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#1
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Real Life
I'm thinking of Charleen especially here, but others have been through the
same thing, and I also speak from experience myself. As much as we share on this here NG and other electronic media, other people are not privvy to the minutaie of the situation, or our lives, our relationships with our cats, and indeed, the personality of the people or pets themselves. It is easy to say "well, if I was in that situation, I would have....." and go on to criticise a friend's tough decision, but really, we are in no position to truly understand and appreciate *all* the factors that go into the decision. We can only trust, knowing each other as we do, that as catslaves, that the other is doing their own best as they see fit. It may not be our own best, we may have made different choices had we been in the same situation, but if we have any faith in each other at all, then we need to support each other even though perhaps we would have done things differently had we been presented with the same situation. Anyone who has made a heartbreaking decision is already second guessing themselves, is already feeling guilty about not being able to make a 'better' decision, even though there is no 'better' decision to make. Those that make a person feel even guiltier for doing the Right Thing are simply projecting their own fear and their own guilt. They do not know the intimate details of the situation, and are in no position to judge. And most tellingly, when asked to do what they have just berated another person for *not* doing, they fall oddly silent, knowing that in Reality, they are just as powerless to stop Real Life and the tragedy that is part of it as anyone else. What they are really railing against, it seems to me, is not the other person's difficult decision, but rather, some decision that they have made in the past that they still feel guilty over. If ever in a sitiatuon where a difficult decision is required, we can only do the best we can at the time with the resources, knowledge and capacity we have *at that time*. It does no good to second that decisision once its made, only to be sure that we did the best we could *at the time* with what we had. Once you know in your heart that the decision - whatever it was - was the 'best' it could be at the time, then please do not let anyone else's insecurity get to you. They weren't there, they weren't the person who had to make the decision, and they will never *ever* know all of what was going through your head & heart at the time. Their self righteous blathering is just a way for them to hide from their own guilt. It means less than nothing, and thats exactly what they'll do if asked to 'step up' and actually do what it was they demanded of you. They are cowards, always willing to play "Monday Morning Quarterbacks", but never willing to get out there in the mud & muck themselves. They are not worthy of our attention. Know that you did your best, and do not allow others to share their own guilt with you - it doesn't help them any, and it certainly doesn't help you. Hugs Yowie -- If you're paddling upstream in a canoe and a wheel falls off, how many pancakes can you fit in a doghouse? None, icecream doesn't have bones. |
#2
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Real Life
Yowie wrote:
I'm thinking of Charleen especially here, but others have been through the same thing, and I also speak from experience myself. As much as we share on this here NG and other electronic media, other people are not privvy to the minutaie of the situation, or our lives, our relationships with our cats, and indeed, the personality of the people or pets themselves. It is easy to say "well, if I was in that situation, I would have....." and go on to criticise a friend's tough decision, but really, we are in no position to truly understand and appreciate *all* the factors that go into the decision. We can only trust, knowing each other as we do, that as catslaves, that the other is doing their own best as they see fit. It may not be our own best, we may have made different choices had we been in the same situation, but if we have any faith in each other at all, then we need to support each other even though perhaps we would have done things differently had we been presented with the same situation. Anyone who has made a heartbreaking decision is already second guessing themselves, is already feeling guilty about not being able to make a 'better' decision, even though there is no 'better' decision to make. Those that make a person feel even guiltier for doing the Right Thing are simply projecting their own fear and their own guilt. They do not know the intimate details of the situation, and are in no position to judge. And most tellingly, when asked to do what they have just berated another person for *not* doing, they fall oddly silent, knowing that in Reality, they are just as powerless to stop Real Life and the tragedy that is part of it as anyone else. What they are really railing against, it seems to me, is not the other person's difficult decision, but rather, some decision that they have made in the past that they still feel guilty over. If ever in a sitiatuon where a difficult decision is required, we can only do the best we can at the time with the resources, knowledge and capacity we have *at that time*. It does no good to second that