The Insensitive and Uncaring families Rant

Wow, even my in-laws sound normal and decent compared to this.

Still, I have to share.

One day, my SIL, a spoilt "princess" type who attempts to rule her family by
having tantrums (she's 27) ask me "Vicky, how do I get a job like yours?". I
reply "Well ___, you have to go to University first." Her reply was, and
this is word for word "thats not fair, I'm prettier than you." it was said
in all seriousness, no humour, no irony, no sarcasm.

On another occasion "Why do you love my brother?" I think for a few seconds,
because if she can't see why I love her brother, its going to be hard to
explain. But before I can get out a reply she says "How can anyone love
someone that fat?"

She doesn't go out of her way to be nasty or malevolent, but she has no
concept or appreciation that there's people out there that have their own
problems and lives, and that she and the situation she lives in is nothing
special or unusual, and therefore doesn't warrant any sort of special
priveledge or attention from the rest of the world. She hasn't had an easy
life, true, her mother died when she was 19, which is sad, and her father is
an abusive alcoholic, but she still uses those two facts and her ability to
do that cute helpless girly act to garner sympathy and favours from everyone
she meets. Needless to say, it doesn't work on me, and she therefore doesn't
have much contact with me (and therefore, much to his relief, doesn't have
much contact with Joel either) - because I don't give out money, favours or
sympathy anymore.

I used to have a degree of sympathy for my BIL - he has schizophrenia. But
part of coping with schizophrenia is that you simply cannot take street
drugs, you have to stay on the anti psychotic medication, and you have to
stay in contact with your therapist. Since he firmly believes he doesn't
have schizophrenia, and cant' stay off the drugs - heck, couldn't even stick
to a few basic house rules when he stayed with us - I don't bother much
with him either.

Joel doesn't have the same father as those two - for which I am profoundly
grateful.

Yowie


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Lots of purrs, hugs and best wishes for you, Pam,
--
Polonca & Soncek

"Tanada" wrote in message
ink.net...
snip
The kids were 11, 13, and 15 at the time. I have even offered to go up
in a comparison psych eval with the woman, but the state where I
volunteered this said that, no matter how tempting, they couldn't allow
dueling psychos.

Pam S. trying to find humor in all this

On Tue, 14 Dec 2004 20:13:33 GMT, Tanada wrote:

I'm playing in here with members of my family of choice, those I
consider my REAL family. Holidays don't get any better than that.
However, I really want to read everyone's "Stupid People Christmas
Stunts" posts. Gracie and I bared ours, so its everyone else's turns.

Pam S. pleading with you all to help me prove to myself that mine, while
the stupidest, is not the only sick family out there.

Well, I suppose in my family it would be my older sister. She's pretty
much cut off contact with the rest of the family with no explanation
that I know. Even though she lives in the same town as my parents and
one brother, it's been years since she's called or visited - as far as
I know the last time she came to our parents house (after having no
contact with them for several years) was when she wanted to borrow
money and was told no.

I suppose I should mention that, like many, our parents divorced when
she was starting school, and later both remarried. Our mother died in
an auto accident when she was 12 and I was 10, and we went to live
with Dad (who we hadn't seen in several years) his wife, and her two
sons and daughter. The new family welcomed us. when Christmas or
birthdays came around, Mom made sure that all the relatives knew that
we were all to be treated equally. So, to me, my family consists of
Mom, Dad, 2 brothers and two sisters, even though I only share DNA
with Dad and one sister.

When I was on active duty I used to hear from her fairly regularly,
but I was the only one she spoke or wrote. So, even though I might be
in Honduras, Germany, Alaska, or wherever, I was the one telling the
rest of the family what was going on in her life - even though she
lived minutes away. Now days that contact has been cut, since she no
longer writes me.

While I was serving in the first Gulf War I received a little from our
step father - who I hadn't heard from since our biological mother died
when I was 10. He said he had recieved a letter from my older sister -
the first he had received in years - giving him my address and telling
him that I was in the Army and in the Gulf. I'm glad she did that, as
I had completely lost contact with him and we've since kept in touch.
Thing is, I didn't receive a single letter from her while I was there.

Oh well, I guess I could go on, but you get the idea.
--
Steve Touchstone,
faithful servant of Sammy, Little Bit and Rocky (RB)

[remove Junk for email]
Home Page: http://www.sirinet.net/~stouchst/index.html
Cat Pix: http://www.sirinet.net/~stouchst/animals.html

In message . net,
Tanada writes
Cathi wrote:

My eldest brother is a turd of the highest order. Either that, or
he's incredibly weak and dominated by his wife.


How about both? Was he an insensitive jerkwad when he was a kid? If
he was a bully and/or a jerkwad then he probably is one now.

I don't know what he was like as a kid. As I've doubtless mentioned
before, there's huge age gaps in our family. He was 25, married and a
father before I was born (although my first niece died in early infancy,
so I never knew her).

I don't think he'd try the bullying tactic with me now, and certainly
not with anyone else. He must realise how unpopular he is with us all.

--
Cathi

"polonca12000" wrote in message
...
Lots of purrs, hugs and best wishes for you, Pam,
--
Polonca & Soncek

"Tanada" wrote in message
ink.net...
snip
The kids were 11, 13, and 15 at the time. I have even offered to
go up
in a comparison psych eval with the woman, but the state where I
volunteered this said that, no matter how tempting, they couldn't
allow
dueling psychos.

