Valentine's Day Alone

jmcquown wrote:
"Ginger-lyn" wrote in message
...
It isn't much fun to be alone on this day, feeling like no one will
ever love me again (pity party). But I got a special and unexpected
Valentine's Day gift that I will treasure.

And it's a wonderful gift she left you. I'm sorry you lost Jane.

You need to remember, being by yourself isn't necessarily being "alone".
You have to like yourself before other people will like you. And having
a boyfriend or whatever isn't validation for who you are. I'm here in
South Caroline by myself, have been for a while now. But I'm not
"alone". I learned years ago how to like myself and live with (and by)
myself. I don't expect other people to validate my existance or even to
approve of me.

You're loved. People on this ng love you. Your cats love you even if
they are causing you some stress lately.

Jill

Jill, I know you're right, and I appreciate the love I get from you guys
more than you will ever know.

I spent quite a few years alone, and used that time to get to know
myself and develop some of my interests (like astrology). I enjoyed
being able to spend hours pouring over charts with no one to criticize
or make fun or just be a royal PITA. But it is harder now that I am
older. I'm afrid I'll fall, or have a heart attack, or something, and
there will be no one there to help me. I know we all die alone, but
that thought is just terrible to me.

Ginger-lyn
Loner who occasionally is social (is that me? I guess.)

*SAINT* Valentine's Day isn't a feast of obligation within the
Holy Roman Catholic Church. Saint Valentine is one of the minor
saints.
Having said that, it does annoy me when people just call it
"Valentine's Day". After all, one doesn't refer to "Patrick's
Day", or "George's Day", or "Swithin's Day", does one?
I bet that happens mostly here in America. I think sometimes we
are just kinda lazy - heh.

No, it's just the same in the UK. Calling it "St Valentine's Day"
is very unusual.

A Catholic friend told me Valentine had been de-sainted recently
anyway. So it's just Mr Valentine's Day. (On the other hand, the
Catholic Church PR office in the UK sent out a press release last
week saying that Valentine was for people who had a partner, while
if you were looking you should invoke St Raphael instead. The
implication of that was that Valentine was still in the job, albeit
with diminished responsibilities).

Didn't they sack St George too, a couple of years ago?

==== j a c k at c a m p i n . m e . u k === http://www.campin.me.uk ====
Jack Campin, 11 Third St, Newtongrange EH22 4PU, Scotland == mob 07800 739 557
CD-ROMs and free stuff: Scottish music, food intolerance, and Mac logic fonts

jmcquown wrote:

You need to remember, being by yourself isn't necessarily being "alone".
You have to like yourself before other people will like you.

Wow, this is *so* untrue! People like each other all the time, even
when some of those people have self-esteem problems. I don't buy for a
second that (1) if you don't love yourself you cannot love others, or
(2) if you don't love yourself, no one can love you. The second one is
especially untrue. Haven't you ever loved someone who struggled to love
him or herself? It's difficult sometimes, I can understand that. People
who don't love themselves can have a hard time accepting love. But it's
not a black-and-white situation. We all love imperfectly, and we all do
the best we can. But the best place to start learning to love (yourself
and others) is wherever you are. And you can do both simultaneously,
because it works both ways: the more you love yourself, the better you
can love others. And guess what? The more you can love and be loved by
others, the more you will love yourself, too. It's not just a "self-first"
kind of thing - we can also be healed by the love of others.

And having a
boyfriend or whatever isn't validation for who you are.

OK, I'll agree with that.

I'm here in South
Caroline by myself, have been for a while now. But I'm not "alone". I
learned years ago how to like myself and live with (and by) myself. I don't
expect other people to validate my existance or even to approve of me.

You do have a good relationship with a man who loves you, though. So even
if you are physically alone right now because it's not the right situation
for you and LLL to live together (for whatever reason), you don't have to
feel alone in the *world*. It really is a very different thing when you
don't have deep connections with anyone else in the world. Or when you have
very practical issues, like physical disability and poverty, and there's
nobody around to ask for help.

