Feline philosphies

A philosopher is defined as a blind man in an unlit cellar at midnight
searching for a black cat that isn't there.

A theologian is identical in all respects save that he believes he has
found the cat.

A lawyer, naturally, would smuggle the cat under his coat in order to
brandish it theatrically when it best serves his purpose.

A scientist would accept the non-existence of the cat but be at pains
to point
out that it's non-existence could only ever be assumed; never proven.

An engineer would briefly search for a cat and then employ his time
more productively by constructing a superior cat replacement from the
materials available in the cellar.

A soldier would shoot the cat to protect the liberty of the mouse,
unless he was American in which case he would conduct a shock and awe
campaign to win the heart and mind of the cat and (in the process)
accidentally shoot the mouse.

(written by P D Rieden)

A lawyer, naturally, would smuggle the cat under his coat in order to
brandish it theatrically when it best serves his purpose.

OK, the visual this brought to mind has me rolling on the floor.

Karen

I had some more come round on a mailing list:

A statistician finds the first creature with 4 +/- 0 legs and calls it
a cat.

A logician proves that the cellar contains no cats. He also proves
that the cat is white.

A psychologist psycho-analyses the cat's preference for dark cellars.
Later, the cat sues him for implanting false memories about kittenhood
abuse.

A debt collector seizes the cat, along with its kittens as interest.

A surrealist looks for the cat and finds an accordion.

A secret services operative disguises himself as another cat,
infiltrates the cellar, gains the cat's trust and learns the
whereabouts of other cats in return for a regular supply of sardines.
After the assignment, he requires a flea-bath.