decisision once its made, only to be sure that we did the best we could *at the time* with what we had. Once you know in your heart that the decision - whatever it was - was the 'best' it could be at the time, then please do not let anyone else's insecurity get to you. They weren't there, they weren't the person who had to make the decision, and they will never *ever* know all of what was going through your head & heart at the time. Their self righteous blathering is just a way for them to hide from their own guilt. It means less than nothing, and thats exactly what they'll do if asked to 'step up' and actually do what it was they demanded of you. They are cowards, always willing to play "Monday Morning Quarterbacks", but never willing to get out there in the mud & muck themselves. They are not worthy of our attention. Know that you did your best, and do not allow others to share their own guilt with you - it doesn't help them any, and it certainly doesn't help you. Hugs Yowie I didn't snip a thing because you're right on target! As you know, I just went through some difficult decisions concerning my father. Mother was a wreck, having just gotten out of the hospital herself and still not feeling well. One of my brothers was constantly questioning and (albeit circumspectly) second-guessing everything. You think you can do better YOU come down here and deal with it. Funny how he had to go on a business trip instead. Jill |
#3
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Real Life
Excellent post. I heard a saying once about not judging a man until you had
walked a mile in his shoes. "Yowie" wrote in message ... I'm thinking of Charleen especially here, but others have been through the same thing, and I also speak from experience myself. As much as we share on this here NG and other electronic media, other people are not privvy to the minutaie of the situation, or our lives, our relationships with our cats, and indeed, the personality of the people or pets themselves. It is easy to say "well, if I was in that situation, I would have....." and go on to criticise a friend's tough decision, but really, we are in no position to truly understand and appreciate *all* the factors that go into the decision. We can only trust, knowing each other as we do, that as catslaves, that the other is doing their own best as they see fit. It may not be our own best, we may have made different choices had we been in the same situation, but if we have any faith in each other at all, then we need to support each other even though perhaps we would have done things differently had we been presented with the same situation. Anyone who has made a heartbreaking decision is already second guessing themselves, is already feeling guilty about not being able to make a 'better' decision, even though there is no 'better' decision to make. Those that make a person feel even guiltier for doing the Right Thing are simply projecting their own fear and their own guilt. They do not know the intimate details of the situation, and are in no position to judge. And most tellingly, when asked to do what they have just berated another person for *not* doing, they fall oddly silent, knowing that in Reality, they are just as powerless to stop Real Life and the tragedy that is part of it as anyone else. What they are really railing against, it seems to me, is not the other person's difficult decision, but rather, some decision that they have made in the past that they still feel guilty over. If ever in a sitiatuon where a difficult decision is required, we can only do the best we can at the time with the resources, knowledge and capacity we have *at that time*. It does no good to second that decisision once its made, only to be sure that we did the best we could *at the time* with what we had. Once you know in your heart that the decision - whatever it was - was the 'best' it could be at the time, then please do not let anyone else's insecurity get to you. They weren't there, they weren't the person who had to make the decision, and they will never *ever* know all of what was going through your head & heart at the time. Their self righteous blathering is just a way for them to hide from their own guilt. It means less than nothing, and thats exactly what they'll do if asked to 'step up' and actually do what it was they demanded of you. They are cowards, always willing to play "Monday Morning Quarterbacks", but never willing to get out there in the mud & muck themselves. They are not worthy of our attention. Know that you did your best, and do not allow others to share their own guilt with you - it doesn't help them any, and it certainly doesn't help you. Hugs Yowie -- If you're paddling upstream in a canoe and a wheel falls off, how many pancakes can you fit in a doghouse? None, icecream doesn't have bones. |
#4
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Real Life
"Yowie" wrote in
