Nic is Dying

Most of you won't know me. I haven't posted here for probably over a
year...my computer suffered a fatal crash and I never bothered to
rejoin my newsgroups after it was fixed. But there might be a few who
remember my Nic...my beautiful boy. I'm not sure why I'm posting
this...I just need to, I guess.

My Nic is a big gray and white DSH who I've had since kittenhood. I
have many other cats...but Nic is my boy. He means more to me than
all the world. At seven Nic was diagnosed with early stage renal
failure. Until now that was the worst day of my life...including the
day we lost our house in a freak fire. Someday he stayed strong and
healthy for years. He's now somewhere over fifteen and it seems our
grace period has ended. He has rapidly and horribly declined in a
matter of weeks. He went from 14lbs to under ten. His muscles have
wasted. He sways when he walks. He won't eat. He vomits all the
time. His levels are rising and his urine is as dilute as
water...perfectly clear. Worst of all...he doesn't want me to touch
him anymore. He spends all day hiding. Sometimes he just lays on the
bed and cries at me and I can't figure out what he needs and it rips
me apart inside.

He's dying. I know he is. We just took blood on Friday and we'll
have the results tomorrow. I'm trying to pretend that he also has
diabetes or a thyroid issue...something compounding his kidney
problems. Something we can fix. But I know. God help, I know. I
know what the tests will say. And I know the battle isn't over
yet...I realize he'll probably be anemic, so I'm preparing to try
blood transfusions and such. But the people I love and who also care
for him...they want this to stop. They want the pills and the
injections and the worry to stop. He has his good moments. He still
wants to look out the window and lay on his cat tree. He still sleeps
everynight with me. He still has an interest in the world. But he's
stopped grooming himself, can't jump anywhere without help, and I know
he's in pain. I just don't know how much pain he's in. I don't know
if the pain is enough to invalidate those good moments. I know one
day it will be...but I don't know if now is that day. How the hell am
I supposed to know? Should I kill him now, when he's still a little
bit alive, when he still has light in his eyes? Or should I wait
until the light is gone and he's down to 3lbs and can't walk?

If he would just respond to me...he wants to lay with you, but he
doesn't want you to touch. He won't interact with the other cats, not
even his Heather, who he loves. They used to spend hours grooming
each other. They haven't even laid down together for a month.

I don't even know how to go about the final end...I work as a vet tech
at a clinic with people I generally really like. Part of me wants one
of them to come out to the house. Expect there are so many bad
memories in this house already. But I don't want him to have to die
scared because he hates going to the vet and knows it just means more
blood tests, more pain. And another part of me doesn't want my own
clinic involved at all. It'll be so hard to go through with when
people I have to see everyday are there. I'll feel like I have to
hide my grief. So I'm considering having it done at a different
clinic...but then they will be people Nic doesn't know at all. But it
isn't as if he likes the doctors, even the ones he's been seeing for
years, so...

And now he just got down off the bed and is eating on his own. God.
People who say you should enjoy the time you have left with dying pets
or people are being cruel. It is impossible to enjoy that time when
every move seems so important, when every moment cuts you inside. I
just look at him and cry all the time now. It hurts to touch him and
feel his ribs and spine through his skin.

I'm sorry. I don't know what this is about. I just feel so alone
right now. There are people here who love Nic...but no one has ever
loved him as intensely and hard as I did. As I do.

Sethran

I'm sorry. I don't know what this is about. I just feel so alone
right now. There are people here who love Nic...but no one has ever
loved him as intensely and hard as I did. As I do.

Sethran

It's about you needing to talk it out, feel it and try to understand it. You
already know, in your head, what you need to do, so you're trying to help
your heart get there.
I am so sorry this is happening for you and Nic. It is heartbreaking to lose
such a beloved pet, for they are not only our pets, our family, but a part
of us as well and they own our hearts.
Let him cross the rainbow bridge in your arms, you who has loved him truly
and best for his whole life.
((hugs)) We'll be sending thoughts your way.

Hailey

I'm sorry. I don't know what this is about. I just feel so alone
right now. There are people here who love Nic...but no one has ever
loved him as intensely and hard as I did. As I do.

Sethran

It's about you needing to talk it out, feel it and try to understand it. You
already know, in your head, what you need to do, so you're trying to help
your heart get there.
I am so sorry this is happening for you and Nic. It is heartbreaking to lose
such a beloved pet, for they are not only our pets, our family, but a part
of us as well and they own our hearts.
Let him cross the rainbow bridge in your arms, you who has loved him truly
and best for his whole life.
((hugs)) We'll be sending thoughts your way.

