Mom's House Call (OT)

"EvelynVogtGamble(Divamanque)" wrote in
m:



jmcquown wrote:
He's requesting her medical records and the goal is to reduce the
number of pills she has to take every day. And he said not to worry
at her age about what she eats. He told me don't worry about
cholesterol and sodium levels at this point.

We all had to laugh at my mom (who lived in a senior residence)
because, much as she loved bacon and eggs for breakfast (which was the
only really palatable offering for that meal), she'd only order them
on special occasions, because she worried about raising her
cholesterol levels (even though hers had always been just fine). She
was close to a hundred at the time - how much longer did she think she
would prolong her life by denying herself foods she enjoyed? ;-)


Because in our mind's eye, we're still 25 years old.

Bobble

"EvelynVogtGamble(Divamanque)" wrote in
message news


jmcquown wrote:
MaryL wrote:

The type of responses your mother gave -- incorrect date (off by
30
years!) and her insistence that she is making more trips to the
kitchen than she actually does -- are often early signs of
dementia.

Yes, I know. My father had full blown Alzheimers. He had no idea
who I was when I came here last December. The social worker from
one of the home health agencies I met with (about getting someone
in here to help with bathing Mom) said something that made perfect
sense about my father not knowing who I am. His memories of me
were from years ago. He wasn't expecting a 47 year old woman. His
nick-name for me was "that big girl". I'm not big LOL But I'm
bigger than he and my mother.

The sad thing is my brother was just here last week. I tried to
tell him then she's starting to lose some of her cognitive
abilities. His comment about the 1978 thing was "at least she got
the 8 right!" Um, sure, that makes it all better. He's in denial.

Jill

In case you've not yet noticed, Jill, men seem to have a much
greater facility for that than women do. (In objective assessments
of their personal appearances, too - most obese women do their best
to cover up the worst of it, whereas how many males do you see
mowing their lawns topless in shorts, with enormous bellies bulging
over their belts?)

Trouble is, they were taught that by their moms who told them how
wonderful they were no matter how they looked. Moms don't do that for
daughters as a rule.

Jo

"EvelynVogtGamble(Divamanque)" wrote in
message ...


hopitus wrote:
On Oct 9, 10:48 am, "jmcquown" wrote:
MaryL wrote:
"jmcquown" wrote in message
...
So, the doctor from Senior Health Associates came out yesterday
and
examined Mom. First he sat and talked with me for about 30
minutes
and took some notes about her overall condition. Then he
examined
her. A couple of things disturbed me, though. He had her walk
out and
sit with us in the living room and he did some cognitive tests.
When he
asked what year it is she said, "1978". He glanced at me,
then asked her again. 1978. (sigh) She knows her street address
but
not the city or state she lives in. (Yet she can count backwards
from 100 in increments of 7. Hell, I can't even do that!)
The other thing is he asked her is how often she walks out to
the
kitchen. She told him she walks to the kitchen 3-4 times a day
to
get a snack. I was so surprised I exclaimed, "Mom! You do
not!" She got
mad and yelled at me for contradicting her. She doesn't
walk anywhere but to the bathroom and once in a while the TV
room
anymore. That's it.
snip
The type of responses your mother gave -- incorrect date (off by
30
years!) and her insistence that she is making more trips to the
kitchen than she actually does -- are often early signs of
dementia.
Yes, I know. My father had full blown Alzheimers. He had no idea
who I was
when I came here last December. The social worker from one of the
home
health agencies I met with (about getting someone in here to help
with
bathing Mom) said something that made perfect sense about my
father not
knowing who I am. His memories of me were from years ago. He
wasn't
expecting a 47 year old woman. His nick-name for me was "that big
girl".
I'm not big LOL But I'm bigger than he and my mother.

The sad thing is my brother was just here last week. I tried to
tell him
then she's starting to lose some of her cognitive abilities. His
comment
about the 1978 thing was "at least she got the 8 right!" Um,
sure, that
makes it all better. He's in denial.

Jill

Since bro is not in charge of anything except your winged pet I see
no
need to be concerned re his acknowledgement of you Mom's problems,
physical or otherwise. You are playing with a full deck and keep up
with what's important about her.
I don't like repeating myself and I know it's a yawn but AFA bro,
if
you
haven't already, protect your assets and Mom's from him and the
other
one, ok?

I second that! After a lifetime of trusting my relatives (since I
figured they'd inherit from me, anyway) I got a very rude awakening
when that (step)niece ripped me off for nearly $55,000 in savings
inherited from my natural father by way of my mother. (I'm tempted
to shake her up by sending her a 1099-MISC for that amount at the
end of the year - I couldn't legally send the report it to the IRS,
of course, but she wouldn't need to know that!)

Don't be too sure. Does she theoretically owe you the money? Pretty
sure you will never get it? Then 'forgive' the debt and send her the
appropriate 1099. Forgiveness of debt is taxable to the one who got
the money in the first place.

