Cats were fine and now they're not...

I assume I'm gonna hve to take these two to the vet about this... but better to ask for as much help as possible first!

My friend and I (and some others) lived together, and got two sister kittens. We did get them at different times (my friend was more eager than I, and couldn't wait) but they got along famously. They slept, cleaned, played and ate together - no problems.

Until they got desexed.

We had them in one box (which was our big mistake, but how were we to know?) and one woke before the other did. She did try to attack the other, but unsuccessfully given her semi-unoncious condition. We kept the cats mostly apart for a few days, so they didn't lick the other's stitches, but when they were together they weren't terribly nice to each other. It was really weird. It was a while ago, so I don't remember for sure, but I don't think they fought all that much.

We decided that wasn't too much of a problem, cos I was moving out anyway and taking my cat (the second to awaken) with me. Then my friend broke up with her boyfriend, and came to live with us - bringing her cat again.

We tried to do the "introductions" and whatnot as just about everywhere suggests, and the cats weren't too bad for a while. I even got them to eat out of the same bowl at the same time! My cat would run over, seeming to be more interested than anything, and the other cat would get hostile and either run or growl. This got worse and worse until they can barely be in the same room. My cat just pretty much doesn't seem to care (unless she's running over to investigate - and I'm sure it's more provocation now), but the other just sits there and *glares* at her.

Now, all this is major complicated by my one year old. My cat handles him very well (surprisingly!), rubbing up against him and letting him touch her, but knowing when to get away. The other wedges herself into a corner when he comes for her, and has scratched him a few times (never very bad, but enough to make my lad upset). As a consequence, of course we've had to tell her off, which is probably very bad for the original problem! (See why I'm having so much trouble?)

And on top of that, my friend has got herself a new toyboy, and so is never home to lavish attention on her cat. She can't take her cat with her to the boyfriend's because of his pit bull, and she'll be going overseas soon, so we're kind of stuck with her cat anyway.

I do try to give the poor cat attention, but I was never "her people" anyway, and both the cats know it. Lately she's barely been coming home at all (I had to go outside to bring her in tonight, and she growled at me when I told her we were going in!), but she's losing quite a bit of weight and I have no wish to be a neglectful cat-sitter-owner-type-thingy (especially with the problems with feral cats here in Australia).

Has anyone got any ideas? Should we restart the "introduction" and apply generous amounts of catnip? (well, make that just catnip for mine - it makes the other edgy and paranoid!) Or take them to the vet and dose them up (not what I'd call a good solution)? Or is it sounding like we've either got to put up with it or get rid of the problem entirely?

I know it's a knotty problem, and I know that you have no real reason to answer, but I'd love any advice.

Thanks a lot for reading, in any case,
Leia

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