BW: Tale from another group

Hi All,

I was just browsing another group and found this story. I believe it
to be a true account, as the author is known for his seriousness and
ernestness.

Regards and Purrs,
O J

From: Asmodeus

Subject: If I needed a reason

*NOT* to get a cat, other than my allergies, and not being at all
fond of them, this would be it:

We've all had trouble with our animals, but I don't think anyone can top
this one.

Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate
my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm lying.

On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because the
truth was just too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had
sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the
next day. By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozey to explain the
bandage on the top of my head.

The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to my wife's wishes
to adopt a cute little kitty. Initially, the new acquisition was no
problem.



Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my
wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen. "Honey! The garbage disposal
is dead again. Please come reset it."

"You know where the button is," I protested through the shower pitter-
patter and steam. "Reset it yourself!"

"But I'm scared!" she persisted. "What if it starts going and sucks me
in?"

There was a meaningful pause and then, "C'mon, it'll only take you a
second."

So out I came, dripping wet and buck naked, hoping that my silent
outraged nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her behavior
as extremely cowardly. Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my head
under the sink to find the button. It is the last action I remember
performing.



It struck without warning, and without any respect to my circumstances.
No, it wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into its gnashing metal
teeth. It was our new kitty, who discovered the fascinating dangling
objects she spied hanging between my legs. She had been poised around the
corner and stalked me as I reached under the sink. And, at the precise
moment when I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly
offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws.

I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, blindly
rising at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten
hanging from my masculine region. Wild animals are sometimes faced with a
"fight or flight" syndrome. Men, in this predicament, choose only the
"flight" option. I know this from experience. I was fleeing straight up
into the air when the sink and cabinet bluntly and forcefully impeded my
ascent. The impact knocked me out cold.

When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Now there are not
many things in this life worse than finding oneself lying on the kitchen
floor buck naked in front of a group of "been-there, done-that"
paramedics. Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the
paramedics were all snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work,
all the while trying to suppress their hysterical laughter--and not
succeeding.

Somehow I lived through it all. A few days later I finally made it back
in to the office, where colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me
about my head injury. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk
about, which it was.

"What's the matter;" they all asked, "Cat got your tongue?"

Sorry, OJ, but this has been circulating for quite some time now, I doubt
the other person is the originator of this story.

O J wrote:
Hi All,

I was just browsing another group and found this story. I believe it
to be a true account, as the author is known for his seriousness and
ernestness.

Regards and Purrs,
O J

From: Asmodeus

Subject: If I needed a reason

*NOT* to get a cat, other than my allergies, and not being at all
fond of them, this would be it:

We've all had trouble with our animals, but I don't think anyone can
top this one.

Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how
legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks
I'm lying.

On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway,
because the truth was just too darned humiliating. I simply
mentioned that I had sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would
feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I reasoned, I could
think up a doozey to explain the bandage on the top of my head.

The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to my wife's
wishes to adopt a cute little kitty. Initially, the new acquisition
was no problem.



Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I
heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen. "Honey! The
garbage disposal is dead again. Please come reset it."

"You know where the button is," I protested through the shower
pitter- patter and steam. "Reset it yourself!"

"But I'm scared!" she persisted. "What if it starts going and sucks
me in?"

There was a meaningful pause and then, "C'mon, it'll only take you a
second."

So out I came, dripping wet and buck naked, hoping that my silent
outraged nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her
behavior as extremely cowardly. Sighing loudly, I squatted down and
stuck my head under the sink to find the button. It is the last
action I remember performing.



It struck without warning, and without any respect to my
circumstances. No, it wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into its
gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, who discovered the
fascinating dangling objects she spied hanging between my legs. She
had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I reached under
the sink. And, at the precise moment when I was most vulnerable, she
leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her
needle-like claws.

I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements,
blindly rising at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a
kitten hanging from my masculine region. Wild animals are sometimes
faced with a "fight or flight" syndrome. Men, in this predicament,
choose only the "flight" option. I know this from experience. I was
fleeing straight up into the air when the sink and cabinet bluntly
and forcefully impeded my ascent. The impact knocked me out cold.

When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Now there
are not many things in this life worse than finding oneself lying on
the kitchen floor buck naked in front of a group of "been-there,
done-that" paramedics. Even worse, having been fully briefed by my
wife, the paramedics were all snorting loudly as they tried to
conduct their work, all the while trying to suppress their
hysterical laughter--and not succeeding.

Somehow I lived through it all. A few days later I finally made it
back in to the office, where colleagues tried to coax an explanation
out of me about my head injury. I kept silent, claiming it was too
painful to talk about, which it was.

"What's the matter;" they all asked, "Cat got your tongue?"



