Today

It will always be underneath, but not as crushing as it is now, and the
really sharp edges will soften in time. And I can see by the way you talk
that you also have a force inside of you that doesn't give up.

Hugs, Nanny

"gracecat" schreef in bericht
...
I read in the news that a three year old was killed today. And I started
to
think, that I'm not the only one that has endured this. And our accident
wasn't the first one of it's kind, nor will it be the last. It hurts but,
there's also a very faint ray of hope that we'll adjust, and learn to be a
happy home again, that while we'll always dreadfully miss Eve... It won't
be
such a heavy weight. And believe me folks, the weight on my shoulders is
getting heavier instead of better. I felt better the day after her funeral
than I have today. It's hard doesn't begin to convey the enormity. Of
course, I don't have to explain that, ya'll understand somewhat that yes,
it
is a huge void in my life.

I've been pulling in, shutting people out lately but in the last couple
days, I've wanted to be surrounded instead. I'm talking. I'm socializing
or
just.. in town shopping. But it's still hard even though I'm either
jamming
along with the radio, laughing over a joke or a person may look at me and
say she's doing good. it's there, it's under the surface, it's lurking.. I
don't ever forget, not even for a moment. And frankly, that scares me. It
scares me that I have to go through life with this underneath, crushing my
heart...

I just pray that months later, I'll be sincerely happy. At least for a
little while at a time.

Grace
babbling again

It will always be underneath, but not as crushing as it is now, and the
really sharp edges will soften in time. And I can see by the way you talk
that you also have a force inside of you that doesn't give up.

Hugs, Nanny

"gracecat" schreef in bericht
...
I read in the news that a three year old was killed today. And I started
to
think, that I'm not the only one that has endured this. And our accident
wasn't the first one of it's kind, nor will it be the last. It hurts but,
there's also a very faint ray of hope that we'll adjust, and learn to be a
happy home again, that while we'll always dreadfully miss Eve... It won't
be
such a heavy weight. And believe me folks, the weight on my shoulders is
getting heavier instead of better. I felt better the day after her funeral
than I have today. It's hard doesn't begin to convey the enormity. Of
course, I don't have to explain that, ya'll understand somewhat that yes,
it
is a huge void in my life.

I've been pulling in, shutting people out lately but in the last couple
days, I've wanted to be surrounded instead. I'm talking. I'm socializing
or
just.. in town shopping. But it's still hard even though I'm either
jamming
along with the radio, laughing over a joke or a person may look at me and
say she's doing good. it's there, it's under the surface, it's lurking.. I
don't ever forget, not even for a moment. And frankly, that scares me. It
scares me that I have to go through life with this underneath, crushing my
heart...

I just pray that months later, I'll be sincerely happy. At least for a
little while at a time.

Grace
babbling again

It will always be underneath, but not as crushing as it is now, and the
really sharp edges will soften in time. And I can see by the way you talk
that you also have a force inside of you that doesn't give up.

Hugs, Nanny

"gracecat" schreef in bericht
...
I read in the news that a three year old was killed today. And I started
to
think, that I'm not the only one that has endured this. And our accident
wasn't the first one of it's kind, nor will it be the last. It hurts but,
there's also a very faint ray of hope that we'll adjust, and learn to be a
happy home again, that while we'll always dreadfully miss Eve... It won't
be
such a heavy weight. And believe me folks, the weight on my shoulders is
getting heavier instead of better. I felt better the day after her funeral
than I have today. It's hard doesn't begin to convey the enormity. Of
course, I don't have to explain that, ya'll understand somewhat that yes,
it
is a huge void in my life.

I've been pulling in, shutting people out lately but in the last couple
days, I've wanted to be surrounded instead. I'm talking. I'm socializing
or
just.. in town shopping. But it's still hard even though I'm either
jamming
along with the radio, laughing over a joke or a person may look at me and
say she's doing good. it's there, it's under the surface, it's lurking.. I
don't ever forget, not even for a moment. And frankly, that scares me. It
scares me that I have to go through life with this underneath, crushing my
heart...

I just pray that months later, I'll be sincerely happy. At least for a
little while at a time.

