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#221
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OT Blindness rants.
the loss of any function is usually devastating if it is your loss, and it
really can't be compared to another person's loss, and just because its not as bad as someone else's is no cause for gratefulness, Lee, who hates these comments from others... "well it could be worse you could"" insert stupid comment here" "Christina Websell" wrote in message ... wrote in message ... Sherry wrote: On Jul 8, 6:59?pm, "Christina Websell" "Sherry" wrote in message "Christina Websell" wrote in Yes, I do some things they could do, in return, I suppose. I need not do that, though. It is not a "favour" for colleagues to help someone who has become disabled, they are expected to do it. It is not a "favour" it's necessary. I am not expected to pay them back for it. Neither would they want me to. I suppose it's nice that you feel that way if the situation were reversed; it sounds like you'd be willing to take on various duties that they were no longer able to do. But I *do* think it's a favor. If I had extra duties added to my job description because a co-worker was no longer able to perform *her* job, I would expect to either be compensated, or have some of *my* workload reduced. Unless I had the extra time to do it anyway without interfering with what I was expected to do. I do not need much help at all. Just now and again with reading something I cannot see. It's a poor tale if my colleagues would expect to be "compensated" for this in any way. They happily help, why would they not? No-one has extra duties added to their job description, they help because they want to. They do not regard it as a favour and neither do I. Again, it looks like different perspectives from different definitions. A "favor" to me, is something voluntarily done, with a cheerful attitude just because someone wants to help me out. And in turn I'd express appreciation. If helping someone out is not called a "favor" -- it sounds like the receipient feels entitled to the help. Hmm. It sounds to me like you two are actually talking about different things, rather than having different perspectives on the same thing. I'm reading Christina's comments as saying that occasionally helping someone out who has visual difficulties is *culturally* expected, not that their employer expects it. And since it's not like she needs someone to sit with her several hours a day reading for her, but only needs help now and then to see a word, it doesn't really require much time or effort on her colleagues' part. I would imagine that if she needed enough help to have an impact on their workload, they *would* be compensated (or someone would be hired specifically to do that). I think of it more along the lines of, say, if something that I need occasionally happens to be stored on a high shelf, then I would expect that if I asked a taller person to get it for me, they would, if they could. And unless I'm constantly having to get things from that shelf, it wouldn't really constitute an extra workload for the people who stop for a moment to help me out. (Not the best metaphor, since if something I had to use all the time was kept on a high shelf, I'd insist it be moved down - but you get the idea, right?) If you saw a short person trying vainly to reach something on a high shelf at work, and a bunch of taller people were walking by with nobody offering to help, wouldn't you think, "What the hell is wrong with these people?" I imagine that's all Christina meant by "expectation". You just expect people to help each other out in those small ways because that's what decent people do. Exactly. If you see a person that is not managing it's not so difficult to help them out. , is it? My personal bugbear is sight problems but there are lots of other disabilities that could do with some support. I just hate it when some people say "well, you're not completely blind, are you?" Like I should be grateful for that. |
#222
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OT Blindness rants.
the fact that you know there is a fine line between the two things gets you
3/4 of the way better than most people, Lee "Cheryl P." wrote in message ... Christina Websell wrote: Exactly. If you see a person that is not managing it's not so difficult to help them out. , is it? My personal bugbear is sight problems but there are lots of other disabilities that could do with some support. I just hate it when some people say "well, you're not completely blind, are you?" Like I should be grateful for that. Well, yes, but to be fair, I've known and been related to some people with obvious physical disabilities who HATED it when someone assumed that because they were struggling to do something, they'd welcome a bit of help. It's sometimes difficult to find the balance between being helpful and taking over. Cheryl |
#223
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OT Blindness rants.