: I'm thinking of Charleen especially here, but others have been through the same thing, and I also speak from experience myself. As much as we share on this here NG and other electronic media, other people are not privvy to the minutaie of the situation, or our lives, our relationships with our cats, and indeed, the personality of the people or pets themselves. It is easy to say "well, if I was in that situation, I would have....." and go on to criticise a friend's tough decision, but really, we are in no position to truly understand and appreciate *all* the factors that go into the decision. We can only trust, knowing each other as we do, that as catslaves, that the other is doing their own best as they see fit. It may not be our own best, we may have made different choices had we been in the same situation, but if we have any faith in each other at all, then we need to support each other even though perhaps we would have done things differently had we been presented with the same situation. Anyone who has made a heartbreaking decision is already second guessing themselves, is already feeling guilty about not being able to make a 'better' decision, even though there is no 'better' decision to make. Those that make a person feel even guiltier for doing the Right Thing are simply projecting their own fear and their own guilt. They do not know the intimate details of the situation, and are in no position to judge. And most tellingly, when asked to do what they have just berated another person for *not* doing, they fall oddly silent, knowing that in Reality, they are just as powerless to stop Real Life and the tragedy that is part of it as anyone else. What they are really railing against, it seems to me, is not the other person's difficult decision, but rather, some decision that they have made in the past that they still feel guilty over. If ever in a sitiatuon where a difficult decision is required, we can only do the best we can at the time with the resources, knowledge and capacity we have *at that time*. It does no good to second that decisision once its made, only to be sure that we did the best we could *at the time* with what we had. Once you know in your heart that the decision - whatever it was - was the 'best' it could be at the time, then please do not let anyone else's insecurity get to you. They weren't there, they weren't the person who had to make the decision, and they will never *ever* know all of what was going through your head & heart at the time. Their self righteous blathering is just a way for them to hide from their own guilt. It means less than nothing, and thats exactly what they'll do if asked to 'step up' and actually do what it was they demanded of you. They are cowards, always willing to play "Monday Morning Quarterbacks", but never willing to get out there in the mud & muck themselves. They are not worthy of our attention. Know that you did your best, and do not allow others to share their own guilt with you - it doesn't help them any, and it certainly doesn't help you. Hugs Yowie Very well said. As for guilt; I don't do it. I learn from my mistakes but I don't feel guilty over them. I learned that almost two decades ago. If someone tries to make me feel guilty it just seems funny to me. The odd thing is since I dumped guilt I started making fewer mistakes. Go figure. Andy |
#5
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Real Life
Granby wrote:
Excellent post. I heard a saying once about not judging a man until you had walked a mile in his shoes. Especially when the shoes are a size too small Jill "Yowie" wrote in message ... I'm thinking of Charleen especially here, but others have been through the same thing, and I also speak from experience myself. As much as we share on this here NG and other electronic media, other people are not privvy to the minutaie of the situation, or our lives, our relationships with our cats, and indeed, the personality of the people or pets themselves. It is easy to say "well, if I was in that situation, I would have....." and go on to criticise a friend's tough decision, but really, we are in no position to truly understand and appreciate *all* the factors that go into the decision. We can only trust, knowing each other as we do, that as catslaves, that the other is doing their own best as they see fit. It may not be our own best, we may have made different choices had we been in the same situation, but if we have any faith in each other at all, then we need to support each other even though perhaps we would have done things differently had we been presented with the same situation. Anyone who has made a heartbreaking decision is already second guessing themselves, is already feeling guilty about not being able to make a 'better' decision, even though there is no 'better' decision to make. Those that make a person feel even guiltier for doing the Right Thing are simply projecting their own fear and their own guilt. They do not know the intimate details of the situation, and are in no position to judge. And most tellingly, when asked to do what they have just berated another person for *not* doing, they fall oddly silent, knowing that in Reality, they are just as powerless to stop Real Life and the tragedy that is part of it as anyone else. What they are really railing against, it seems to me, is not the other person's difficult decision, but rather, some decision that they have made in the past that they still feel guilty over. If ever in a sitiatuon where a difficult decision is required, we can only do the best we can at the time with the resources, knowledge and capacity we have *at that time*. It does no good to second that decisision once its made, only to be sure that we did the best we could *at the time* with what we had. Once you know in your heart that the decision - whatever it was - was the 'best' it could be at the time, then please do not let anyone else's insecurity get to you. They weren't there, they weren't the person who had to make the decision, and they will never *ever* know all of what was going through your head & heart at the time. Their self righteous blathering is just a way for them to hide from their own guilt. It means less than nothing, and thats exactly what they'll do if asked to 'step up' and actually do what it was they demanded of you. They are cowards, always willing to play "Monday Morning Quarterbacks", but never willing to get out there in the mud & muck themselves. They are not worthy of our attention. Know that you did your best, and do not allow others to share their own guilt with you - it doesn't help them any, and it certainly doesn't help you. Hugs Yowie -- If you're paddling upstream in a canoe and a wheel falls off, how many pancakes can you fit in a doghouse? None, icecream doesn't have bones. |
