I hate depression

My final day at my temp job is Monday.

I just got the letter telling me what my unemployment compensation will
be. And as little as I was making as a temp, the unemployment comp is even
less. This is not good. (

What's not helping is the bout of depression that's rapidly setting in,
which makes it hard to actually DO anything... or even to WANT to do
anything. I know I'm far from the only person who's dealt with depression
on this board, so I'm sure there are numerous people who know just what I
mean when I say that. And may anyone who HASN'T experienced *never* know
what I mean. It's a terrible feeling.

I mentioned this quite a while ago on here (when someone else was going
through a bout with depression a few years ago and there was an active
thread about it), but I was first diagnosed with depression 30+ years ago.
I was in elementary school at the time. I've been under a doctor's care
for some years now, and on meds, which help. It's a chemical thing. Such
is life. Usually, it's under control at least enough that I can live a
normal day-to-day life.

But nothing stops the occasional bout with depression that results from
the things that life throws at a person. Things like a death in the family
or, as in this case, seeing a temp job I really liked end after seeing
someone ELSE (who already worked for the company) get the permanent job
that was created to replace the temp assignment. That was a real blow.
I've been at this place for 16 months, DOING the very work that the
permanent job entails. But this company prefers to hire from within, even
when it means training the person from scratch to do their new job.

So I'm out in the cold. Even after everyone in my department couldn't say
enough good things about the quality of my work, my work ethic, my people
skills, etc.

And it hurts. Hence, the depression. Which was exacerbated last night when
I saw the pittance that will be the unemployment comp.

I am so, so tired of this. I got downsized from an IT position four years
ago and it's been a nightmare ever since.

I'm rambling. So let me just say that I'm posting this to say I'd
appreciate all prayers, purrs, good thoughts, and anything else that
anybody can send my way so this bout with depression will be lifted, AND
so I can get a permanent job that pays a LIVING WAGE *ASAP*.

If not for DH, the cats, and the fact that I still enjoy going to hockey
games, there'd be darn few things in life that I am still able to derive
joy from. So, thank God for all of them.

I hate feeling like this. I hope the cloud lifts soon.

Donna

Gabey8 wrote:
My final day at my temp job is Monday.

I just got the letter telling me what my unemployment compensation will
be. And as little as I was making as a temp, the unemployment comp is even
less. This is not good. (

What's not helping is the bout of depression that's rapidly setting in,
which makes it hard to actually DO anything... or even to WANT to do
anything. I know I'm far from the only person who's dealt with depression
on this board, so I'm sure there are numerous people who know just what I
mean when I say that. And may anyone who HASN'T experienced *never* know
what I mean. It's a terrible feeling.

I mentioned this quite a while ago on here (when someone else was going
through a bout with depression a few years ago and there was an active
thread about it), but I was first diagnosed with depression 30+ years ago.
I was in elementary school at the time. I've been under a doctor's care
for some years now, and on meds, which help. It's a chemical thing. Such
is life. Usually, it's under control at least enough that I can live a
normal day-to-day life.

But nothing stops the occasional bout with depression that results from
the things that life throws at a person. Things like a death in the family
or, as in this case, seeing a temp job I really liked end after seeing
someone ELSE (who already worked for the company) get the permanent job
that was created to replace the temp assignment. That was a real blow.
I've been at this place for 16 months, DOING the very work that the
permanent job entails. But this company prefers to hire from within, even
when it means training the person from scratch to do their new job.

So I'm out in the cold. Even after everyone in my department couldn't say
enough good things about the quality of my work, my work ethic, my people
skills, etc.

And it hurts. Hence, the depression. Which was exacerbated last night when
I saw the pittance that will be the unemployment comp.

I am so, so tired of this. I got downsized from an IT position four years
ago and it's been a nightmare ever since.

I'm rambling. So let me just say that I'm posting this to say I'd
appreciate all prayers, purrs, good thoughts, and anything else that
anybody can send my way so this bout with depression will be lifted, AND
so I can get a permanent job that pays a LIVING WAGE *ASAP*.

If not for DH, the cats, and the fact that I still enjoy going to hockey
games, there'd be darn few things in life that I am still able to derive
joy from. So, thank God for all of them.

