(OT) I'm desperate

I haven't got a clue how to solve a certain problem, and it's not one that I
can resolve alone. It's very hard for me to ask for help with this, too, but
I'm praying that one of you will have an answer for me.

It's my house, which is so dirty and disorganized that even the cats hate
it. I plug away at it when I have time (rarely) and energy (more rarely
still) but it's too much for me. I get about halfway through washing the
dishes and have to quit because my back hurts so badly.

It's been this way for more the last five years, except for a short time
earlier this year, when I "went all out" to get it ready for the cat-sitters
who didn't stay due to an allergy to the mold in the bedroom wall. It took
two months of working on it several hours a day, to get it to a somewhat
satisfactory condition.

Since that time my health has worsened to the point that I could not do the
same thing again, but if the place was thoroughly clean and organized, I
could keep it that way. As it is now, I spend far too much time searching
for things that have gotten lost in the clutter - time that I could be using
to keep it in good shape, if it was in good shape to begin with.

So, it's a no-win situation, and it is driving me insane.

This probably doesn't sound as bad as it really is, but I don't think I can
say in words just how bad it is, and it's been this bad, or worse, for such
a long time that I absolutely can't stand it anymore.

Let me try to describe how bad it is.

I haven't seen more than a square foot at a time of my living room floor
since April. The carpet hasn't been vacuumed since February. The same sheets
have been on the bed since May. I can't recognize half the food in the
fridge. The bar in the closet fell down, and the clothing laid on the floor
for almost three months before I felt strong and energetic enough to move it
and fix the bar and hang everything back up.

It's almost more than I can handle now to keep the cat boxes scooped out and
keep myself alive. I don't often have time to go to town and shop for food,
so half the time I just go without eating because there is nothing in the
house aside from oatmeal or something like that, and I get so sick of it
that I don't want to eat more of whatever it is for a long time to come.

There is no one I can ask to help me get the house in order. No relatives or
friends, and I can't afford hired help, but if I could afford to pay
someone, I am sure they would take one look and then turn and RUN away as
fast as possible.

In a good daydream, some bright and cheerful person who likes and cares
about me, comes and stays here for a spell and works with me until it's all
set right - whether that takes a few days or a week or more - and finds the
process rewarding, even joyful.

But when I come back to reality and realize I know no such person, my
depression deepens, and that makes the pain in my back worse.

So, how on earth can I get out of this vicious cycle? A few times I've tried
drinking coffee and ended up with even more pain in my back due to the
strain coffee puts on my kidneys, which are not very strong to begin with.

Is there an answer to this dilemma, or am will I always have to "live" in a
house that resembles the result of a direct cyclone hit?

Pat wrote:

snip the problem of a messy house

Is there an answer to this dilemma, or am will I always have to "live" in a
house that resembles the result of a direct cyclone hit?

First, let me sympathise. Both Joel & I chronic slobs and our house
usually looks like a bomb hit it too. We suffer from CHAOS - Cant Have
Anyone Over Syndrome.

YOu are suffering from depression. Go get medical help. The rest of
your life is a symptom of the depression - get the pain addressed *and*
the depression addressed, and that horrid great inertia that you suffer
will be 80% gone. Honest.

As to cleaning your house - if you have someone to do this with, do it
with someone else. I always clean more when there's someone else
helping mainly because I'd feel guilty stopping whilst htey are still
working. If there's anyone who can come over and just be with you
whilst youa re doing it, it will help.

Now, cleanign techniques: Ok, the first thing to work out is what you
*can* do, per day. I don't know where you are or your medical history,
but there are services around here that would help people with really
bad backs look after their housework for free, or a minimum cost. If
you can get one of those, please get one.