I did get some satisfaction in filing a 1099 for an employee of one of
my clients for money she got by way of embezzlement.

(I'm retired and rules change. Check with your own accountant before
you actually do this)

Jo

Jofirey wrote:
"EvelynVogtGamble(Divamanque)" wrote in
message news


jmcquown wrote:
MaryL wrote:

The type of responses your mother gave -- incorrect date (off by
30
years!) and her insistence that she is making more trips to the
kitchen than she actually does -- are often early signs of
dementia.

Yes, I know. My father had full blown Alzheimers. He had no idea
who I was when I came here last December. The social worker from
one of the home health agencies I met with (about getting someone
in here to help with bathing Mom) said something that made perfect
sense about my father not knowing who I am. His memories of me
were from years ago. He wasn't expecting a 47 year old woman. His
nick-name for me was "that big girl". I'm not big LOL But I'm
bigger than he and my mother.

The sad thing is my brother was just here last week. I tried to
tell him then she's starting to lose some of her cognitive
abilities. His comment about the 1978 thing was "at least she got
the 8 right!" Um, sure, that makes it all better. He's in denial.

Jill

In case you've not yet noticed, Jill, men seem to have a much
greater facility for that than women do. (In objective assessments
of their personal appearances, too - most obese women do their best
to cover up the worst of it, whereas how many males do you see
mowing their lawns topless in shorts, with enormous bellies bulging
over their belts?)

Trouble is, they were taught that by their moms who told them how
wonderful they were no matter how they looked. Moms don't do that for
daughters as a rule.

Jo


My mother didn't tell my brother how gawd awful fat he's gotten! (He's
gained at least 40-50 lbs since this year.) But she's never criticized me
when I gained 10 lbs. I was still expected to be "pretty" and to marry
well. (I don't want to get married again!) Funny the different
expectations when it comes down to reality, eh?

Jill

Jofirey wrote:

"EvelynVogtGamble(Divamanque)" wrote in

greater facility for that than women do. (In objective assessments
of their personal appearances, too - most obese women do their best
to cover up the worst of it, whereas how many males do you see
mowing their lawns topless in shorts, with enormous bellies bulging
over their belts?)

Trouble is, they were taught that by their moms who told them how
wonderful they were no matter how they looked. Moms don't do that for
daughters as a rule.

And that's a good thing? Teaching your daughter that she is not wonderful
*just as she is* is a great way to produce a woman who is chronically
insecure about herself, her body and how she looks, and obsessed with
trying to please and get approval. This is supposed to be good for her?

Not that I'm trying to "blame the mother" for cultural values that are
all around us. But parents are the primary conduits of those values -
they are the ones who pass them on, from one generation to the next. So
they need to make an extra effort to undo some of that damage.

And Evelyn, I find your comments offensive. Substitute "dark skin" for
"obese" and "enormous bellies" and think about how that sounds. And
then tell me how this is any different.

There is nothing "objective" about attractiveness. There may be a
majority opinion, but majorities have been in favor of all kinds of
stupid things, and that doesn't make them right, as you of all people
well know. You can be bigoted about other people's appearance, that's
certainly your prerogative. But that doesn't obligate them to hide
themselves, just to make you comfortable.

--
Joyce ^..^

(To email me, remove the X's from my user name.)

MaryL -out-the-litter wrote:

The type of responses your mother gave -- incorrect date (off by 30 years!)
and her insistence that she is making more trips to the kitchen than she
actually does -- are often early signs of dementia. (That's a word I hate!
This is one place where I would like a more PC term.)

Mary, I'm just curious, why do you hate that word? I think it just means
"loss of mental capacity", which is exactly what is happening. Not that
I'm saying you shouldn't feel the way you do, I'm just wondering why.

--
Joyce ^..^

(To email me, remove the X's from my user name.)

wrote in message
...
MaryL -out-the-litter wrote:

The type of responses your mother gave -- incorrect date (off by 30
years!)
and her insistence that she is making more trips to the kitchen than she
actually does -- are often early signs of dementia. (That's a word I
hate!
This is one place where I would like a more PC term.)

Mary, I'm just curious, why do you hate that word? I think it just means
"loss of mental capacity", which is exactly what is happening. Not that
I'm saying you shouldn't feel the way you do, I'm just wondering why.

--
Joyce ^..^

(To email me, remove the X's from my user name.)

Yes, that is what it means, and I probably overreact. It bothers me because
people so often use it in a demeaning way, as if loss of mental capacity
means that the person is either mentally ill (not at all the same thing) or
is somehow "less worthy." One doctor infuriated me when Mother was admitted
to the hospital. It was a weekend, of course, so this doctor was on call.
He said, "what a waste of resources" when Mother was admitted. My mother
was a wonderful woman, was a contributing member of society for many years,
and yet he treated her as if she now had no value. I admit that a change of
words probably would not change those inferences at all, but it is a term
that often is used in a demeaning way. (In much the same way, it bothers me
when someone will say something like, "I must be developing Alzheimer's."
Alzheimer's is such a dreadful disease -- not what Mother had,
fortunately -- that I don't see any humor at all in that type of statement.)