#6
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Real Life
"Yowie" wrote in message
... I'm thinking of Charleen especially here, but others have been through the same thing, and I also speak from experience myself. As much as we share on this here NG and other electronic media, other people are not privvy to the minutaie of the situation, or our lives, our relationships with our cats, and indeed, the personality of the people or pets themselves. It is easy to say "well, if I was in that situation, I would have....." and go on to criticise a friend's tough decision, but really, we are in no position to truly understand and appreciate *all* the factors that go into the decision. We can only trust, knowing each other as we do, that as catslaves, that the other is doing their own best as they see fit. It may not be our own best, we may have made different choices had we been in the same situation, but if we have any faith in each other at all, then we need to support each other even though perhaps we would have done things differently had we been presented with the same situation. Anyone who has made a heartbreaking decision is already second guessing themselves, is already feeling guilty about not being able to make a 'better' decision, even though there is no 'better' decision to make. Those that make a person feel even guiltier for doing the Right Thing are simply projecting their own fear and their own guilt. They do not know the intimate details of the situation, and are in no position to judge. And most tellingly, when asked to do what they have just berated another person for *not* doing, they fall oddly silent, knowing that in Reality, they are just as powerless to stop Real Life and the tragedy that is part of it as anyone else. What they are really railing against, it seems to me, is not the other person's difficult decision, but rather, some decision that they have made in the past that they still feel guilty over. If ever in a sitiatuon where a difficult decision is required, we can only do the best we can at the time with the resources, knowledge and capacity we have *at that time*. It does no good to second that decisision once its made, only to be sure that we did the best we could *at the time* with what we had. Once you know in your heart that the decision - whatever it was - was the 'best' it could be at the time, then please do not let anyone else's insecurity get to you. They weren't there, they weren't the person who had to make the decision, and they will never *ever* know all of what was going through your head & heart at the time. Their self righteous blathering is just a way for them to hide from their own guilt. It means less than nothing, and thats exactly what they'll do if asked to 'step up' and actually do what it was they demanded of you. They are cowards, always willing to play "Monday Morning Quarterbacks", but never willing to get out there in the mud & muck themselves. They are not worthy of our attention. Know that you did your best, and do not allow others to share their own guilt with you - it doesn't help them any, and it certainly doesn't help you. Hugs Yowie -- If you're paddling upstream in a canoe and a wheel falls off, how many pancakes can you fit in a doghouse? None, icecream doesn't have bones. Well said, Yowie. This sort of reminds me of a prejudice out there most people aren't even aware of. When I was working at Amoco I happened to walk past an open office door and heard two senior analysts talking about a co-worker whom I knew quite well. One of the "yuppies" said, very snidely, "Well if she wanted a better job she should have gone to a better college!" I couldn't help myself, I stopped, turned around and asked nicely, "What college did you go to, X?" "Well Prestigious College 3" she said. "And who paid your tuition?" I asked. "My family," she said, seeming a bit flustered at that point. "How fortunate for you," I said and continued on my way. I didn't even bother to tell them that my friend's mom cleaned houses for a living, as did her mother before her. My friend worked two jobs while she was at school and was still paying off a college loan 6 years after she graduated her non-prestigious college. When people have money, they have NO idea what it's like to live from paycheck to paycheck knowing that one unexpected expense could cause disaster. Hugs, CatNipped |
#7
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Real Life
standing and cheering, Lee