Grace
babbling again

gracecat wrote in message
...
And frankly, that scares me. It
scares me that I have to go through life with this underneath, crushing my
heart...

I just pray that months later, I'll be sincerely happy. At least for a
little while at a time.


Grace, whilst I don't have any personal experience of this (I'm
involuntarily childless), my closest friend lost her five month boy to cot
death, about ten years ago. He was her first child, and we were all numbed.
She's had two children since, lovely bright kids who know about Jamie, their
'big brother'. We talk about Jamie now and again, and she says that every
morning, he's the first thing she thinks of, she's always aware of her
loss. That might sound awful, but it's not, she wouldn't want to forget
about him. She is happy and busy, has a full life, and enjoys the children
that she does have. Healing a wound as huge as this will take time, but it
will come.


Whenever I've been bereaved, I know that I've gone through this stage too,
after a while it's not just the shock of the death that hurts, it's the fact
that it's so long since you saw your loved one and you're missing them, pure
and simple.

Jeanette

gracecat wrote in message
...
And frankly, that scares me. It
scares me that I have to go through life with this underneath, crushing my
heart...

I just pray that months later, I'll be sincerely happy. At least for a
little while at a time.


Grace, whilst I don't have any personal experience of this (I'm
involuntarily childless), my closest friend lost her five month boy to cot
death, about ten years ago. He was her first child, and we were all numbed.
She's had two children since, lovely bright kids who know about Jamie, their
'big brother'. We talk about Jamie now and again, and she says that every
morning, he's the first thing she thinks of, she's always aware of her
loss. That might sound awful, but it's not, she wouldn't want to forget
about him. She is happy and busy, has a full life, and enjoys the children
that she does have. Healing a wound as huge as this will take time, but it
will come.


Whenever I've been bereaved, I know that I've gone through this stage too,
after a while it's not just the shock of the death that hurts, it's the fact
that it's so long since you saw your loved one and you're missing them, pure
and simple.

Jeanette

gracecat wrote in message
...
And frankly, that scares me. It
scares me that I have to go through life with this underneath, crushing my
heart...

I just pray that months later, I'll be sincerely happy. At least for a
little while at a time.


Grace, whilst I don't have any personal experience of this (I'm
involuntarily childless), my closest friend lost her five month boy to cot
death, about ten years ago. He was her first child, and we were all numbed.
She's had two children since, lovely bright kids who know about Jamie, their
'big brother'. We talk about Jamie now and again, and she says that every
morning, he's the first thing she thinks of, she's always aware of her
loss. That might sound awful, but it's not, she wouldn't want to forget
about him. She is happy and busy, has a full life, and enjoys the children
that she does have. Healing a wound as huge as this will take time, but it
will come.


Whenever I've been bereaved, I know that I've gone through this stage too,
after a while it's not just the shock of the death that hurts, it's the fact
that it's so long since you saw your loved one and you're missing them, pure
and simple.

Jeanette

gracecat wrote:

And believe me folks, the weight on my shoulders is getting heavier
instead of better. I felt better the day after her funeral than I have
today.

My experience with loss and grief is that the healing is not linear.
It doesn't get better every day until it's gone - it's a much more
up-and-down, better-and-worse kind of thing. Some days I'd feel better,
and then later, I'd feel much worse, and think, "Hey, I thought I got
past these feelings already."

When my partner of 15 years ended our relationship, it took me over two
years to get over it. But I wasn't totally miserable every minute of
those two-plus years. Sometimes I felt great, other times, very sad, still
other times, angry, and so on. There were times when I'd be very surprised
at how strong the pain could be, after feeling OK for a long stretch.

I wouldn't compare a relationship breakup to losing a child, but on some
levels, loss is loss - and I think one thing all grieving processes have
in common is that it happens unevenly. You heal a little, and then it all
comes back for a while, then it seems like it's the same forever, then
there's another healing spurt, and so on.

it's there, it's under the surface, it's lurking.. I don't ever
forget, not even for a moment. And frankly, that scares me. It scares
me that I have to go through life with this underneath, crushing my
heart...