Pam S. trying to find humor in all this

I feel genuine sorrow for some of you who've posted stories of
dysfunction in your families. I'm almost embarrassed to say that of my
immediate family, there's no one I don't love and cherish, even though
they, like me and every human, have shortcomings. I can say the same
of our in-laws, with a couple of exceptions, and even their faults are
minor compared to some I'm read about in this thread. I consider
myself very blessed, very lucky - especially for the wonderful women
in my family who span several generations and have been so important
to me all my life. I wish all of you better times with your families
in the new year. At least we have our cats, who as we all know can do
no wrong! g

Tanada had some very interesting things to say
about The Insensitive and Uncaring families Rant:

I'm playing in here with members of my family of choice, those I
consider my REAL family. Holidays don't get any better than that.
However, I really want to read everyone's "Stupid People Christmas
Stunts" posts. Gracie and I bared ours, so its everyone else's turns.
Pam S. pleading with you all to help me prove to myself that mine, while
the stupidest, is not the only sick family out there.

Worst family problem I have at the moment is MIL's current sulk over
being told to A) quit trying to manage our lives [DH, at 42, is her
oldest] and B) quit gossiping our lives all over everyone she knows.
DH is just as angry with her over that as I am, but I'm sure she's
blaming me [after all, I bear sole responsibility for the last couple
of years of financial woes, etc.].

--
"The universe is quite robust in design and appears to be
doing just fine on its own, incompetent support staff notwithstanding.
:-)" - the Dennis formerly known as (evil), MCFL

When I was young, and for most of my adult life as well, my father was
absolutely horrible. He was a screaming rage-aholic, was extremely verbally
nasty and sarcastic, was constantly find twisted little ways to make me
feel worthless, and was even physically abusive at times.

When I was in my late teens, screaming fights with him were the norm.
Some of the things he said were actually inintentionally funny. Not that
I was laughing at the time, but after the fact, his weird comments gave
my friends and me many fits of giggles. One that I remember was of him
standing in front of me, red-faced, neck muscles bulging, and screaming
over and over, "YOU'RE NOTHING BUT A FART IN THE WIND!!"

When I was in my 20s, he was doing a lot of drugs. So, although I didn't
think it was possible, he actually got *worse*. One time I remember him
calling me at work and screaming obscenities over the phone. Many
utterances of the f-word, and I was several times addressed as the
c-word. Nice, for a guy to say that to his daughter.

Let's see. Then there was the time he wrote me a long letter detailing
all the reasons why I'm socially incompetent, boorish, and a loser. I
showed it to a friend of mine - someone who didn't come from the most
loving, functional family herself - and she was shocked. "I can't believe
anyone would write such a thing to their own child!"

When I was 30, my grandfather (his dad) died. My father was such a jerk
to everyone at that time that nobody else in the family would allow him
to go and be with them during their time of mourning. (In Jewish tradition,
people spend evenings with the bereaved family for a period of about a
week.) My dad couldn't even do this for his own father. So, although he'd
brought that on himself, I took pity on him and went to visit him at his
apartment so he wouldn't have to be alone. During that visit, he picked a
fight with me, and ended up throwing me, bodily, out his front door. He
pushed me so hard that I fell down hard on the pavement - then he slammed
the door. I got up, brushed off, got into my car (at least I had my keys
in my pocket), and drove home, sobbing all the way. I didn't see my father
for the next 19 years.

Last April, I saw him for the first time since that incident. Other
family members kept insisting that he had changed and that it would be
worth it for me to reconnect with him. I was skeptical - I'd heard that
one before - but decided to give it a try anyway. This time, they were
right. Miraculously, he *has* changed. I've visited twice since then,
and I've enjoyed seeing him.

Not to say he's perfect. He still annoys me sometimes and I'm not
entirely comfortable with everything he says. But he's no longer
abusive, and that's where I draw the line. I don't expect my family
members to be perfect, wonderful, or even especially likable, but I
do expect to be treated with basic respect. If that's part of the
relationship, then I'm willing to put up with the stuff that gets
on my nerves or makes me roll my eyes. What I won't put up with is
being called obscene names, or screamed at and hung up on, or physically
attacked. There are definitely times when a divorce is appropriate!

Joyce

Tanada wrote:


I'm playing in here with members of my family of choice, those I
consider my REAL family. Holidays don't get any better than that.
However, I really want to read everyone's "Stupid People Christmas
Stunts" posts. Gracie and I bared ours, so its everyone else's turns.

Pam S. pleading with you all to help me prove to myself that mine, while
the stupidest, is not the only sick family out there.

Pam, I really wish I could oblige, but all your post did (except wanting
to fly over the Atlantic and give you a big hug) was make me even more
thankful for the family I have. I actually *like* my brother and both my
sisters. Also their kids. And my Mum is one of my best friends. Do you
want us to adopt you? )

--
Marina, Frank and Nikki
marina (dot) kurten (at) pp (dot) inet (dot) fi
Pics at http://uk.pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/frankiennikki/
and http://community.webshots.com/user/frankiennikki

Marina wrote:


Pam, I really wish I could oblige, but all your post did (except wanting
to fly over the Atlantic and give you a big hug) was make me even more
thankful for the family I have. I actually *like* my brother and both my
sisters. Also their kids. And my Mum is one of my best friends. Do you
want us to adopt you? )



Well, since I've adopted this entire newsgroup as my cyberfamily, it
would probably work.

Hey people living in Wales. Rob and I have been invited over there by a
member of our usenet cancer group for a visit this summer. We're
actually thinking about it, if she isn't joking. Anyone interested in
two mean and crotchety old Merkans this summer?

Pam S.

"Tanada" wrote in message
ink.net...
Pam S. still disgusted after all these years


OK I tend to get my online friends and their locations confused. But the ex
sister and childrens services were in Washington State right?

Their latest is a state supreme court decision that parents do not have the
right to monitor their children's telephone conversations. Regardless of
who the child is talking to. In the particular case, a 14 year old talking
to a felon. Sometimes the gov'ment up there can make California seem
downright conservative.

Jo