How to make an overweight, lazy cat sleek, playful, and affectionate again.

How many people here have overweight, lazy cat who adds virtually
nothing in the way of companionship to your life?

Aside from endlessly demanding expensive gourmet food, these cats are
generally pretty worthless.

When they were young, they were playful and affectionate, jumping up on
your lap to get ear scratches, play games, and provide you with
companionship.

But now all they do is lie around your house, shedding fur, and running
up your cat food bills. They ad nothing to your life, anymore.

There is an easy way to fix this.

You need a small, out of the way room, or large closet. a room in your
basement is nice, is case your cat tends to get noisy (think fat
Siamese.

Take everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, out of this room. You want four
walls and a floor, nothing else

Add a litterbox, and a bowl of water. Lock your cat in the room for 24
hours.

Meanwhile, go out and buy a good brand of dry cat food; not the cheap
grocery store stuff; you don't want your cat getting sick due to poor
nutrition, and running up a big vet bill.

After 24 hours, put a bowl with as close as you can calculate 1/2 your
overweight cat's previous caloric intake.

If your cat doesn't eat the food in 24 hours, take the food out and wait
24 hours to replace it.

Your cat has only 2 choices: eat the food, or die of starvation. It WILL
eat the food, eventually.

Do not, under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES touch, pet, scratch, or talk to your
cat. It's in solitary confinement. If it wants affection, it has to EARN
IT!!! This is the most important point of what you are doing: you only
reward positive behavior.

Cats have to lose weight gradually, just like people, so plan on this
taking several to many months, depending on how overweight you have let
your cat become.

Feed the cat only once a day. Ignore any noises it makes demanding food.

Once weight loss is noticeable, let the cat out for a brief play time.

Call the cat to you. se if it initiates signs of affection. If it
doesn't, back to solitary. You can try again in a week.

Be CERTAIN the cat is losing weight!!! If it isn't, cut the amount of
food down until it is gradually losing weight.

As time goes by, each time you bring food, FIRST entice your cat to be
affectionate or playful. Use a catnip toy, a laser pointer, or whatever
your cat USED to like. If it doesn't respond, don't feed the cat for
several hours, and try again. NEVER feed the cat more than once in 24
hours, and NEVER feed it more than it's normal amount of food.

What you are doing is using food to reward your cat for positive
behavior. When it doesn't exhibit positive behavior, feeding is delayed.
Your cat isn't stupid: it will figure this out pretty quickly.

As your cat gradually loses weight, and becomes more affectionate, let
it stay out of it's little room for longer periods of time.

However, ALWAYS return it to it's room after a play/petting session,
along with the food it has earned.

By the time your cats gets down to an ideal weight, it should be playful
and affectionate, most of the time it isn't sleeping.

If your cat DOESN'T become playful and affectionate, and it has become
slender again, simply take it to your local Humane Society.

Tell them the cat is a stray, but it bites everyone very, very hard at
random time for no reason at all. This has happened to several people in
your family, and you can't have the cat biting your childern/freinds and
visitors, requiring trips to the hospital emergency room for stitches
and tetanus shots.

They will put the cat to sleep as unadoptable, free of charge. They will
usually ask for a donation, so wear very old clothes, and explain you
have no money. If they insist on extorting money from you, explain you
will just take the cat out into the country, and dump it. Believe me,
they will take the cat!

Mission accomplished: you either have a svelte, active playful and
affectionate cat, or you are free to adopt a new cat or kitten. it a
win/win situation!

The real John Doe is more interesting than you

On Thu 01 Jun 2006 09:35:05p, Matthew wrote in
rec.pets.cats.health+behav (news:dBMfg.7876$h01.4261
@tornado.tampabay.rr.com):

The real John Doe is more interesting than you


That ranked much lower than the parody on how to pill your cat. I
give it zero thumbs up.


