Joke Committee

This is the transcription of the ACTUAL radio conversation between the
British and the Irish off the coast of Kerry, October 1998. Radio
conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations10-10-98.

IRISH: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a
collision.

BRITISH: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the north to
avoid a collision.

IRISH: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the
south to avoid a collision.

BRITISH: This is the Captain of a British Navy Ship. I say again,
divert YOUR course.

IRISH: Negative. I say again, you will have to divert YOUR course.

BRITISH: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER HMS BRITIANNIA! THE SECOND LARGEST
SHIP IN THE BRITISH ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE
DESTROYERS,
THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND YOU CHANGE YOUR
COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH. I SAY AGAIN, THAT IS 15 DEGREES NORTH OR
COUNTER-
MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.

IRISH: We are a lighthouse................Your Call


Bev
--
I got rid of my husband. The cat was allergic.

Last time that Urban Legend did the rounds it was a
US ship and a Canadian lighthouse.



--
Jette Goldie

Some people are like Slinkies . . . not really good for anything, but you
still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.

"Bev" wrote in message
...

This is the transcription of the ACTUAL radio conversation between
the
British and the Irish off the coast of Kerry, October 1998. Radio
conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations10-10-98.

IRISH: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a
collision.

BRITISH: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the north to
avoid a collision.

IRISH: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the
south to avoid a collision.

BRITISH: This is the Captain of a British Navy Ship. I say again,
divert YOUR course.

IRISH: Negative. I say again, you will have to divert YOUR course.

BRITISH: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER HMS BRITIANNIA! THE SECOND
LARGEST
SHIP IN THE BRITISH ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE
DESTROYERS,
THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND YOU CHANGE YOUR
COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH. I SAY AGAIN, THAT IS 15 DEGREES NORTH OR
COUNTER-
MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.

IRISH: We are a lighthouse................Your Call


Bev
--
I got rid of my husband. The cat was allergic.

"Bev" wrote in message
...

This is the transcription of the ACTUAL radio conversation between
the
British and the Irish off the coast of Kerry, October 1998. Radio
conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations10-10-98.

IRISH: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a
collision.

BRITISH: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the north to
avoid a collision.

IRISH: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the
south to avoid a collision.

BRITISH: This is the Captain of a British Navy Ship. I say again,
divert YOUR course.

IRISH: Negative. I say again, you will have to divert YOUR course.

BRITISH: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER HMS BRITIANNIA! THE SECOND
LARGEST
SHIP IN THE BRITISH ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE
DESTROYERS,
THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND YOU CHANGE YOUR
COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH. I SAY AGAIN, THAT IS 15 DEGREES NORTH OR
COUNTER-
MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.

IRISH: We are a lighthouse................Your Call


Bev
--
I got rid of my husband. The cat was allergic.

hysterical!
Brenda

"Bev" wrote in message
...

This is the transcription of the ACTUAL radio conversation between
the
British and the Irish off the coast of Kerry, October 1998. Radio
conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations10-10-98.

IRISH: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a
collision.

There's actually a video of an American navy ship (Arleigh Burke) running at
high speed and in high seas that runs along similar lines.

Very clever.

It reminds me of a "Little Johnny" joke:

Mum gets out of bed first thing in the morning to get her son ready for
school...

Mum knocks on Johnny's door and says: "Johnny, time to get up" No response
so mum goes to the kitchen and prepares breakfast.

10 minutes later, mum goes back to Johnny's bedroom door, knocking louder
and says: "Johhny, _get out of bed!_ No response so mum opens the door to
see Johnny still in bed with the covers over his head.

Mum: "Johnny, did you hear me? The only response is that Johnny ducks
further under the covers.

Mum: "JOHNNY! Get out of bed *now*"

Johnny: "I'm not going to school".

Mum: "Johnny, you have to go to school, now get out of bed!"

Johnny: "But mum, the kids all laugh at me".

Mum: "It doesn't matter, just ignore them, you HAVE TO GO TO SCHOOL"

Johnny: "But mum, the teachers all talk about me behind my back".

Mum, very upset by this time: "JOHNNY, GET OUT OF BED!"

Johhny: "OHHHH, MUM!!!"

Mum: "Johnny, get out of bed, you have to go to school, you're the
Principle!"

--
Alan Erskine
We can get people to the Moon in five years,
not the fifteen GWB proposes.
Give NASA a real challenge