Work out which room you need to do first. Get yourself a plastic rake.
Rake the crap up into a corner. You now at least have some space to
move. If you can, vacuum the space where the crap was. Now get out some
massive garbage bags, and sit near the pile of crap, and start sorting.
Do as much as you can do, and then take a break. Keep going with that
room and that room only till you can live in it (don't go overboard).
Only when its done, attempt he next room (keep the doors closed
otherwise so you don't have to see them)

Washing up. Its evil isn't? I hate it too. If you have a sore back, sit
whilst you do it, and do it in shifts. Then pack up all your crockery
and cutlery until there's only one plate, one cup, one knife, one fork,
one spoon etc etc, and only ever use those. Taht means you will have to
wash them before you eat, and there will only a small amount of washing
up. Or, if its really depressing at the monet, just use paper plates
and plastic cutlery you can throw away. I wouldn't reccomend that as a
permanat fix, but if thats what is really bothering youat the monent,
then its a good "band aid" for a while whislt youget other stuff in
order.

Oh, and I doubt the cats hate it. Cats are remarkably adaptable and
have no concept of what we humans think of as "messy" or "neat".
Tehy're cats and their idea of a good home is very different to ours.
YOu thinking that they hate it is the deprssion talking. Go do
something about it, NOW!

Lots and lots of purrs,

Yowie

On Wed, 05 Oct 2005 17:32:38 -0700, Yowie wrote:

Pat wrote:

snip the problem of a messy house

Is there an answer to this dilemma, or am will I always have to "live"
in a house that resembles the result of a direct cyclone hit?

First, let me sympathise. Both Joel & I chronic slobs and our house
usually looks like a bomb hit it too. We suffer from CHAOS - Cant Have
Anyone Over Syndrome.

YOu are suffering from depression. Go get medical help. The rest of your
life is a symptom of the depression - get the pain addressed *and* the
depression addressed, and that horrid great inertia that you suffer will
be 80% gone. Honest.

As to cleaning your house - if you have someone to do this with, do it
with someone else. I always clean more when there's someone else helping
mainly because I'd feel guilty stopping whilst htey are still working. If
there's anyone who can come over and just be with you whilst youa re doing
it, it will help.

Now, cleanign techniques: Ok, the first thing to work out is what you
*can* do, per day. I don't know where you are or your medical history, but
there are services around here that would help people with really bad
backs look after their housework for free, or a minimum cost. If you can
get one of those, please get one.

Work out which room you need to do first. Get yourself a plastic rake.
Rake the crap up into a corner. You now at least have some space to move.
If you can, vacuum the space where the crap was. Now get out some massive
garbage bags, and sit near the pile of crap, and start sorting. Do as much
as you can do, and then take a break. Keep going with that room and that
room only till you can live in it (don't go overboard). Only when its
done, attempt he next room (keep the doors closed otherwise so you don't
have to see them)

Washing up. Its evil isn't? I hate it too. If you have a sore back, sit
whilst you do it, and do it in shifts. Then pack up all your crockery and
cutlery until there's only one plate, one cup, one knife, one fork, one
spoon etc etc, and only ever use those. Taht means you will have to wash
them before you eat, and there will only a small amount of washing up. Or,
if its really depressing at the monet, just use paper plates and plastic
cutlery you can throw away. I wouldn't reccomend that as a permanat fix,
but if thats what is really bothering youat the monent, then its a good
"band aid" for a while whislt youget other stuff in order.

Oh, and I doubt the cats hate it. Cats are remarkably adaptable and have
no concept of what we humans think of as "messy" or "neat". Tehy're cats
and their idea of a good home is very different to ours. YOu thinking that
they hate it is the deprssion talking. Go do something about it, NOW!

Lots and lots of purrs,

Yowie


You have given her good advice. We seem to have a tendency to acquire and
keep "stuff" that we really don't want or need. When you are young,
possessions seem good, but when you get along in years they become a
burden. I have a box full of Cat Fancy magazines that I haven;t looked
at in years, Every time I think I ought to throw them out,.........well,
they are still there gathering dust. Purrs for those who need energy.
MLB

"Pat" wrote in message
...
I haven't got a clue how to solve a certain problem, and it's not one that
I can resolve alone. It's very hard for me to ask for help with this, too,
but I'm praying that one of you will have an answer for me.