--
Cheryl

"Matthew" wrote in message
.. .
The real John Doe is more interesting than you


Meanwhile, I made my overweight lazy cat sleek and playful but cutting out
all dry food and buying her cool toys like the fishing reel that casts 40
feet and has catnip mousie lures on the end, a laser pointer, and feeding
her high-quality canned food once ever 12 hours. At age 12 she now weighs 8
lbs and is sleek and bright-eyed and lots of fun. Also I give her catnip
for treats instead of goodies. She's a stoner.



Inviato da X-Privat.Org - Registrazione gratuita http://www.x-privat.org/join.php

John wrote:
How many people here have overweight, lazy cat who adds virtually
nothing in the way of companionship to your life?

is what you call idleness of bread

you have sedated him with food

tighten up on them portions?

2 words, crystal meth. The only down side is that cats do not have
lips and might have trouble smoking it.

-A

John wrote:
How many people here have overweight, lazy cat who adds virtually
nothing in the way of companionship to your life?

Aside from endlessly demanding expensive gourmet food, these cats are
generally pretty worthless.

When they were young, they were playful and affectionate, jumping up on
your lap to get ear scratches, play games, and provide you with
companionship.

But now all they do is lie around your house, shedding fur, and running
up your cat food bills. They ad nothing to your life, anymore.

There is an easy way to fix this.

You need a small, out of the way room, or large closet. a room in your
basement is nice, is case your cat tends to get noisy (think fat
Siamese.

Take everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, out of this room. You want four
walls and a floor, nothing else

Add a litterbox, and a bowl of water. Lock your cat in the room for 24
hours.

Meanwhile, go out and buy a good brand of dry cat food; not the cheap
grocery store stuff; you don't want your cat getting sick due to poor
nutrition, and running up a big vet bill.

After 24 hours, put a bowl with as close as you can calculate 1/2 your
overweight cat's previous caloric intake.

If your cat doesn't eat the food in 24 hours, take the food out and wait
24 hours to replace it.

Your cat has only 2 choices: eat the food, or die of starvation. It WILL
eat the food, eventually.

Do not, under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES touch, pet, scratch, or talk to your
cat. It's in solitary confinement. If it wants affection, it has to EARN
IT!!! This is the most important point of what you are doing: you only
reward positive behavior.

Cats have to lose weight gradually, just like people, so plan on this
taking several to many months, depending on how overweight you have let
your cat become.

Feed the cat only once a day. Ignore any noises it makes demanding food.

Once weight loss is noticeable, let the cat out for a brief play time.

Call the cat to you. se if it initiates signs of affection. If it
doesn't, back to solitary. You can try again in a week.

Be CERTAIN the cat is losing weight!!! If it isn't, cut the amount of
food down until it is gradually losing weight.

As time goes by, each time you bring food, FIRST entice your cat to be
affectionate or playful. Use a catnip toy, a laser pointer, or whatever
your cat USED to like. If it doesn't respond, don't feed the cat for
several hours, and try again. NEVER feed the cat more than once in 24
hours, and NEVER feed it more than it's normal amount of food.

What you are doing is using food to reward your cat for positive
behavior. When it doesn't exhibit positive behavior, feeding is delayed.
Your cat isn't stupid: it will figure this out pretty quickly.

As your cat gradually loses weight, and becomes more affectionate, let
it stay out of it's little room for longer periods of time.

However, ALWAYS return it to it's room after a play/petting session,
along with the food it has earned.

By the time your cats gets down to an ideal weight, it should be playful
and affectionate, most of the time it isn't sleeping.

If your cat DOESN'T become playful and affectionate, and it has become
slender again, simply take it to your local Humane Society.

Tell them the cat is a stray, but it bites everyone very, very hard at
random time for no reason at all. This has happened to several people in
your family, and you can't have the cat biting your childern/freinds and
visitors, requiring trips to the hospital emergency room for stitches
and tetanus shots.

They will put the cat to sleep as unadoptable, free of charge. They will
usually ask for a donation, so wear very old clothes, and explain you
have no money. If they insist on extorting money from you, explain you
will just take the cat out into the country, and dump it. Believe me,
they will take the cat!