I hate feeling like this. I hope the cloud lifts soon.

Donna


I am so sorry you lost your job and are feeling so bad, Donna.
I have never suffered from depression, but I have a close
relative who has all her life. It is one of the most
crippling illnesses I have ever seen.

Gabey8 wrote:
My final day at my temp job is Monday.

I just got the letter telling me what my unemployment compensation
will be. And as little as I was making as a temp, the unemployment
comp is even less. This is not good. (

What's not helping is the bout of depression that's rapidly setting
in, which makes it hard to actually DO anything... or even to WANT to
do anything. I know I'm far from the only person who's dealt with
depression on this board, so I'm sure there are numerous people who
know just what I mean when I say that. And may anyone who HASN'T
experienced *never* know what I mean. It's a terrible feeling.

I mentioned this quite a while ago on here (when someone else was
going through a bout with depression a few years ago and there was an
active thread about it), but I was first diagnosed with depression
30+ years ago. I was in elementary school at the time. I've been
under a doctor's care for some years now, and on meds, which help.
It's a chemical thing. Such is life. Usually, it's under control at
least enough that I can live a normal day-to-day life.

But nothing stops the occasional bout with depression that results
from the things that life throws at a person. Things like a death in
the family or, as in this case, seeing a temp job I really liked end
after seeing someone ELSE (who already worked for the company) get
the permanent job that was created to replace the temp assignment.
That was a real blow. I've been at this place for 16 months, DOING
the very work that the permanent job entails. But this company
prefers to hire from within, even when it means training the person
from scratch to do their new job.

So I'm out in the cold. Even after everyone in my department couldn't
say enough good things about the quality of my work, my work ethic,
my people skills, etc.

And it hurts. Hence, the depression. Which was exacerbated last night
when I saw the pittance that will be the unemployment comp.

I am so, so tired of this. I got downsized from an IT position four
years ago and it's been a nightmare ever since.

I'm rambling. So let me just say that I'm posting this to say I'd
appreciate all prayers, purrs, good thoughts, and anything else that
anybody can send my way so this bout with depression will be lifted,
AND so I can get a permanent job that pays a LIVING WAGE *ASAP*.

If not for DH, the cats, and the fact that I still enjoy going to
hockey games, there'd be darn few things in life that I am still able
to derive joy from. So, thank God for all of them.

I hate feeling like this. I hope the cloud lifts soon.

Donna


You have *8* kitties purring for you from my house. I'm not a religious
person, so I will say that you are in my thoughts

--�
The ONE and ONLY
lefthanded-pathetic-paranoid-psychotic-sarcastic-wiseass-ditzy
former-blonde in Bloomington! (And proud of it, too)© email me at
nalee1964 (at) insightbb (dot) com
http://community.webshots.com/user/mgcmdjeep

Gabey8 wrote:

My final day at my temp job is Monday.

I just got the letter telling me what my unemployment compensation will
be. And as little as I was making as a temp, the unemployment comp is even
less. This is not good. (

What's not helping is the bout of depression that's rapidly setting in,
which makes it hard to actually DO anything... or even to WANT to do
anything. I know I'm far from the only person who's dealt with depression
on this board, so I'm sure there are numerous people who know just what I
mean when I say that. And may anyone who HASN'T experienced *never* know
what I mean. It's a terrible feeling.

I mentioned this quite a while ago on here (when someone else was going
through a bout with depression a few years ago and there was an active
thread about it), but I was first diagnosed with depression 30+ years ago.
I was in elementary school at the time. I've been under a doctor's care
for some years now, and on meds, which help. It's a chemical thing. Such
is life. Usually, it's under control at least enough that I can live a
normal day-to-day life.

But nothing stops the occasional bout with depression that results from
the things that life throws at a person. Things like a death in the family
or, as in this case, seeing a temp job I really liked end after seeing
someone ELSE (who already worked for the company) get the permanent job
that was created to replace the temp assignment. That was a real blow.
I've been at this place for 16 months, DOING the very work that the
permanent job entails. But this company prefers to hire from within, even
when it means training the person from scratch to do their new job.

So I'm out in the cold. Even after everyone in my department couldn't say
enough good things about the quality of my work, my work ethic, my people
skills, etc.