It's my house, which is so dirty and disorganized that even the cats hate
it. I plug away at it when I have time (rarely) and energy (more rarely
still) but it's too much for me. I get about halfway through washing the
dishes and have to quit because my back hurts so badly.

It's been this way for more the last five years, except for a short time
earlier this year, when I "went all out" to get it ready for the
cat-sitters who didn't stay due to an allergy to the mold in the bedroom
wall. It took two months of working on it several hours a day, to get it
to a somewhat satisfactory condition.

Since that time my health has worsened to the point that I could not do
the same thing again, but if the place was thoroughly clean and organized,
I could keep it that way. As it is now, I spend far too much time
searching for things that have gotten lost in the clutter - time that I
could be using to keep it in good shape, if it was in good shape to begin
with.

So, it's a no-win situation, and it is driving me insane.

This probably doesn't sound as bad as it really is, but I don't think I
can say in words just how bad it is, and it's been this bad, or worse, for
such a long time that I absolutely can't stand it anymore.

Let me try to describe how bad it is.

I haven't seen more than a square foot at a time of my living room floor
since April. The carpet hasn't been vacuumed since February. The same
sheets have been on the bed since May. I can't recognize half the food in
the fridge. The bar in the closet fell down, and the clothing laid on the
floor for almost three months before I felt strong and energetic enough to
move it and fix the bar and hang everything back up.

It's almost more than I can handle now to keep the cat boxes scooped out
and keep myself alive. I don't often have time to go to town and shop for
food, so half the time I just go without eating because there is nothing
in the house aside from oatmeal or something like that, and I get so sick
of it that I don't want to eat more of whatever it is for a long time to
come.

There is no one I can ask to help me get the house in order. No relatives
or friends, and I can't afford hired help, but if I could afford to pay
someone, I am sure they would take one look and then turn and RUN away as
fast as possible.

In a good daydream, some bright and cheerful person who likes and cares
about me, comes and stays here for a spell and works with me until it's
all set right - whether that takes a few days or a week or more - and
finds the process rewarding, even joyful.

But when I come back to reality and realize I know no such person, my
depression deepens, and that makes the pain in my back worse.

So, how on earth can I get out of this vicious cycle? A few times I've
tried drinking coffee and ended up with even more pain in my back due to
the strain coffee puts on my kidneys, which are not very strong to begin
with.

Is there an answer to this dilemma, or am will I always have to "live" in
a house that resembles the result of a direct cyclone hit?

Pat - I wonder whether there might be a counseling facility in your area -
many will talk with you on a sliding fee arrangement (sometimes, next to
nothing) - I'm not qualified to judge but can't help wondering whether you
may be clinically depressed.

Another idea might be to attend a local church - don't go myself but have
seen a lot of good done by some of these folks. My daughter works at a
church and tells me that people (non-members) come to the church for
assistance/advice of every sort. You probably wouldn't even have to attend
to schedule an appointment with a minister - you really need to talk with
someone.

Or a social agency might be able to direct you to some sort of
financial/medical?/etc help.
Please don't say you don't want to ask them for help - they wouldn't have
jobs if people didn't rurn to them.

I have a good friend whose house was in the shape yours sounds - she could
afford help but was too ashamed to have anyone in (including me). She
finally tackled one thing at a time, or even a piece of one thing, not
necessarily every day! One thing I've done with my own neglected housework
is to think what one thing accomplished would make me feel best - and then
do it that day(or the next). Sometimes I feel physically exhausted just
thinking of what needs to be done - so I do nothing

Could you vacuum one room? Or part of one room?
Wish I had better solutions to offer you............... Lorna

PS - I keep telling Chessie & Nikki that, at a minimum, they could dust with
their tails!

