Joys of Business Travel (beverage warning)

The following letters are taken from an actual incident between a London
hotel and one of it's guests. The Hotel ended up submitting the letters
to the London Sunday Times!



Dear Maid,

Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my bathroom
since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove the six
unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and another
three in the shower soap dish. They are in my way.

Thank you,

S. Berman



Dear Room 635,

I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow, Thursday, from
her day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dish as you
requested. The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way and put on
top of your Kleenex dispenser in case you should change your mind. This
leaves only the 3 bars I left today which my instructions from the
management is to leave 3 soaps daily. I hope this is satisfactory.

Kathy,
Relief Maid



Dear Maid,

I hope you are my regular maid. Apparently Kathy did not tell you about
my note to her concerning the little bars of soap. When I got back to my
room this evening I found you had added 3 little Camays to the shelf
under my medicine cabinet. I am going to be here in the hotel for two
weeks and have brought my own bath-size Dial so I won't need those 6
little Camays which are on the shelf. They are in my way when shaving,
brushing teeth, etc. Please remove them.

S. Berman



Dear Mr. Berman,

My day off was last Wed. so the relief maid left 3 hotel soaps which we
are instructed by the management. I took the 6 soaps which were in your
way on the shelf and put them in the soap dish where your Dial was. I
put the Dial in the medicine cabinet for your convenience. I didn't
remove the 3 complimentary soaps which are always placed inside the
medicine cabinet for all new check-ins and which you did not object to
when you checked in last Monday. Please let me know if I can of further
assistance.

Your regular maid,

Dotty



Dear Mr. Berman,

The assistant manager, Mr. Kensedder, informed me this morning that you
called him last evening and said you were unhappy with your maid
service. I have assigned a new girl to your room. I hope you will accept
my apologies for any past inconvenience. If you have any future
complaints please contact me so I can give it my personal attention.
Call extension 1108 between 8AM and 5PM. Thank you.

Elaine Carmen
Housekeeper



Dear Miss Carmen,

It is impossible to contact you by phone since I leave the hotel for
business at 7:45 AM and don't get back before 5:30 or 6PM. That's the
reason I called Mr. Kensedder last night. You were already off duty. I
only asked Mr. Kensedder if he could do anything about those little bars
of soap. The new maid you assigned me must have thought I was a new
check-in today, since she left another 3 bars of hotel soap in my
medicine cabinet along with her regular delivery of 3 bars on the
bath-room shelf. In just 5 days here I have accumulated 24 little bars
of soap. Why are you doing this to me?

S. Berman



Dear Mr. Berman,

Your maid, Kathy, has been instructed to stop delivering soap to your
room and remove the extra soaps. If I can be of further assistance,
please call extension 1108 between 8AM and 5PM.

Thank you,

Elaine Carmen,
Housekeeper



Dear Mr. Kensedder,

My bath-size Dial is missing. Every bar of soap was taken from my room
including my own bath-size Dial. I came in late last night and had to
call the bellhop to bring me 4 little Cashmere Bouquets.

S. Berman



Dear Mr. Berman,

I have informed our housekeeper, Elaine Carmen, of your soap problem. I
cannot understand why there was no soap in your room since our maids are
instructed to leave 3 bars of soap each time they service a room. The
situation will be rectified immediately. Please accept my apologies for
the inconvenience.

Martin L. Kensedder
Assistant Manager



Dear Mrs. Carmen,

Who . . . left 54 little bars of Camay in my room? I came in last night
and found 54 little bars of soap. I don't want 54 little bars of Camay.
I want my one . . . bar of bath-size Dial. Do you realize I have 54 bars
of soap in here. All I want is my bath size Dial. Please give me back my
bath-size Dial.

S. Berman



Dear Mr. Berman,

You complained of too much soap in your room so I had them removed. Then
you complained to Mr. Kensedder that all your soap was missing so I
personally returned them. The 24 Camays which had been taken and the 3
Camays you are supposed to receive daily. I don't know anything about
the 4 Cashmere Bouquets. Obviously your maid, Kathy, did not know I had
returned your soaps so she also brought 24 Camays plus the 3 daily
Camays. I don't know where you got the idea this hotel issues bath-size
Dial. I was able to locate some bath-size Ivory which I left in your
room.

Elaine Carmen
Housekeeper



Dear Mrs. Carmen,

Just a short note to bring you up-to-date on my latest soap inventory.
As of today I possess:
- On the shelf under medicine cabinet - 18 Camay in 4 stacks of 4 and
1
stack of 2.
- On the Kleenex dispenser - 11 Camay in 2 stacks of 4 and 1stack of
3.
- On the bedroom dresser - 1 stack of 3 Cashmere Bouquet,
- 1 stack of 4 hotel-size Ivory, and 8 Camay in 2 stacks of 4.
- Inside the medicine cabinet - 14 Camay in 3 stacks of 4 and 1 stack
of
2.
- In the shower soap dish - 6 Camay, very moist.
- On the northeast corner of tub - 1 Cashmere Bouquet, slightly used.
- On the northwest corner of tub - 6 Camays in 2 stacks of 3.

