OT CAT joke of the day

Gripe Sheet

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a"gripe
sheet", which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The
mechanics correct the problem, document their repairs on the form, and
then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it
be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual
maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and
the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had
an accident.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last ..................

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget

Suddenly, without warning, Matthew exclaimed (7/15/2007 3:40 PM):

This has been around the 'net for ages, with different airlines names.
I see one cat in the whole joke. Wouldn't consider this a cat joke.

http://www.snopes.com/travel/airline/squawk.asp

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had
an accident.

Incorrect. See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Qantas#..._and_accidents

and

http://www.rankel.net/stephenlauren/planes/qantas.html but this one
seems to be more a case of bad driving

It's more correct to say, they've never had an accident that resulted in
loss to life.

Ok, off my soap box, Meep wants her dinner

jmc

"jmc"

Did you at least laugh before you knicked picked a joke jeesh

"Matthew" wrote in message
...

"jmc"

Did you at least laugh before you knicked picked a joke jeesh


I have never seen it and I thought it was hilarious!

"cybercat" wrote in message
...

"Matthew" wrote in message
...

"jmc"

Did you at least laugh before you knicked picked a joke jeesh


I have never seen it and I thought it was hilarious!
Thanks I thought it was funny especially the midget

Suddenly, without warning, Matthew exclaimed (7/16/2007 1:13 AM):
"jmc"

Did you at least laugh before you knicked picked a joke jeesh



Well, I did the first time I read it, but I've seen it so many times
now... guess I was just miffed 'cause I was expecting a cat joke, and
got an old noncat joke instead.

Hey, we all have off days

jmc

On 16 Jul, 09:43, jmc wrote:
Suddenly, without warning, Matthew exclaimed (7/16/2007 1:13 AM):

"jmc"

Did you at least laugh before you knicked picked a joke jeesh

Well, I did the first time I read it, but I've seen it so many times
now... guess I was just miffed 'cause I was expecting a cat joke, and
got an old noncat joke instead.

Hey, we all have off days

jmc

Hi JMC,

I thought you might like to share some photos with us. we work for
Ragdoll Rescue UK, & normally get older cats in, or ex-breeding cats
who's owners have the time of the space to allow thier cats to live
out their retirement. You would think that after earning their selves
thousands of pounds, they could find it in their hearts to love and
respect them, but they don't. It's really sad actually;o(

http://picasaweb.google.co.uk/sheela...23236325270562

It is ever so rare to get kittens to care for, but in this instance,
we believe that a couple bought they to go with their American Pit
bull Terrier. Unfortunately, the dog didn't feel the same way about
them as his slaves did...so they had to hand them over to Ragdoll
Rescue, rather than allow the dog to rip them to pieces. I don't
suppose that all dogs are like that, but in this case, it couldn't
stand them.

We got no papers with them, & we believe that they came from a kitten
farm, because when we got them, the vet aged them @ around 5-6 weeks
old. far too young to leave mummy, but then some people have no morals
to start with.
We are hoping to home them both together becasuse they are ever so
close. She has a brother who is a Bi-colour seal.

Most of our cats love them and are very tolerant( they only get the
odd cuff when they are "really outrageous".) Lucy(fur!) avoids them as
much as possible, but old Taz is happy to pin them down, bath them &
even give them meow instructions on how to climb everywhere.....

The change in them is amazing, because when they first arrived they
hid for a couple of weeks behind one of the kitchen cupboards, only
coming out to eat & toilet @ night, when it is quiet. Now they are
like sherbet Bombs!!!! Curtain climbing, li'l monsters, but so cute
that it is hard to be angry for long, & more worrying that they might
fall, than the old curtains being shredded to ribbons, lol.
I hope that you don't mind the fact that we used Meep's name?
It was in a very worthy cause though;o)
Sheelagh

On 16 Jul, 09:43, jmc wrote:
Suddenly, without warning, Matthew exclaimed (7/16/2007 1:13 AM):

"jmc"

Did you at least laugh before you knicked picked a joke jeesh

Well, I did the first time I read it, but I've seen it so many times
now... guess I was just miffed 'cause I was expecting a cat joke, and
got an old noncat joke instead.