And it hurts. Hence, the depression. Which was exacerbated last night when
I saw the pittance that will be the unemployment comp.

I am so, so tired of this. I got downsized from an IT position four years
ago and it's been a nightmare ever since.

I'm rambling. So let me just say that I'm posting this to say I'd
appreciate all prayers, purrs, good thoughts, and anything else that
anybody can send my way so this bout with depression will be lifted, AND
so I can get a permanent job that pays a LIVING WAGE *ASAP*.

If not for DH, the cats, and the fact that I still enjoy going to hockey
games, there'd be darn few things in life that I am still able to derive
joy from. So, thank God for all of them.

I hate feeling like this. I hope the cloud lifts soon.

Donna

Donna, I am so sorry about your depression. I know how awful it can
be. My two older sisters both suffered from depression all their
lives. They were so unhappy and even though they took many drugs and
in the early days had ECT it kept coming back.

Purrs that you start feeling better.

Bev xx
--
Cats aren't clean, they're just covered with cat spit.

Donna here's a copy of the original post I made regard depression. I *know*
how hard it is to do *amything* when you're depressed, but please, please
try and force yourself - you will feel *SO* much better if you do.

Hugs,

CatNipped

Original Post:

Baha's recent post inspired this. For those of you who don't want to talk
in person (and that is one of the symptoms of depression - we don't have the
energy to make the effort to get help), I'm putting down here some of the
things to watch for as the early signs of depression (the earlier you catch
it, the easier it is to overcome - and as strange as it may seem, we don't
always recognize it when we begin to feel depressed), and some tips on what
you can do to help yourself get through.

Signs to watch for:

- Feelings of lethargy, not wanting to put forth the effort to do anything.
- Changing your normal routine without apparent cause.
- Feeling alone or isolated from the rest of the world.
- Loss of appetite (or, for some, eating much more than you normally do).
- Sudden weight loss or weight gain.
- Wanting to sleep, not wanting to get out of bed or, adversely, insomnia.
- Sudden bursts of weeping for no apparent reason.
- Memories of bad things that happened to you that seem to stick in your
head.
- Dwelling on the loss of someone or something important in your life.
- Wanting to hear sad songs over and over again.
- Feeling annoyed when someone around you is acting happy, bubbly, excited,
etc.
- Feeling angry about something that wouldn't ordinarily make you angry.
- Feeling "clingy" with partners or pets or, adversely, not wanting to be
touched.
- Shutting yourself off from others by going to another room to be alone, or
going driving alone.

(And lots of others that may be specific to an individual - learn to
recognize your own signs of depression.)

Things you can do to help get yourself through to the "other side" of your
bouts of depression. These are *IN ADDITION TO* getting help from a doctor
or psychiatrist. [PLEASE - don't be ashamed or afraid to seek professional
help. Society tends to stigmatize people with mental health issues ignoring
that fact that there are *MILLIONS* of people who suffer from these
problems. The only shame involved is when you know you need help but refuse
to seek in.]