Yowie wrote in message ... I'm thinking of Charleen especially here, but others have been through the same thing, and I also speak from experience myself. As much as we share on this here NG and other electronic media, other people are not privvy to the minutaie of the situation, or our lives, our relationships with our cats, and indeed, the personality of the people or pets themselves. It is easy to say "well, if I was in that situation, I would have....." and go on to criticise a friend's tough decision, but really, we are in no position to truly understand and appreciate *all* the factors that go into the decision. We can only trust, knowing each other as we do, that as catslaves, that the other is doing their own best as they see fit. It may not be our own best, we may have made different choices had we been in the same situation, but if we have any faith in each other at all, then we need to support each other even though perhaps we would have done things differently had we been presented with the same situation. Anyone who has made a heartbreaking decision is already second guessing themselves, is already feeling guilty about not being able to make a 'better' decision, even though there is no 'better' decision to make. Those that make a person feel even guiltier for doing the Right Thing are simply projecting their own fear and their own guilt. They do not know the intimate details of the situation, and are in no position to judge. And most tellingly, when asked to do what they have just berated another person for *not* doing, they fall oddly silent, knowing that in Reality, they are just as powerless to stop Real Life and the tragedy that is part of it as anyone else. What they are really railing against, it seems to me, is not the other person's difficult decision, but rather, some decision that they have made in the past that they still feel guilty over. If ever in a sitiatuon where a difficult decision is required, we can only do the best we can at the time with the resources, knowledge and capacity we have *at that time*. It does no good to second that decisision once its made, only to be sure that we did the best we could *at the time* with what we had. Once you know in your heart that the decision - whatever it was - was the 'best' it could be at the time, then please do not let anyone else's insecurity get to you. They weren't there, they weren't the person who had to make the decision, and they will never *ever* know all of what was going through your head & heart at the time. Their self righteous blathering is just a way for them to hide from their own guilt. It means less than nothing, and thats exactly what they'll do if asked to 'step up' and actually do what it was they demanded of you. They are cowards, always willing to play "Monday Morning Quarterbacks", but never willing to get out there in the mud & muck themselves. They are not worthy of our attention. Know that you did your best, and do not allow others to share their own guilt with you - it doesn't help them any, and it certainly doesn't help you. Hugs Yowie -- If you're paddling upstream in a canoe and a wheel falls off, how many pancakes can you fit in a doghouse? None, icecream doesn't have bones. |
#8
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Real Life
On 23 Mrz., 11:52, "Yowie" wrote:
I'm thinking of Charleen especially here, but others have been through the same thing, and I also speak from experience myself. As much as we share on this here NG and other electronic media, other people are not privvy to the minutaie of the situation, or our lives, our relationships with our cats, and indeed, the personality of the people or pets themselves. It is easy to say "well, if I was in that situation, I would have....." and go on to criticise a friend's tough decision, but really, we are in no position to truly understand and appreciate *all* the factors that go into the decision. We can only trust, knowing each other as we do, that as catslaves, that the other is doing their own best as they see fit. It may not be our own best, we may have made different choices had we been in the same situation, but if we have any faith in each other at all, then we need to support each other even though perhaps we would have done things differently had we been presented with the same situation. Anyone who has made a heartbreaking decision is already second guessing themselves, is already feeling guilty about not being able to make a 'better' decision, even though there is no 'better' decision to make. Those that make a person feel even guiltier for doing the Right Thing are simply projecting their own fear and their own guilt. They do not know the intimate details of the situation, and are in no position to judge. And most tellingly, when asked to do what they have just berated another person for *not* doing, they fall oddly silent, knowing that in Reality, they are just as powerless to stop Real Life and the tragedy that is part of it as anyone else. What they are really railing against, it seems to me, is not the other person's difficult decision, but rather, some decision that they have made in the past that they still feel guilty over. If ever in a sitiatuon where a difficult decision is required, we can only do the best we can at the time with the resources, knowledge and capacity we have *at that time*. It does no good to second that decisision once its made, only to be sure that we did the best we could *at the time* with what we had. Once you know in your heart that the decision - whatever it was - was the 'best' it could be at the time, then please do not let anyone else's insecurity get to