My situation is not like Ginger-lyn's because at the moment, I'm employed
and mostly able-bodied, and can take care of myself. But when I had pneumonia
last week, it was a bit sobering. Turned out a number of friends came by
to visit, bring food, and scoop the litterbox. But before they showed up,
I had a few moments of fear: what if nobody helps me? What if I wake up
in the middle of the night, burning with fever, and can't even stand up
enough to get myself some water to take ibuprofen? It's hard to be sick and
alone. It has nothing to do with liking myself or not liking myself - it's
just hard to get older by yourself, when you know you're going to need
other people sometimes. It's scary.

You're loved. People on this ng love you. Your cats love you even if they
are causing you some stress lately.

I myself try to remember this, and it helps.

--
Joyce ^..^

(To email me, remove the X's from my user name.)

Jack Campin - bogus address wrote:

Having said that, it does annoy me when people just call it
"Valentine's Day". After all, one doesn't refer to "Patrick's
Day", or "George's Day", or "Swithin's Day", does one?

I bet that happens mostly here in America. I think sometimes we
are just kinda lazy - heh.

No, it's just the same in the UK. Calling it "St Valentine's Day"
is very unusual.

Oh, thank you, Jack. I hate it when people condemn all the people of
the US, like there's something wrong with us as people. Criticize our
government all you want - I certainly do. Criticize our cultural values
if you don't like them - I don't like everything Americans believe in,
either. But don't condemn the character of the people themselves - that's
just bigotry.

I had a friend, a Canadian citizen who has lived in the US on a permanent
visa for 30+ years. She has a unique way of talking, extremely correct
grammatically, to the point where she uses constructions that are more or
less archaic, even if correct. It sounds stuffy, but also sort of charming.
At least, it was charming, until the night we had this big argument because
she was heaping scorn upon the people of the United States, saying that we
all use "lazy speech" and that's why our English has deteriorated. Wow, I
never thought I'd get so angry on behalf of my countrypersons! Who does she
think she is, implying that she is superior to me and everyone else who
lives in this country? We're not friends anymore, and that night was the
beginning of the end.

A Catholic friend told me Valentine had been de-sainted recently
anyway. So it's just Mr Valentine's Day.

I had no idea that sainthood wasn't a permanent gig! Even college
professors have more job security than that.

--
Joyce ^..^

(To email me, remove the X's from my user name.)

"Ginger-lyn" wrote in message
...
jmcquown wrote:
"Ginger-lyn" wrote in message
...
It isn't much fun to be alone on this day, feeling like no one will ever
love me again (pity party). But I got a special and unexpected
Valentine's Day gift that I will treasure.

And it's a wonderful gift she left you. I'm sorry you lost Jane.

You need to remember, being by yourself isn't necessarily being "alone".
You have to like yourself before other people will like you. And having
a boyfriend or whatever isn't validation for who you are. I'm here in
South Caroline by myself, have been for a while now. But I'm not
"alone". I learned years ago how to like myself and live with (and by)
myself. I don't expect other people to validate my existance or even to
approve of me.

You're loved. People on this ng love you. Your cats love you even if
they are causing you some stress lately.

Jill

Jill, I know you're right, and I appreciate the love I get from you guys
more than you will ever know.

I spent quite a few years alone, and used that time to get to know myself
and develop some of my interests (like astrology). I enjoyed being able
to spend hours pouring over charts with no one to criticize or make fun or
just be a royal PITA. But it is harder now that I am older. I'm afrid
I'll fall, or have a heart attack, or something, and there will be no one
there to help me. I know we all die alone, but that thought is just
terrible to me.

Ginger-lyn
Loner who occasionally is social (is that me? I guess.)



I understand completely. I sometimes think about what would have happened
if I'd been a selfish b**** and told my mom sorry, I'm too wrapped up in my
own life to come here and help her out. (I felt guilty enough when I went
home for three weeks last year, one reason being I had to get Persia!)

Now I'm here by myself and I have some of the same concerns you have. I
know a few of the neighbors but it's not like I see them every day or even
every week. They wouldn't have any idea if something had happened to me.
(I suppose eventually they might notice the newspapers piling up or mail
falling out of the box.) It's not a fun thought. I just want you to know
people do care about you. I also understand sometimes feeling horribly
isolated and alone. Feeling overwhelmed by life in general. Hang in there,
gal.

Jill