- Smile! This is weird, but it works and I'll tell you why it works. B.F.
Skinner showed us that we have physiological reactions - real physical
changes to our bodies - when using repeated, or "learned" stimuli. Just as
his dogs salivated when he rang a bell, our bodies "learn" that certain
actions are associated with certain reactions and will automatically trigger
physical responses to associated actions. From the time we are born we
smile when we feel happy, loved, secure, and comforted. What makes us feel
those things (or maybe because we are feeling those things - cause and
effect here are a bit tenuous), is that endorphins are being released in our
brains. Endorphins are very powerful hormones equivalent to morphine. They
help to ease pain and they make us feel good. For all our lives our bodies
have associated the physical act of smiling with the release of those
endorphins. Even if you are feeling terribly depressed, *FORCE* yourself to
put a smile on your face and consciously *FORCE* yourself to *KEEP* a smile
on your face. After a few minutes your brain will start releasing
endorphins and you will begin to feel better. This really does work, try it
even if you're not feeling depressed and note the difference in your
feelings!
- DO something. Rearrange the furniture, clean out a closet, and if you
don't
like housework, just pack up the kids and take a walk. This accomplishes two
things. First of all, the physical exertion will help wash out of your
bloodstream the hormones and chemicals that are associated with depression.
Secondly, just the act of doing something, anything, helps get rid of that
feeling of helplessness. You are taking charge of something, no matter how
small, and this leads to confidence that you can take charge of the larger
things.
- Exercise (along with or in addition to the above for the same reasons).
- Find a friend to talk to. Even if there is nothing they can do to help you
out of your situation, it will at least keep you in contact with a "saner"
perspective on things (providing you pick a sane friend, that is ; ).
- Help someone else in need. An act of kindness or charity will make you
feel better about yourself and might also help you put your problems into a
better perspective. Caveat: don't choose someone whose problems are similar
to your own, don't get into a hopeless situation that will depress you
further - you want something that will take you out of yourself and get you
involved with something other than your problems. Choose someone who *CAN*
be helped, not a "hopeless cause".
- Rent the funniest movies you remember seeing, things that you know will
make you laugh in spite of what you may be feeling.
- Put on fast-paced, upbeat music and get up and dance (pick up a kitty and
dance with him/her.
- Play! Play with the kitties, go to a park or playground and swing on the
swings. Let yourself enjoy the physical sensations and the freedom of
acting silly no matter who might be watching.
- Stand in front of a mirror and make funny faces at yourself - stick out
your tongue, wiggle your ears, do something to keep from taking yourself too
seriously, show yourself that that your can make fun of yourself and your
problems.
- Think about, and make concrete plans for, something fun in the near future
(like a special treat for Valentine's day or your or your honey's birthday.
Write down all the things you want to do to make the occasion festive.
- Have sex (even if it's just with yourself ;). Make your body feel good
and get reconnected with life.
- Eat chocolate. It's been shown that chocolate affects the same area of
the brain that sex does, especially in women.

I hope that some of this helps whoever is out there who may be dealing with
seasonal depression. Again, feel free to email me your phone number and I
*WILL* call you to talk about whatever it is that is making your feel
depressed and try to help make you feel better (it's my repayment for being
given a second chance at life - see below).

As for me, I am so grateful that I did not succeed in taking my own life 28
years ago. Back then I thought I would be so much better off dead, life
meant nothing but pain and I could *NOT* foresee things *EVER* getting
better. Looking back it takes my breath away when I think about the
unbelievably happy, joyous things I would have missed had I succeeded -
meeting my current DH who make my life *SO* sweet; seeing my kids graduate;
seeing my kids get married; seeing my grandbabies being born; the wonderful
kitties I've loved since then - more happy things that I could ever list
here, and none of those things would I have experienced had I be successful
in my efforts. I am thankful every day of my life (even the ones when I am
battling depression) for the second chance I was given. Life is *NEVER* so
bad that we can't get through it and there is *ALWAYS* something better that
will happen if you can just stick it out and get through the bad times.

Hugs,

CatNipped

On Sat, 26 Feb 2005 13:22:31 -0500, "Gabey8"
yodeled:

My final day at my temp job is Monday.

I just got the letter telling me what my unemployment compensation will
be. And as little as I was making as a temp, the unemployment comp is even
less. This is not good. (

What's not helping is the bout of depression that's rapidly setting in,
which makes it hard to actually DO anything... or even to WANT to do
anything. I know I'm far from the only person who's dealt with depression
on this board, so I'm sure there are numerous people who know just what I
mean when I say that. And may anyone who HASN'T experienced *never* know
what I mean. It's a terrible feeling.


I hear ya. It is well-nigh impossible for an undepressed person with
no special training, to understand clinical depression. You just see
the world differently. I'm lucky-- no, not lucky to have a depression
problem, but at lucky that I have a number of people in my life who
are able to understand.

Purrs for your pain. You know what helps you and what doesn't. Oddly
enough, when I am depressed, I find an amazing amount of comfort when
I don't look for the big things, and concentrate on little things. I'm
just going to read this book, or watch this movie. Anything that
takes you out of yourself for a little while.

Of course, getting up and doing things is the best thing for you, but
it's so hard to get up and get started. Anti-depression medication
has been taking a beating in the press lately, but I could not be
exaggerating when I say it has saved my life. That little adjustment
in my brain chemistry has often turned out to be the thing that
allowed me to get out of bed in the morning.

