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  #221  
Old July 14th 09, 12:40 AM posted to rec.pets.cats.anecdotes
Stormmee
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 12,281
Default OT Blindness rants.

the loss of any function is usually devastating if it is your loss, and it
really can't be compared to another person's loss, and just because its not
as bad as someone else's is no cause for gratefulness, Lee, who hates these
comments from others... "well it could be worse you could"" insert stupid
comment here"
"Christina Websell" wrote in message
...

wrote in message
...
Sherry wrote:

On Jul 8, 6:59?pm, "Christina Websell"


"Sherry" wrote in message


"Christina Websell" wrote in


Yes, I do some things they could do, in return, I suppose. I need
not do
that, though.
It is not a "favour" for colleagues to help someone who has become
disabled, they are expected to do it. It is not a "favour" it's
necessary. I am not expected to pay them back for it. Neither would
they want me to.


I suppose it's nice that you feel that way if the situation were
reversed; it sounds like you'd be
willing to take on various duties that they were no longer able to do.
But I *do* think it's a favor. If I had extra duties added to my job
description because a co-worker
was no longer able to perform *her* job, I would expect to either be
compensated, or
have some of *my* workload reduced. Unless I had the extra time to do
it anyway without interfering with what I was expected to do.


I do not need much help at all. Just now and again with reading
something
I cannot see. It's a poor tale if my colleagues would expect to be
"compensated" for this in any way. They happily help, why would they
not?
No-one has extra duties added to their job description, they help
because
they want to. They do not regard it as a favour and neither do I.


Again, it looks like different perspectives from different
definitions.
A "favor" to me, is something voluntarily done, with a cheerful
attitude just
because someone wants to help me out. And in turn I'd express
appreciation.
If helping someone out is not called a "favor" -- it sounds like the
receipient feels entitled to the help.


Hmm. It sounds to me like you two are actually talking about different
things, rather than having different perspectives on the same thing.

I'm reading Christina's comments as saying that occasionally helping
someone out who has visual difficulties is *culturally* expected, not
that their employer expects it. And since it's not like she needs
someone to sit with her several hours a day reading for her, but only
needs help now and then to see a word, it doesn't really require much
time or effort on her colleagues' part. I would imagine that if she
needed enough help to have an impact on their workload, they *would*
be compensated (or someone would be hired specifically to do that).

I think of it more along the lines of, say, if something that I
need occasionally happens to be stored on a high shelf, then I would
expect that if I asked a taller person to get it for me, they would,
if they could. And unless I'm constantly having to get things from
that shelf, it wouldn't really constitute an extra workload for the
people who stop for a moment to help me out. (Not the best metaphor,
since if something I had to use all the time was kept on a high
shelf, I'd insist it be moved down - but you get the idea, right?)

If you saw a short person trying vainly to reach something on a
high shelf at work, and a bunch of taller people were walking by
with nobody offering to help, wouldn't you think, "What the hell
is wrong with these people?" I imagine that's all Christina meant
by "expectation". You just expect people to help each other out
in those small ways because that's what decent people do.


Exactly. If you see a person that is not managing it's not so difficult
to help them out. , is it?
My personal bugbear is sight problems but there are lots of other
disabilities that could do with some support.
I just hate it when some people say "well, you're not completely blind,
are you?" Like I should be grateful for that.








  #222  
Old July 14th 09, 12:45 AM posted to rec.pets.cats.anecdotes
Stormmee
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 12,281
Default OT Blindness rants.

the fact that you know there is a fine line between the two things gets you
3/4 of the way better than most people, Lee
"Cheryl P." wrote in message
...
Christina Websell wrote:

Exactly. If you see a person that is not managing it's not so difficult
to help them out. , is it?
My personal bugbear is sight problems but there are lots of other
disabilities that could do with some support.
I just hate it when some people say "well, you're not completely blind,
are you?" Like I should be grateful for that.


Well, yes, but to be fair, I've known and been related to some people with
obvious physical disabilities who HATED it when someone assumed that
because they were struggling to do something, they'd welcome a bit of
help.

It's sometimes difficult to find the balance between being helpful and
taking over.