Mission accomplished: you either have a svelte, active playful and
affectionate cat, or you are free to adopt a new cat or kitten. it a
win/win situation!





I say we try this on you first to see if it works.

Either this is an inane, sophomoric "joke" or "John" should never have
pets. If he has never heard of hepatic lipidosis (fatty liver disease)
it is caused by withholding food from cats.
No reputable shelter will allow him to have another pet.
One FAT issue: How did this cat get fat in the first place? The owner
is the responsible party.

John wrote:
How many people here have overweight, lazy cat who adds virtually
nothing in the way of companionship to your life?

Aside from endlessly demanding expensive gourmet food, these cats are
generally pretty worthless.

When they were young, they were playful and affectionate, jumping up on
your lap to get ear scratches, play games, and provide you with
companionship.

But now all they do is lie around your house, shedding fur, and running
up your cat food bills. They ad nothing to your life, anymore.

There is an easy way to fix this.

You need a small, out of the way room, or large closet. a room in your
basement is nice, is case your cat tends to get noisy (think fat
Siamese.

Take everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, out of this room. You want four
walls and a floor, nothing else

Add a litterbox, and a bowl of water. Lock your cat in the room for 24
hours.

Meanwhile, go out and buy a good brand of dry cat food; not the cheap
grocery store stuff; you don't want your cat getting sick due to poor
nutrition, and running up a big vet bill.

After 24 hours, put a bowl with as close as you can calculate 1/2 your
overweight cat's previous caloric intake.

If your cat doesn't eat the food in 24 hours, take the food out and wait
24 hours to replace it.

Your cat has only 2 choices: eat the food, or die of starvation. It WILL
eat the food, eventually.

Do not, under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES touch, pet, scratch, or talk to your
cat. It's in solitary confinement. If it wants affection, it has to EARN
IT!!! This is the most important point of what you are doing: you only
reward positive behavior.

Cats have to lose weight gradually, just like people, so plan on this
taking several to many months, depending on how overweight you have let
your cat become.

Feed the cat only once a day. Ignore any noises it makes demanding food.

Once weight loss is noticeable, let the cat out for a brief play time.

Call the cat to you. se if it initiates signs of affection. If it
doesn't, back to solitary. You can try again in a week.

Be CERTAIN the cat is losing weight!!! If it isn't, cut the amount of
food down until it is gradually losing weight.

As time goes by, each time you bring food, FIRST entice your cat to be
affectionate or playful. Use a catnip toy, a laser pointer, or whatever
your cat USED to like. If it doesn't respond, don't feed the cat for
several hours, and try again. NEVER feed the cat more than once in 24
hours, and NEVER feed it more than it's normal amount of food.

What you are doing is using food to reward your cat for positive
behavior. When it doesn't exhibit positive behavior, feeding is delayed.
Your cat isn't stupid: it will figure this out pretty quickly.

As your cat gradually loses weight, and becomes more affectionate, let
it stay out of it's little room for longer periods of time.

However, ALWAYS return it to it's room after a play/petting session,
along with the food it has earned.

By the time your cats gets down to an ideal weight, it should be playful
and affectionate, most of the time it isn't sleeping.

If your cat DOESN'T become playful and affectionate, and it has become
slender again, simply take it to your local Humane Society.

Tell them the cat is a stray, but it bites everyone very, very hard at
random time for no reason at all. This has happened to several people in
your family, and you can't have the cat biting your childern/freinds and
visitors, requiring trips to the hospital emergency room for stitches
and tetanus shots.

They will put the cat to sleep as unadoptable, free of charge. They will
usually ask for a donation, so wear very old clothes, and explain you
have no money. If they insist on extorting money from you, explain you
will just take the cat out into the country, and dump it. Believe me,
they will take the cat!

Mission accomplished: you either have a svelte, active playful and
affectionate cat, or you are free to adopt a new cat or kitten. it a
win/win situation!