Get those two bouncy boys to take good care of you.





Theresa
Stinky Pictures: http://community.webshots.com/album/125591586JWEFwh
My Blog: http://www.humanitas.blogspot.com

Gabey8 wrote:
I'm rambling. So let me just say that I'm posting this to say I'd
appreciate all prayers, purrs, good thoughts, and anything else that
anybody can send my way so this bout with depression will be lifted, AND
so I can get a permanent job that pays a LIVING WAGE *ASAP*.

You can have all the purrs you need, Donna. I really hope you can find
new employment soonest. The cats are meatloaf meditating for you. Hugs!


--
Marina, Frank and Nikki
marina (dot) kurten (at) pp (dot) inet (dot) fi
Pics at http://uk.pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/frankiennikki/
and http://community.webshots.com/user/frankiennikki

"Gabey8" wrote in message
lkaboutpets.com...
My final day at my temp job is Monday.

I just got the letter telling me what my unemployment compensation will
be. And as little as I was making as a temp, the unemployment comp is even
less. This is not good. (

What's not helping is the bout of depression that's rapidly setting in,
which makes it hard to actually DO anything... or even to WANT to do
anything. I know I'm far from the only person who's dealt with depression
on this board, so I'm sure there are numerous people who know just what I
mean when I say that. And may anyone who HASN'T experienced *never* know
what I mean. It's a terrible feeling.

I mentioned this quite a while ago on here (when someone else was going
through a bout with depression a few years ago and there was an active
thread about it), but I was first diagnosed with depression 30+ years ago.
I was in elementary school at the time. I've been under a doctor's care
for some years now, and on meds, which help. It's a chemical thing. Such
is life. Usually, it's under control at least enough that I can live a
normal day-to-day life.

But nothing stops the occasional bout with depression that results from
the things that life throws at a person. Things like a death in the family
or, as in this case, seeing a temp job I really liked end after seeing
someone ELSE (who already worked for the company) get the permanent job
that was created to replace the temp assignment. That was a real blow.
I've been at this place for 16 months, DOING the very work that the
permanent job entails. But this company prefers to hire from within, even
when it means training the person from scratch to do their new job.

So I'm out in the cold. Even after everyone in my department couldn't say
enough good things about the quality of my work, my work ethic, my people
skills, etc.

And it hurts. Hence, the depression. Which was exacerbated last night when
I saw the pittance that will be the unemployment comp.

I am so, so tired of this. I got downsized from an IT position four years
ago and it's been a nightmare ever since.

I'm rambling. So let me just say that I'm posting this to say I'd
appreciate all prayers, purrs, good thoughts, and anything else that
anybody can send my way so this bout with depression will be lifted, AND
so I can get a permanent job that pays a LIVING WAGE *ASAP*.

If not for DH, the cats, and the fact that I still enjoy going to hockey
games, there'd be darn few things in life that I am still able to derive
joy from. So, thank God for all of them.

I hate feeling like this. I hope the cloud lifts soon.

Donna


Dear Donna

I feel for you. I had my very first experience of true clinical depression
in Dec 03. It may have been caused by losing my mother very suddenly,
difficulties with my sight and needing lots of operations, and trouble at
work. Or it might have been caused by none of those things. Depression
doesn't need a reason, it can just happen to anyone out of the blue.
Before I had it, I thought depression meant that you felt very sad all the
time. It doesn't.
I did not have the motivation to feed myself, and I lost 42lbs in weight. I
could not make even the simplest decision, like if I was driving and needed
to emerge at a junction. Is it safe to go? Don't know, so I'll wait for
this car to pass that is approaching 100 yards away.
I would go through 10 more eye operations rather than have depression again.
It's the worst illness I ever had in my life.
One of the worst things about it, is the non-motivation. No motivation for
anything, even to seek help.
I remember one day that I came downstairs, sat in the kitchen in front of
the fire on my grandfather's little stool that he made me when I was a
child, and stared at the rug. All day.
I'm better now. My cousin, who has had it herself came over and took me to
the doctor to get sorted out.