Please ask Kathy when she services my room to make sure the stacks are
neatly piled and dusted. Also, please advise her that stacks of more
than 4 have a tendency to tip. May I suggest that my bedroom window sill
is not in use and will make an excellent spot for future soap
deliveries.

One more item, I have purchased another bar of bath-sized Dial which I
am keeping in the hotel vault in order to avoid further
misunderstandings

S. Berman

Howard C. Berkowitz wrote:
The following letters are taken from an actual incident between a London
hotel and one of it's guests. The Hotel ended up submitting the letters
to the London Sunday Times!



Dear Maid,

Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my bathroom
since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove the six
unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and another
three in the shower soap dish. They are in my way.

Thank you,

S. Berman



Dear Room 635,

I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow, Thursday, from
her day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dish as you
requested. The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way and put on
top of your Kleenex dispenser in case you should change your mind. This
leaves only the 3 bars I left today which my instructions from the
management is to leave 3 soaps daily. I hope this is satisfactory.

Kathy,
Relief Maid



Dear Maid,

I hope you are my regular maid. Apparently Kathy did not tell you about
my note to her concerning the little bars of soap. When I got back to my
room this evening I found you had added 3 little Camays to the shelf
under my medicine cabinet. I am going to be here in the hotel for two
weeks and have brought my own bath-size Dial so I won't need those 6
little Camays which are on the shelf. They are in my way when shaving,
brushing teeth, etc. Please remove them.

S. Berman



Dear Mr. Berman,

My day off was last Wed. so the relief maid left 3 hotel soaps which we
are instructed by the management. I took the 6 soaps which were in your
way on the shelf and put them in the soap dish where your Dial was. I
put the Dial in the medicine cabinet for your convenience. I didn't
remove the 3 complimentary soaps which are always placed inside the
medicine cabinet for all new check-ins and which you did not object to
when you checked in last Monday. Please let me know if I can of further
assistance.

Your regular maid,

Dotty



Dear Mr. Berman,

The assistant manager, Mr. Kensedder, informed me this morning that you
called him last evening and said you were unhappy with your maid
service. I have assigned a new girl to your room. I hope you will accept
my apologies for any past inconvenience. If you have any future
complaints please contact me so I can give it my personal attention.
Call extension 1108 between 8AM and 5PM. Thank you.

Elaine Carmen
Housekeeper



Dear Miss Carmen,

It is impossible to contact you by phone since I leave the hotel for
business at 7:45 AM and don't get back before 5:30 or 6PM. That's the
reason I called Mr. Kensedder last night. You were already off duty. I
only asked Mr. Kensedder if he could do anything about those little bars
of soap. The new maid you assigned me must have thought I was a new
check-in today, since she left another 3 bars of hotel soap in my
medicine cabinet along with her regular delivery of 3 bars on the
bath-room shelf. In just 5 days here I have accumulated 24 little bars
of soap. Why are you doing this to me?

S. Berman



Dear Mr. Berman,

Your maid, Kathy, has been instructed to stop delivering soap to your
room and remove the extra soaps. If I can be of further assistance,
please call extension 1108 between 8AM and 5PM.

Thank you,

Elaine Carmen,
Housekeeper



Dear Mr. Kensedder,

My bath-size Dial is missing. Every bar of soap was taken from my room
including my own bath-size Dial. I came in late last night and had to
call the bellhop to bring me 4 little Cashmere Bouquets.

S. Berman



Dear Mr. Berman,

I have informed our housekeeper, Elaine Carmen, of your soap problem. I
cannot understand why there was no soap in your room since our maids are
instructed to leave 3 bars of soap each time they service a room. The
situation will be rectified immediately. Please accept my apologies for
the inconvenience.

Martin L. Kensedder
Assistant Manager



Dear Mrs. Carmen,

Who . . . left 54 little bars of Camay in my room? I came in last night
and found 54 little bars of soap. I don't want 54 little bars of Camay.
I want my one . . . bar of bath-size Dial. Do you realize I have 54 bars
of soap in here. All I want is my bath size Dial. Please give me back my
bath-size Dial.

S. Berman



Dear Mr. Berman,

You complained of too much soap in your room so I had them removed. Then
you complained to Mr. Kensedder that all your soap was missing so I
personally returned them. The 24 Camays which had been taken and the 3
Camays you are supposed to receive daily. I don't know anything about
the 4 Cashmere Bouquets. Obviously your maid, Kathy, did not know I had
returned your soaps so she also brought 24 Camays plus the 3 daily
Camays. I don't know where you got the idea this hotel issues bath-size
Dial. I was able to locate some bath-size Ivory which I left in your
room.

Elaine Carmen
Housekeeper



Dear Mrs. Carmen,

Just a short note to bring you up-to-date on my latest soap inventory.
As of today I possess:
- On the shelf under medicine cabinet - 18 Camay in 4 stacks of 4 and
1
stack of 2.
- On the Kleenex dispenser - 11 Camay in 2 stacks of 4 and 1stack of
3.
- On the bedroom dresser - 1 stack of 3 Cashmere Bouquet,
- 1 stack of 4 hotel-size Ivory, and 8 Camay in 2 stacks of 4.
- Inside the medicine cabinet - 14 Camay in 3 stacks of 4 and 1 stack
of
2.
- In the shower soap dish - 6 Camay, very moist.
- On the northeast corner of tub - 1 Cashmere Bouquet, slightly used.
- On the northwest corner of tub - 6 Camays in 2 stacks of 3.