MaryL

hopitus wrote:
On Oct 9, 1:30 pm, "jmcquown" wrote:
hopitus wrote:
On Oct 9, 10:48 am, "jmcquown" wrote:
MaryL wrote:
"jmcquown" wrote in message
...
The sad thing is my brother was just here last week. I tried to
tell him then she's starting to lose some of her cognitive
abilities. His comment about the 1978 thing was "at least she got
the 8 right!" Um, sure, that makes it all better. He's in denial.

Jill

Since bro is not in charge of anything except your winged pet I see
no
need to be concerned re his acknowledgement of you Mom's problems,
physical or otherwise. You are playing with a full deck and keep up
with what's important about her.
I don't like repeating myself and I know it's a yawn but AFA bro, if
you
haven't already, protect your assets and Mom's from him and the
other one, ok?

My parents had already added him to their bank account (we're both
listed as co-owners on the checking account and POD - beneficiaries
- on the money market account I opened for her). But when he was
here he was all up in the business about her investments. He
doesn't have access to those accounts, not that the market has done
anything but decline in the last month or so.

He's pretty much trying to sell the house out from under her. He's
already looking into replacing the floor and counters in the kitchen
(with an eye on how much we can get back in return upon sale).
Hello? She's not dead. You don't own the house. So cut it out!

I'm doing the best I can. It ticks him off no end I have legal
power of attorney

Jill

Your bro probably already is aware that POA ends at her demise. Hope
you are.

Yeah. But her will doesn't.

MaryL -out-the-litter wrote:

wrote in message

Mary, I'm just curious, why do you hate that word? I think it just means
"loss of mental capacity", which is exactly what is happening. Not that
I'm saying you shouldn't feel the way you do, I'm just wondering why.

Yes, that is what it means, and I probably overreact. It bothers me because
people so often use it in a demeaning way, as if loss of mental capacity
means that the person is either mentally ill (not at all the same thing) or
is somehow "less worthy."

Thanks for explaining this, Mary.

It sounds like what you really hate is the negative and disrespectful
attitude toward people who are suffering from that condition. And that
word has become associated with the negative attitude, so it hurts to
hear the word. That makes sense to me, because the human mind is very
language-oriented. The association between words and their meanings is
pretty complex and not so easy to separate. So I think that when people
say, "Oh, get over it, it's just a word," they're being disingenuous,
or maybe just shallow and naive.

What really matters here is that the word *hurts*, because someone
you love was treated badly and spoken of in a demeaning way with that
word.

That hurt is the real impulse behind all language changes that are
often called "PC". If you haven't been hurt yourself with certain
language, you might not understand what's wrong with it, just like I
didn't understand why you don't like the word "dementia". None of my
loved ones have been demeaned with that word (yet! :-/), so I don't
have that gut-wrenching feeling when I hear it. I think we should all
have sympathy for people when they say that certain language hurts them,
because they might have had experiences we haven't had.

One doctor infuriated me when Mother was admitted
to the hospital. It was a weekend, of course, so this doctor was on call.
He said, "what a waste of resources" when Mother was admitted. My mother
was a wonderful woman, was a contributing member of society for many years,
and yet he treated her as if she now had no value.

That's horrible. What an arrogant creep. Who's the waste of resources
here?

I admit that a change of
words probably would not change those inferences at all, but it is a term
that often is used in a demeaning way.

It's true that changing language alone isn't enough, if you don't also
change the attitude. Sometimes it's a good first step, but if it doesn't
lead to attitude change, then the new term soon becomes tarnished with
the old attitude, and then that word becomes hurtful, too.

--
Joyce ^..^

(To email me, remove the X's from my user name.)

"EvelynVogtGamble(Divamanque)" wrote in
news


jmcquown wrote:
MaryL wrote:

The type of responses your mother gave -- incorrect date (off by 30
years!) and her insistence that she is making more trips to the
kitchen than she actually does -- are often early signs of dementia.

Yes, I know. My father had full blown Alzheimers. He had no idea
who I was when I came here last December. The social worker from one
of the home health agencies I met with (about getting someone in here
to help with bathing Mom) said something that made perfect sense
about my father not knowing who I am. His memories of me were from
years ago. He wasn't expecting a 47 year old woman. His nick-name
for me was "that big girl". I'm not big LOL But I'm bigger than he
and my mother.

The sad thing is my brother was just here last week. I tried to tell
him then she's starting to lose some of her cognitive abilities. His
comment about the 1978 thing was "at least she got the 8 right!" Um,
sure, that makes it all better. He's in denial.

Jill

In case you've not yet noticed, Jill, men seem to have a much greater
facility for that than women do. (In objective assessments of their
personal appearances, too - most obese women do their best to cover up
the worst of it, whereas how many males do you see mowing their lawns
topless in shorts, with enormous bellies bulging over their belts?)



More sexist garbage from evg.