Debbie, don't let it progress as far as this. Promise you will go to see
your doc for an anti-depressant. Please.
If you cannot motivate yourself to do it, ring one of your family to make
you do it. (and ah, yes I know, a phone call is sometimes a no-no)
I do know what it's like. I also know that you have to have someone to make
you do something about it.
GO TO THE DOCTOR & REPORT BACK TO ME WITH WHAT SHE SAID IN NO LESS THAN TWO
DAYS.

(fierce)
Tweed
You have to do this.

Gabey8 wrote:

---------------------snip----------------------
What's not helping is the bout of depression that's rapidly setting in,
which makes it hard to actually DO anything... or even to WANT to do
anything. I know I'm far from the only person who's dealt with depression
on this board, so I'm sure there are numerous people who know just what I
mean when I say that. And may anyone who HASN'T experienced *never* know
what I mean. It's a terrible feeling.
---------------------snip----------------------

Some people I know can't keep up with all the things they want to do
once they reach retirement. I wish I was one of those, but a big day
for me is when I get dressed and go to the market. I keep promising
myself I'm going to get it together and I will -- sometime.

Believe me, I know what you're going through and employment related
problems are some of life's most stressful things. You mentioned
you're on appropriate meds, so that's good. Just try to take baby
steps in the direction that you want to go and keep plugging (I know;
easy to say, right?) Just remember, you're not alone and you can get
support from the group anytime -- we take care of those who take care
of kitties.

Hugs and Purrs,
O J

The good news is, I've already been working directly with a doctor for a
few years now, including a prescription for anti-depressants. Left to its
own devices, my body's serotonin level is messed up. The same way my
husband has to take thyroid meds because his body doesn't produce enough
thyroid hormones, and the same way a friend of mine has to take insulin
shots because his pancreas can't do the job unassisted, I have a chemical
imbalance and the prescription I'm on helps to straighten out the
problem.

But I know that even THAT can't prevent an episode of depression from
happening now and then, particularly when something happens like losing a
job I like and being passed over for a job I really wanted, literally both
at the same time. Because even people who don't battle clinical depression
have ups and downs. They're a part of life.

But having ups and downs is normal... having "downs" and "worse downs" is
not. I did get diagnosed with depression back for the first time when I
was 10 years old, but this prescription for anti-depressants is a lot more
recent. It stemmed from the fact that after I got downsized from my IT
job, depression set in. Well, that was to be expected. Grief is normal in
that situation, and one of the stages of grief is depression. So I
figured, "I'll wait and it will lift."

But it never did. Months went by. All it did was worsen. Finally I
realized that it was NOT going to go away on its own. Some kind of
chemical balance (I didn't know what -- believe it or not, I who look
EVERYTHING up online didn't look THIS up, not then) had gone wrong, and it
showed no signs of recovering without intervention.

That's when I went to the doctor. It took all my effort to drag myself
there, but I knew that what I was feeling was not LIVING. It was having a
living body with what felt like nothing inside it. Walking around like
some sort of breathing yet inanimate object wasn't life.

So I went, and I recited my symptoms to the doctor. Who started me on
antidepressants. THEN I went home and looked up depression, and what do
you know? The freaking symptoms were JUST what I'd listed. (Except, thank
God, I didn't have the suicidal impulses. Seeing how an acquaintance's
suicide impacted his family terribly, years ago, I don't think I could
ever hurt my family like that no matter what pain I'm in.)

It's just that right now, I'm recognizing the signs of another bout of
depression coming on. I need it NOT to come crashing down, because I need
to be able to function well enough to get resumes out, get job interviews,
etc. I can't afford to be a walking zombie when I have to embark on a job
hunt. Hence, the purr request.

These symptoms only just started up a few days ago (about three days after
the bad news that my quest for that permanent job had fallen through, and
my temp job was being cut). But I promise that if they get severe, the
doctor will get a call SOONER rather than later. Ditto for if the symptoms
arrive, then show no signs of leaving. I can't live (if you can call it
living) like THAT again.

Thanks. )

Donna

P.S. Captain and Stanley have been getting lots of hugs in the past couple
of days. Purring fuzzfaces are a good antidote for any type of sadness,
depression-based or otherwise. I'll be sure to take plenty of doses of
THAT remedy, since the only side effect is cat hair on one's clothing. ;o)