How to Pill a Cat

LOL!!!!

"Napoleon" wrote in message
om...
For everyone who has had to try to get this done.

************************************************** ************

HOW TO GIVE A CAT A PILL

1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if
holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of
cat's mouth And gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in
right hand. As cat
Opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in
left arm and repeat process.

3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear
paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of
mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call
spouse from garden.

6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and
rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head
firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill
down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap.
Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep
Shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for
gluing later.

8) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just
visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force
mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9) Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer
to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove
blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10) Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another
beer.Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head
showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat
with elastic band.

11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on
hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply
cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus
shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss-back another
shot. Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12) Ring fire brigade to retrieve the f------ cat from tree across the
road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to
avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap.

13) Tie the little *******'s front paws to rear paws with garden twine
and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning
gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of
fillet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints
of water down throat to wash down pill..

14) Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the
emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm
and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way
home to order new table..

15) Arrange for RSPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and ring local
pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

wrote in message
...
Napoleon wrote:
Oh, believe me, I was thinking about this today when trying to pill
Smudge!

Joyce

One of my former neighbour's told me that her cat used to litterally spit
the pill out and it would go sailing half-way across the room. The vet
didn't believe her so the next time pill-time arrived it was off to the vet.

And howls of laughter at the site of the pill sailing half-way across the
vet clinic reception area!

--
Alan Erskine
alanerskine(at)optusnet.com.au
Where's the Weapons of Mass Distruction,
Mr Bush?

"Alan Erskine" wrote

One of my former neighbour's told me that her cat used to litterally spit
the pill out and it would go sailing half-way across the room. The vet
didn't believe her so the next time pill-time arrived it was off to the
vet.

And howls of laughter at the site of the pill sailing half-way across the
vet clinic reception area!

A friend of mine needed to pill her two cats, I forget why. Anyway, she went
out and bought two bits of fine, expensive fillets of beef. She cut a slit
in each piece and slid a pill inside each. Then she gave the fillets to the
cats. They hunkered down and started inhaling the yummy treat. At one point,
both said PTUI and each pill came neatly flying out of the corner of the
mouths. Meanwhile, the cats calmly continued eating, never missing a chomp.

--
Marina

ROFL! What a great story!
Best wishes,
--
Polonca & Soncek

"Marina" wrote in message
...
A friend of mine needed to pill her two cats, I forget why. Anyway, she
went
out and bought two bits of fine, expensive fillets of beef. snip

"Napoleon" wrote in message
om...
For everyone who has had to try to get this done.

************************************************** ************

HOW TO GIVE A CAT A PILL

1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if
holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of
cat's mouth And gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in
right hand. As cat
Opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. [etc.]

A relative who used to work at a vet's office while going to university gave
us a tip. If you see the cat his/her nose, it usually means the pill has
been swallowed. - Mind you, there are some tricky cats who know about this
rule and fake a nose lick, then spit out the pill after you release your
grip!

Yes, that's what the Evil 3 do! And why I started just holding them and
giving the pill all by itself. Oliver was the *worst* of all of them when he
had to have pills: he would hold it in his mouth till he started foaming at
the mouth (!) and then it would be a challenge to 1: reopen his mouth and 2:
*find* the d***med pill to repoke back into throat with the finger and 3:
reclose Oliver's bellowing jaws again and then 4: vigorously rub his
delicate little throat.
I never bought a "pillgun" because I always believed it would turn their
"annoying" pilling session with me into maybe a "terrifying" ordeal with a
strange rigid plastic intruder in their mouths.


"Marina" wrote in message
...
:
: "Alan Erskine" wrote
:
: One of my former neighbour's told me that her cat used to litterally
spit
: the pill out and it would go sailing half-way across the room. The vet
: didn't believe her so the next time pill-time arrived it was off to the
: vet.
:
: And howls of laughter at the site of the pill sailing half-way across
the
: vet clinic reception area!
:
: A friend of mine needed to pill her two cats, I forget why. Anyway, she
went
: out and bought two bits of fine, expensive fillets of beef. She cut a slit
: in each piece and slid a pill inside each. Then she gave the fillets to
the
: cats. They hunkered down and started inhaling the yummy treat. At one
point,
: both said PTUI and each pill came neatly flying out of the corner of the
: mouths. Meanwhile, the cats calmly continued eating, never missing a
chomp.
:
: --
: Marina
:

I've always managed to pill my cats ,[my present one Wilson may give me a
run for my money
though]but yrs ago, the dentist gave me a pill to give my daughter before an
examination we
tried unsuccessfullya few times then lost the pill, weeks later I found it
wedged between the
wall and the floor tiles in the bedroom,how it got there, upthe hall and
through the bedroom
door I'll never know she still has a struggle to take a tablet today. jp
"Marina" wrote in message
...

"Alan Erskine" wrote

One of my former neighbour's told me that her cat used to litterally
spit
the pill out and it would go sailing half-way across the room. The vet
didn't believe her so the next time pill-time arrived it was off to the
vet.

And howls of laughter at the site of the pill sailing half-way across
the
vet clinic reception area!

A friend of mine needed to pill her two cats, I forget why. Anyway, she
went
out and bought two bits of fine, expensive fillets of beef. She cut a slit
in each piece and slid a pill inside each. Then she gave the fillets to
the
cats. They hunkered down and started inhaling the yummy treat. At one
point,
both said PTUI and each pill came neatly flying out of the corner of the
mouths. Meanwhile, the cats calmly continued eating, never missing a
chomp.

--
Marina

"Jean H" wrote in message
...
I've always managed to pill my cats ,[my present one Wilson may give me a
run for my money
though]but yrs ago, the dentist gave me a pill to give my daughter before
an
examination we
tried unsuccessfullya few times then lost the pill, weeks later I found it
wedged between the
wall and the floor tiles in the bedroom,how it got there, upthe hall and
through the bedroom
door I'll never know she still has a struggle to take a tablet today. jp

WORLD RECORD SPITTER!

(just don't let any cats see it - the word would get out and noooo cat would
be able to take a pill ;-)


--
Alan Erskine
alanerskine(at)optusnet.com.au
"This is a time to try men of force
and vision, and not be confined
exclusively to those who are judged
thoroughly safe by conventional standards."
Winston Churchill, October 19, 1940

In article , Napoleon wrote:

For everyone who has had to try to get this done.

************************************************** ************

HOW TO GIVE A CAT A PILL

Credit Sarah Hartwell (www.messybeast.com) for this one.