On the plus side, she probably meant well and intended to compliment
you.

Oh, probably so. Normally I wouldn't mind if she wasn't so weight-obsessive
and that seems to be all that matters. This seems to be new thing in the
last few years, maybe she read something somewhere.
I don't buy into "thin is good - fat is bad."

Tweed


Well, you seem to be pretty clear that it is her problem and not
yours. So you're fine.



Theresa
Stinky Pictures: http://community.webshots.com/album/125591586JWEFwh
My Blog: http://www.humanitas.blogspot.com

Make Levees, Not War

"Christine K." wrote in message
...
Monique Y. Mudama wrote:

Christine,

One thing I've found is that my eating isn't really about eating.
It's really psychological. I don't know enough about you to venture
anything, but it might be interesting to try to figure out if there's
such an aspect to how you eat.

I *know* that a lot of my eating is psychological, and even partly
child-like too (he got more than I did, boo hoo). I eat when I'm happy,
when I'm sad, when I celebrate etc. I need to learn to consciously react
on the wrong kind of eating, or eating for the wrong reasons, but that may
be a bit tricky as the impulse to eat comes from the sub-conscious. Eating
is a baby thing, putting stuff in our mouths to feel secure and happy.


Trouble is, even getting to the root of the problem, understanding exactly
why you eat at inappropriate times or in excessive amounts won't solve the
problem.

I know that my eleven o'clock feeding as an infant was extended well into my
childhood. I remember waking up and getting a glass of milk and going back
to bed. And that it was one of those little family "jokes". But it wasn't
considered a problem. I was far too thin and no one would have dreamed of
suggesting that I cut out any source of nourishment.

Haven't been even close to thin in a very long time. But many nights I
cannot go to sleep without eating something. Knowing why doesn't help a
bit. Even sleeping pills don't help, cause then I get up and go eat after I
fall asleep.

Now I'm sixty years old and still joking to my DH that I've really got to
cut out my 11pm feeding.

Jo

"Christina Websell" wrote in message
...
I keep seeing posts on here about weight, how much is good and how much
isn't.
Yesterday we had a family reunion and the first thing my younger uncle's
wife said to me was "Oh, I'm glad to see you are still slim." I haven't
seen her for two years.
What's that about?
Does it matter to my family what my weight is? I hope not. What if since
the last time she saw me I had got enormously fat? What would she had
said
then? I know what she would have said actually. "I have a diet that you
might like to go on.." She is obsessed about being slim. Huh, I told her
the thinner she is the more wrinkles she'll have. ;-)

Since she is obsessed about being thin, it was quite likely meant as a
compliment. My father is the same.... as if the only thing he values in his
daughters is their figure. He doens't, really, but having raised the way he
was, he has no real idea on how to let us know that he loves us and values
our company. He treats my mother the same, unfortunatley. We all know he
loves her - and us - but is incapable of expressing it inthe usual way (that
he went to a boring, humiliating (for him) and underpaying job for 20 odd
years to support his wife & daughters without a uttering a single word of
complaint tells me all I need to know about his depth of love for us). So
when he sees me or my sister, he usually says "have you lost weight?",
which, in Dad-speak, means "I am really glad to see you, I'm very proud of
you and I value you alot"

Yowie

Christine K. wrote:

And I also have a few cook books concentrating on the
veggie side, which I'm not that good at. In them I'm looking for
pointers to cook simple dishes containing more veggies than the food
I've made so far. Salads are easy, but they are also cold. This is not a
problem in the summer, but in the winter I don't enjoy eating cold food.

Maybe I could give you some pointers about veggies. Get a wok pan and
stir fry veggies. Add a handful of cashew nuts to the mix. I also use a
lot of chili powder for my stir-fries. With proper seasoning, it's just
as satisfying as a meal with meat. Chopping the veggies does tend to
take some time, but the cooking itself is quick. There are lots of
frozen veggie mixes for the wok, but I find them strangely tasteless. I
don't know how they manage to remove the flavour from the veggies. /

A very quick veggie meal is pasta and tomato sauce. Just cook the pasta,
and after draining it, put it back on the stove and add the tomatoes and
heat it. I usually prefer passata to chopped tomatoes because it has a
stronger taste of tomatoes. You can add frozen peas and maize to the
sauce, and lots of fresh basil. This is staple for me for those days
that I come home tired from work and want something quick.