--�
The ONE and ONLY
lefthanded-pathetic-paranoid-psychotic-sarcastic-wiseass-ditzy
former-blonde in Bloomington! (And proud of it, too)© email me at
nalee1964 (at) insightbb (dot) com
http://community.webshots.com/user/mgcmdjeep

On Fri, 04 Feb 2005 00:57:16 +0000, Magic Mood Jeep© wrote:

Sorry, OJ, but this has been circulating for quite some time now, I doubt
the other person is the originator of this story.

O J wrote:
Hi All,

I was just browsing another group and found this story. I believe it
to be a true account, as the author is known for his seriousness and
ernestness.

Regards and Purrs,
O J

From: Asmodeus

Subject: If I needed a reason

*NOT* to get a cat, other than my allergies, and not being at all
fond of them, this would be it:

We've all had trouble with our animals, but I don't think anyone can
top this one.

Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how
legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks
I'm lying.

On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway,
because the truth was just too darned humiliating. I simply
mentioned that I had sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would
feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I reasoned, I could
think up a doozey to explain the bandage on the top of my head.

The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to my wife's
wishes to adopt a cute little kitty. Initially, the new acquisition
was no problem.



Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I
heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen. "Honey! The
garbage disposal is dead again. Please come reset it."

"You know where the button is," I protested through the shower
pitter- patter and steam. "Reset it yourself!"

"But I'm scared!" she persisted. "What if it starts going and sucks
me in?"

There was a meaningful pause and then, "C'mon, it'll only take you a
second."

So out I came, dripping wet and buck naked, hoping that my silent
outraged nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her
behavior as extremely cowardly. Sighing loudly, I squatted down and
stuck my head under the sink to find the button. It is the last
action I remember performing.



It struck without warning, and without any respect to my
circumstances. No, it wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into its
gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, who discovered the
fascinating dangling objects she spied hanging between my legs. She
had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I reached under
the sink. And, at the precise moment when I was most vulnerable, she
leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her
needle-like claws.

I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements,
blindly rising at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a
kitten hanging from my masculine region. Wild animals are sometimes
faced with a "fight or flight" syndrome. Men, in this predicament,
choose only the "flight" option. I know this from experience. I was
fleeing straight up into the air when the sink and cabinet bluntly
and forcefully impeded my ascent. The impact knocked me out cold.

When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Now there
are not many things in this life worse than finding oneself lying on
the kitchen floor buck naked in front of a group of "been-there,
done-that" paramedics. Even worse, having been fully briefed by my
wife, the paramedics were all snorting loudly as they tried to
conduct their work, all the while trying to suppress their
hysterical laughter--and not succeeding.

Somehow I lived through it all. A few days later I finally made it
back in to the office, where colleagues tried to coax an explanation
out of me about my head injury. I kept silent, claiming it was too
painful to talk about, which it was.

"What's the matter;" they all asked, "Cat got your tongue?"



--�
The ONE and ONLY
lefthanded-pathetic-paranoid-psychotic-sarcastic-wiseass-ditzy
former-blonde in Bloomington! (And proud of it, too)© email me at
nalee1964 (at) insightbb (dot) com
http://community.webshots.com/user/mgcmdjeep



I read a version of this in the 1950s, but this is well written. Thanks
for the laugh. MLB

Magic Mood Jeep© wrote:

Sorry, OJ, but this has been circulating for quite some time now, I doubt
the other person is the originator of this story.

I guess my BS detector is out of order today. It does sound a little
too pat. In my defense, the writing and style seem to be reflective
of the author's other articles.

Regards and Purrs,
O J

In article ,
wrote:

Magic Mood Jeep© wrote:

Sorry, OJ, but this has been circulating for quite some time now, I
doubt
the other person is the originator of this story.

I guess my BS detector is out of order today. It does sound a little
too pat. In my defense, the writing and style seem to be reflective
of the author's other articles.

Regards and Purrs,
O J

It's been circulating around emergency medicine for years.

[[Sorry, OJ, but this has been circulating for quite some time now, I doubt

the other person is the originator of this story.]]

True, the story's been out there for a while. But DARN, is it funny! )

Donna, always in need of a good laugh ;o)

O J wrote:

Magic Mood Jeep© wrote:


Sorry, OJ, but this has been circulating for quite some time now, I doubt
the other person is the originator of this story.


I guess my BS detector is out of order today. It does sound a little
too pat. In my defense, the writing and style seem to be reflective
of the author's other articles.

Regards and Purrs,
O J
I've actually private emailed with asmodeus in the past. He's a
connection to a friend. He does seem to be quite level-headed in most
areas, but a little fanatical when it comes to politics.

Kristy