Another PS - sometime you might like to look at this site:
http://www.flylady.net/pages/begin_babysteps.asp

"Lorna" wrote

Pat - I wonder whether there might be a counseling facility in your area -
many will talk with you on a sliding fee arrangement (sometimes, next to
nothing) - I'm not qualified to judge but can't help wondering whether you
may be clinically depressed.

Yes, there is such a facility in this area, and yes, I am clinically
depressed. Have been for a very long time. But the counselors have never
done me a bit of good. I'm sure there are counselors on this earth who do
help people. But not around my area. So I quit going to them. (One guy was a
real sweetheart but all he did was sit for an hour and tell me his
troubles.)

Another idea might be to attend a local church - don't go myself but have
seen a lot of good done by some of these folks. My daughter works at a
church and tells me that people (non-members) come to the church for
assistance/advice of every sort. You probably wouldn't even have to
attend to schedule an appointment with a minister - you really need to
talk with someone.

I suppose this is worth a try. I never thought of it because in the past
I've had such horrific experiences with assorted varieties of "Christian"
people, the vast majority of whom I have later regretted ever having trusted
in the first place. The horror stories I could tell you would make your hair
stand up. For instance my own niece, an avid church-goer and bible thumper,
once invited me to stay at her house when I wanted to leave my husband, who
had been abusive to me. I drove 2,500 miles with all the cats to get to her
place, and after a few days, her lesbian lover gave her an ultimatum... I
ended up having to drive the 2,500 miles back to where I started from,
before I even started to recover from the trip, which took the last of my
money and added immensely to my back trouble. But that was a mild example
compared with some other experiences which would take too long to relate.
Bottom line, I have learned to avoid self-proclaimed Christians, like the
plague.

Or a social agency might be able to direct you to some sort of
financial/medical?/etc help.
Please don't say you don't want to ask them for help - they wouldn't have
jobs if people didn't rurn to them.

I've gone this route. There is nothing they can offer me in the way of
household help.

I have a good friend whose house was in the shape yours sounds - she could
afford help but was too ashamed to have anyone in (including me). She
finally tackled one thing at a time, or even a piece of one thing, not
necessarily every day! One thing I've done with my own neglected
housework is to think what one thing accomplished would make me feel
best - and then do it that day(or the next). Sometimes I feel physically
exhausted just thinking of what needs to be done - so I do nothing

Could you vacuum one room? Or part of one room?

I do these little bits of work as often as I can. Problem is, the condition
of the house worsens due to normal activity quicker than I can deal with the
existing mess.

Yowie wrote:
Pat wrote:

snip the problem of a messy house

Is there an answer to this dilemma, or am will I always have to
"live" in a house that resembles the result of a direct cyclone hit?

First, let me sympathise. Both Joel & I chronic slobs and our house
usually looks like a bomb hit it too. We suffer from CHAOS - Cant Have
Anyone Over Syndrome.

I can so understand this. I cringe when the maintenance guy comes over to
replace the filter for the air conditioning unit. I feel like hanging a
curtain over the doorway to the kitchen so no one can see in. That's the
worse room. Everything else is just clutter, mindless stuff that I could
throw out but just haven't yet. I'm getting better about tossing catalogs
and junk mail and such in a box to take out twice a week.

I decided to tackle the kitchen last weekend. Since I love to cook there is
no excuse whatsoever for having pans and such sitting on the counters. And,
unlike Pat, I have a dishwasher.

YOu are suffering from depression. Go get medical help. The rest of
your life is a symptom of the depression - get the pain addressed
*and*
the depression addressed, and that horrid great inertia that you
suffer
will be 80% gone. Honest.

I, too, suffer from clinical depression and I get even more depressed if I
start to make a dent in some of the mess. I feel better for having done
so... until I see what remains to be done and then I just feel tired. (sigh)

As to cleaning your house - if you have someone to do this with, do it
with someone else. I always clean more when there's someone else
helping mainly because I'd feel guilty stopping whilst htey are still
working. If there's anyone who can come over and just be with you
whilst youa re doing it, it will help.