Hailey

Am sorry to hear about Nic. You are not alone.


"Sethran" wrote in message
om...
Most of you won't know me. I haven't posted here for probably over a
year...my computer suffered a fatal crash and I never bothered to
rejoin my newsgroups after it was fixed. But there might be a few who
remember my Nic...my beautiful boy. I'm not sure why I'm posting
this...I just need to, I guess.

My Nic is a big gray and white DSH who I've had since kittenhood. I
have many other cats...but Nic is my boy. He means more to me than
all the world. At seven Nic was diagnosed with early stage renal
failure. Until now that was the worst day of my life...including the
day we lost our house in a freak fire. Someday he stayed strong and
healthy for years. He's now somewhere over fifteen and it seems our
grace period has ended. He has rapidly and horribly declined in a
matter of weeks. He went from 14lbs to under ten. His muscles have
wasted. He sways when he walks. He won't eat. He vomits all the
time. His levels are rising and his urine is as dilute as
water...perfectly clear. Worst of all...he doesn't want me to touch
him anymore. He spends all day hiding. Sometimes he just lays on the
bed and cries at me and I can't figure out what he needs and it rips
me apart inside.

He's dying. I know he is. We just took blood on Friday and we'll
have the results tomorrow. I'm trying to pretend that he also has
diabetes or a thyroid issue...something compounding his kidney
problems. Something we can fix. But I know. God help, I know. I
know what the tests will say. And I know the battle isn't over
yet...I realize he'll probably be anemic, so I'm preparing to try
blood transfusions and such. But the people I love and who also care
for him...they want this to stop. They want the pills and the
injections and the worry to stop. He has his good moments. He still
wants to look out the window and lay on his cat tree. He still sleeps
everynight with me. He still has an interest in the world. But he's
stopped grooming himself, can't jump anywhere without help, and I know
he's in pain. I just don't know how much pain he's in. I don't know
if the pain is enough to invalidate those good moments. I know one
day it will be...but I don't know if now is that day. How the hell am
I supposed to know? Should I kill him now, when he's still a little
bit alive, when he still has light in his eyes? Or should I wait
until the light is gone and he's down to 3lbs and can't walk?

If he would just respond to me...he wants to lay with you, but he
doesn't want you to touch. He won't interact with the other cats, not
even his Heather, who he loves. They used to spend hours grooming
each other. They haven't even laid down together for a month.

I don't even know how to go about the final end...I work as a vet tech
at a clinic with people I generally really like. Part of me wants one
of them to come out to the house. Expect there are so many bad
memories in this house already. But I don't want him to have to die
scared because he hates going to the vet and knows it just means more
blood tests, more pain. And another part of me doesn't want my own
clinic involved at all. It'll be so hard to go through with when
people I have to see everyday are there. I'll feel like I have to
hide my grief. So I'm considering having it done at a different
clinic...but then they will be people Nic doesn't know at all. But it
isn't as if he likes the doctors, even the ones he's been seeing for
years, so...

And now he just got down off the bed and is eating on his own. God.
People who say you should enjoy the time you have left with dying pets
or people are being cruel. It is impossible to enjoy that time when
every move seems so important, when every moment cuts you inside. I
just look at him and cry all the time now. It hurts to touch him and
feel his ribs and spine through his skin.

I'm sorry. I don't know what this is about. I just feel so alone
right now. There are people here who love Nic...but no one has ever
loved him as intensely and hard as I did. As I do.

Sethran



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Am sorry to hear about Nic. You are not alone.


"Sethran" wrote in message
om...
Most of you won't know me. I haven't posted here for probably over a
year...my computer suffered a fatal crash and I never bothered to
rejoin my newsgroups after it was fixed. But there might be a few who
remember my Nic...my beautiful boy. I'm not sure why I'm posting
this...I just need to, I guess.

My Nic is a big gray and white DSH who I've had since kittenhood. I
have many other cats...but Nic is my boy. He means more to me than
all the world. At seven Nic was diagnosed with early stage renal
failure. Until now that was the worst day of my life...including the
day we lost our house in a freak fire. Someday he stayed strong and
healthy for years. He's now somewhere over fifteen and it seems our
grace period has ended. He has rapidly and horribly declined in a
matter of weeks. He went from 14lbs to under ten. His muscles have
wasted. He sways when he walks. He won't eat. He vomits all the
time. His levels are rising and his urine is as dilute as
water...perfectly clear. Worst of all...he doesn't want me to touch
him anymore. He spends all day hiding. Sometimes he just lays on the
bed and cries at me and I can't figure out what he needs and it rips
me apart inside.

