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#1
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Ping Tak
My Dearest Tak,
I will never take for granted how you felt when Betty died. I have had deaths in my family before, but never anyone close and my parents were old and ready to die. No comparison. Here it is a month later and just the mere thought of Tony brings me to a full blown cry I miss him so much.I have no doubts that I gave him the best home possible while he was here and that I let him go at the right time. But Oh My God do I miss him. So much I can hardly stand it. I understand why you were so reluctant to get another cat. If I didn't already have two other cats, I would definitely not be even thinking about getting another cat. And it certainly isn't going to happen tomorrow. The pain is still too fresh and any kitty I would get would just be compared to Tony. I am fostering two kittens right now and I am constantly comparing them to Tony and comparing my cats to Tony. I just want him here in some real tangible way and I keep searching (I believe they call this the bargaining stage of grief ) I am just in so much pain that I didn't know I could hurt so much. I am amazed that I am not oozing from places other than my eyes and nose. It actually physically hurts it is so painful. So, Tak, I accepted your pain because you said you had it, but I didn't understand it. I just thought I knew the pain from someone close dying. I just imagined what I thought it would feel like to have Tony die at some point in the future and I knew it would hurt, but I thought I would just be able to get on with life after a couple of weeks and just be sad every once in a while. It is one month later and I still have that hole in the bottom of my stomach and I still feel like I have JUST been kicked in the chest. And now I know that it is going to be a significant piece of time before I get over Tony. I know because Tak posted his pain so clearly and accurately. And I am so appreciative of that right now because it is a road map for me. I know my path will be different, as all paths must be, but I know what it is going to feel like and I have a good idea of how long it may be that long, and I know that someone has not only lived through this before, but has graciously shared and described what it is going to be like. Thank you, Tak Bridget |
#2
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Ping Tak
"Bridget" wrote in message ... I am just in so much pain that I didn't know I could hurt so much. I am amazed that I am not oozing from places other than my eyes and nose. It actually physically hurts it is so painful. I have an idea what that feels like. When my first heart dog, Pollyanna died, many years ago, I went out into the fields and threw myself into a bed of stinging nettles, knowing that it would not hurt as much as losing her. I was so crazy from grief. I'm glad no-one saw me and got the doctors.. All I can say is that one day only the happy memories will remain. |
#3
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Ping Tak
Tony was such a special boy, I hardly know what to say. But I know
what you mean, and the situation is different for everyone. When friends and family members die, there's the pain and sadness of their not being there anymore, but they were your peers, and you know that they were as prepared for the end as you could be, and that the time will come for you someday too. But with kitties, it's a little different. Particularly if you had to send them over the Bridge. Particularly if they had taken care of you as much as you had taken care of them. Those are things that can make you shoulder a lot of their burdens. The experience made me realize that grief isn't one emotion, but many. I think that one of those emotions you may be feeling now is worry, because I felt it too. It's an irrational worry of having a cat get out and lost, even though Tony is really gone and at peace. This is probably particularly strong with a cat that's been a close and constant companion, because it takes extra time to become accustomed to their not being there. Tony will haunt you for a while. At first, it'll feel dark and smothering. After some time has passed, it will start to feel more loving and protective. Bridget wrote: My Dearest Tak, I will never take for granted how you felt when Betty died. I have had deaths in my family before, but never anyone close and my parents were old and ready to die. No comparison. Here it is a month later and just the mere thought of Tony brings me to a full blown cry I miss him so much.I have no doubts that I gave him the best home possible while he was here and that I let him go at the right time. But Oh My God do I miss him. So much I can hardly stand it. I understand why you were so reluctant to get another cat. If I didn't already have two other cats, I would definitely not be even thinking about getting another cat. And it certainly isn't going to happen tomorrow. The pain is still too fresh and any kitty I would get would just be compared to Tony. I am fostering two kittens right now and I am constantly comparing them to Tony and comparing my cats to Tony. I just want him here in some real tangible way and I keep searching (I believe they call this the bargaining stage of grief ) I am just in so much pain that I didn't know I could hurt so much. I am amazed that I am not oozing from places other than my eyes and nose. It actually physically hurts it is so painful. So, Tak, I accepted your pain because you said you had it, but I didn't understand it. I just thought I knew the pain from someone close dying. I just imagined what I thought it would feel like to have Tony die at some point in the future and I knew it would hurt, but I thought I would just be able to get on with life after a couple of weeks and just be sad every once in a while. It is one month later and I still have that hole in the bottom of my stomach and I still feel like I have JUST been kicked in the chest. And now I know that it is going to be a significant piece of time before I get over Tony. I know because Tak posted his pain so clearly and accurately. And I am so appreciative of that right now because it is a road map for me. I know my path will be different, as all paths must be, but I know what it is going to feel like and I have a good idea of how long it may be that long, and I know that someone has not only lived through this before, but has graciously shared and described what it is going to be like. Thank you, Tak Bridget |
#4
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Ping Tak
On May 31, 3:12*pm, Takayuki wrote:
But with kitties, it's a little different. *Particularly if you had to send them over the Bridge. I always say the hardest loss to bear was Fugazi- not because I loved my parents and my friend Mick any less than her but because their deaths in a sense were out of my hands but Fugazi's death was down to me and even through I've never really doubted it was the best decision to make for her and anything else would be keeping her going for a couple of days for me and not for her it still hurts 9 years later Lesley Slave of the Fabulous Furballs |
#5
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Ping Tak
On Jun 1, 12:14*pm, Lesley wrote:
On May 31, 3:12*pm, Takayuki wrote: But with kitties, it's a little different. *Particularly if you had to send them over the Bridge. I always say the hardest loss to bear was Fugazi- not because I loved my parents and my friend Mick any less than her but because their deaths in a sense were out of my hands but Fugazi's death was down to me and even through I've never really doubted it was the best decision to make for her and anything else would be keeping her going for a couple of days for me and not for her it still hurts 9 years later Lesley Slave of the Fabulous Furballs I have to say that out of all of this, the one thing I am absolutely sure of and have no guilt about was that I chose the best time to have him put to sleep. No doubts, no guilt. I was never sure what I would do and how I would choose, but THAT for me, was actually the easiest part of this whole dadbalmed thing. He could have survived another few weeks, but he would have been in constant pain and he would never eat again - ever so he would slowly starve to death if I kept him around once I knew about the cancer. That was absolutely unacceptable to me, so the next morning when I realized he would never eat again, I put him to sleep because I knew he was hungry and that he loved his food and I knew he was in pain and I knew the kindest thing I could do was give rest to a cat who had given me so much I will never comprehend it. I can't imagine how much worse this would be if I added that to it. I am sorry it is something that others go through. Bridget - in tears yet again |
#6
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Ping Tak
Bridget wrote:
My Dearest Tak, I will never take for granted how you felt when Betty died. I have had deaths in my family before, but never anyone close and my parents were old and ready to die. No comparison. Here it is a month later and just the mere thought of Tony brings me to a full blown cry I miss him so much.snip Bridget Lots and lots of purrs and gentle hugs, Polonca and Soncek |
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