(((Grace)))

I think I know what you mean - the fear that you will never be happy
again, that you'll have to live the rest of your life in this amount of
horrible pain. But people do heal, from all kinds of terrible tragedies.
They may never be the same as they were before, but they are able to
rediscover that life is worth living. I pray that you will discover this
again soon, too.

Purrs,
Joyce

gracecat wrote:

And believe me folks, the weight on my shoulders is getting heavier
instead of better. I felt better the day after her funeral than I have
today.

My experience with loss and grief is that the healing is not linear.
It doesn't get better every day until it's gone - it's a much more
up-and-down, better-and-worse kind of thing. Some days I'd feel better,
and then later, I'd feel much worse, and think, "Hey, I thought I got
past these feelings already."

When my partner of 15 years ended our relationship, it took me over two
years to get over it. But I wasn't totally miserable every minute of
those two-plus years. Sometimes I felt great, other times, very sad, still
other times, angry, and so on. There were times when I'd be very surprised
at how strong the pain could be, after feeling OK for a long stretch.

I wouldn't compare a relationship breakup to losing a child, but on some
levels, loss is loss - and I think one thing all grieving processes have
in common is that it happens unevenly. You heal a little, and then it all
comes back for a while, then it seems like it's the same forever, then
there's another healing spurt, and so on.

it's there, it's under the surface, it's lurking.. I don't ever
forget, not even for a moment. And frankly, that scares me. It scares
me that I have to go through life with this underneath, crushing my
heart...

(((Grace)))

I think I know what you mean - the fear that you will never be happy
again, that you'll have to live the rest of your life in this amount of
horrible pain. But people do heal, from all kinds of terrible tragedies.
They may never be the same as they were before, but they are able to
rediscover that life is worth living. I pray that you will discover this
again soon, too.

Purrs,
Joyce

gracecat wrote:

And believe me folks, the weight on my shoulders is getting heavier
instead of better. I felt better the day after her funeral than I have
today.

My experience with loss and grief is that the healing is not linear.
It doesn't get better every day until it's gone - it's a much more
up-and-down, better-and-worse kind of thing. Some days I'd feel better,
and then later, I'd feel much worse, and think, "Hey, I thought I got
past these feelings already."

When my partner of 15 years ended our relationship, it took me over two
years to get over it. But I wasn't totally miserable every minute of
those two-plus years. Sometimes I felt great, other times, very sad, still
other times, angry, and so on. There were times when I'd be very surprised
at how strong the pain could be, after feeling OK for a long stretch.

I wouldn't compare a relationship breakup to losing a child, but on some
levels, loss is loss - and I think one thing all grieving processes have
in common is that it happens unevenly. You heal a little, and then it all
comes back for a while, then it seems like it's the same forever, then
there's another healing spurt, and so on.

it's there, it's under the surface, it's lurking.. I don't ever
forget, not even for a moment. And frankly, that scares me. It scares
me that I have to go through life with this underneath, crushing my
heart...

(((Grace)))

I think I know what you mean - the fear that you will never be happy
again, that you'll have to live the rest of your life in this amount of
horrible pain. But people do heal, from all kinds of terrible tragedies.
They may never be the same as they were before, but they are able to
rediscover that life is worth living. I pray that you will discover this
again soon, too.

Purrs,
Joyce

I just pray that months later, I'll be sincerely happy. At least for a
little while at a time.

Grace
babbling again

babble all you want, Grace. You will always miss Eve. Rightly and normally so.
But you will also learn to be happy again and the pain of losing Eve will be
eased by the lovely memories of the joy she brought to you. Give yourself
*time* - a lot of time, unlimited amounts of time. Be gentle on yourself.
However you grieve is okay. Be gentle on yourself when you have a bad day, a
bad hour, a bad minute or second, a bad week. Don't feel guilty when you have
happy times. You'll never forget Eve, and I'm glad she was in the world - that
you shared your pregnancy and motherhood with us here on the newsgroup. She
won't ever be forgotten here either. The funeral was a chance for everyone to
say a formal goodbye to Eve - to be there physically, to show support. That
would help I think? Once that day was over, yes, the heaviness would be quick
to come down again. Know you are among friends here. Lurk, post or participate
however helps you at any given time.

{{{{{{{{{{ Grace }}}}}}}}}}

helen s




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