He's dying. I know he is. We just took blood on Friday and we'll
have the results tomorrow. I'm trying to pretend that he also has
diabetes or a thyroid issue...something compounding his kidney
problems. Something we can fix. But I know. God help, I know. I
know what the tests will say. And I know the battle isn't over
yet...I realize he'll probably be anemic, so I'm preparing to try
blood transfusions and such. But the people I love and who also care
for him...they want this to stop. They want the pills and the
injections and the worry to stop. He has his good moments. He still
wants to look out the window and lay on his cat tree. He still sleeps
everynight with me. He still has an interest in the world. But he's
stopped grooming himself, can't jump anywhere without help, and I know
he's in pain. I just don't know how much pain he's in. I don't know
if the pain is enough to invalidate those good moments. I know one
day it will be...but I don't know if now is that day. How the hell am
I supposed to know? Should I kill him now, when he's still a little
bit alive, when he still has light in his eyes? Or should I wait
until the light is gone and he's down to 3lbs and can't walk?

If he would just respond to me...he wants to lay with you, but he
doesn't want you to touch. He won't interact with the other cats, not
even his Heather, who he loves. They used to spend hours grooming
each other. They haven't even laid down together for a month.

I don't even know how to go about the final end...I work as a vet tech
at a clinic with people I generally really like. Part of me wants one
of them to come out to the house. Expect there are so many bad
memories in this house already. But I don't want him to have to die
scared because he hates going to the vet and knows it just means more
blood tests, more pain. And another part of me doesn't want my own
clinic involved at all. It'll be so hard to go through with when
people I have to see everyday are there. I'll feel like I have to
hide my grief. So I'm considering having it done at a different
clinic...but then they will be people Nic doesn't know at all. But it
isn't as if he likes the doctors, even the ones he's been seeing for
years, so...

And now he just got down off the bed and is eating on his own. God.
People who say you should enjoy the time you have left with dying pets
or people are being cruel. It is impossible to enjoy that time when
every move seems so important, when every moment cuts you inside. I
just look at him and cry all the time now. It hurts to touch him and
feel his ribs and spine through his skin.

I'm sorry. I don't know what this is about. I just feel so alone
right now. There are people here who love Nic...but no one has ever
loved him as intensely and hard as I did. As I do.

Sethran



---
Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free.
Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).
Version: 6.0.598 / Virus Database: 380 - Release Date: 2/28/2004

"Sethran" wrote in message
om...


My Nic is a big gray and white DSH who I've had since kittenhood. I
have many other cats...but Nic is my boy. He means more to me than
all the world. At seven Nic was diagnosed with early stage renal
failure. Until now that was the worst day of my life...including the
day we lost our house in a freak fire. Someday he stayed strong and
healthy for years. He's now somewhere over fifteen and it seems our
grace period has ended.

He's dying. I know he is. We just took blood on Friday and we'll
have the results tomorrow. I'm trying to pretend that he also has
diabetes or a thyroid issue...something compounding his kidney
problems. Something we can fix. But I know. God help, I know. I
know what the tests will say.

Should I kill him now, when he's still a little
bit alive, when he still has light in his eyes? Or should I wait
until the light is gone and he's down to 3lbs and can't walk?


You mentioned later in your message that you work as a vet tech, and it
sounds like you have a good working relationship with the clinic. It's time
to have a long, heart-to-heart talk with the vets there (if you haven't
already). However, I believe that it is kinder to euthanize once you reach
the point where there is no quality of life for your beloved pet and no
reasonable chance to enhance that quality of life. This is an incredibly
difficult decision -- something that is truly traumatic to the caregiver.
However, it is also a gift of love to spare the cat you love from living out
his last few days or weeks in pain.



I don't even know how to go about the final end...I work as a vet tech
at a clinic with people I generally really like. Part of me wants one
of them to come out to the house. Expect there are so many bad
memories in this house already.

And another part of me doesn't want my own
clinic involved at all. It'll be so hard to go through with when
people I have to see everyday are there. I'll feel like I have to
hide my grief.