one of the reasons among many that Gramby and i are friends is because we
have a code of conversation of sorts... they include: I am calling you to bitch/wine/ nvent... then ensuing tirade... thanks... or I am calling you to just listen to this... or ok now i need your thoughts about/// or am i being unreasonable... gives a context up front as Gramby and i can fall into fixing stuff but at least with each other this prefix if you will helps both of us, Lee wrote in message ... MLB wrote: wrote: I have a friend who, the moment I appear to be even slightly struggling to do something, starts reaching over to grab the item from me because I'm obviously having trouble and therefore require her help. This *really* irritates me, and she knows that, but she can't seem to help herself. Did ypu ever think that perhaps SHE needs to be needed? MLB Oh, absolutely! She has classic co-dependency behaviors (trying to "fix" and rescue other people, giving unsolicited advice, believing that her job in life is to solve other people's problems, etc). I'm all for people being helpful and generous, but only when help and generosity is welcome. I think this friend does this compulsively, so I don't yell at her about it, but I do have to remind her all the time that, just because I'm talking about a problem in my life, that doesn't mean I want advice. Maybe I just want a sympathetic ear, or a different perspective, or a place to vent. When I'm ready to take action about a problem, I take action, but often times, I have to vent feelings about it first, so I'm clear-headed enough to think. When someone tries to get me to "*Do* something about it!" before I'm ready to, I feel disrespected, like the person thinks all I want to do is whine and complain, and doesn't believe I'll do anything unless they kick my butt. That's insulting. Also, when I need help with something, I'm perfectly capable of asking for it. I don't mind when someone offers help, but if I say "no, thanks", they should respect that. -- Joyce ^..^ To email me, remove the XXX from my user name. |
#224
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OT Blindness rants.
this is one of the best bits of advice ever, part of the reason i got Dog
guides when i could still see relatively well from one eye was so i could not strain my vision and mind travelling which allowed me to look at more enjoyable things, Lee "Jofirey" wrote in message ... "Christina Websell" wrote in message ... Hmm. Ruin your teeth or help your eyesight. That's a difficult one. I can't beat you on surgeries, I had 7 or 8. Only 7 or 8, nothing like your 18. My hope is that my sight lasts out until I can retire at the earliest in 2013. Just be sure to take the time to use some of what is left of it to enjoy and file away memories for you. It isn't just for work. Jo |
#225
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OT Blindness rants.
And God knows there are days when I need fixed!!!! Wonder why Dr. Phil
never answers my emails, just kidding. "Stormmee" wrote in message ... one of the reasons among many that Gramby and i are friends is because we have a code of conversation of sorts... they include: I am calling you to bitch/wine/ nvent... then ensuing tirade... thanks... or I am calling you to just listen to this... or ok now i need your thoughts about/// or am i being unreasonable... gives a context up front as Gramby and i can fall into fixing stuff but at least with each other this prefix if you will helps both of us, Lee wrote in message ... MLB wrote: wrote: I have a friend who, the moment I appear to be even slightly struggling to do something, starts reaching over to grab the item from me because I'm obviously having trouble and therefore require her help. This *really* irritates me, and she knows that, but she can't seem to help herself. Did ypu ever think that perhaps SHE needs to be needed? MLB Oh, absolutely! She has classic co-dependency behaviors (trying to "fix" and rescue other people, giving unsolicited advice, believing that her job in life is to solve other people's problems, etc). I'm all for people being helpful and generous, but only when help and generosity is welcome. I think this friend does this compulsively, so I don't yell at her about it, but I do have to remind her all the time that, just because I'm talking about a problem in my life, that doesn't mean I want advice. Maybe I just want a sympathetic ear, or a different perspective, or a place to vent. When I'm ready to take action about a problem, I take action, but often times, I have to vent feelings about it first, so I'm clear-headed enough to think. When someone tries to get me to "*Do* something about it!" before I'm ready to, I feel disrespected, like the person thinks all I want to do is whine and complain, and doesn't believe I'll do anything unless they kick my butt. That's insulting. Also, when I need help with something, I'm perfectly capable of asking for it. I don't mind when someone offers help, but if I say "no, thanks", they should respect that. -- Joyce ^..^ To email me, remove the XXX from my user name. |
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