I don't have anyone to help me. Pat doesn't, either, from the sound of it.
And her back problems only exacerbate the issue. When I had a steady income
I thought of having someone come in and tackle the really heavy-duty stuff,
but then I'd get embarrassed at the thought of anyone seeing the mess and
decide not to. Now, I can only do it myself. It's a matter of *making*
myself do it. I wake up feeling positive and motivated to so many little
things per day but then... again, looking at the scope of things makes me
feel awful. I do a little bit and then feel like crap for letting things
get so bad. Didn't used to be this way, you know?

Now, cleanign techniques: Ok, the first thing to work out is what you
*can* do, per day. I don't know where you are or your medical history,
but there are services around here that would help people with really
bad backs look after their housework for free, or a minimum cost. If
you can get one of those, please get one.

Work out which room you need to do first. Get yourself a plastic rake.
Rake the crap up into a corner. You now at least have some space to
move. If you can, vacuum the space where the crap was. Now get out
some massive garbage bags, and sit near the pile of crap, and start
sorting.
Do as much as you can do, and then take a break. Keep going with that
room and that room only till you can live in it (don't go overboard).
Only when its done, attempt he next room (keep the doors closed
otherwise so you don't have to see them)

Washing up. Its evil isn't? I hate it too. If you have a sore back,
sit whilst you do it, and do it in shifts. Then pack up all your
crockery
and cutlery until there's only one plate, one cup, one knife, one
fork,
one spoon etc etc, and only ever use those. Taht means you will have
to
wash them before you eat, and there will only a small amount of
washing
up. Or, if its really depressing at the monet, just use paper plates
and plastic cutlery you can throw away. I wouldn't reccomend that as a
permanat fix, but if thats what is really bothering youat the monent,
then its a good "band aid" for a while whislt youget other stuff in
order.

Good advice.

Oh, and I doubt the cats hate it. Cats are remarkably adaptable and
have no concept of what we humans think of as "messy" or "neat".
Tehy're cats and their idea of a good home is very different to ours.
YOu thinking that they hate it is the deprssion talking. Go do
something about it, NOW!

Lots and lots of purrs,

Yowie

Purrs for Pat to get some help with all of it - washing up, cleaning up,
treating the depression and everything else.

Jill

On Wed, 5 Oct 2005 18:06:47 -0500, "Pat"
wrote:

I haven't got a clue how to solve a certain problem, and it's not one that I
can resolve alone. It's very hard for me to ask for help with this, too, but
I'm praying that one of you will have an answer for me.

It's my house, which is so dirty and disorganized that even the cats hate
it. I plug away at it when I have time (rarely) and energy (more rarely
still) but it's too much for me. I get about halfway through washing the
dishes and have to quit because my back hurts so badly.

(snip long story of messiness)

Pat, have you ever seen the Flylady website? She is a strong believer
that you can do anything if you do it fifteen minutes at a time (or if
fifteen is too much for you physically, then five minutes times
three!) I would STRONGLY suggest checking it out and signing up for
her mailing list... it will help you get things under control. If
nothing else, read the inspiring stories of other flybabies with
physical/emotional health difficulties who are getting things done.

Remember - little and OFTEN, routine routine routine, and if you don't
love it/need it/USE it, then fling it...

http://www.flylady.net/

--
~Karen aka Kajikit
Crafts, cats, and chocolate - the three essentials of life
http://www.kajikitscorner.com
Online photo album - http://community.webshots.com/user/kajikit

"Yowie" wrote in message
oups.com...


Excellent stuff snipped for bandwidth...

Oh, and I doubt the cats hate it. Cats are remarkably adaptable and
have no concept of what we humans think of as "messy" or "neat".
Tehy're cats and their idea of a good home is very different to ours.
YOu thinking that they hate it is the deprssion talking. Go do
something about it, NOW!