Please ask Kathy when she services my room to make sure the stacks are
neatly piled and dusted. Also, please advise her that stacks of more
than 4 have a tendency to tip. May I suggest that my bedroom window sill
is not in use and will make an excellent spot for future soap
deliveries.

One more item, I have purchased another bar of bath-sized Dial which I
am keeping in the hotel vault in order to avoid further
misunderstandings

S. Berman

ROTFLMAO

Howard C. Berkowitz wrote:

Dear Maid,

Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my bathroom
since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove the six
unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and another
three in the shower soap dish. They are in my way.

Thank you,

S. Berman

This is such an oldie, it predates the Internet. I remember it when
it was passed around offices on sheets of paper that were copies of
copies of copies. Of course, it is still hilarious. I think that this
guy AND the staff at that hotel all deserve each other!!

Joyce

wrote:
Howard C. Berkowitz wrote:

Dear Maid,

Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my
bathroom since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please
remove the six unopened little bars from the shelf under the
medicine chest and another three in the shower soap dish. They are
in my way.
Thank you,

S. Berman

This is such an oldie, it predates the Internet. I remember it when
it was passed around offices on sheets of paper that were copies of
copies of copies. Of course, it is still hilarious. I think that this
guy AND the staff at that hotel all deserve each other!!

Joyce

I remember those days too, and when the typed up copies would spit out on
fax machines from office to office.

If I were the guy I'd have found another hotel!!

Jill

"Howard C. Berkowitz" wrote in
:

The following letters are taken from an actual incident between a London
hotel and one of it's guests. The Hotel ended up submitting the letters
to the London Sunday Times!

Dear Maid,

Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my bathroom
since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove the six
unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and another
three in the shower soap dish. They are in my way.

Thank you,

S. Berman

This is a great bit, although it is authored. The "S. Berman" is Shelley
Berman, a stand-up comedian from the 1960's. He wrote this bit and
included it in his book "A Hotel is a Place...", published in 1972.

Dee

[Another] Dee wrote:

This is a great bit, although it is authored. The "S. Berman" is Shelley
Berman, a stand-up comedian from the 1960's. He wrote this bit and
included it in his book "A Hotel is a Place...", published in 1972.

Dee

Note to all:

We now have a second Dee in afh. This may end up somewhat confusing.
Perhaps the other Dee is only over in the cats group. Hi, Dee.
Welcome. Guess we will have to get people used to raiding the headers.

--Dee from afh

Dee wrote:

:[Another] Dee wrote:
:
: This is a great bit, although it is authored. The "S. Berman" is Shelley
: Berman, a stand-up comedian from the 1960's. He wrote this bit and
: included it in his book "A Hotel is a Place...", published in 1972.
:
: Dee
:
:Note to all:
:
:We now have a second Dee in afh. This may end up somewhat confusing.
:Perhaps the other Dee is only over in the cats group. Hi, Dee.
:Welcome. Guess we will have to get people used to raiding the headers.
:
:--Dee from afh

Two Dees?

Hi Dee. Hi Dee. Ho!

In rec.pets.cats.anecdotes Dee wrote:

This is a great bit, although it is authored. The "S. Berman" is Shelley
Berman, a stand-up comedian from the 1960's. He wrote this bit and
included it in his book "A Hotel is a Place...", published in 1972.

Oh, thanks for that information. I never realized it was part of a
stand-up bit. I only have a vague recollection of Shelley Berman - more
of the name than the person. It would certainly be funny to hear that
story out loud.

Joyce

In article , Dee
wrote:

[Another] Dee wrote:

This is a great bit, although it is authored. The "S. Berman" is Shelley
Berman, a stand-up comedian from the 1960's. He wrote this bit and
included it in his book "A Hotel is a Place...", published in 1972.

Dee

Note to all:

We now have a second Dee in afh. This may end up somewhat confusing.
Perhaps the other Dee is only over in the cats group. Hi, Dee.
Welcome. Guess we will have to get people used to raiding the headers.

--Dee from afh

I rarely crosspost, but there is a sufficient mutual cat interest
between the groups that a humor leak seemed OK.


Hmmm...we have the book _Heinlein's Children_. What about _Heinlein's
Cats_? Anyone know how Snowy is doing?

Howard C. Berkowitz wrote:


I rarely crosspost, but there is a sufficient mutual cat interest
between the groups that a humor leak seemed OK.


Hmmm...we have the book _Heinlein's Children_. What about _Heinlein's
Cats_? Anyone know how Snowy is doing?

No complaints, Howard, about the TWO-group (not some absurd number
of totally unrelated groups) cross-post. No complaint with Other-Dee's
response, either. Just a heads up that there are two of us, and a
friendly hello.

--Dee