Cheryl



  #223  
Old July 14th 09, 12:55 AM posted to rec.pets.cats.anecdotes
Stormmee
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 12,281
Default OT Blindness rants.

one of the reasons among many that Gramby and i are friends is because we
have a code of conversation of sorts... they include:

I am calling you to bitch/wine/ nvent... then ensuing tirade... thanks...

or I am calling you to just listen to this...

or ok now i need your thoughts about///
or am i being unreasonable...

gives a context up front as Gramby and i can fall into fixing stuff but at
least with each other this prefix if you will helps both of us, Lee
wrote in message
...
MLB wrote:

wrote:


I have a friend who, the moment
I appear to be even slightly struggling to do something, starts
reaching
over to grab the item from me because I'm obviously having trouble and
therefore require her help. This *really* irritates me, and she knows
that, but she can't seem to help herself.


Did ypu ever think that perhaps SHE needs to be needed? MLB


Oh, absolutely! She has classic co-dependency behaviors (trying to
"fix" and rescue other people, giving unsolicited advice, believing
that her job in life is to solve other people's problems, etc). I'm
all for people being helpful and generous, but only when help and
generosity is welcome.

I think this friend does this compulsively, so I don't yell at her
about it, but I do have to remind her all the time that, just because
I'm talking about a problem in my life, that doesn't mean I want
advice. Maybe I just want a sympathetic ear, or a different perspective,
or a place to vent. When I'm ready to take action about a problem, I
take action, but often times, I have to vent feelings about it first,
so I'm clear-headed enough to think. When someone tries to get me to
"*Do* something about it!" before I'm ready to, I feel disrespected,
like the person thinks all I want to do is whine and complain, and
doesn't believe I'll do anything unless they kick my butt. That's
insulting.

Also, when I need help with something, I'm perfectly capable of
asking for it. I don't mind when someone offers help, but if I say
"no, thanks", they should respect that.

--
Joyce ^..^

To email me, remove the XXX from my user name.



  #224  
Old July 14th 09, 12:57 AM posted to rec.pets.cats.anecdotes
Stormmee
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 12,281
Default OT Blindness rants.

this is one of the best bits of advice ever, part of the reason i got Dog
guides when i could still see relatively well from one eye was so i could
not strain my vision and mind travelling which allowed me to look at more
enjoyable things, Lee
"Jofirey" wrote in message
...

"Christina Websell" wrote in message
...
Hmm. Ruin your teeth or help your eyesight. That's a difficult one.
I can't beat you on surgeries, I had 7 or 8. Only 7 or 8, nothing like
your 18.
My hope is that my sight lasts out until I can retire at the earliest in
2013.


Just be sure to take the time to use some of what is left of it to enjoy
and file away memories for you. It isn't just for work.

Jo



  #225  
Old July 14th 09, 03:56 AM posted to rec.pets.cats.anecdotes
Granby
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 10,742
Default OT Blindness rants.

And God knows there are days when I need fixed!!!! Wonder why Dr. Phil
never answers my emails, just kidding.
"Stormmee" wrote in message
...
one of the reasons among many that Gramby and i are friends is because we
have a code of conversation of sorts... they include:

I am calling you to bitch/wine/ nvent... then ensuing tirade... thanks...

or I am calling you to just listen to this...

or ok now i need your thoughts about///
or am i being unreasonable...

gives a context up front as Gramby and i can fall into fixing stuff but at
least with each other this prefix if you will helps both of us, Lee
wrote in message
...
MLB wrote:

wrote:


I have a friend who, the moment
I appear to be even slightly struggling to do something, starts
reaching
over to grab the item from me because I'm obviously having trouble and
therefore require her help. This *really* irritates me, and she knows
that, but she can't seem to help herself.


Did ypu ever think that perhaps SHE needs to be needed? MLB


Oh, absolutely! She has classic co-dependency behaviors (trying to
"fix" and rescue other people, giving unsolicited advice, believing
that her job in life is to solve other people's problems, etc). I'm
all for people being helpful and generous, but only when help and
generosity is welcome.

I think this friend does this compulsively, so I don't yell at her
about it, but I do have to remind her all the time that, just because
I'm talking about a problem in my life, that doesn't mean I want
advice. Maybe I just want a sympathetic ear, or a different perspective,
or a place to vent. When I'm ready to take action about a problem, I
take action, but often times, I have to vent feelings about it first,
so I'm clear-headed enough to think. When someone tries to get me to
"*Do* something about it!" before I'm ready to, I feel disrespected,
like the person thinks all I want to do is whine and complain, and
doesn't believe I'll do anything unless they kick my butt. That's
insulting.

Also, when I need help with something, I'm perfectly capable of
asking for it. I don't mind when someone offers help, but if I say
"no, thanks", they should respect that.

--
Joyce ^..^

To email me, remove the XXX from my user name.





 




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