I've got heaps of veggie recipes, if you want to pick my brain. ;o)

--
Marina, Miranda and Caliban. In loving memory of Frank and Nikki.
Stories and pics at http://koti.welho.com/mkurten/
Pics at http://uk.pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/frankiennikki/
and http://community.webshots.com/user/frankiennikki

If you want recipes ideas or what ever just ask I know hunfreds of ways to
make eating healthy taste gret and be easy. Specaily I just learned a new
onion ring recipe that does not involved deep frying

I also like using a lot of beans - kidney beans, borlotti beans,
chickpeas, etc. Preparing the beans from scratch may taste a little
better, but tinned beans are so quick and are always in my cupboard.
They can be used as part of a pasta sauce / casserole (minestrone
style) or as part of a mexican-style dish (with ground corriander,
cumin and chilli), as part of an eastern European style stew with a
little bacon, and so on. Admittedly, mostly my efforts turn out to be
variants on the "brown stew" concept, but they taste good and are very
filling without being too fattening (mind you, you have to stay away
from the cheese and cream toppings!).

Beans can also be used to "stretch" minced (ground) meat recipes, e.g.
substituting half the quantity of minced meat for red kidney beans
when cooking bolognaise sauce. You can also "pad" bolognaise sauce by
putting in lots of grated carrot, or one of my favourites, beetroot
(which gives the sauce a spectacular colour) - they both add a bit of
sweetness to the sauce and make a little bit of meat go a *long* way.

Of course, there is any number of delicious Indian vegetarian meals.
One of my favourites, for quick, easy, healthy food, is to cut up a
handful of each of 4 - 6 different vegetables (cabbage, carrots,
beans, onion, etc), tossing a dessert-spoon of the spice mix "panch
phora" into a hot pan, adding the veggies and stir fry them until they
are al-dente (this may require putting different veggies in at
different times). Add chilli if you wish. Season to taste. Serve
with rice. super and takes about 10 minutes of cooking (and about 10
- 15 minutes before that of cutting up the vegetables). I generally
cut up the veggies until they are fine (e.g. shredded cabbage) so that
they cook quickly.

I am constitutionally unable to cook small quantities, so I always
seem to make bucket-loads. I'm lucky that all varieties of bean
casserole keep well and generally taste better the day after. If we
can't face the same meal twice in two days, I put the left-overs into
the freezer for when I can't be bothered cooking. Otherwise DH gets
it for lunch the next day (and the day after, and the day after that!)

I'm going through the process you're about to start (and from roughly
the same starting point) and so far I've lost about 15kg without any
extraordinary effort. I know I have a long way to go, but making some
progress is such a nice feeling. I've been following the guidelines
of a low GI diet (with varying degrees of strictness), which works for
me. I started exercising by walking a short distance and then
gradually increasing it. I began with finding it hard to walk 20
minutes at a good pace and now, 18 months later, am walking 2-3 hours
at a time (although not every day!). I also am getting out and
working in the garden more often, which is great upper-body and
stretching exercise. I find it difficult to stick to a gym routine,
so a more informal regime of getting out of doors works for me.

Tish

On Mon, 08 May 2006 07:17:04 +0300, Marina
wrote:

Christine K. wrote:

And I also have a few cook books concentrating on the
veggie side, which I'm not that good at. In them I'm looking for
pointers to cook simple dishes containing more veggies than the food
I've made so far. Salads are easy, but they are also cold. This is not a
problem in the summer, but in the winter I don't enjoy eating cold food.

Maybe I could give you some pointers about veggies. Get a wok pan and
stir fry veggies. Add a handful of cashew nuts to the mix. I also use a
lot of chili powder for my stir-fries. With proper seasoning, it's just
as satisfying as a meal with meat. Chopping the veggies does tend to
take some time, but the cooking itself is quick. There are lots of
frozen veggie mixes for the wok, but I find them strangely tasteless. I
don't know how they manage to remove the flavour from the veggies. /

A very quick veggie meal is pasta and tomato sauce. Just cook the pasta,
and after draining it, put it back on the stove and add the tomatoes and
heat it. I usually prefer passata to chopped tomatoes because it has a
stronger taste of tomatoes. You can add frozen peas and maize to the
sauce, and lots of fresh basil. This is staple for me for those days
that I come home tired from work and want something quick.