Lots and lots of purrs,

Yowie


Couldn't have put it better - as usual Yowie speaks volumes of sense in her
entire post. Try and get the help you need, Pat - there's no shame in asking
for help.

*hugs* helen s

Pat wrote:
I haven't got a clue how to solve a certain problem, and it's not one
that I can resolve alone. It's very hard for me to ask for help with
this, too, but I'm praying that one of you will have an answer for me.

It's my house, which is so dirty and disorganized that even the cats
hate it. I plug away at it when I have time (rarely) and energy (more
rarely still) but it's too much for me. I get about halfway through
washing the dishes and have to quit because my back hurts so badly.

It's been this way for more the last five years, except for a short
time earlier this year, when I "went all out" to get it ready for the
cat-sitters who didn't stay due to an allergy to the mold in the
bedroom wall. It took two months of working on it several hours a
day, to get it to a somewhat satisfactory condition.

Since that time my health has worsened to the point that I could not
do the same thing again, but if the place was thoroughly clean and
organized, I could keep it that way. As it is now, I spend far too
much time searching for things that have gotten lost in the clutter -
time that I could be using to keep it in good shape, if it was in
good shape to begin with.

So, it's a no-win situation, and it is driving me insane.

This probably doesn't sound as bad as it really is, but I don't think
I can say in words just how bad it is, and it's been this bad, or
worse, for such a long time that I absolutely can't stand it anymore.

Let me try to describe how bad it is.

I haven't seen more than a square foot at a time of my living room
floor since April. The carpet hasn't been vacuumed since February.
The same sheets have been on the bed since May. I can't recognize
half the food in the fridge. The bar in the closet fell down, and the
clothing laid on the floor for almost three months before I felt
strong and energetic enough to move it and fix the bar and hang
everything back up.

It's almost more than I can handle now to keep the cat boxes scooped
out and keep myself alive. I don't often have time to go to town and
shop for food, so half the time I just go without eating because
there is nothing in the house aside from oatmeal or something like
that, and I get so sick of it that I don't want to eat more of
whatever it is for a long time to come.

There is no one I can ask to help me get the house in order. No
relatives or friends, and I can't afford hired help, but if I could
afford to pay someone, I am sure they would take one look and then
turn and RUN away as fast as possible.

In a good daydream, some bright and cheerful person who likes and
cares about me, comes and stays here for a spell and works with me
until it's all set right - whether that takes a few days or a week or
more - and finds the process rewarding, even joyful.

But when I come back to reality and realize I know no such person, my
depression deepens, and that makes the pain in my back worse.

So, how on earth can I get out of this vicious cycle? A few times
I've tried drinking coffee and ended up with even more pain in my
back due to the strain coffee puts on my kidneys, which are not very
strong to begin with.

Is there an answer to this dilemma, or am will I always have to
"live" in a house that resembles the result of a direct cyclone hit?

I really wish there was something I could do to help, unfortunately we're
seperated by more than 3000 miles and the Atlantic Ocean. All I can do is
send purrs and hope that somehow you can overcome the depression, easier
said than done I know. :-(
--
Adrian (Owned by Snoopy and Bagheera)
A House is not a home, without a cat.
http://community.webshots.com/user/clowderuk

"Pat" wrote in message
...

"Lorna" wrote

(snipped previous messages regarding messy house

Pat - I surely do understand what you mean about counselors and do-gooders -
don't think my email came out quite the way I meant. Since you don't seem
to have friends or family around, I was trying to think of some person you
could talk with who would listen with understanding and have practical
suggestions which wouldn't be overwhelming. Don't think counseling could
ever help my depression - only an anti-depressant (which sometimes quite
working and needs to be changed).
I think Yowie's message was excellent - I too sit while washing dishes, and
need advance notice of visitors........Lorna