Hey, we all have off days

jmc

On 16 Jul, 09:43, jmc wrote:
Suddenly, without warning, Matthew exclaimed (7/16/2007 1:13 AM):

"jmc"

Did you at least laugh before you knicked picked a joke jeesh

Well, I did the first time I read it, but I've seen it so many times
now... guess I was just miffed 'cause I was expecting a cat joke, and
got an old noncat joke instead.

Hey, we all have off days

jmc

Hi JMC,

I thought you might like to share some photos with us. we work for
Ragdoll Rescue UK, & normally get older cats in, or ex-breeding cats
who's owners have the time of the space to allow thier cats to live
out their retirement. You would think that after earning their selves
thousands of pounds, they could find it in their hearts to love and
respect them, but they don't. It's really sad actually;o(

http://picasaweb.google.co.uk/sheela...23236325270562

It is ever so rare to get kittens to care for, but in this instance,
we believe that a couple bought they to go with their American Pit
bull Terrier. Unfortunately, the dog didn't feel the same way about
them as his slaves did...so they had to hand them over to Ragdoll
Rescue, rather than allow the dog to rip them to pieces. I don't
suppose that all dogs are like that, but in this case, it couldn't
stand them.

We got no papers with them, & we believe that they came from a kitten
farm, because when we got them, the vet aged them @ around 5-6 weeks
old. far too young to leave mummy, but then some people have no morals
to start with.
We are hoping to home them both together becasuse they are ever so
close. She has a brother who is a Bi-colour seal.

Most of our cats love them and are very tolerant( they only get the
odd cuff when they are "really outrageous".) Lucy(fur!) avoids them as
much as possible, but old Taz is happy to pin them down, bath them &
even give them meow instructions on how to climb everywhere.....

The change in them is amazing, because when they first arrived they
hid for a couple of weeks behind one of the kitchen cupboards, only
coming out to eat & toilet @ night, when it is quiet. Now they are
like sherbet Bombs!!!! Curtain climbing, li'l monsters, but so cute
that it is hard to be angry for long, & more worrying that they might
fall, than the old curtains being shredded to ribbons, lol.
I hope that you don't mind the fact that we used Meep's name?
It was in a very worthy cause though;o)

Sheelagh
"o"
Shoot..Sorry, I pressed the button twice, soz folks!!

Suddenly, without warning, Sheelagh o exclaimed (7/16/2007 7:50 PM):

Hi JMC,

I thought you might like to share some photos with us. we work for
Ragdoll Rescue UK, & normally get older cats in, or ex-breeding cats
who's owners have the time of the space to allow thier cats to live
out their retirement. You would think that after earning their selves
thousands of pounds, they could find it in their hearts to love and
respect them, but they don't. It's really sad actually;o(

http://picasaweb.google.co.uk/sheela...23236325270562


Cute kitty. Doesn't look anything like my Meep though (sorry, the page
hasn't been updated in a while):

http://www.jodi.ws/meep/meep.htm

She's a moggie, adopted back in 1996. Gads, was it that long ago?

I hope that you don't mind the fact that we used Meep's name?
It was in a very worthy cause though;o)


Nope, not at all. I don't own copyright to her name, after all

Sheelagh
"o"
Shoot..Sorry, I pressed the button twice, soz folks!!


Too much coffee?

jmc

On 15 Jul, 07:10, "Matthew" wrote:
Gripe Sheet

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a"gripe
sheet", which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The
mechanics correct the problem, document their repairs on the form, and
then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it
be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual
maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and
the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had
an accident.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last ..................

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget

I thought it was funny, but then again, I am still a newbi...
Sheelagh