I think Nic would be much better off if you have a vet come to your home.
He will be in his own environment and will not face the fear of a last trip
to the dreaded TED (something that almost all pets seem to fear or dislike).
If this is a good clinic (and it sounds like it is), they will understand
your grief. Do this for Nic!



People who say you should enjoy the time you have left with dying pets
or people are being cruel. It is impossible to enjoy that time when
every move seems so important, when every moment cuts you inside.


No, they are not cruel. They simply don't understand, in much the same way
that sometimes we can't find "the right words" when someone we love is faced
with a terminal illness.

I held each of my cats when the day finally came to put them to sleep
because I did not want them to be afraid. It was very difficult for me, but
I considered that to be my "last gift of love" to them.

You have my deepest sympathy. Right now, you need to consider what is best
for Nic -- and it is clear that that is what you are trying to do.

MaryL



Sethran

"Sethran" wrote in message
om...


My Nic is a big gray and white DSH who I've had since kittenhood. I
have many other cats...but Nic is my boy. He means more to me than
all the world. At seven Nic was diagnosed with early stage renal
failure. Until now that was the worst day of my life...including the
day we lost our house in a freak fire. Someday he stayed strong and
healthy for years. He's now somewhere over fifteen and it seems our
grace period has ended.

He's dying. I know he is. We just took blood on Friday and we'll
have the results tomorrow. I'm trying to pretend that he also has
diabetes or a thyroid issue...something compounding his kidney
problems. Something we can fix. But I know. God help, I know. I
know what the tests will say.

Should I kill him now, when he's still a little
bit alive, when he still has light in his eyes? Or should I wait
until the light is gone and he's down to 3lbs and can't walk?


You mentioned later in your message that you work as a vet tech, and it
sounds like you have a good working relationship with the clinic. It's time
to have a long, heart-to-heart talk with the vets there (if you haven't
already). However, I believe that it is kinder to euthanize once you reach
the point where there is no quality of life for your beloved pet and no
reasonable chance to enhance that quality of life. This is an incredibly
difficult decision -- something that is truly traumatic to the caregiver.
However, it is also a gift of love to spare the cat you love from living out
his last few days or weeks in pain.



I don't even know how to go about the final end...I work as a vet tech
at a clinic with people I generally really like. Part of me wants one
of them to come out to the house. Expect there are so many bad
memories in this house already.

And another part of me doesn't want my own
clinic involved at all. It'll be so hard to go through with when
people I have to see everyday are there. I'll feel like I have to
hide my grief.


I think Nic would be much better off if you have a vet come to your home.
He will be in his own environment and will not face the fear of a last trip
to the dreaded TED (something that almost all pets seem to fear or dislike).
If this is a good clinic (and it sounds like it is), they will understand
your grief. Do this for Nic!



People who say you should enjoy the time you have left with dying pets
or people are being cruel. It is impossible to enjoy that time when
every move seems so important, when every moment cuts you inside.


No, they are not cruel. They simply don't understand, in much the same way
that sometimes we can't find "the right words" when someone we love is faced
with a terminal illness.

I held each of my cats when the day finally came to put them to sleep
because I did not want them to be afraid. It was very difficult for me, but
I considered that to be my "last gift of love" to them.

You have my deepest sympathy. Right now, you need to consider what is best
for Nic -- and it is clear that that is what you are trying to do.

MaryL



Sethran

I'm sorry. I don't know what this is about. I just feel so alone
right now. There are people here who love Nic...but no one has ever
loved him as intensely and hard as I did. As I do.

Sethran

Yes, Sethran, I remember your posts well and remember Nic. I am so sorry.

Sherry

I'm sorry. I don't know what this is about. I just feel so alone
right now. There are people here who love Nic...but no one has ever
loved him as intensely and hard as I did. As I do.

Sethran

Yes, Sethran, I remember your posts well and remember Nic. I am so sorry.

Sherry

Aww, Seth, I'm so sorry to hear this. I know how much Nic means to you. I
wish that somehow you could accept that ends are not evil, they are simply
part of who we are, even though we hate them. Please, please post here as
often as you need through this crisis. As bad as Nic feels, it seems you
feel worse and I'm *CERTAIN* Nic does not want this. No kitty wants there
friend to feel bad or they wouldn't be such wonderful companions in bad
times, sticking by our side. It doesn't make it easier, it doesn't make it
feel right, but to know that Nic has had a long and loved life, so much more
than many people or animals get in this world has to mean something in the
world. This probably means nothing to you right now, or makes you even
madder but it is the best advice I can give. My thoughts are with you.

Karen