you. They weren't there, they weren't the person who had to make the decision, and they will never *ever* know all of what was going through your head & heart at the time. Their self righteous blathering is just a way for them to hide from their own guilt. It means less than nothing, and thats exactly what they'll do if asked to 'step up' and actually do what it was they demanded of you. They are cowards, always willing to play "Monday Morning Quarterbacks", but never willing to get out there in the mud & muck themselves. They are not worthy of our attention. Know that you did your best, and do not allow others to share their own guilt with you - it doesn't help them any, and it certainly doesn't help you. Hugs Yowie -- If you're paddling upstream in a canoe and a wheel falls off, how many pancakes can you fit in a doghouse? None, icecream doesn't have bones. How very well put. It was about time someone stated that here. love Bettina |
#9
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Real Life
On Mar 23, 7:11*am, "CatNipped" wrote:
When people have money, they have NO idea what it's like to live from paycheck to paycheck knowing that one unexpected expense could cause disaster. It's like Jim the Gardener was saying the other week about two mutual friends one of whom is well off and the other has well off parents "They just texted me saying to keep some money back and go out with them tonight. It never occurs to them that I have no money to keep back in the first place!" Lesley Slave of the Fabulous Furballs |
#10
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Real Life
Excuse the top post.
I don't know why "Yowie" that once in a while you kind of surprise me with such a caring and well thought out post as this. Somehow I view you as racing madly through life keeping up with you spouse and the Yowlet and the furkids as well as work. I know that you are also a scientist with a gift for sharing your knowledge in a way others can understand. But you are also one of the good people here who take the time and care so much about how others are able to deal with their lives as well. Thank you just for being you. A pretty all around terrific person. Jo "Yowie" wrote in message ... I'm thinking of Charleen especially here, but others have been through the same thing, and I also speak from experience myself. As much as we share on this here NG and other electronic media, other people are not privvy to the minutaie of the situation, or our lives, our relationships with our cats, and indeed, the personality of the people or pets themselves. It is easy to say "well, if I was in that situation, I would have....." and go on to criticise a friend's tough decision, but really, we are in no position to truly understand and appreciate *all* the factors that go into the decision. We can only trust, knowing each other as we do, that as catslaves, that the other is doing their own best as they see fit. It may not be our own best, we may have made different choices had we been in the same situation, but if we have any faith in each other at all, then we need to support each other even though perhaps we would have done things differently had we been presented with the same situation. Anyone who has made a heartbreaking decision is already second guessing themselves, is already feeling guilty about not being able to make a 'better' decision, even though there is no 'better' decision to make. Those that make a person feel even guiltier for doing the Right Thing are simply projecting their own fear and their own guilt. They do not know the intimate details of the situation, and are in no position to judge. And most tellingly, when asked to do what they have just berated another person for *not* doing, they fall oddly silent, knowing that in Reality, they are just as powerless to stop Real Life and the tragedy that is part of it as anyone else. What they are really railing against, it seems to me, is not the other person's difficult decision, but rather, some decision that they have made in the past that they still feel guilty over. If ever in a sitiatuon where a difficult decision is required, we can only do the best we can at the time with the resources, knowledge and capacity we have *at that time*. It does no good to second that decisision once its made, only to be sure that we did the best we could *at the time* with what we had. Once you know in your heart that the decision - whatever it was - was the 'best' it could be at the time, then please do not let anyone else's insecurity get to you. They weren't there, they weren't the person who had to make the decision, and they will never *ever* know all of what was going through your head & heart at the time. Their self righteous blathering is just a way for them to hide from their own guilt. It means less than nothing, and thats exactly what they'll do if asked to 'step up' and actually do what it was they demanded of you. They are cowards, always willing to play "Monday Morning Quarterbacks", but never willing to get out there in the mud & muck themselves. They are not worthy of our attention. Know that you did your best, and do not allow others to share their own guilt with you - it doesn't help them any, and it certainly doesn't help you. Hugs Yowie -- If you're paddling upstream in a canoe and a wheel falls off, how many pancakes can you fit in a doghouse? None, icecream doesn't have bones. |
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