I've got heaps of veggie recipes, if you want to pick my brain. ;o)

Not so true about the cheese and the cream there are certain brands that
taste great but have very little trans or real fat in them

Take those beans you love so much mix them with vegetables of your choice
blend them up season them
And use lettuce as a wrap instead of a tortilla make your self something
new looks like crap but dam does it taste good

"Tish Silberbauer" wrote in message
...
I also like using a lot of beans - kidney beans, borlotti beans,
chickpeas, etc. Preparing the beans from scratch may taste a little
better, but tinned beans are so quick and are always in my cupboard.
They can be used as part of a pasta sauce / casserole (minestrone
style) or as part of a mexican-style dish (with ground corriander,
cumin and chilli), as part of an eastern European style stew with a
little bacon, and so on. Admittedly, mostly my efforts turn out to be
variants on the "brown stew" concept, but they taste good and are very
filling without being too fattening (mind you, you have to stay away
from the cheese and cream toppings!).

Beans can also be used to "stretch" minced (ground) meat recipes, e.g.
substituting half the quantity of minced meat for red kidney beans
when cooking bolognaise sauce. You can also "pad" bolognaise sauce by
putting in lots of grated carrot, or one of my favourites, beetroot
(which gives the sauce a spectacular colour) - they both add a bit of
sweetness to the sauce and make a little bit of meat go a *long* way.

Of course, there is any number of delicious Indian vegetarian meals.
One of my favourites, for quick, easy, healthy food, is to cut up a
handful of each of 4 - 6 different vegetables (cabbage, carrots,
beans, onion, etc), tossing a dessert-spoon of the spice mix "panch
phora" into a hot pan, adding the veggies and stir fry them until they
are al-dente (this may require putting different veggies in at
different times). Add chilli if you wish. Season to taste. Serve
with rice. super and takes about 10 minutes of cooking (and about 10
- 15 minutes before that of cutting up the vegetables). I generally
cut up the veggies until they are fine (e.g. shredded cabbage) so that
they cook quickly.

I am constitutionally unable to cook small quantities, so I always
seem to make bucket-loads. I'm lucky that all varieties of bean
casserole keep well and generally taste better the day after. If we
can't face the same meal twice in two days, I put the left-overs into
the freezer for when I can't be bothered cooking. Otherwise DH gets
it for lunch the next day (and the day after, and the day after that!)

I'm going through the process you're about to start (and from roughly
the same starting point) and so far I've lost about 15kg without any
extraordinary effort. I know I have a long way to go, but making some
progress is such a nice feeling. I've been following the guidelines
of a low GI diet (with varying degrees of strictness), which works for
me. I started exercising by walking a short distance and then
gradually increasing it. I began with finding it hard to walk 20
minutes at a good pace and now, 18 months later, am walking 2-3 hours
at a time (although not every day!). I also am getting out and
working in the garden more often, which is great upper-body and
stretching exercise. I find it difficult to stick to a gym routine,
so a more informal regime of getting out of doors works for me.

Tish

On Mon, 08 May 2006 07:17:04 +0300, Marina
wrote:

Christine K. wrote:

And I also have a few cook books concentrating on the
veggie side, which I'm not that good at. In them I'm looking for
pointers to cook simple dishes containing more veggies than the food
I've made so far. Salads are easy, but they are also cold. This is not a
problem in the summer, but in the winter I don't enjoy eating cold food.

Maybe I could give you some pointers about veggies. Get a wok pan and
stir fry veggies. Add a handful of cashew nuts to the mix. I also use a
lot of chili powder for my stir-fries. With proper seasoning, it's just
as satisfying as a meal with meat. Chopping the veggies does tend to
take some time, but the cooking itself is quick. There are lots of
frozen veggie mixes for the wok, but I find them strangely tasteless. I
don't know how they manage to remove the flavour from the veggies. /

A very quick veggie meal is pasta and tomato sauce. Just cook the pasta,
and after draining it, put it back on the stove and add the tomatoes and
heat it. I usually prefer passata to chopped tomatoes because it has a
stronger taste of tomatoes. You can add frozen peas and maize to the
sauce, and lots of fresh basil. This is staple for me for those days
that I come home tired from work and want something quick.

I've got heaps of veggie recipes, if you want to pick my brain. ;o)